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Homeschool Mom in AZ

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Homeschool Mom in AZ last won the day on April 16 2014

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About Homeschool Mom in AZ

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    I began homeschooling in 2000 when my oldest was 4. I have 3 daughters.
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    quilting and writing

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  1. Correction, I said the developmental pediatrician in my posts worked at the Beahvioral Health wing of PHX Children's Hospital. That's wrong. It was St. Joseph's in PHX.
  2. Thanks. Hopefully people will see some of the challenges involved in getting help. It's quite a lot to navigate.
  3. My mistake, I accidentally left out attempted murder, I didn't mean for it to say just murder. I stand by it. Just because a young child is more easily overpowered by a potential victim or a parent intervening, doesn't negate the intent. And as that child gets older and stronger the threat grows. The developmental pediatrician at PHX Children's who deals with adoptees at the Behavioral Health wing back when we were looking into adoption talked very candidly about how much higher risk for severe behavioral issues the big category of adoptees/foster kids is compared to birth kids. She categorically discouraged people with children in the home from taking a placement unless there was at least a 10 year gap. Yes, it is common for foster kids and adoptees as a whole to try to rape or kill other children in a home. You don't have to meet very many foster families before you hear about it and if you're around that community very long, you hear about it over and over again. You don't hear it among bio families with anywhere near that kind of frequency.
  4. I interviewed dozens of fosterparents, adoptees, and family members of adoptive households when we were looking at all our options. Sexual abuse and serious violence by adoptees/foster children onto other young children in the home was common. It's the most common reason fosterchildren are not adopted by their foster families and the most common reason foster children are rejected from the foster homes they were in. Those fosterkids were never adopted, but they're in the same category. When you look at the adoptee/foster kid group as a whole and you the bio kid group as a whole, the adoptee/foster kid group as a whole is far more likely to rape, assault, and murder siblings than the bio kid group. The developmental pediatrician at PHX Children's hospital always advised parents who already had kids in the home to adopt from S. Korea because those kids are the least likely to have been abused/neglected/warehoused and therefore the least likely to be high risk.
  5. Ages 13-17. Total capacity 10 beds. I didn't see adoption specialists listed. Did I miss something? Not everyone has insurance that covers it. If they do at the time the child is adopted, they won't necessarily have the same insurance the entire time the child needs it-many need it for a lifetime.
  6. I agree that it's bad policy to place adoptees in families with littles. It's been a long standing advice in the adoptive community to: 1. Make sure the foster kids/adoptee is the youngest child in the home. 2. Only take a placement when there's a significant age gap between the new placement and the next oldest child-something around at least 4 or 5 years. 3. Wait several years before adding another child after adding a foster child/adoptee in case behavioral issues that couldn't be detected earlier start emerging. It's great advice with the statistically much higher likelihood of serious behavioral issues in foster kids/adoptees. I would say it's even more important to follow these guidelines when taking a known special needs (in addition to being adopted) kid. Children who are more challenging require so much more bandwidth from the parents.
  7. Thank you for sharing that here. I'm so sorry it's been hard to get help. I'll be praying you get some. It's an important reality check for people participating in these discussions.
  8. No family should live their lives publicly or for monetary gain, fame, etc. It's especially important for adopted children to have their privacy maintained. There are people who are having a hard time believing that adoption disruption is ever the best option available in some circumstances. Those two things are separate and should be discussed separately.
  9. Right, but treating adoptees requires treatments by sub-specialists trained in adoption related physical and mental health issues. Many of these things are brain damaged based and talk therapy and meds can't fix that, posing a whole host of practical problems for parents with other children in the home. Way too many people assume any psychiatrist, psychologist, mental health professional is capable of handling it, which usually isn't true. Parents can only choose between options that are both real and accessible. When idealists jump into the conversation they're often talking about options that they wish existed, but don't. That's why I ask people in these type of discussions to explain what real option they're talking about. If one actually exists, great. I've found a few that were lesser known and I pass those along. If it's just something that's wishful thinking, then it's not useful to parents struggling with these kinds of issues.
  10. Elaborating on that with examples would be helpful to those following this discussion. The underlying presuppositions by people on the outside are what's feeding a lot of this controversy. It's assumed by many that there's always an effective treatment somewhere for every issue a child has so they can stay in the home or that there's a facility that will 1. effectively treat it at and 2. treat it at cost every adoptive parent can afford. Then I hear people say things like, "Well if you can't afford the fund the worst case scenario, (years long residential treatment) don't adopt" without the person saying that thinking through the implications. We can't expect only very wealthy people do adopt.
  11. What do you mean by vary: in availability, in quality, and/or in cost? Something else? And exactly what kinds of resources are you talking about?
  12. There are multiple issues in the OP's link and that specific situation. Adoption issues are so complex they each need to be addressed separately. This reply of mine is not a comment about the specific situation in the OP. I'm talking generally about adoption disruption and if it's ever appropriate. Are you specifically referring to issues that are commonly known to happen with adoptees and extremely rare among bio kids like rape, severe physical assault, and attempted murder? Those are the most common reasons for disruption that I'm seeing first hand in the adoptive community. It's extremely rare for bio kids to attempt to rape and murder each other. So I'm interested to hear what exactly your plans would be for your biological child who is raping, attempting to rape, physically assaulting, and/ or attempting to murder your other children. I have heard on tv and online a couple of parents facing these kinds of issues with their bio kids talking about how ineffective the help recommended to them is, and how hard it is to find help at all. Could you please post a link to resources so I can pass it along if I hear about a case like this again? Do not interpret this as snark. This is a real issue people in my circles face and any information available would be deeply appreciated.
  13. It was typical in the AZ fostercare system when we were looking into adopting. (We were certified as fosterparents in 2005 but we decided to adopt from S. Korea.) A friend of mine did take the fostadopt route there then. She had 4 bio kids ages 12 and under. Their foster child was a few years younger than the youngest kid. He was 4 when he arrived. They adopted him being told of a few issues. After a couple of years they moved in KY. The fostadopted child tried to kill the youngest bio kid with a cinder block. He had been increasing violent since his placement in the home, so they had to keep eyes on him the entire time so they could intervene when he attacked the other children. They disrupted the adoption and placed him in KY's system. KY pulled his records from AZ that showed far more known issues than the parents had ever been told. We attended the same church as an adoptive mom who used to be a social worker. She offered to "translate" the paperwork prospective fosterparents were given about their foster children because the paperwork always downplayed issues according to her. Many countries don't have resources for testing children, and many issues don't emerge until later even if they did have the resources to test. I was told by someone who adopted from China that its' been special needs only adoptions for at least a decade now, so everyone is supposed to expect issues.
  14. Thank you. The complexities of these issues are such that people really should refrain commenting on specific situations. When they're familiar with the general issues they should be cautious about what they say. I do think it's OK to ask questions about it.
  15. I'd ask extended family members if they want it, if not, ask friends and acquaintances. If someone else wants them, great. If not, donate it to someone who is up for selling it and they can keep the proceeds or donate it to a shop. I put my inexpensive "fancy" china from Bed Bath & Beyond (cream with silver edges) that I use several times a year in my dishwasher on the gentle cycle. There are a couple of spots on the silver edges that are fading, but that's a small price to pay to avoid washing it by hand. Same with the inexpensive crystal stemware I bought at Ross for $2 each. They were cheap, so if one breaks it's no pressure, I'm out $2. I have seen people doing frugal traditional weddings buy 2-3 sets to mix and match place settings, then reselling them or donating them after the event.
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