The OP asked specifically for responses from people with ancestry in the American south.

Lol. I definitely know plenty of poly people. And I do know of some tradwife folks, though more friends of friends kind of a thing.

Yes. And I think it's an important question. More than 20 years ago I had an experience with this question that made me think about it in a new way. I was participating in one of these get to know people activities in my graduate group. It was where people take turns in the center of the circle and say something (anything from "I love pizza" to "I lost my mother to cancer") and anyone who shares that experience goes to the middle. We had been doing a lot of deep discussion and reading around race and education. So one person went to the center and said "some of my ancestors were enslaved." And some people joined them. So I went to the center and said, "some of my ancestors enslaved people." And no one joined me. And I don't think it's because there was a lack of people with ancestors who enslaved people. I think it was a lack of awareness and a purposeful move not to know on the part of white folks. I think there's a desire to bury this question and I think that says something about us. For people whose ancestors were enslaved, they often don't have a choice not to grapple with that history. It's in their genes, it's still impacting society and culture. So I think it's my job to be frank and aware that this is in my history as well on the other side. And I think more people than realize it share that history as well. I highly recommend Edward Ball's Slaves in the Family to anyone from the south. It's an older book and I haven't read it in awhile, but I think it would probably hold up. Ball's ancestors were large scale enslavers in South Carolina and he writes frankly about trying to confront the myth of the "good" slave owner. He undertook a really serious research project to write the book. My own ancestors included early European settlers in this country in New York and Virginia. Both of those branches enslaved people. One branch ended up in Tennessee and continued enslaving people up to the Civil War. That family also had a very dubious relationship where they "adopted" a young African American girl who became a family servant living entirely off the will of my ancestors from what I can tell. She eventually helped raise my grandfather and died when my mother was a child, living in poverty. My grandfather, I think it's worth clearing up, also grew up in poverty. But white poverty and Black poverty are not the same thing in this country. I agree with others objecting to comparing slavery as practiced in the Americas with Black Africans to slavery in history in general. It's not that you can't compare them at all, but there's a way that bringing that up in every discussion minimizes the particular elements of slavery in the Americas. And slavery in the American south is the one that we're all closest to in all kinds of ways.

I haven't seen it so much in my circles, but I know what you're talking about on AITAH. And I believe it, at least as a trend (everything on Reddit is suspect information, of course). Men who are in online circles are constantly being given these really toxic messages about how relationships "should" be. And there's this additional trend where some women are supportive of that image and want men to take over and be "the provider." I think it's difficult for men to figure out how to act in the midst of all this messaging (not that that's an excuse for controlling behavior, but it is an explanation). There was a good piece in WaPo about the whole tradwife thing that explored it from the women's end. There's this whole uptick in the whole Lana Del Rey aesthetic - women who want this "feminine leisure" lifestyle. I liked that the article took it seriously as a trend and explored why and the limits of why it's not going to solve anything. https://www.washingtonpost.com/style/power/2024/04/10/tradwives-stay-at-home-girlfriends-modern-couples/

I firmly believe kids who are leaving home for colleges should take a trip away from home solo beforehand at least once. I think kids struggle sometimes when they've literally never been away from home. Camp, pre-college program, weekend trip to auntie's in another state. And take the bus or the train solo if possible. I just think these are life experiences for kids that help a lot. They build confidence and independence that kids need. Cleaning skills are kind of key. Dishes, vacuuming, laundry. They need those to live in a shared space where no one is cleaning for them. The ability to ask for help. They'll have to walk into office hours, the writing center, the math tutoring center, etc. and ask for help on an assignment. Or explain to a prof why they need an extension. Or ask for help with an internship. Or finding a job on campus. Or getting a letter of rec or a reference. Seriously, this generation struggles with this in my experience. They have to get comfortable with asking humans for help and not assuming that an internet site will take care of the thing for them if they just navigate the system just right.

Connie literally says on her site that it may be hard for parents not versed in chemistry to implement and grade the program. This board tends to be very anti-outsourcing but if you don't know anything about chemistry, it's not a subject I'd try to teach, even with strong materials, unless you really have no other options financially and/or your student is really motivated and excellent at self-studying in a way that most students are not. Yes, you could teach it to yourself, but if you're doing that for multiple high school subjects and trying to live your life, manage a household, teach other kids, etc. then that's exceedingly difficult. Clover Valley's teacher-led option is absolutely worth it. And if she's full for the year, there are plenty of other options.

