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SBMama

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Posts posted by SBMama

  1. Thank you all so much for taking time to respond.  I really appreciate it!

     

    You are not being too sensitive.

     

    "Send their homework so we can teach them better than you can, and try to make up for your deficiencies as an educator."

     

    No.

     

    This is exactly how I took it also.  I was very offended that MIL would call basically wanting to teach my DD for a day.  All because she is noticing areas that DD is "struggling" with.

     

    young elementary kids frequently write letters/numbers backwards. developmentally that's pretty normal - as your dh said, don't take it personally

     

    It sounds like your mil just wants to be part of her grandchild's life, and wants to help.  the games sound like a great idea.  I would imagine it may even be she's trying to come up with a way to be a meaningful part of her grandchildren's life.  have her teach them something she is good at - baking? gardening? woodcraft?

     

    she could be telling you to put them in public school, but she isn't.

     

    I probably should have stated that she does not fully support our choice to homeschool.  I know she does want to be in their lives, and I really do think that is great.

     

    I think that it is hard to tell whether this is well-intended because we don't have details on your relationship with mil.

    But, I would throw out there that mil may just need something to DO with your child. Some people aren't really good playing (or baking or whatnot) and she may just want a structured and productive activity to do with her grandchild. Something meaningful that will help. Just a thought:-)

     

    I think the second part may very well be true.  She does make a point to see our children frequently, once or twice a week.  They sleep over there at least twice a month.  I am glad she wants to spend time with them, but maybe she doesn't know what to DO with them.

     

    Overall, yes, there are boundary issues.  I don't have a very good relationship with her, and neither does DH.  She has not always been kind to me, but she has been nicer in the past few years.  She has very controlling personality.  She is not supportive of many of our choices, and the world hears about it when things don't go her way.    She tries to parent our children when they are with her (even when DH and I are around).  We don't always give in to her, but DH does like to "keep the peace."  I get very anxious anytime she calls or when I know I have to see her, so it is sometimes hard for me to determine if I am being reasonable or not.  I agree with others that this is a boundary issue, so I will try to kindly but firmly let her know.

    • Like 1
  2. My MIL called this morning to ask if our 2nd grader could come spend the night one night next week.  She wants to work on handwriting with her, because she noticed last week that DD writes some of her letters backwards.  She also said that my FIL likes to work on math with her, but he makes it too hard so she wants me to send math with her too.  We happen to be on school break next week, but my MIL didn't know that when she called.  She originally wanted me to send all of her schoolwork with her, so that she could do it with her.  I told my MIL that we have school under control.  I told her that the kids don't need to do school next week, since they are caught up and we are on break.  But MIL kept talking and talking and talking, and I finally agreed to send some handwriting paper so DD can work on her name.  (She gets her a's backwards only in her name, and she also writes 9s and 6s backwards)  But she kept pushing and told me to just send one math worksheet too.  I was fed up just said ok, ok, ok to end the conversation.  I am just really upset about it.  My husband is understanding, but he thinks I am taking it too personally.  He did say that he would call MIL and tell her that DD can spend the night, but only to spend time with them and not to do schoolwork.

     

    I just had a thought that I have some math games, maybe I it would be a good idea to send one of those instead.

  3. Do you have a large social network beyond your family that you would be leaving?  Are you willing to make the effort to come back every week or every other week driving the distance to see the grandparents?  Do you depend on them for babysitting when you have to go for appointments or date nights?  What is the health of your parents/MIL like right now?  Are you going to need to be close for health reasons any time in the foreseeable future (obviously this can change in an instant, but right this minute)?

     

    Personally if I seriously wanted to move to a forever home, I would pick the acreage as an hour isn't all that far.  If you get into another neighborhood, you are likely to just keep wanting the space and eventually will want to move again.

     

    Not really, we have a couple of friends, but where we are looking wouldn't put us very far away from our closest friends.  About 40 minutes instead of 30 now.  We would be leaving our homeschool group that we love, so that would be difficult.  My dad watches the girls one day a week while I work, but if we move that far away I will just quit my job.  Another problem is that our oldest DD will be starting feeding therapy at the local children's hospital in a couple of weeks.  I'm not sure that she could get the same help at another hospital, but then maybe we could make that into a day that we visit family here too.

