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J-rap

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Everything posted by J-rap

  1. Personally, I'd want to sit down and talk with him. It does sound like a big change from other years... perhaps it's nothing, or perhaps he needs someone to kind of pull it out of him so he can talk about his feelings. Maybe he doesn't even know what his feelings are exactly. I think you can feel not happy and lack motivation but not really even understand that depression is behind it, or what might be causing it. I do know people who really struggle with depression but hide it well ~ you would never know from the outside. (I only know they struggle with depression because they've told me.) If most of his free time is now spent at home, what is he doing besides working out if not doing homework, reading, etc.? I knew seniors that were eager to move on and who became a little lazy with homework, but it sounds like he's pulled out of almost everything that he used to enjoy. Hopefully it's nothing more than a change in focus and interests, but it's good to talk about these things out loud. You don't have to come off as bossy... It can be simply a gentle, honest conversation. No one's too old for that. (It shows you care!)
  2. When one of my dd's was in high school, a portfolio was an actual very big file that contained either projects or photos of projects. When another dd went to college, her portfolio was completely digital. So, photos of all of her projects uploaded to a digital portfolio. That second dd did major in design, but combined it with marketing and advertising. It required a couple of internships which provided great experience, and her first job was a very junior level job at a small local firm that couldn't afford to hire anyone expensive! But because it was small and she was the only designer, she had a broad range of experience and had to do everything. It gave her a great foundation for her present job at a large company and she's making a very solid income.
  3. I prefer St. Paul over Minneapolis, but that's me. Rochester might be a good fit if you're looking for something a little smaller and without some of the big city concerns. It's really growing fast but in many ways it has a small city feel to it. (And it does lean a little more conservative I'd say.) Do you mind harsh winters?
  4. If she's never been a neat-freak as far as house-cleaning, then it's probably just not on her list of priorities. I think of 70 as young too, but perhaps she is feeling tired and not able to keep up as well. Some people age earlier. When my mother was in her 80's, housework started to become tiresome for her (even though it was always important to her before). My dad started helping her then (he finally retired at around 80!), and that helped a lot. Together, they could keep up. If your father isn't helping and it's all on your mother, she's probably just put it further down on her list of what's important. Likely she only has energy for so much! As long as a not-so-clean home isn't affecting their health, I wouldn't be too concerned. However, do you think if you went ahead and bought her a gift certificate for a deep clean she'd be more apt to use it? I started to do that with my mother before special events (my parents still hosted big holidays until around 88), and she really appreciated it! I think she was uncomfortable about it at first, but began to appreciate it over time.
  5. My dh and I were 32 when we bought our first home, and I was 7 months pregnant with baby #4. We bought it for $16,000!
  6. I know my children well enough to know that if they thought my driving was unsafe, they would just outright tell me and also act on it, whatever I thought. My father drove until he was 96 but self-regulated very well... stopping freeway/highway driving first, then night driving, then only driving a 6-block radius. I think an advance directive is fine but it would only be enforced if children decided to follow-through with it, and that can be hard.
  7. I would wait and see. It sounds like both of them are speaking from emotions and not necessarily what is true. Just let it play out. When the time comes, the decision will likely be clear.
  8. Do you mean the subpoena didn't have the name of the person being served? It seems like it would need the person's name on it to be valid.
  9. My dh and all of my daughters get migraines. My daughters' have all been worse in the past 6 months than they've been in a long time, with more dizziness too. I'd say migraines in our family tend to be greatly affected by weather, probably more than anything else. One symptom that several of them have with migraines that I don't think has been mentioned yet is klutziness. Their eye/hand coordination gets bad and they're apt to trip more! None of them have found an easy fix.
  10. There's no right answer, it's whatever works for you! When our first was born, my dh felt he could handle it all and that it would be a special time for bonding, so we accepted no help except love and a few extra meals. That was perfect! When #2 and later arrived, we welcomed the extra help. For #2 and #3, our families were still local. But after that, we'd moved so were a distance away. We had friends who stepped in for a day or two until my mother/mother-in-law or sister/sister-in-law could come and help -- mostly by taking care of other children and housework. We sure appreciated that! We generally had help for two weeks and that was perfect.
  11. With hard to get-rid-of bodily stains like sweat, body oil, etc., I soak laundry in a tub of hot water overnight with Oxiclean stain remover powder, usually a full cup in a tub of hot water that just covers clothing. Stir it around a bit before letting it settle for the night. Throw it all into the wash the next day. You don't need to rinse it first. I currently live in an apartment building so I drain the water as best as I can and throw it all into a plastic garbage bag and bring it to the laundry in the morning. Or, if you have your own washing machine, you can soak it in the washing machine overnight with the Oxiclean, and then add detergent the next day and put it through the wash cycle.
  12. I wouldn't hesitate to use them. I'd also feel okay to put them in the fridge and eat them the next day. I often make something with chicken to serve at a picnic, unrefrigerated for two hours.
  13. We don't generally lose power in a blizzard, but have had many days of a rush grocery run ahead of a blizzard which might prevent shopping for 5 days. I tend to just make sure we have some basic meals with ingredients like greens, carrots, potatoes, meat, milk, bread, eggs, cheese, PB, bananas, dried beans, and frozen pizza 🙂 ...