Also adding that the way he's using screens and his free time may make you crazy, but it sounds super wholesome. Youtubes about France and the Olympics? Poring over music and playlists? Listening to podcasts? You've got a great kid.

I vote back way off. He's 16 and has straight A's in outside classes. How he organizes his time is on him. Yeah, it's probably not great. But you nagging him is just tanking the relationship. And for what? I get that there are actual issues underneath. And sometimes he's transgressing rules you set. But the point of your rules is that you think he should organize his time differently. And that's just not a hill to die on at this point. This is the stage where being super controlling of a kid's time will backfire hard. If you want to set different overall limits on screens, then that I can get behind. But I would stop micromanaging his time. In two years, he'll be an adult and potentially be moving out. You definitely need to give him some rope.

I agree with several of your big points, but it hasn't been my experience that the cost of entering trades is always on the student. In some cases, definitely. But a lot of plumbing and electrical programs that I've heard about involve paid apprenticeships really early on. That's how my own brother became an electrician actually. And when the trade is housed in a community college, at least around me, students can use the same CC funding sources for them. I've even known students who have dual enrolled for the first intro level for some of these trades courses, which is nice that they can try them out, even if it's mostly a survey of what the job is in a one credit class. As for the glut in people trained for trades, that's definitely true in some trades. Clearly there are a lot of young people who "want to work with animals" who train to be vet techs. It's an easy path to train. Not so easy to get a job. But there is a serious master plumber and electrician shortage in most areas. And an auto mechanic shortage in some places. I am just not seeing this glut of tradespeople that you're talking about for the most part. It can be hard to find someone to do these jobs sometimes. Believe me you're preaching to the choir in general. Trades have a lot of potential downsides that students aren't really told about by people who are like, ooh, just go into a trade. And I think you're highlighting several of them.

Because of my work with kids preparing for college, I hear a lot about community colleges nationwide. I am consistently impressed by some of them. There are some amazing community colleges out there. But also, I've heard a million abysmal stories about disorganized syllabi, absent professors, and poor instruction. I find that art, music, and upper level math and science at "good" community colleges tend to be the best courses. Also, that if you can get into a CC honors program, that's often where the core of motivated kids taking more regular gen eds are, as well as the good professors. College enrollment is generally down and a lot of CC's are struggling to make ends meet as a result. While I agree that students are struggling for a lot of the reasons being discussed here, I see CC's as the bigger issue. They struggle to meet enrollment/financial goals, so they cut quality, so they struggle to attract more students because quality dipped, and round and round down the drain. I see it as a growing issue.

Seconding sorting out his credits from 9th grade. Math and English come first. Always. Those are your cornerstones. Denison is working, it's fine, so stick with it. Done. But English... that's another story. I think the number one thing you need to do is figure out writing and support for writing. Science and history can be mostly input of content. You've got a co-op for electives. But reading and writing are core skills so you've got to figure that piece out. Adaptive technology and audiobooks are going to help and you should absolutely lean into those solutions. However, they won't solve the issue. And there won't be any quick fixes with a serious learning disability. He'll need someone to really hold his hand through schoolwork. That's you or a teacher or tutor. And if you go with a class, you'll need to really be on top of the executive functioning piece with him so he can learn those skills.

Here's that infamous "You're Being a Pill" thread from when my kid was a tween. My pill is now in college. Very happy. But high school was hard for him as well. I don't regret that we homeschooling... but I am a lot less rigid in my thinking about it now. In my business doing college consulting mostly for homeschoolers, I do end up urging some families to send their kids to school, especially when they're miserable. It's just complex. Since you're still in middle school, my number one piece of advice is to remember that none of this goes on any permanent records. None of it matters. Math, a little. But mostly middle school is a dead time in education and that's okay for some kids. If school isn't amazing, his brain will still grow and high school subjects (except math and writing) start more or less at square one. So it's fine. Just look for some joy. Let him do what he wants and stop fighting tooth and nail. Pick your three non-negotiables for school and make them small and then let it all go. If its in the budget, consider outsourcing for next year. WTMA, Aim Academy, Open Tent, Athena's Academy, even Outschool... So many options. Or if you're Christian, there are a lot of Christian providers... just look for ways to take this off your plate in modest ways.

