Jump to content

What's with the ads?


  • Content Count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won


Eliana last won the day on December 12 2014

Eliana had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

12,932 Excellent

About Eliana

  • Rank
    Hive Mind Queen Bee

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Not Telling

Recent Profile Visitors

778 profile views
  1. All of this. Thank you, Kelly, for finding the words. ...though I wish you didn't have the lived experience behind them. ❤
  2. I'm a confident adult who never hesitates to speak up or go against the flow...and it took me years to begin using a wheelchair when I need it rather than just missing out. And I still find it hard, shaming even, especially as I do have some ambulatory capacity. It is easy to forget how crushing internalized abelism and other pressures can be.
  3. Last I checked, the WHO standards were for IV abx only in cases of increased risk (premature rupture of membranes, prolonged labor, etc). w/ careful monitoring for several days after delivery for low risk situations. I saw this as a very reasonable position that avoids overuse of abx while ensuring baby's well being.
  4. Is your son in a place where you could ask him what support he might need while you are gone? You can do a lot remotely via phone and video chatting. You have carried so much for so long...if there is any way to make this work so you can have peace of mind, I think you should go. You will be so much better a carer for taking a little care of yourself.
  5. I have some serious concerns about untrained, non-professionals entering into for-pay therapeutic encounters. I almost wrote "relationships" there, but I don't think a real relationship can be contracted for like that. When I pay a therapist, I'm setting up a very highly constrained "relationship", with very clear boundaries. My therapist can't be my friend, or a pseudo-relative, and if those boundaries get crossed, it is unhealthy and potentially harmful. For that reason therapists are trained in establishing and maintaining those boundaries - and they can lose their license to practice if they don't do so. In these situations where a familial relationship is being emulated in some way, the the risk of harm from lack of clear, professional boundaries seems very high. I think we should also recognize that hiring someone to meet our emotional needs creates an inherent power disbalance that I find troubling. I have to admit that I find hiring out emotional support very troubling, on a number of levels. And, just as I believe viewing pornography and/or purchasing sexual intimacy can create or strengthen a sense of entitlement, I also fear that purchasing emotional support could teach us that we don't have to do the emotional labor of holding up our end of a relationship.
  6. With someone whose responses you know, yes, absolutely. I don't think words are as effective, really, as reading the other person's responses, but they can be helpful I imagine if you don't know the other person well. I don't see this as being just about non-coercion, however. And consent isn't a 'but you said yes 5 minutes ago, so you're committed' either. It's about ongoing consent. The way we try to teach our kids to pay attention to whether the other person is enjoying the roughhousing game or not - sometimes it might be unclear, but then you should ask 'are you still playing' or 'do you want me to stop' or something similar. I see consent as the other person wanting to participate in whatever the shared activity, intimate or otherwise, is. Which is why I have trouble with the consent as contract idea. One can sign contracts one doesn't want to. I don't see this kind of consent as being either purchasable or coerce-able. (In my personal ethical lexicon, having a partner say 'yes' doesn't mean it is morally acceptable to continue if you've purchased or guilted or forced that 'yes'. )
  7. Consent isn't intrinsically about contracts or even about sex. Teaching our kids that they can say 'no' to a hug or 'stop' to tickling is basic consent education, and neither of those has anything to do with either contracts or sex. Centering consent isn't the problem I think you are trying to name. Where consent and 'sex work' intersect is when 'sex work' is evaluated based solely on whether the 'workers' are participating voluntarily. (Leaving aside questions of how free that consent might be.). We can center consent and still bring in other important factors by which we can evaluate the individual and societal impact of specific sexual choices.
  8. Anyone living here knows enough to tend to the people here. Not exactly the way I would, but each in their own way. I cannot imagine my husband needing instructions on how to care for our kids. He has been involved in their care from birth, and we, too, were very much on the attachment end of the parenting spectrum. ...and heart to heart talks are very effective for us. When things get disbalanced and/or one of us is unhappy, we want to talk about it and try to adjust. I believe sharing our needs and desires and, yes, discontents is an important part of a strong marriage, and I have seen that transparency have powerful, positive impacts.
  9. I tend to be very reluctant to spend money on travel or recreation, but for an event of such significance, I would move mountains to make it happen. From how you describe the situation, I would close my eyes to the numbers as your husband urges and go without a second thought.
  10. I thought it was just rubella immunity that is routinely tested for early in a pregnancy? I have been intending to get a measles titer next time I'm at the doctor, but I should check my records in case it was done during my last pregnancy. (Though that was long enough ago that perhaps I should be testing anyway!)
  11. Although I, personally, have been amazingly fortunate in the pediatrician's we've had - they have always had/made the time to discuss anything with me to whatever level of detail I wished and have been immensely helpful and knowledgeable resources whom I deeply trust - you've put your finger on an incredibly important issue. Some of the problem is our health care system and the tiny slivers of time doctors actually have per patient. Some is a deficit in training/experience. And some is the lack of some clear guidelines for doctors on how to navigate these issues. There has been some interesting research and discussion on possible best practices in addressing vaccine hesitancy, but I don't think those insights are making their way down to all the places they need to. But the CDC recommendations need to stay that level of vague, because there aren't hard and fast, simple rules for possible complications. Context is really important and blanket policies - either of the 'never have this if' that has been being debated above or the 'there are no problems, some kids might suffer/die, too bad, get those shots anyway' variety are not helpful. ...but the problems in implementation are systemic and tied up in other health care delivery issues, just as public health policies are impacted by accounting for access issues and how to reach the most people.... to really fix those, we need to address the systemic, root issues. ...and discussing those, here, is considered political I believe, so I will stop there.
