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Eliana last won the day on December 12 2014

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About Eliana

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  1. You do such amazing work, by the way! It is always inspiring to hear about it! ❤️
  2. That's a great question! And I think you're spot on in your historical comparison. Homelessness here in the States correlates with increasing income inequality and decreasing safety networks (both personal and public) and a lot of the public perception of homelessness is tied to things that were more true many years ago. Now, here in Seattle, a large number of the homeless people I know and/or work with are employed, some of them full time. (and that includes people living in tents in unsanctioned encampments)... and most of them are sober and mentally healthy. I also know some who struggle with, for example, crippling anxiety, or who are recovering from addiction, or others with intellectual disabilities. And none of them deserve to be stigmatized either for not having a home. There's one, amazing, brilliant young man who has read deeply and widely (he has quoted Camus and Tolstoy when giving public testimony to Council), he works part time, can't afford housing here, and has worked so hard to overcome some of his intense anxiety (getting to a place where he could speak in public took such courage and hard work). I love spending time with him and am humbled by the courage and reflection he's brought to his life and the work he's done being involved in his tiny house village community. So many of those who are homeless now are veterans, which is a deep shame on our country that we've abandoned them like this. Some with disabilities or other serious health issues. I know one who has been on the waiting list for veterans subsidized housing for an absurd number of years (he qualifies, but the housing isn't available and waiting list is heartbreakingly long). There's a young family whose baby was born with a hole in his heart and was med-evac-ed down to Seattle from rural Alaska (as I recall). He has part time work now, they have a Section 8 voucher, but have been trying to find housing with it (while also trying to find more employment). They might have recently succeeded, but the process is long and things might still fall through. Their baby is well enough to come home, but because of his medical needs won't be released to them until they have housing. Each person has a vivid, individual story, as varied as any of our other neighbors... and with an equal range of qualities. Their housing status doesn't define them, nor does it indicate how safe a person they are to be around. (For that matter, having mental health issues or an addiction doesn't, intrinsically, make someone less safe either - we've had the discussion here about how people with mental health challenges are more likely to be the victim of a crime than the perpetrator, and about the complexities of addiction, but, again, that isn't about housing status, it is a separate issue/discussion.)
  3. This is not true. I work extensively with homeless communities and chair the Community Advisory Committee for a tiny house village, and the correlation you are asserting is not borne out by the data. (And addiction rates in the homeless population are **the same** as in the housed population. A collection of people who don't have houses is no more likely to increase risk than a collection of renters or of homeowners. Risk is increased or decreased by the same factors for each group.). I'm emphasizing all of this because the misinformation and prejudice being shared causes enormous harm, both to individuals directly, and indirectly in policy setting.
  4. Yes, there are cases where a person who lives unsheltered has assaulted someone. My point was that someone's housing situation tells us nothing about how safe or unsafe they are to be around. I do understand that having someone close to us experience something makes those circumstances feel more real and urgent and dangerous, but it doesn't make them factually more dangerous. People without homes aren't fundamentally different from anyone else - they are as varied as those of us who are housed, with the same range qualities and challenges.
  5. People without homes are no more of a risk than people with homes.
  6. We have never done Thanksgiving, and no one in our family has ever felt they were missing out. (And I was a (mostly) public school kid in a family that didn't celebrate Thanksgiving and it was never an issue for me either.) in your case, I don't see why you should celebrate if it doesn't have meaning for your family! I would recommend thinking through how to explain it to your kids. Different families observe different holidays and having one's own family's patterns that are different from those of classmates doesn't need to be a big deal for kids. If not observing or acknowledging the day is what feels right for you and your family, follow that! You have enough that is important to you that needs your energy. ❤
  7. I have experienced it to be the other way around, but equally shocking in the disparity. (Ie insurance negotiated rates that are far lower than those paid by individuals, even after the uninsured discount some providers offer)
  8. 6 of my 7 are 18 and up now and I would love an invite!
  9. Some scattered thoughts: Kids can also engage in bullying behaviors out of immaturity and lack of tools to do better. Seeing one child bully another doesn't mean they've been abused or that they've been spoiled or lack empathy - it can also mean they need adults to come along side them and help them learn better tools and awareness. I was bullied as a child by kids from wonderful families - families without abuse or neglect, without overindulgence. ...and many of those kids grew up to be kind, decent adults. But there was a lack of adult supervision and guidance at the school and things spiraled. Good kids with great parents and without trauma can do some pretty rotten things - in all areas intentional, specific teaching is a powerful preventative for many forms of abuse. Adult supervision and guidance is another. But I don't think supervision alone can prevent emotional, physical, or sexual abuse - there needs to be a lot of teaching. Emotional intelligence needs to be nurtured, I think... and all too often we can assume that our kids have internalized things they might not have. (None of the parents of the kids involved in my situation would have thought their child could be so unkind. We often assume there has to be something wrong with a kid for them to engage in bullying or even assault, but kids are immature and need a lot of coaching.) (I also don't think coaching alone can prevent bullying - adults need to be the adults and provide reasonable supervision.) There are also kids whose theory of mind skills are delayed - their ability to recognize that others experience the world differently and that can look from the outside like a lack of empathy, but isn't.
  10. Eliana