  14. I walked back and forth to school every day twice (once for lunch), and it was .4 miles each way. (Just looked it up!) Two 10 minute recesses, plus a longer recess at noon that also included lunch. Recess usually involved playing on the playground, playing 4-square, jump-rope, etc. Gym time was every day. Other than that, I usually played outside for an hour or so after school or rode my bike around with my friends. I was in ballet once/week.
  15. I think the main thing to consider is that the card doesn't charge foreign transaction fees. (Many do not, but double check.) Our Capitol One card has no transaction fees, and we added our dd onto the account as an authorized card user when she went abroad alone the first time. That was very easy to do. She also brought her debit card which generally worked, but there was a few situations when it did not. She could also use her debit card in ATM machines to get actual currency.
  16. Three of our kids are married now. We never thought too hard about it, and our kids generally like things nice but simple. Our ds had been living on his own and working a good job for quite some time, and he and his wife paid for most of it themselves. (I think her family contributed some.) It was fairly small -- around 75 people, mostly family with just a few close friends. Venue was very cool but also very affordable. Ds and his wife are both from big families so lots of siblings to help with everything. We gave them a cash gift. Our dd was married in another country (required for visa reasons) and had a small, simple but classy wedding, which cost under $2,000 because everything was so much cheaper there. Of course we did have to pay for plane tickets to get there. 🙂 We contributed toward their honeymoon because they were pretty young and broke. Another dd was married in another country too -- where she's living and going to school -- during the pandemic. We couldn't fly there, and since it was during the pandemic they could only have 10 people at their ceremony. That was fine with her -- she never wanted a big ceremony at all. When they were finally able to travel, we held a small outdoor reception for them here at a park pavilion. We decorated it ourselves and picked up food in bulk (as opposed to per plate) from a local restaurant that caters. It was all very pretty in a beautiful setting. Probably that whole thing cost around $1500. We also gave them a cash gift. There's no right or wrong way of doing this! This is just what worked for us.
  17. I use both Cap One and USBank Flexperks for travel. In my experience, it seems like USBank points add up faster, so I tend to use that one more. With Cap One, I usually book my own reservation (I can often find more specifically what I'm looking for and sometimes for a better deal when I do it myself), and then go back and get a credit for it. With USBank, I always just use their own travel site. I don't know if they even do the credit-back thing? But for some reason their travel site seems to give me choices and deals that work for me.
  18. That's frustrating. I've been using Airbnbs a lot less too, as their base costs plus extra fees are getting higher and higher. We now usually use them only for large groups -- and have generally had good luck with those and we save a lot of money that way, but we try and research extensively. Our most frustrating Airbnb experience was when we arrived at the property (in a different country) late at night and it hadn't been cleaned. Every sheet and every towel was dirty, dirty dishes, old food smeared on table and counters, muddy floors. They did end up sending a cleaning team in the in the middle of the night, but we had to wait for sheets to be cleaned and dried before we could sleep, and only one dryer for 8 people so it took a long time. The owner actually lived hundreds of miles away and relied on a third party cleaning company to clean between guests. The owner had to pay double to get ahold of a middle-of-the-night emergency cleaning service, so she felt she had fixed the problem and shouldn't subtract the cost of that first night. We fought hard to get that first night credited but it wasn't easy.
  19. I think it's fine to do some things all together, and some things with people doing what they want... Older ones might want to do one thing, younger ones another. Or some might want to create something together in the kitchen while others are taking a walk. Sometimes when we're with big groups of mixed ages (mostly when it's extended family), we'll play games that are group games split into two teams, or just fun games when everyone is sitting in a circle with fun and silly activities. For those occasions, everyone is invited and expected to take part. You can't expect everyone to participate in everything together 24/7 though. People will need a break from that now and then.
  20. I'd be hurt too. Is it a pattern of your parents (or mother) to do strange things like this? Because it does seem strange to me, and it makes me wonder if she's of some unique personality type. (I don't mean that negatively, just trying to understand the situation logically because I think sometimes if we understand someone's brain better, we don't take things as personally.)
  21. I think I'd look at it two ways. 1) She's depressed and going through some kind of hard time that you might not really understand, and you believe she's in a mentally unhealthy and unstable place and want to help her. That means you won't take anything she says personally but will let her know that you're there for her, and you can keep in touch now and then to let her know you're thinking of her and you care. or 2) I'd feel kind of exhausted by the whole thing -- Not worrying about her well-being, and not in agreement with how she's dealing with stuff and blaming it on you. Then I'd text her something like, "Okay, sounds like you have some things to sort through. I'm here when you're ready to resume our friendship! I love you!"
  22. I agree that it's hard to find a good sweater! Even nicer stores sell pretty sweaters that start looking a little ragged just a year later. I do like LLBean sweaters though. They're expensive (very few sales), but they seem to hold up for years.
  23. We enjoy hosting for dinners or inviting friends and family to come stay with us for awhile (if they live far away). I don't think reciprocating is so much an expected social thing anymore, but it seems like among our closer circle of friends, we do tend to take turns (not necessarily at each other's homes -- but at least planning something together, either at a restaurant or an event). Sometimes for various reasons, it works out better to do it at one person's house instead of another. If it's just a one-off (not necessarily good friends), that obligation to host in return doesn't seem to exist.
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