[Need advice/different perspectives RE: in-law]

I am the spouse in this situation (it's actually eerily similar in the way you described how "in-law" acts and my relative :blink: ) and recently I've cut off contact with the abuser b/c I saw the effects it was having on my kids and my relationship with my spouse. While a very difficult thing to do, it was necessary for me to do this as my kids were having trouble with the hypocrisy of it all. I was teaching them how to throw up healthy boundaries with mean girls in the neighborhood or adults/kids who say racist stuff about Asians while here (*sigh*) and yet I had this relative in my life who was constantly spouting off racial slurs, criticizing my kids for having n-word friends ( :angry: ), calling me and kids ugly, dumb, why'd you cut your hair you look like a boy, when are you getting braces to fix your crooked teeth. It got to where I was crying after talking to this relative on the phone once and my youngest came up to me, put her hand on my shoulder and asked, "Did relative call you stupid again?" with tears in her eyes. It was a huge wake-up call that my kids watching me being abused was hurting them greatly. 

 

Are your kids old enough to "get" what's going on? Have they spoken to your spouse about how much it upsets them?? Having frank talks with my kids and not being able to honestly justify having this person in my life was enough to show me that it needed to stop. Maybe having a sit down with the kids would help spouse see the light. 

[If you are a GS troop leader (or have DD involved in GS)...]

I was a troop leader for one of the two Daisy troops in my area. Honestly, communicating with the parents was a nightmare. I fully believe a ton of them don't ever read my e-mails. I also have a private Facebook group for the troop. I email the Daisy parents every.single.time. we have a meeting 2 days beforehand max., usually the night before (earlier and people "forget") to remind them of the meeting, tell them what we'll be working on badge-wise, any upcoming Council events or trips, etc. I had to start doing this as people were getting confused on our meeting days (even though it's on a reliable schedule and I sent out a yearly calendar in the beginning of the year in email and paper form). I also set up sign-up genius for snack-sign up and cookie booth sign-ups so I wasn't having to track everyone down. The site sends automatic reminders. A grocery store is right next door to our meeting area so I put in our welcome letter that if they didn't bring snack on a day they signed up for, I'd buy the snack at the store and they'd have to reimburse the troop. 

 

In the beginning of the year, I sent out a very long, strict welcome letter explicitly stating things about our snack policy, if you don't give me the form in time too bad so sad, etc. I've found the parents only miss out once. Listening to their kid cry for hours is enough of an incentive to actually turn in forms and get their act together. I'm really not a mean-spirited person but I don't have time to 'adult' for another adult. Write dates on your calendar, put it in your phone...it's not that hard. 

 

My oldest's troop leader is a little flighty and doesn't always plan things ahead of time. There's a lot of last minute fumbling which can be aggravating as a parent. I also am willing to help her leader out as much as I can, but she doesn't reach out and ask for it. She shoulders a lot of work that she doesn't need to shoulder, iykwim. The Junior parents are *willing* and able to help (unlike my Daisy parents *ahem*) so the one thing I'd tell her if I could without upsetting her would be...ask for help!!! They also didn't get to as many badges and things as I'd have hoped for. As a homeschooler, we have the skill set to look at the badge offerings and dovetail requirements and such to make it easier to accomplish more in one meeting. I've learned that this is a skill and a lot of the leaders make badge-work way more difficult than it needs to be. I would have helped her with this, but didn't want to step on toes. 

 

Lastly, one thing that my oldest dd's leader did back in NoVA was to make a sign-up genius of the different Brownie badges and have a mom sign up to "lead" on one of the meeting days. This worked out so, so well b/c the moms could choose something they were passionate in (we had a former artist sign-up for the Art badge, I signed up for the Home Scientist badge as I had a lot of the stuff at home and was used to science demos as a homeschooler, lady with a sister who owned a ballet studio for dance, etc) and the girls got to experience their moms being the "leader" for the day! It was really simple and gave a break to our Troop Leader so she could focus on signing us up for Council events, paperwork, fun party events, only leading some of the meetings or swaps. It was honestly the best year my kids have had with GS. But, you have to feel out your parents as this would *never* work with my current Troop parents. I think 3/4 would drop out of GS 10 minutes after reading the e-mail (if they actually read it!!) 

[The little things that make your day. Post here.]

