I want to be clear that cutting off auntie's ability to send you crap messages (blocking text, email, private messages on unfriending, unfollowing on social media, etc.) is not the same thing as cutting her off from a friendly relationship with you. Those are 2 distinctly different and unconnected things. It's not all or nothing. You can politely ask auntie to stop sending you messages then block her if she doesn't comply and at the same time continue to call her for pleasant chats on the phone, visit her when you're in town, and send her a cards by snail mail for her birthdays holidays, and anniversaries, or just because. It's not either/or, it can be both/and if you want.

When people send me unsolicited private messages, emails, texts, about political/religious topics (even those I philosophically agree with) I tell them, "Please stop sending me private messages/emails/texts/ about politics/religion." There's nothing mean, negative, or combative about politely asking someone to stop. If they send anything else after that or respond with any negativity to me, I don't respond to them directly, I block, unfollow, unfriend, mark as spam, whatever seems appropriate to me in the situation. Will it change their minds about believing or spreading that kind of stuff? Of course not, but that's not the point. The point is someone sent me something unsolicited and I politely asked them to stop. That's how normal healthy relationships work in those scenarios. I'm not obligated to perpetuate someone's fantasy that they can send that kind of thing with no social consequences. I'm not into make believe. Whether they respond in a healthy way by saying OK (that's happened several times) or they respond negatively (that's happened a few times) I treat adults like peers. If they don't rise to the occasion and interact in a healthy way it's their problem, not mine. Also, I cut my FB friends list down to about 150. That's the number sociologists agree is number of people a person can classify as "knowing" in most situations. It was interesting to ask myself which 150ish I really wanted to know about and keep up with. I unfriended everyone else. I'm not someone who tends to struggle with social media because I'm not one to care much what others think, I'm not prone to thinking social media is anything other than a person's highlight reel, I'm not prone to jealousy, and I don't look at what others are doing and pressure myself to doing it too, so social media has generally been good for me. Since I cut it back to 150 it's been even better because I realized it was really cluttered having FB friends I wasn't all that interested in mixed in with those I was interested in. Now I just see posts by those who interest me the most and then I get off social media faster and more satisfied.

I like shadow and I'm prone to excess when naming pets, so I would go with something that emphasizes synonyms like Sir Shadow Penumbra of Gloaming Murky Gloom of Meowington Shady Haze Fuzzington Phantom Menace Or maybe more character inspired like Gandalf the Grey (The Lord of the Rings), Sergeant Tibbs (grey cat from 101 Dalmations), Greystoke (Tarzan).

Transitions are hard. One year I went from homeschooling 3 to homeschooling 1 and I had anxiety for almost a year. I kept feeling like I was behind, not getting enough done, and forgetting to do something important. I've never been prone to anxiety before or since. It seemed to just take time more than anything else. I've just finished homeschooling the youngest after 22 consecutive years of homeschooling in addition to 3 years researching homeschooling before that. A quarter century is a long time to focus on one thing so much. Now I'm having a different sensation that's hard to articulate. I can only liken it to having been on a boat for several hours then getting onto dry land and still feeling the motion of the rocking boat inside me so that walking on land feels very strange-I can do it, but feels weird. I had already partially transitioned to what I'll be doing with myself now that I'm retired from homeschooling, but there's still an underlying sense of being...I don't know....maybe disoriented? Anyway, maybe trying to spend more time doing things that relaxed you before homeschooling and/or trying some new things that relax other people would help. These days I can't physically do some of the things I did before homeschooling due to a serious health issues that developed a few years ago (kayaking, hiking, camping, long days of sewing projects) but I have started doing other things that are new to me (walking, gardening, book clubs) and then there are things that have always been good for me: reading, long hot baths, cooking, interesting TV series.) Good luck. I hope you find something that helps soon.