     

    I can't advise but I do know that our good friends moved from across the street to 20 minutes away. It's not the same, at all. If they are only making plans once a week you would still have to schedule several hours of someone driving. 

     

    You're right.  We have friends that live 30 minutes away, and some that live an hour away.  We really have to make an effort to see them, especially the ones who are farther.  

     

    That is a hard decision.  I know when we were trying to figure out if we would be by my family or my DH's family, lists helped a lot.  We listed costs, we listed what kinds of houses we'd have, we listed jobs and financial differences between the situations, and family support and how that would differ.    We considered the ages of our parents and our kids and what it all would mean for 10 and 20 years down the road.  It made it a lot easier to see what we had and what we were willing to give up and what we weren't. 

     

    Good luck in working your way to a decision.  FWIW, nothing is forever.  You can always change your mind.  It might cost you a little money, but that isn't the end of the world.

     

    This is a really good idea.  I've made a pro/cons list, but I am going to do this in more detail.  Thanks!

     

    I agree, that's a hard decision. But in my experience, relationships do not have to suffer because you move away from someone. They'll probably change, but not necessarily for the worse. Sure, your children wouldn't see their grandparents as often if they live an hour away, but they can exchange mail, call each other, email, text, skype, etc. My mother has played card games over the phone with one of my nieces, read bedtime stories over Skype to my youngest when he was three, emails my teenagers frequently, visits her grandchildren whenever she can, and so much more. I honestly don't think she has a closer (different, yes, but not better) relationship with her 14 grandchildren that live in other states and countries than with her 3 grandchildren that live 20 minutes away.

     

    If you don't move, you'll never get the space. But if you do, you can still make your children's relationships with their grandparents a priority.

     

    Thanks, this is reassuring.  :)

     

    Is there any way that you could wait another year or two until you can save enough money to buy a new house that's closer to your family?

     

    I only ask this because even if you love your new house, it won't feel like your "forever home" if it's not located where you truly want to live.

     

    Are there any compromise options near your family that might work for you? Maybe there is a slightly smaller home, or a house with one acre instead of several acres, or a larger property that's a bit of a fixer-upper.

     

    My feeling is that even the most beautiful house with the most perfect property won't be satisfying for you if you feel like you're going to spend half your time driving an hour to visit family and friends.

     

    A little more time won't really help, unfortunately.  We live in an affluent area, and even the forclosures and fixer-uppers with acreage are at least $100,000 more here than other places we are looking.  We are debt free and plan on putting 20% down, and I don't really want to mortgage too much where we will be too tight.

     

    We have talked about compromising and finding a house on an acre.  It would be especially nice if we could at least have chickens.  :)

     

    Acreage!

     

    :drool5:

  4. We are planning on buying a house this year.  We really want this to be our forever house.  We would love to have a small amount of land, 2-5 acres, and have a small hobby farm.  The problem is that anything in the price range we want to be in is at least an hour away, which means an hour away from our parents and everyone we know.  Right now, my dad and MIL make a point to see the kids every week, and my mom sees them about every other week.  I just feel really guilty moving the kids away from them.  An hour isn't that far away.  It's much farther than we are used too.

     

    I just can't seem to make a decision about whether to stay close and probably live in a neighborhood or move away and have the room we want to have.  Half of me wants each option!

  5. She's home!  She's doing great.  Her name is Penny.  :)  She was a stray, and the shelter thought she was 12 years old.  She is almost if not completely blind from cataracts, but otherwise she's in great shape physically.  I took her our vet today, who thinks she is actually more like 6 with juvenile hereditary cataracts.  She does a great job finding her way around though.  She is very cautious and has only bumped into a few things.  Her hearing is just fine, and we found that we can talk to her to help guide her a little bit.  She found the kitchen without any problems and seems to know that good things come from that room.  :)  She follows me everywhere and sits on the couch with me, so that makes her perfect in my book!  

     

    Thanks to everyone who has been following!

