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Farrar

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Farrar last won the day on May 10

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About Farrar

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  1. It’s not inappropriate exactly, but it is sort of jarring. Our old listserv was filled with (and still has sometimes) diatribes against gentrification. The last thing I looked at on NextDoor was a warning against a new population of homeless men that have shown up recently and a general complaint that the city needs to get rid of them somehow, no solutions proposed.
  2. It’s not usually partisan political around me, but it is way more... reactionary? than I expect. That’s probably not the best way to put it, but I’m in a super liberal area, and the NextDoor posts for my neighborhood are very anti-immigrant, anti-homeless, pro-business, etc. So, not the views, for better or worse, that one would expect of a liberal area. They’re basically a bunch of hardcore nimbys. It’s also very white, which is not a good reflection of my neighborhood.
  3. If she did not have the money, we’d pay, though not give her carte blanche to spend anything. We want a memorial service to happen. Since she does have the money and wants to control it, we are happy to attend and only asked she take our needs into account in terms of the timing. I don’t think that’s controlling to ask that a service that’s already going to be weeks out take into account the traveling family members. Which was initially what we were told - that none of our timing would be considered. Or to say that we’re not willing to sacrifice things my family wants and needs so she can host a much more elaborate ceremony. If expensive ceremonies are important to you and yours, plan ahead now, everyone. Yes, I was frustrated with her refusing to set a date and telling us that she wouldn’t take our needs into account and then asking for money. I don’t resent her. She can be difficult to deal with at the best of times, but she’s grieving and I know that. Of course she’s going to be more frustrating than ever now. But I also can be annoyed by it and vent to you all so that I can dial back my frustration later. Now that it’s settled, I’m honestly over it. Because she often creates drama, I’m sure there will be more, but now that I have a memorial I can actually attend, I’m happy to let it roll off.
  4. Here, have a funny SNL sketch from two weeks ago. I liked when Leslie Jones did the thing with the kitten.
  5. Fascinating. Like, apparently in Massachusetts and Florida, everyone hates everyone. In NC, no one hates anyone at all.
  6. I had bought a couple of things from them and never saw an email (though I saw about it here and elsewhere, and I didn't have any files there). I suspect it went to spam, which could easily have happened to you. I'm sorry you lost your files! That's rotten!
  7. It's not intuitive at all because the left is internationally more identified with the color red because of the association with socialism. At various points it was different, but in the 2000 presidential election, CNN used those colors - blue for Democrats and Red for Republicans and since then, they've really stuck.
  8. Really though? Is someone saying they feel unsafe the problem when there's an actual rise in hate crimes and hate speech? When white supremacy is this emboldened? I mean, hashtag, not all conservatives, sure, absolutely. But complaining about the rise of these viewpoints being expressed openly is definitely not the actual problem.
  9. Thankfully, I think many groups of young people are more open now. If people don't have friends they can approach, I think books are a good go to. The Joy of Sex is a classic for a reason. The Sex and Pleasure Book is good. I've heard The Guide to Getting It On is good, though I've never read it. These are all geared toward adults but are basic sex ed guides. There are others. I'm sure there are specifically Christian ones too. I'd say send them to multiple books, just because multiple voices is a good thing. It's not like there's one answer to what makes sex good or why does someone like this or that or what might help with or cause a particular issue. It's wonderful when kids can ask their parents, but hearing the experience of just one person isn't always enough. And for some people, even people with great, open relationships with their parents, it's just not ever going to be comfortable enough to ask certain things.
  10. Honestly, I don't dislike what they're trying to do. I see all the ways that this will hurt some kids (say, poor families with difficult backgrounds who fight to live in expensive, cushy zip codes for the sake of their kids) and help others who don't deserve it necessarily (say, my privileged middle class white kids who live in an inner city zip code). I think what they're trying to do is good - they need to find ways to increase diversity because they know their test is flawed and serves as a proctor for class. It's just a question of whether this is the right way.
  11. I think not everyone who doesn't discuss tea with friends is repressed about tea. It doesn't have to be your cup of tea to talk about it. But that the US is absolutely less comfortable with tea discussions than many other nations. And that's reflected in a lack of basic tea ed knowledge among American adults.
  12. Norman Maclean wrote A River Runs Through It in his 90’s and it’s such a beautiful little book. I really like Madeleine L’Engle’s Two Part Invention about her marriage - it’s a memoir written after her husband passed away.
  13. See, this hits a little on some other trends that I think I see in homeschooling, but it's just SO hard to really know for sure. We all have anecdotal evidence, but there are no reliable national statistics. I *think* Christian communities are moving away from homeschooling for the reasons you say. However, I think more Muslims and more African-Americans are homeschooling, I think for some of the reasons that Christians were a few decades ago - namely distrust of the public schools. Obviously, the reasons are different. Christians started homeschooling as a response to integration. This is a response to bias in the schools, which is a little different, but still a distrust. I think overall, homeschooling is becoming more secular. Hybrid schooling options that blur the lines between "school" and homeschool are more popular - online schools, public online schools, part time schools, etc. I think homeschooling is also skewing younger. People used to leave the schools because they were unhappy. Homeschooling used to have a "can do!" attitude about covering tricky harder topics. Now, people start out homeschooling because they want to keep their kids home and aspire to a certain lifestyle. By middle or high school, they're done and intimidated by the efforts. In terms of location... I think some of this is the character and regulations in various states. But I think more of it is the demographics. If homeschooling is dying in smaller areas, urban homeschooling seems like it's on the rise more to me. If it's dying in more heavily white Christian areas, I think it may be on the rise in more diverse areas in general. However, the numbers may be going down overall - I've seen some indications of that. Though with hybrid schooling, it's hard to say exactly. Public schools have gotten better at recapturing those funds by offering at home options.
  14. I think it depends a lot on the person in question and your relationship. It is really weird and uncomfortable when someone you're close to suddenly isn't talking to you, especially if you have no idea why. I've been on the receiving end of that a couple of times and it's very upsetting and it does seem extremely manipulative. I'm thinking of one instance where someone I was very close with and I were on a trip together with kids. She stopped talking to me almost completely. She kept avoiding being around me. If she had just said, hey, I'm overwhelmed about this other thing and I'm upset about this thing that happened, I need some space for this week, even though it's probably not what you planned... okay. Our relationship probably would have been salvageable. But as was, I felt like she was horrid to me - and honestly, I still don't really know why. She basically got over it a couple weeks later, but at that point, I was like, why are you suddenly acting like nothing happened? That was a traumatic week of weirdness that you subjected me to. I was alone with my kids and she talked to the other parent and his kids, but would literally get up and leave if my kids and I sat down with her and her kids. SO AWKWARD. Like, didn't we come on this trip together? What the heck. But assuming it's a casual friend or not close family or someone you work with or something... I think it's fine to withdraw. If the person makes it all about them, then that's really telling, honestly. It's fine to decide you don't want to hang out with, chat with, or generally be around a person who says something that upset you. I think it becomes manipulative when you do complicated things to convey basic information instead of just telling them. Or when you close them out of discussions that they probably should be a part of. Or, and hopefully this is obvious, but any time you pointedly let them know you're not talking to them, that's really manipulative. So, for example, someone says something rude, you withdraw and don't talk to them anymore, but they're on the church planning committee you're on, or they're a cousin who is attending grandma's birthday with you, then you're not obliged to make chatty small talk, but you are obliged to say hello, to respond to their ideas, etc. Otherwise you are being rude.
  15. Never trust Amazon grocery prices. They're often completely weird.
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