The kid should be aware that some community colleges provide skilled labor training and certification in addition to the usual courses for the first two years of a college degree where students then transfer to a university for the last two (or more depending on post grad degrees.) Not everyone is aware of that. It can look on the surface like the everyone going to college mindset, but when people say that they don't usually mean a college where both routes (academic degrees and skilled labor training) are offered. When people complain about the everyone going to college mindset, they mean everyone being pressured to get a 4(+) year university degree instead of some people going into skilled labor training. So I would mention something about that around the kid when talking about young adults and adult education options. Adults have lots of choices: university degrees, skilled labor training and certification, military service in addition to a college degree, military service instead of a college degree, starting your own business with a college degree, starting a business instead of a degree or skilled labor certification, starting a business in addition to skilled labor training and certification, and probably something else I'm forgetting. Whatever someone wants to do, a reasonable step by step plan is in order. Even if this person wants to go to Hollywood and be a star (highly unlikely they'll succeed) they still need some sort of plan about learning to act, getting experience acting, being in a location where "being discovered" is more likely to happen, finding an agent, going on casting calls, etc. My husband's best friend has a SIL who dreams of being on Broadway.....while she has lived in rural Idaho for many decades. It isn't going to happen for her because if you want to be on Broadway you have to go live near Broadway and audition on Broadway. So whatever the kid's pipe dream is, I'd encourage them to think about the steps necessary to make it happen and go for it as much as possible. One effective way is to talk to a few people who do whatever it is the kid wants to do- ask them how they got their start and what they would advise someone else starting out now. It's not always possible to talk to someone in that position, but worth a serious try. The sooner the kid takes constructive actions and realizes it isn't going to happen or as soon they take constructive actions to start making it increasingly likely to happen, the better. The time for that kind of thing is when you don't have any dependents-young adulthood. You can fail or you can put in the focused effort needed to succeed and it's just yourself to worry about.

Is it possible there's an underlying learning challenge like dyslexia or ADD? One of my sons-in-law was raised by addicts. Turns out back in high school a teacher told his mother she suspected ADD and to have him evaluated. It never happened. Soooo many normal things never happened. Oldest daughter pushed for quite a while and has finally gotten him to get evaluated and treated. He's enrolled again for fall (After a couple failed attempts at taking classes because, how it possibly go well?)

YES! YES! YES! I have attended churches that view this much more realistically than others. They take what I think is a more doctrinally sound view: if God hasn't sent us enough volunteers to do X yet, then He doesn't want us to do X at this time. He does not want the few burned out and taken advantage of-that's a bad testimony about Him. When someone says, "We should do X." They ask point blank if the person saying it means they're volunteering to be in charge of or committing to serve in providing X, so they can make a note of it and bring it to the congregation to ask for more volunteers. It's really the only sensible approach that's fair to everyone. They take that approach with finances too. If God hasn't provided the funds for X yet, then He doesn't want us doing X at this time because He never wants us in debt. Debt is a bad testimony about God and reflects badly on the Church itself.

Oldest had a boyfriend I really liked. They broke up. I didn't invest any thoughts of feelings in it-not my relationship and people have their reasons. She ended up marrying someone else I really like. There are plenty of great people out there. People, especially teens and young adults, who only want to vent about a break up don't vent with the parent of the person who ended the relationship. They do it with their own friends and their own family. I think he's manipulating. Also, some people just don't think things through. It's very foolish and obnoxious to tell someone something first, then tell them to keep it a secret. A person who can think it through would ask if the other person is willing to keep a secret, then ONLY if they agreed to secrecy, would they actually tell them the sensitive information. And yes, I do this. It sounds something like, "Are you comfortable knowing something about (insert name here) without telling anyone, including them, about it?" I do it because I hate it when others try to manipulate me by dumping a secret on me without my agreeing to it. That's manipulation that's so common, it's almost socially normative. Knock it off, people! So I don't think anyone is obligated to secrecy if they didn't state before hearing it that they were agreeing to be someone's confidant. Why? Because they may tell something that isn't the confidant's place to know and/or that information may be better off said out loud in some situations. Most of the time that's not the case, so it doesn't need to go any further, but on occasion it is. OP, if I were in your situation I would tell my daughter matter of factly exactly what he said and what I said in that interaction. Then I wouldn't bring it up again. She can do with it what she wants.

I'm prone to dry flaky skin, so I use a washcloth and sensitive skin soap once a week or so to exfoliate all over and the rest of the time I use my hand and sensitive skin soap on my stinky parts and just water on the rest of me. I live where the weather is fairly hot and very humid in the summer. I work outside in the veg garden in the mornings, have a quick shower, eat lunch and have a nap, then I work in the shaded woodland garden in the afternoon, a quick shower, and have dinner. That much showering every day means taking it easy on my skin.