My birthday is Tuesday but youngest DD was literally bouncing with excitement after she finished wrapping the present she got me in her room. She begged me to "let" her show me the present early b/c she just couldn't wait any longer. She beamed when I said Sure and was over-the-moon at how happy I was with it. It's moments like that that make the sacrifices worthwhile.  :D

 

Also, older dd and little dd giggled maniacally when they play together always makes me thrilled with life. Yesterday little Dd made a picture for her grammar and ripped it out of her workbook as a present for older dd. Oldest was very sweetly thankful and taped it up in her room. :)

 

When the girls want to have a sleepover in each other's rooms. When they talk excitedly about sharing a room with a bunkbed when we move back to the States. 

 

Hubby does the dishes and cleans the whole kitchen without my saying a word.  :001_tt1:

[Allergy moms, how do you do it?! Vent and literal begging for recipes and resources]

That sounds so difficult. Maybe look at celiac resources for the wheat-free aspect (like bread recipes) and also searching for vegan recipes (subbing out the wheat and nut components when needed) could help quite a bit. We love to use budgetbytes.com and also minimalistbaker.com for recipes, along with pinterest and youtube. 

 

For egg replacer, look into how to make flax eggs. I buy the big bag of whole flax seeds (keep in the freezer as they go rancid quickly) and blend up what I need in my little blender cups, then add the water. Putting the cup in the fridge for a couple minutes speeds up the gelling. Milk subs that work well are Silk soy milk or coconut milk. We like Earth Balance butter as well. 

 

The learning curve is great and you'll feel really frustrated at times but it'll get easier as you find new favorites. Good luck! 

[Are you more or less motivated with DH around?]

This thread is coming at a great time...last day of Dh being gone on a business trip for 2 1/2 weeks! I get so much less done when he's not home. The kids don't care what we eat for dinner and whether it's been a couple days since I last mopped. I use his trips as a break from cooking elaborate meals or frantically cleaning in the afternoons. I honestly don't have as much time to clean anyway since I'm busy doing all the chores he usually handles like the trash, lawn, dishes after supper, litter box, mail pick-up (a few streets away), dog walks in the morning and evening, etc. 

[Three things you adore about your house....]

Neighborhood. Love that my kids can free range in the quiet circle and walk all the neighbors dogs. Most everyone is friendly and kind, or keeps to themselves but aren't crabby about it.

 

Size. Love my small house!! So many people whine about the size but I love my 1300 sq. ft house. It's so much easier to clean that my bigger old home with the massive basement downstairs. Having 2 levels instead of 3 (with an extra bathroom to clean!) has been so nice.

 

Washer/Dryer in the kitchen area. Love this feature..it's so easy to just throw a load in and not forget about it. My girls can also carry their laundry down much more easily than when they were dragging it down 2 huge levels to the basement in our old house!!

 

I think Dh would agree on these points. He'd probably have different ones though. We're both pretty satisfied with the house.

 

[s/o Do you or your kids have clothes that water would ruin?]

No, but I think this kind of thing depends on how fashionable you are or whether you're confident at laundering different materials correctly. I'm neither of those. ;) I also think older kids may be more likely to be involved in activities that would require fancier, delicate or formal clothes like debate, ballroom dance classes, choir, band, cheer, etc. 

 

Anyway, no, not currently but I wouldn't rule out the possibility in the near future. (for my kids, not for me. I don't thing I'll have any need to be fancy beyond my kids' college grad) 

[If your kids don't have real pajamas/ wear thrift store clothes]

Yep.  I grew up in Connecticut and the attitude was very similar. 

 

My mother was too horrified at the thought of thrift stores, but she couldn't afford more than Kmart.  I remember being worried to hell I'd see someone from school there.  Of course now I realize that is rather silly because if they saw me I also saw them!

 

I don't feel traumatized by that though.

 

:iagree:  Grew up in CT as well and that was totally my experience. When my parents divorced and we had to shop at the cheaper places around, I was so worried someone would notice. They usually did and I was teased quite a bit about it. My mom also garnered lots of sympathy about the $$ issue in the divorce by telling everyone about her poor, helpless kids having to wear thrift store clothes...

 

 

ETA: Instead of pajamas, my kids wear Dh and I's old college frat/sorority t-shirts and t-shirts Dh gets from all the races or runs he does. I get pj pants for them from Goodwill or the thrift shop. Any pajama sets that they own were gifted to us from MIL or hand-me-down sets from friends. I don't think pajama sets are a sign on poverty...just different priorities.