I agree that it sounds cold/busy, but I feel like I never know with text. I have a friend who would totally reply like that but she'd be thrilled to hang out. She's just like that on text. I don't know your friend. I think I'd send something like, "It sounds like this trip is busy? I'd love to take that hour at (suggest time), but I get it if you're overwhelmed with other stuff and we can hang out next time. Just let me know."

Oh. This is the high school board, so it didn't occur to me that she might be in middle school. I assumed you were saying CLRC's high school English classes were easy for her. With that in mind, I have no idea how the middle school CLRC courses are so I can't compare that to Blue Tent at all. As an 8th grader, you could look at WTMA or English 8/9 at Aim Academy and I do think Lantern's classes might even be a fit. I'm not really sure because I don't know the comparison point. Of course you can't do everything. However, it's a little early to turn away. Kids change. You don't want to shut the door entirely. I do think getting balance in the schedule is a good thing though. But you can find literature courses that have some balance. High school English is typically literature and composition both, even for STEM kids.

CLRC courses aren't light either, so she might be fine. I wouldn't do Lantern or Roy Speed if she found CLRC light. That's not a knock to either. I recommend them to some students, but she'll likely find both of them too light for her if she thought CLRC was too easy and didn't have enough depth. What grade? She might dive into AP Lang with Lili Serbicki if she wants both strong and in depth without being an overwhelming amount of work.

I've taught b&m school history. And now I teach online as well. I'd say most school classes have at least some papers for history and typically have some mix of presentations and projects, though what the projects look like vary and might be pretty short term. Most classes tend to focus on primary sources but in very short snippets. Lots of emphasis on historical reasoning and less emphasis on specific facts, dates, names, etc. these days. Lots of group work in most school classes, but it might be mostly in class and short term. Most also have quizzes and multiple choice questions, but these are often focused on reasoning more than on specific knowledge. So the knowledge helps a ton with the reasoning, but the reasoning is the focus. These days they've ditched the textbooks in many of these classes. They usually have some homework. How much is going to vary a ton between classes and schools. Honors and AP courses at huge top public schools can be a ton of output and homework. But at a lot of schools, I'd say history is often a bit of a coast class without too much homework.

Overstepping is a weird word. I think it's just straight up odd behavior to send a 12 year old a job ad. It's definitely sending a "this is your intended path" message for sure.

You can also look at Aim Academy, CLRC, and Lukeion. Lots of options out there. Depends on what you want.

ASU Universal Learner has a class with this content.

I think anyone who lives in the region hasn't driven over it. It's not quite as major as the Bay Bridge or the Tunnel, but it's a major thoroughfare. I don't even live in Maryland and have been over it a bunch of times. I'm just horrified.

In looking at the suicide rates for vets, the average debt, the incredible academic stress of going that route... I would not counsel any kid to become a vet right now. Of course, some kids are just gung ho and you have to guide them. My understanding is that the degree path in other countries is sometimes much more sane and that you can get licensed here if you're educated in a program abroad, but definitely explore that in a lot more depth before deciding on it.

I'd match the shoes to the top, yeah. So, for example, if you have a really dark top, I'll bet the black shoes actually look fine.

She's still got a psychology practice in Baltimore that provides testing and services primarily to homeschoolers. I refer my local college consulting clients to her all the time. Her youngest is in public high school. I'm smart, but I think I might have been smarter before perimenopause struck, lol.

It's so funny, but I also remember that post with the poutine. And Rivka was definitely on Jeopardy! I'll bet there's some other secret celebs here. We would never know!

I agree with all this. I think SOHS is an amazing resource for homeschoolers who apply as homeschoolers but that full time students don't seem to do very well in admissions compared to the (absolutely real) rigor of their coursework. Having heard about the workload in some of the science classes, I absolutely believe they're more time consuming and more in depth than many science AP's. I think many families denigrate the quality of CC courses, which is fair to some extent as CC's can be pretty pitiful. But many are good and many upper level and STEM-track science and math classes are good even at middling CC's. Those students have to be prepared to transfer to state flagships. The coursework is usually pretty decent. It's especially pretty good when compared with other realistic options for the vast majority of homeschoolers. Students I've worked with who have gone through classes like multivariable calc, organic chem, calc-based physics, etc. have generally done well in admissions and gotten a lot out of their courses. Students who have stuck with 100-level gen eds have sometimes enjoyed them, sometimes gotten a spark of interest, sometimes gotten exposure to a topic (like business or basic engineering) that was difficult to find something for in homeschooling. But quality... varies for sure. And AP's are nearly always more in depth.