Well said. Another pro-lifer here who doesn't think anything was gained by this decision. No one won anything. I'm sorry all this sucks so much for you.

Someday we're all going to be little old ladies and still hanging out at this homeschooling website talking about life, the universe, and everything.

I have never witnessed a trash collector get out of their vehicle. They use the arm on the vehicle to dump those whole trash bin into the bed of the truck. When we stayed in Long Island, NY the trash collectors picked up the small cans by hand (Why is this still a thing? A bin and truck with arms is more efficient for everyone.) and dropped them loudly back on the sidewalk. Nothing irritates me as quickly as a person playing mind reader telling me what someone else is thinking. I have yet to hear people get right their assumptions about what I'm thinking, so I'm betting the odds are your husband is wrong. As stated upthread, he should call them and clarify from those who actually know before speaking on their behalf. Then if he's proven right, because it's so important to him, he can be in charge of trash at your house.

I don't mean after people have walked away, I mean after the conversation has evolved into other topics. If I realize I misspoke, I just say so when it comes to mind (or really, the next pause, not while someone else is actively talking) then I jump right back into the current topic so it's clear I'm not trying to redirect the conversation, I'm just correcting a mistake I made.

I've done it several times. I'm straightforward about correcting myself when I realize it, sometimes later in conversation. I say in a matter of fact tone, "Did I say Sweden? I should've said Switzerland." Then I return to wherever the conversation has gone.

Agreed! It would take it as a legitimate compliment-a highly flattering one. I suspect people living in more conformity oriented subcultures, more pleaser personality types, and more extroverted personalities would be more inclined to interpret it as a back handed compliment.

Female immigrant cashier (so maybe a cultural or lost in translation dynamic was going on I didn't understand): "You must've been very beautiful once. " Me (in my head): "Yeah, those were the days..."

We switch it up. Younger GenX 49, married to older GenX 55.

Imagine what that kid is going to be like in a few years when he's at his physical peak with full on testosterone coursing through his system. What serves innocent, vulnerable people he will come into contact with better- help before that happens, or after he's committed a more violent crime so you can reassure yourself that yes, he's met your criteria as a lost cause? (Whatever that is.) You don't want to be an example of people refusing to do the right thing by saying something to the authorities who have the power to intervene before it becomes catastrophic. That shit is going to be really hard to live with for the rest of your life. You don't want to condemn yourself to that with your silence.

Introvert, Gen X-49 years old, INTJ personality (known for disliking the idea of being known at a very deep level) 1 person-anything, a few times a year 2 people-almost anything, about once a year My husband left Christianity about 17 years ago, so that's an aspect of my life I don't discuss with him in a deep way, not because he's hostile, but because it's not something that resonates with him.

Did you tell them that you can't ask for anything or hear no without being devastated because it means you're unreasonable and unworthy? Did you tell them that only in rare moments can you tell people the truth when they ask you what you want? Because IF you explicitly stated those things to them and they told you you're fine, they committed malpractice. Find one what's willing to look into why that is. That's an entirely different subject than how well you're coping with your current struggles.

Call a licensed, clinical psychologist or psychiatrist tomorrow morning. You need serious help ASAP-we can't help you here, we're not qualified.

Go to the ER, she may need a transfusion or fluids to deal with the blood loss. 2.5 weeks is VERY different than 40 days.

A robot mows my lawn. We named him Chauncey Gardener.

