I've enjoyed reading everyone's responses :) I wasn't particularly impressed with the house itself (in the video). I remember reading a blog on another board (MDC) about a small family who had a tiny apartment in NYC. I liked the way that was laid out much better....it seemed to have quite a few windows. We've lived in smaller places than where we are now. I think we have like 1800 SF here (we rent). We had the same amount in our last house but we had less living space (we had an extra bedroom). Our condo a few years ago was 1064 sf...we had 5 kiddos at the time and it nearly drove me insane. I think for me, it's not so much the space as it is the stuff in the space. I was going through my house today and wondering what I could truly live without as far as "stuff". We have a closet in our hallway that houses that extra carp that you really don't even realize you have. There are some puzzles, some craft supplies (yarn and such), the attachments for our carpet cleaner, extra picture frames and so on. It's those types of things that drive me nuts! I would love to use that closet for our clothes hampers but I don't know where I'd put the other stuff...and I'm not sure if I should get rid of most of it or not? Anyway.....I think going smaller is good but within reason and relative to your situation :)

Way to go!!!!! It looks great :)

http://modernsurvivalblog.com/retreat-living/living-in-a-tiny-home-with-no-mortgage/ Their house is 320 sf :001_huh: I definitely couldn't do it with 6 kids.....I would be like the old woman in the shoe ;) The one thing I took from this article/video is that I can appreciate the extreme minimalist mindset. I thought this was definitely thought provoking in light of the purging/decluttering thread.

I wasn't able to get any de-cluttering done in the last few days but I'm planning on working on the laundry monster today! I'm also hoping to get to the boys room....which is still a disaster. I HAVE to have the house DONE by the end of this month. I need to start focusing on school but I can't until this clutter gets tamed!!!

I agree with others who said that cheap food tastes good :( It's so much easier and cheaper for me to buy some deli counter lunch meat, fresh rolls, some lettuce and cheese.....a bag of Cheetos, some tea and fresh seasonal fruit than it is to try and figure out more whole foods type lunches that will satisfy my cravings and fill me up. I could go to Trader Joes and buy some hummus, pita bread, nuts, fruit and tea....but it's more expensive and will be gone faster. I know once I start eating better, I will crave the carp less ;) It's just finding recipes, experimenting, etc. Thank you for the great suggestions and the links...I'm going to seriously go through them and try to get inspired :) I do want to change....

Then there are people like me who need to keep a low fat diet for health issues (I have post gallbladder syndrome). My choices are then limited and when I'm in a hurry (which is always), I grab the "low fat" snacks knowing the sugar content is high but I'm picking the least of two evils. I don't want an apple when I'm craving chocolate...and I don't have the time to bake so low fat store bought cookies it is .....which stinks!!

My grandparents lived on a farm...grew most of their own food. They used and bought what was available. Lucky Charms and Fruit Roll Ups weren't an option. They weren't given those choices and even if they were, it wasn't how most people lived ....Their friends, neighbors, etc....weren't bringing Jello 1 2 3 to pot lucks....they were bringing homemade foods from scratch.

I realize this may be an over simplistic view of this multifaceted problem but..... I honestly believe that good marketing plays a huge part in our obesity problem. I'm not suggesting that marketing companies shouldn't have the freedom to promote their products. I just think they prey on people like me who is a sucker for "something new and different". How do you resist new and yummy looking products when you are inundated with them everywhere you look! Even if you don't watch tv, you still have 10 gazillion choices when you go to the grocery store. I have limited time to prepare meals...I hate to cook....and I like trying new things....it's the perfect storm for marketing convenience foods with little nutritional value and big price tags. Whole foods are not packaged all shiny and pretty...they are what they are....old and boring (to me). Yes, I realize I'm a grown up and should be able to recognize the benefits of whole foods over convenience foods..but marketing companies don't waste billions of dollars in advertising if it doesn't sell products! I'm not looking to place blame...I'm looking for empowerment solutions....how do you resist the well crafted marketing?