[s/o What is worth spending money on?]

For us (Dh included although I sometimes get disagree with his wants):

 

Date nights with my kids, separately taking them out to the bakery or cake shop

 

Girl Scouts 

 

Experiences we don't really need to have that cost $$ (like next month's Kyoto trip)

 

Expensive running, hiking or computer gear (this is Dh)

 

A much smaller home closer to work but more $$ for more family time (State-side)

 

Homeschool curriculum that hold my hand (more $$) in subjects I'm horrible at

 

And it could be argued that I don't technically *need* wine but I have a tween so that's debatable. I only drink occasionally

 

And living here, you could make the argument that a car isn't really a need. We feel it's worth it to have one for rainy season but sometimes I feel guilty about it.

 

Lots of yummy vegan snacks or extras. We feel like if it keeps us vegan, it's worth it but it's not truly needed to do this.

 

Having pets as we love animals. This will be our last set of animals though I think 

I think that's it for us. We try to keep this stuff to a minimum.

 

 

[What kinds of dogs are popular where you live? (And region/country).]

Tokyo area, Japan: Pomeranians, Chihuahua, Dachsund,  mini Poodle, Golden Retriever, Husky (occasionally)  Housing is small so I think most people try to have smaller sized dogs. Owning pets here is expensive and seen as a luxury thing (like a status symbol almost) and it's mostly about dressing up your dog with bows, studded collars, skirts, sweaters,etc. May be different in a more rural area though. 

[If you have 2 minutes to take my dd's survey for a school project...]

Took it!

[How Old for Sibling to Supervise Two Year Old Outside?]

At the youngest age, probably a teen like 14 or 15. But my kids tended to be *very* intense and high-needs as toddlers and my tween is a total space cadet sometimes. 

[Best resource for helping a teenager figure out what they might want to be/do?]

I found the Occupational Outlook Handbook to be really informative and interesting when exploring career options as a teen. I'm not so sure on those career aptitude tests though...unless I just took crappy ones. I was always recommended to do something like actuary work or law.  :huh:

 

Has your Dh ever had to do some kind of team-building workshop before? Mine was always bringing home info on his "color" and career aptitude test result stuff. His Myers-Briggs type also translated well into the type on work environment that he thrives in so a look at that may work well. 

[The Marvelous Flying Marco has "flown" again.]

The Japanese sleep on futon mattresses that are made to be folded and put in a closet when not in use, while also being able to easily be washed as well. Might be something to check out on amazon.jp :)

[Homeschooled children and anxiety...linked?]

Hm. Well. I'm not sure I'd continue to see a therapist who didn't understand the very basic Psych 101 concept of 'correlation does not equal causation.' I think that kids who have anxiety are more likely to find the environment of school more stressful and difficult to deal with....which may lead parents to choose homeschooling. However, I know plenty of people who have anxious kids in school. I'd be wary of a therapist trying to connect dots like that.

 

I can see a very high-stakes academic environment whether home or not to be an aggravator of already-there anxiety, though.  

[What do you wish you'd done more of (or less of) in the earlier years?]

 Probably read aloud more *consistently* much earlier (sounds like you've got that covered), get more comfortable with driving further and taking advantage of opportunities, not gotten down when not fitting in with local homeschoolers, not stressed as much over how things were going, trusted my instincts more, teach the kids I have and not try to do what would have worked really well for kid-me, avoided religious curricula and do my own thing more. So so much. But no one is perfect and a lot of these insights come from straight-up experience. 

 

Maybe you can go into a section at the library that you guys haven't explored yet and take out a few books from there? My girls and I used to do that as a kind-of game to see if we could find a new gem or topic or idea to explore. Just an idea to shake things up, if you're looking to do that. It sounds like you both are having a great time. :)

[Humorous literature for middle school]

Fortunately, the Milk by Neil Gaiman? My Dd's enjoyed it quite a bit. Oh, or The Phantom Tollbooth? I have a hard time with what a true middle school book is as my kids have always been all over the map with their reading interests. 

[Video on King Tut? Any suggestions? favorites?]

We really enjoyed Tutankamun: The Truth Uncovered from the BBC as it went into possibly having to scrap the "fell off a chariot" death theory thanks to new CT scans showing his club foot, etc. It went into lots of genetic stuff and was really interesting. 