    My AFib

    When I started my beta blocker (metoprolol) I had my blood pressure bottom out (fortunately I was in a hospital when it happened). Counter intuitively the solution was to take it every 8 hours instead of 12 hours and to halve the dose. That worked beautifully and I am grateful for the quality of life improvements I have gotten - but my SVTs were landing me on the floor while grocery shopping or volunteering at a food bank, so some amelioration was essential! The monitors are such a pain! ...and can cause unnecessary stress too. One of my rounds of monitoring (3 day Holtor monitor) showed a short bout of v-tach which earned me a lot of fuss and attention and follow up, but was decided to be not a concern (though they told me to put it on my medic alert bracelet and be sure it got mentioned to 911, just in case). But the worst part was the tape - all the options caused nasty skin irritation. I hope you get through smoothly and quickly with helpful, benign results!
  11. For me fasting triggers or aggravates inflammation, so proceed with caution!
  12. What resources might you suggest for a newly 18 year old struggling to manage her ADD? She is on a stimulant med that is quite helpful, but she needs some more tools and strategies to supplement the meds. We've discovered that my brain works too differently from hers for me to helpful for what she needs right now - she really needs the perspective of those with lived experience and a similar brain wiring. (Feel free to share via PM if you don't want to talk publicly!) Thank you!!
  13. But she's on maternity leave from that job right now. I don't think it is unreasonable to ask folks to give her a break during this time. (But I also don't think being a celebrity means one has to accept being photographed or pestered 24/7 and I do think we should give each other privacy in public spaces if asked.)
  14. My grandmother (a"h) never told us she had received a terminal diagnosis (we learned from her oncologist in the days before strict HIPPA regulations). We never told her we knew and never pushed her to share anything. It was so clear that she needed her rosy-tinted glasses and her denial and, despite my sadness at the conversations we never got to have, I have never regretted letting her handle her imminent death in the ways she needed to. It was hard, but it was also the only thing I could do for her. ...but here, 19 years later, I can still remember how hard it was, and I wish it were different for you. ((((Danielle))))
  15. Yes, I would be just as supportive of parole for male offenders. I don't see prison as serving a useful function if someone is not a danger to society. I also believe that most young people who commit crimes (even horrific ones) still have so much brain development that happens in their young adult years that they can grow and develop in very positive ways such that they are no longer likely to be a risk to anyone. (I've read some very encouraging things about this in the context of teens who commit sexual assault or molestation. Unlike adult offenders, there is so much neuroplasticity and re-offense rates, especially after treatment, but even just with some measure of constructive accountability, are quite low. There were some great articles about it back after Steubenville, but I lost the ones I'd saved when my harddrive died) I can't support the punitive lines of thinking some have shared here - reformation is a worthy goal, punishment for the sake of punishment? No. No one benefits from that, and harsh sentences have not been shown to be any kind of deterrent to other potential offenders. I would much prefer to see our systems overhauled and focused on restorative justice rather than punishment. (As long as someone is reasonably deemed to be a danger to others, there needs to be protective measures, which could very well include long-term incarceration, but I see that as very different than when the intention to 'make someone pay'.) I also believe we need to address the horrors inside many prisons - no one, no matter what crime they have committed, should be subjected to sexual assault, or some of the inhumane treatment that occurs in some jails...but that's a difference conversation.
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