My big kids are gone today so it's just me, ds8 (big challenge) and the babies :) It's going to be a bigger challenge to get things done but I have goals!!! I'm working on laundry and the boys room. I've been putting off going in there because it's just daunting but it needs to be done!! Ds12 wants me to take down the loft bed because it's too high for him....so I need to figure out how to disassemble our Swedish friends' furniture (Ikea)

I think I needed to start 17 years ago when my oldest was a baby .....that's part of the problem. I haven't trained my kids well enough to clean up after themselves :( I am constantly working on it now but sometimes it feels like I'm fighting a losing battle. I started keeping a hamper in the bathroom for TOWELS ONLY....all other dirty clothes go to your room in your hamper.....well, it went ok for a while until someone threw a shirt into the bathroom hamper and then everyone else thought they could too! I feel like a broken record.."Get your clothes out of the bathroom!!" (just had to vent that ;) ) Thank you for this :) It definitely is a process and not a one time task.. Although I have to admit, every time I read someone's response on this thread that is donating 'school' materials, I think "hmm, I wonder what it is...maybe I could use it :svengo::leaving:

I'll jump in too :) I spent yesterday working on our family room. There is a dresser that we use to house our xbox games, controllers, etc....and it was a disaster! I used some shoebox type plastic bins (that I had) and organized the games in there so we can flip through them more easily :) I also dismantled a shelving unit I had in there that really wasn't useful at all.....and took out the corner piece of our sectional that was broken and not serving any purpose other than to enable our couch to be an L shape...and put it in the garage until the next large item trash day :) Today I'm not getting much of anything done...but I'm hoping to accomplish the pile of clean baby clothes in my room that needs to be folded and put away. I have a question for those of you who have managed to declutter and remain that way.....How did you get out of the rut of purging then gathering again. Here is where I find myself stuck :( I like to throw things away....but then I find myself wanting to "collect" again.......it's a cycle that I can't seem to break. I so very badly want to have a non cluttered super simple looking house.....(yes, even with 6 children I have faith it can be done!) but then I find a cute this or that at a garage sale...or a friend gives us a bag of adorable baby clothes, and I'm justifying my "need" for these items....'sigh.....Anyone else in the same boat?

Don't forget Legos! I know they play a part in the conspiracy as well!! ;) Thanks to everyone who posted for commiserating with me! A huge part of the problem for us is the endless baby clothes, burp rags, and ds's bed wetting challenges :( I have a mountain of bedding right now from both ds and the babies....I'm tempted to cover everything in my house in vinyl !!!!

:lol::lol:

My solutions are: *Disposable clothes? *Birthday suits? *Newspapers carefully crafted into sheets and blankets? (environmentally friendly alternative) And the last option is to actually bite the bullet and do the mountain of laundry that I said we would never again have after the last time this happened.....ughhhhhhh Does it multiply while we're sleeping???!!! :001_huh::cursing::banghead:

Am I the only one who read the thread title as "Stupid squirrels are stealing all of our preachers?" I think I need glasses :001_huh: and sorry op for your squirrel problem :( no good advice....but sympathy as we have possums eating our apricots :(

I'm assuming this is through foster care? I'm not sure how the process is where you are, but in Los Angeles county (Ca.), they have a "full disclosure" meeting prior to the child's placement where they basically go over the child's history and any "diagnosed" issues,etc. Ime, there is no guarantee that a child who has been given a "clean bill of health", both emotional and physical, will continue to grow and develop without issues. My advice would be to ask as many questions as you can, gather as much information as you can on this child (sibs? extended family? mental health history of extended family? drug use? alcohol? etc..) before you make any decisions. Then I would advise you to pray ;) Are you ready to handle a child who may later prove to have attachment issues? Behavioral issues? Mental illness? FASD? I'm not in any way trying to discourage you (((hugs))), I just think for your family's sake, you need to really consider different scenarios/outcomes . Good luck :)

Oh my goodness, I'm so glad your sil and baby are ok!!!!!! How very scary for all of you :(

Yep, mil is sweet as pie to anyone who coddles her and waits on her hand and foot. As sick as it sounds, she actually is enjoying an aspect of her "dying" because she is the center of attention of EVERYONE. One thing that is so so sad is that her best friend (who is a very very sweet woman), is also dying of cancer but best friend found out first...(last year) and when she did, mil kept saying "I just can't go see her because it's too hard"....made us all so :banghead: Then when her bf found out she was terminal as well, bf calls mil constantly and doesn't talk about herself at all....she just tries to comfort mil.....how two opposites became bf's is beyond me! and :ack2::ohmy: on the detoxing narcissist. You have my condolences.....I can't even imagine dealing with that!!!!