[What TO buy for DS7]

It sounds like he's more into engineering type toys or games. I'd get him some open-ended building things. My 7 yr old also loves to color while listening to audiobooks.

[Favorite American History/Geography Docs/videos? Youtube, amazon prime or dvds?]

History the Story of US DVDs for 7th grader, This is America Charlie Brown for youngers, American Girl history movies, my kids like the Disney movie Ruby Bridges for desegregation of schools and How the States got their shapes for a geography tie-in and the few Horrible Histories on youtube that touch on American history (there's a scene with Harriet Tubman and a fake chicken that my kids find hysterical)

 

Ted-Ed videos on youtube are really well-done short snippets on a variety of topics. I always search through them for whatever we're doing. :)

[Educational Choice/Philosophical Question]

I can tailor their education to their individual needs. I have really asynchronous and sensitive kids. I'm doing the schools a favor, especially with my crabby little one.

 

Academics are really important to Dh and I. I'm pretty hard to please in terms of academics. The schools here haven't really blown me away academically. I've been impressed in other places we've lived by a couple aspects of a school but no school has ever had the *full* picture of what I'd be looking for. 

 

Dh is able to really plow through his career path b/c we can move wherever and whenever we need to so we can focus on the best opportunity for him w/o having to consider school districts or school calendar stuff. Likewise, we can on-business travel with Dh if/when we want to. This allows him to take jobs that require more travel time b/c we have the flexibility to come along if he'll otherwise be away for 4-6 weeks without coming home (like in a couple weeks). 

 

 

[Firing a tutor advice]

I don't know if this will help you for now, but Virtual Homeschool Group has a Japanese conversation class that just started this semester. The tutor is Japanese living in Japan, so I don't know how that translates time-wise for you (7am CST). It's free.

 

Well, that's 9:00 PM for us but this could work for me I guess. Thanks for posting! :)

[Firing a tutor advice]

Do your kids play in the neighborhood?  That is how I learned,  even if it was with younger kids a lot of the time. 

 

 

We don't live in Japan proper...we're on a military base with a massive chain link fence with barbed wire separating us from a Japanese neighborhood. Our fence is bordering a narrow road and a line of 6 houses.  Our backyard backs up to Japan itself so that we have our "Japanese neighbors" who we talk to, exchange candy/food/treats/notes/cards with through holes in the chain link but my kids can't run and play with their kids. And I probably just said way too much for a public forum. But they play with Japanese kids a lot through cultural friends groups. The kids will go mute when my kids come near them, or will whisper Japanese to each other. None will speak English to them even if they know it...part of that shyness thing they do. 

[Firing a tutor advice]

Well, she sold herself as a tutor but I'm not sure she really knows how to teach. I've so learned my lesson now!

 

Oh, we're doing a ton of stuff. We have kind of a mish-mash of things going on so our skills at speaking, reading, writing are very mish-mash too. ;) I use apps, flashcards, books, youtube videos, tv shows, curriculum books off and on and natural immersion that's way too fast most of the time! They've learned a fair amount considering but I was wanting to work on their pronunciation and get into dialogue with a native speaker. Doesn't look like it's going to work out having a tutor at this point. I think I'm just going to be happy with where our learning is atm and stop stressing about it.  :o

[When Math Mammoth 6 is over, what do we do?]

I believe the updated ones were done 2013-early 2014 timeframe?? That's when I remember people being concerned about old vs. new, which one was "better", is the new one dumbed down, etc. So you probably have the older version. If you look on her site, I think she has charts or files comparing the old and new of each grade. I also have the old version (bought 6 yrs ago) if you want to pm me your page numbers/chapters/topics and I can see if it lines up.

 

 

To answer the OP, I plan on (trying to use) Aops Pre-A with Dolciani subbing or completely taking over as needed. Dd is young for this level of math so I've been trying to slow her down with MM6 even though parts of it are boring her. She's done almost all of Hand on Equations stuff I got from HBC and enjoyed it. (Highly recommend it! The pieces are fun to use.) She's also done Key to Decimals which was tedious but well done. I may pick up Key to Fractions/Percents. I'm really waiting for the maturity to handle higher math. That's why I'm keeping Dolciani in the wings if AoPs overwhelms.