You should always be honest. It shouldn't be rare. Who sent you the message that there's something wrong with always being honest? Stop believing whoever told you that; they lied to you and aren't trustworthy. Tell the truth, let the chips fall where they may. Truth is the nature of Jesus. Lies are the nature of Satan. No one ever said or implied that you're wrong considering someone else's needs. It's not black and white like that-it's far more complex and nuanced. That's where values and priorities come into play and become part of the metric. Yes, every.single.decision.ever. in the history of the universe always has and always will have a cost. Sometimes a high cost, a low cost, or a moderate cost. So? That's not unique, it's part of the reality of decision making. Classifying that as a negative is a bad mental health habit, a departure from reality, and a guarantee of unhappiness. Choices are packaged deals with built in pros and cons. Every time you choose between 2 or more options, you give up both the pros and the cons of all the options not selected. You're supposed to accept the pros and cons in the option you did choose. That shouldn't be demoralizing. It's just how life works. Some form of accepting the cons as the price of admission to the pros is how healthy people reconcile them. You seem to expect the world to be neater and tidier than it actually is, which is one reason why I suspect you might be on the The Spectrum. I think you should get tested and if you are, get some help for your rigid thinking. I have an idealistic kid that I would have to tell matter of factly, "Honey, this is just a choice, you're not being oppressed. Usually choices include some of what you want and some of what you don't. That's just how it is. We can't always have everything we want, but we can usually get some of what we want, so what do you most want and which of your options is the closest to that?" So your husband had to choose between going to Africa and keeping skills up or being with you while you were struggling with your mother and facing potentially terrible news about your health. He picked you. No one can predict the future, so he hedged his bet in favor of being there for you just in case. The in case didn't happen, but the cost was obviously worth it because the potential alternative to a Africa and a little rusty was you losing it and being overwhelmed. It was a good choice on his part. Your choosing to see it as a negative "Oh no, he's rusty and a little bored" is not a big deal. It's a very small price to pay to insure you had him with you just in case. He's a grown man capable of entertaining himself and if he chose not to keep busy enough to suit him, oh well. Shrug. It was still worth it. Count the win and move on. You two are in a marriage, you're not single, foot loose and fancy free, so you make concessions for each other because that's how normal healthy marriages work. People do it all the time. And as to being upset about not being able to plan-welcome to the reality of middle age. Middle age means the beginning of declining health and eldercare for our parents and for someone people, grandparents too. (BTDT, still doing it off and on.) THAT'S what we can all plan on: being on call for sudden health changes in ourselves and our parents. So, I'm not unsympathetic at all. It's the nature of this stage of life and it's a mental adjustment from earlier, more certain stages. In the last 15 years I've helped care for my grandparents for 3 years (leukemia and Alzheimer's-Mom's an only child), my 47 year old SIL dying of breast cancer for 11 years, another late 40s SIL dealing with ongoing thyroid cancer issues and other serious health problems , my dad needing me to help care for him from a 3 bypass (he lives alone), and a daughter with ongoing serious mental health issues, finding out 2 years ago I have the bones of an 80 year old, serious spinal issues where I could be paralyzed from a minor car accident or fall or due to ongoing degeneration, and other things. That's all within the realm of normal for middle aged people (45+.) It's more common with each passing year. What to do about that? Plan for now and plan for contingencies. What do I want to do while my health is still good? Do that until I can't. What do I want to do within the constraints of moderately declining health? Do that until I can't. What do I want to do within the constraints of my spouse being functional ? Do that until I can't. What do I want to do within the constraints of my spouse's declining health? Do that until I can't. That's what SIL did through 11 years of cancer starting when her kids were 1 and 4 until they were 12 and 16 when she died. She did what she could, she enjoyed the little things she could, then she stopped when she couldn't anymore. It's all we can do. With 100% certainty we will all get older, sicker, and more dependent on others, and then die just like each generation before us. No surprises there. That's part of the deal of being alive. Happiness is the by product of meaning and purpose, so we need to focus on meaningful choices in whatever circumstances we're in. We can make plans, but those plans are subject to constraints beyond our control at times. We just have to adapt our thinking when what we planned is no longer an option. That's reality we all need to accept. You may need professional counseling to help you do that if you struggle with it on your own. Go get some. Between the counseling I've had others around me have had, I can say it's well worth the investment.

Yes, you can separate them like that. That may be something you would personally struggle imagining and doing, but it is actually possible to do it without being narcissistic. People who were raised by narcissists and those with many narcissistic tendencies (like my mother) need to learn how to eliminate that noise at the beginning and ignore the imagined voices of their narcissistic parents telling them it's a selfish thing to do. Narcissists are liars. No, it's not selfish to start by asking yourself what you want apart from what others want.