  12. Although I agree that questioning whether the increase in the number of vaccines might be a factor in the increase in certain chronic health issues is intriguing and I am certainly open to considering the possibility, having the question is not at all the same as having any evidence at all that there is even a correlation let alone some type of causal relationship. Before it would reasonable to take vaccine-related action based on such nebulous theorizing, we really evidence of at least a possible correlation. There are many, fairly vague, speculations about dietary or environmental factors that some hypothesize might be factors instead (or as well). There is no concrete reason or mechanism why vaccines would be responsible, it is still at the tossing ideas around stage - or the vague fear mongering stage in some spaces - to reasonably consider it, we need research, with thoughtful study designs and rigorous data analysis. The now debunked speculation that there could be a linkage between the MMR vaccine and incidence of autism was an equally intriguing suggestion worthy of exploration, but, as it turns out, not at all supported by the data. That there are questions doesn't mean we can or should change health care policies based on them - that would be irresponsible from a public health standpoint - rather we need to look at how we can answer the questions. We might discover some correlation, or we might realize that there is no connection at all... and we can hash out the various competing needs and goods when or if we have new information. I have to admit, though, that as I have read more about vaccine hesitancy, I am really struggling with the potential reverberations of even studying some of these questions. I have long wished we had better evidence for a specific schedule of vaccines, and with many parents experiencing hesitancy around this question, and, often, already delaying some vaccines, it seems a potentially valuable area to explore (with careful consideration of potential ethical concerns - any randomized control trial I can think of would be a bioethically untenable, but an observation study could be valuable, though complicated to get good matching). But would doing so lend credence to claims that the current schedule is unsafe? And could looking at the question of chronic health rates and/or autoimmune disorders, just open the door to more egregious misreadings and confusion? This discussion, both here and more broadly, is a mess. How can we have meaningful discussion of these (and other) important issues with so many 'alternative facts' being brought in and so few people well equipped to evaluate research and its claims? On the other hand, how can we move forward if questioning and experiencing concerns is not respected and valued? There was a time when concerns about DDT were dismissed scornfully by government experts and scientists. ....research, of course, validated those concerns, but would the questions have been less valuable had they been proven groundless? How can we navigate the tricky, messy, complicated dialectic? It isn't about finding a middle ground - which is often a massive cop out when important things are at stake, but it is about holding multiple possibilities and looking at things with nuance (as many here have, repeatedly, tried to do!). Sorry - it has been a long, painful day (I, too, have chronic health issues which are looming discouragingly large in my life right now) and I'm also struggling (again!) with how to keep fighting for better tomorrows on a number of fronts (I will spare you the politics pieces) while being real about how unlikely it is that my efforts will bear much visible fruit in my lifetime, and for some of the issues I'm fighting for, there isn't time for a long game. ...and the very morass we have with this issue plays out over and over again on other issues I hold dear, and I am heartsore and weary.
  13. Only with insurance. It is $30-50/person otherwise (in the Seattle area).
  14. To add some more anecdote to the discussion: I had home births. None of my babies had Hep B at birth or vitamin K shots. I did delayed vaccinations, with zero given in the first year of life and I had none while pregnant. ...and I have kids on the spectrum, with absolutely no correlation to any immunizations. I agree that there are interesting questions to raise about the possible factors involved in autoimmune disorders and that a well-crafted observational study that tracked outcomes for different vaccination schedules could be a useful piece of information. There are also a lot of questions about how to evaluate optimal vaccine timing, both for individual vaccines and collectively. There was an interesting article about the timing of the MMR vaccine and incidence of seizures which shows increased incidence of seizures when the vaccine was given after 15 months (though, as I recall, it doesn't look at administration beyond the toddler years) We do have to consider, however, when raising these questions, how best to balance the different risks. If your hypothesis is correct and there is a correlation between the current vaccine schedule and the development of autoimmune disorders, we would still need a way to test that hypothesis in an ethical way. We cannot assume it is correct, we need actual evidence, of course, but even if it were correct, we would have to figure out how to balance the competing needs and risks for the population at large (in terms of health policies) and to individual children (in our choices as parents).
  15. We're communal creatures. I strongly believe that raising kids especially is optimally done with strong mutual support networks, be they kin or community. ...and even more so when crises hit. No need for guilt or shame, you are doing splendidly! You are triaging, prioritizing, and then making use of your support networks. That is strength, not weakness. And it is a gift to your children to model that for them. ...and when you're more on your feet, I hope you aren't independent, but that you're able to be there for your network when they need a helping hand, right? Speaking personally, I really appreciate it when my grown kids give me the chance to be helpful in their lives. Not in an enmeshed or demanding way, but where I can offer a hand with something or share a gift, be useful as well as sympathetic (though sometimes, for me at least, sympathy is very useful!). I imagine your parents, and others who love you, feel the same way. They *want* ways to be there for you, to be useful, to be a real part of your life by helping carry some things sometimes, and knowing that you will so the same for them when they need it. I'm so glad you've got a $ boost on the way, that you have loved ones to pitch in, and (most of all) that you've got a plan for your son. You're handing in here, showing up, putting one foot in front of another as best you can - and that is an incredible, amazing victory some days. *you're* incredible and amazing! (((Stella)))
  • Create New...