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Eliana

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Eliana last won the day on December 12 2014

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About Eliana

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    Hive Mind Queen Bee

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  1. I'm having some thoughts, and your post makes a good springboard to share them. (I love the way you engage with things, Katy, you encourage corresponding transparency and caring and thoughtfulness. ❤️ ) I think keeping an open mind about possible diagnoses is valuable, but I worry that the reassurances that it can't be *that* might be harmful, especially if Mercy's suspicions turn out to be correct. If the fear and grief and shame is around 'what if this is true', then I think saying that those of whom it is true are too awful for it to be true of her, and it must be something else, send the message that it really would be shameful and horrible if it is true - which isn't what any of us think, I know! We've seen enough true thing about Mercy to know she's a good, special person, whatever diagnosis she might someday get.
  2. Is that a bat? Oh, how precious! Have you read any Robin McKinley? There's a bit in Rose Daughter where a bat is safely taken from indoors to a good outdoor space that this photo brings to mind. McKinley reliably has such lovely depictions of animals and animal/human connection.
  3. If you do end up getting that diagnosis, if your innate capacity for empathy is below the norm, that **isn't your fault**. It isn't something wrong with you. It makes some things harder, it makes relationships harder, it is a lifetime struggle, I imagine... but it's not something you've done wrong. Your capacity isn't something you chose. What you do with it is yours to choose, but only within the limits of your actual capacity. There are people with this diagnosis who live good lives, who do good in the world, who are good people. (And, yes, people who wonder this about themselves can have it be true. The definition isn't as pejorative as it is in common parlance). I'm coming from a different faith tradition, but one of my core beliefs is that we are created innately good and with the circumstances to fulfill our unique role in the world, to bring the kedusha (holiness) of our unique soul, our spark of the Divine into this world and to use it to elevate the mundane world around us. From that perspective, there cannot be something wrong about the truth of who you are. If there are capacities that you don't have, it isn't a failing, it's because you don't need them to be who you're supposed to be in the world. You are enough - just the way you are... and with all the tools and pieces to develop what you've been given into its full potential, whatever that might look like. Your soul is a perfect piece of Divinity and the body it inhabits, with all its limitations, is the exact one to match you. (I struggle to hold this truth for myself, as someone who lives with pain and limitation in my physical body.) (((Mercy))) You are valuable, you are loved, you are worthy - right now, with all your challenges and limitations. ...but this is so hard. Finding our limitations, seeing how those limitations impact others, seeing the gap between who we want to be and who we are right now, that can feel unbearably hard. You're so brave to face this and to be working through the implications. It's okay to have a crisis of faith, to doubt, to question, to be angry, to grieve. Anything that's true can hold up to that. Any G-d worth loving and praying to can hold that and see you in this time of pain and uncertainty and sit with all that complexity with you. You will come through this to the other side with a clearer sense of self and belief - and if that means your current faith is deepened or strained or even lost, at least you will be on more solid ground, right? It's okay to not know what the other side will look like - you can't until you're there! And even though there are times when it is hard to go on existing in a world where certain things are true or have happened, there will come a time where you'll be glad you hung in here, glad you're here, scars and grief and all. .... and you'll see that the world is better for you existing. (((Mercy))) Sending you lots of love.
  4. We've really liked these from Vida - they have a replaceable filter, are lightweight & easy for my little guy to keep on even when being very active.
  5. Until or unless there is immediate labor being required or asked of me, I would not even make suggestions let alone try to pressure my parent in this situation. (Unless I were asked for my opinion!) That there might be circumstances where the level of hoarding becomes an issues wouldn't make me feel I had a right to intrude on their right to live the life they want to be living or to try to control their choices. They have chosen/are choosing the type of relationship they have & the state of their home. Yes, there will be consequences, and yes, some of those might fall on me at some point, but I don't think that gives me the right to dictate how they live their lives now. I also would not feel in any way obliged to devote large amounts of energy to their possessions once it was my responsibility. ...but my parents get to live their lives now, as responsibly or healthfully or productively (or not) as they choose. I don't think it would be emotionally healthy to make their issues mine & try to control how they live. (I think I have a right to set boundaries about what happens in my home or to my children or how I am treated, but not about how other people accumulate or purge their possessions or how well they plan for their futures.) It's hard, especially if a relationship has been fraught, to let go & hard to see people one cares about making imperfect or even self-harming choices, but I think it's is the best and healthiest choice - unless one is invited to be involved. ...but I'm coming from my own family background and set of relationships *and* I only know what I've understood from this post & what I remember from some of your previous posts. I don't know what you should do in your unique circumstances. Lots of sympathy for the strain and pain you're feeling. I wish this weren't such a literal and emotional mess for you, and with such a messy emotional history to it all, too. You're such a caring, responsible person and you've been poorly treated for a long time. I hope you can find peace and some space.