  6. The shelter called today and said they would love for us to adopt her!  Yay!  We're going to sign the adoption papers tomorrow, and they said we may even be able to take her home!  It is crazy how nervous/excited I am.  I feel like I am going on a first date or something, lol.

  7. Someone on my last thread about grieving the loss of my heart dog mentioned that there are dogs in shelters all over looking for love, so...

     

    That got me thinking...

     

    Which got me looking...

     

    And I met someone!

     

    4240c0d5-115a-4d80-a9d5-5694803512ad.jpg

     

    We went to the shelter to see her on Sunday.  She was so good with our 2 year old, and she even let the older kids hold her.  She loves to snuggle!  We have her on hold and are waiting for them to approve our application.  She still needs to be spayed and vaccinated, so I don't even know when we will get to bring her home.  Eek!  I am so nervous and excited!  I didn't expect it, but my heart already hurts a little less.  

     

    I hope she gets to come home soon!

  8. Thank you.  It really does help to know that other people know how I am feeling.  I feel like the pain should be getting better, but I still miss her so much.  I really like the ideas of getting a Christmas ornament that looks like her and making a donation to a shelter in her name.  I am going to do both of those things.

     

    We do have other pets, and our 7 month old rescued kitten has decided that my newly open lap is now his favorite place to cuddle.  That helps, because Java was definitely a lap dog.  I could not sit down without her being in my lap.  We have two other dogs also, and one of them has been sitting with me more.  She has always been my husband's dog, and she has never payed me much attention even before we got Java.  Actually, when we first lost Java, one of the two dogs sat with me all of the time.  It was like they were taking turns at taking care of me.

     

    I am so sorry to everyone else who has lost a dog, especially a soul mate dog.  I guess that love and strong bond we felt with these dogs is the reason that it hurts so much, and I know I wouldn't give that up for anything.

  9. I had her put to sleep 4 weeks ago.  She was 16.  She had no quality of life.  She was completely blind and deaf and had severe arthritis.  She would get lost in her own house, and then she would get scared because she didn't know where she was or who was touching her.  I have no doubt that it was the right thing to do.  I am surprised, but I have no guilt.  She went peacefully in my arms.  She gave me kisses right before she fell asleep, and I told her how good she was and how much I loved her.

     

    The problem is that she was my dog.  She was my soul mate dog.  She was my friend.  She loved me more than she loved anything else, including herself.  I loved her too.  I only had her for 3 years, but as soon as I picked her up, she was mine and I was hers. I have never had another dog like her.

     

    I just miss her so much.  I cry every time someone mentions her name.  People say things like "you gave her such a great home" and "she was so lucky to have you."  I know they are trying to be kind, but the truth is that I was so lucky to have her.

     

    I am feeling sorry for myself tonight.  I thought it might help if I wrote it down.  

     

    I think it has.

  10. I have been sick for awhile.  It started with nasal congestion for 2 weeks (allergies?), then I got a low grade fever and cough.  I went to the doctor after 5 days of fever (already had the appt. for something else), and she said it was just a virus.  After the 9th day of fever, I called back.  She called me in a Z-Pac and told me to take Mucinex.  At that point, I could feel a lot of mucous in my chest.  I am on day 4 of the Z-Pac, and as of yesterday I can feel bubbling in my chest whenever I move.  When I lay down it feels like the bubbles are coming up my throat.  I do cough up a little mucous, but it is just white or clear.  I still have a low grade fever, but only in the evenings now.  I have no energy and just feel blah.  I'm not sure if this is what bronchitis feels like?  Or if I should go back to see the doctor?

  11. We have these:

     

    http://www.amazon.com/SafeRest-Hypoallergenic-Waterproof-Mattress-Protector/dp/B003PWS9AI/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1379366129&sr=8-3&keywords=waterproof+mattress+pad

     

    We have 2 for 2 kids, and they are holding up really well!  The ones we bought at walmart were destroyed quickly.  We put this waterproof cover on the mattress, then a fitted sheet, then we put a hospital pad over that, then the flat sheet on top.  That way if they wake up wet, they can take the top sheet and pad off the bed and go back to sleep.  It works well for us.

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