  6. Sometimes it helps me to work through other, smaller hard things to build up some successes that day at tackling things. Sometimes it helps to give myself permission to take a few days more before facing it, even if I've been dragging my feet, it's been hanging over me each day & sometimes having a few days 'off' from it helps. Lining up some emotional support for processing the aftermath can help too. For facing the unbearable and doing the impossible, there's a gear shift I need to do - it can happen by itself in a crisis, but sometimes I have to get myself there & that's really hard. Naming how hard it is, letting myself feel the fear/grief/anger or other intense emotions and reminding myself that those are valid feelings to have, as is my desire to imitate an ostrich... and then, as others have said, drawing on other times I've done the hard things, affirming to myself that I can do this, it will be hard and painful and I **don't want to**, but I can, and I will. Lots of hugs. Sometimes there are no okay outcomes & we have to keep going in a world where dreadful things are true. ...and that can break something inside us & even when we patch ourselves back together, there are scars & our body itself remembers the trauma and grief, even when we think we're okay again. This is going to be hard, but you're going to get to the other side and be able to rebuild. You're going to be able to look back and be so proud of yourself for how hard you tried and how much you endured... and you're still here and trying... and getting the things done that need to get done, even if you need to procrastinate a little. You're brave and strong and amazing. You can do this. I wish you didn't have to, and I wish the path to a just outcome were an easy, painless one, or even that justice were guaranteed. (((Spryte))) ETA: saw your update. You did it. I'm glad it's over and you have as much closure as you can. ...but I'm also so sad for you and your mother.
  7. I've driven along the lake with my husband or by myself a few times just to get out of the house & seeing more of the world. A few of my kids have taken walks in the neighborhood (masked). My last 'outing' was actually to the ER mid-March. None of us have been in a store or anything similar since mid-March & our last social or work contacts were the first week of March. We've done some curbside pickups, but mostly have groceries, etc delivered. Our city/county haven't opened up much, but since Dh & I are both high risk even when they do, we're going to stay fairly isolated (though some of the new studies about masks and their efficacy are very encouraging, so that might shift for us as we see how that works out).
  8. I have been able to get a gate pass to go through security to drop off my teens & to pick them up (or to have a friend/relative meet them at the gate on the other end). There are airport variations & airline variations, but those seemed relatively minor. The passes were issued by the airline - in most cases I got them by going to the counter at the airport & showing my kid's ticket and my ID & they generated & printed a pass for me.
  9. No, I am high risk & strictly isoltating, but I have more than a dozen close friends who have been there daily.
  10. It is blocking general traffic, but like the pedestrian streets the city has set up, emergency access is still possible.
  11. Durkan was elected in a normal election process with a primary & a general election. Burgess was the fill in after Murray resigned. I intensely dislike Durkan's policies & performance, but she wasn't last minute. (This messed up the quoting and I can't fix it on my tablet, sorry!)
  12. The police scanners reported a sizeable group of armed Proud Boys intending to attack protesters. A request was made to a local group that does security to come patrol. They have a reputation for being a visible security presence & for being well trained in & skilled at deescalation. It seems now that those reports were lies, but it wasn't possible to know that at the time. Armed security is not my preference, but my synagogue has it, my little guy's school has it, some stores here have it. It isn't a weird, unusual choice to have armed security when there's a credible safety concern. (Again, not my preference, but I respect the integrity of the choice. A historical example is the Deacons for Defense who provided armed security for civil rights protesters in the MLK era.)
  13. Cops have been in, not just the chief. No one is blocking fire or ambulance service. (During the police violence, the police didn't let an ambulance in for a woman in critical condition from being directly hit by them, she was resuscitated by volunteer medics & driven to the ER when an ambulance wasn't allowed in, but that is the only blockage of emergency services. Police are refusing to respond to calls in the neighborhood unless they are priority 1, but no one is blocking them.) No one is asking or expecting businesses to provide things for free. Activists are giving away supplies, but the 'free' is visionary & rooted in ideals of mutual aid & community caring for each other.
  14. That is not true. I have friends directly involved, others I know who live in or near the neighborhood, and this is not what is happening. It has been so weird seeing the disconnect between news stories & what is really happening on the ground & it is frightening to see how many lies the police department has put out over these past couple of weeks, despite clear video evidence to the contrary. (The photo of a votive candle from a vigil, with the 'candle' sticker still visible that was their evidence of an incendiary device was surreal. ) That's where the dystopia is, not a little pedestrian zone where people are giving talks, handing out food, providing medical care, and planting a garden.
  15. The cart is not holding it for you any more than putting it on a wishlist is. The item is not reserved for you, neither you nor the store have made any commitment to each other. This is true for every online store I have used - prices can change, items can get sold out, delivery times can change. Until I actually place the order, nothing has been reserved for me. There isn't a process for reserving items or holding them, though I have certainly wished for one. ...especially at Book Outlet where there is often very limited stock & by the time I am done browsing, many of the books in my cart can be gone.
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