:lol: Extra Skittles to the kid who trips the bride? :lol:

Thank you, everyone :001_smile: Mil is on morphine now (a relatively low dose) but she's not acting "much" different than she usually does so I can't give her a pass on this one. My patience and empathy are wearing thin with her and I honestly wish we could just walk away and be done. It's up to dh what he wants to do and I'll support him but I will NOT force any of my kids to go over there. Things will get ugly, however, in a few weeks. Sil and dh's brother are renewing their wedding vows at mil's house (ironically, sil told me she's only doing it so mil can see them get married since they eloped the first time....but otherwise they wouldn't renew their vows because their marriage has a lot of problems). We're invited and if we don't show up, it will be like WWIII only worse!! Anyway, thanks again for listening to my whining ;)

The grilling started when I went to go move our van from the street up to the front of her house. There was a little bit of chaos because dh's sister was leaving at the same time. When I walked back into the house, I saw it all crumbling ...that's when I motioned to dd13 to get the other load into the van while mil was distracted with the dresses. I tried to react as quickly as possible but hindsight is 20/20 and all that. I've been dealing with mil for 20 years....we basically cut ties a few years ago but her illness has brought us back...

This is a great analogy :) (although fire breathing dragon may be closer to it ;) (j/k...sorta) I don't think sil saw anything wrong with what mil was doing. They are very similar :( By contrast, my other sil (dh's sister) was there and was literally doing deep breathing the whole time. She had been there for several hours before we got there....when I walked her out to say goodbye, I started mentioning my frustration and she literally said "Please, I'm so sorry but I can't even go there right now...I'm done...just done right now" and this is mil's own daughter! DH told me I should have left and told her to forget it....but I wanted dd's to be able to take what was theirs. Mil is planning on having a garage sale to sell some of dd's other things. DH told me to ask her when it is and we can come and buy what we want back from her :tongue_smilie:

I wasn't sure how to update the title of my old thread so I started a new one...hope that's ok. So we have been visiting more with my MIL. Last week, dh and I spent the entire day at her house while sil and bil ran errands. It actually went fine. We brought ds8 and the babies with us and that helped distract mil. Then we went over on the 4th because dh's older sister and her husband were going as well ...so then the whole family was going to be there for Mil. That went ok except that sil's parents were there too (it was sil's birthday) and her mother was rude to us and didn't say two words....she's bitter that her daughter has to take care of mil since we aren't there every single day like they are :glare: So after we left that night, mil posted on Facebook, a big thank you to everyone but us for coming over and spending time with her. Fast forward to today: (backstory: sil asked me last week if we could come over ASAP to get the stuff out one of mil's rooms where she keeps all of dd17's old toys/dresses/books/etc from when she and dd13 were little. She wanted my dd's to have first pick of all of the stuff they wanted, then the rest she was going to give to her youngest dd or sell at a yard sale....since they are moving in, they want to pack stuff up to make room for their stuff) We get to Mil's house and let mil what we were going to do and mil says "you said you didn't want any of that stuff...I've given it away already...or it's spoken for" We then explain to her that sil told us last week to come and take this stuff since it's dd17's!!! Then MIL says, "Well fine....but I want to see what you're taking before you leave" ...grrr....fine.....so we go through the room and mind you, this entire room looks like a freaking toy store! It is packed with toys that mil would NOT let dd take home when she was little....including a large little tykes bookcase/toybox that dd was given on Xmas when she was like 5.....I remember that clearly because we were so excited to have something so cute to house dd's toys...and MIL said "No, that stays here at my house"....But I digress.... So my dd's pick out maybe 1/100th of the stuff in that room to take....all of it was theirs ...including a pile of old dresses they wore for Xmas or Easter and some special "dress up" costumes that dh's sister bought dd when she went to China (dd was really into Milan ...and was really mad when we wouldn't just drive her to China when she was like 6 ;) ) We get ready to go and MIL comes out and starts going through the dresses one. by. one....she starts grilling dd's on why they want to take the dresses. She tells dd17 "If you're not going to have children, then what are you going to do with these? I don't want you just giving them away...I paid a lot of money for these"....then she starts crying. She then tells dd that she'd rather keep the dresses if dd was going to give them to my dfd.... I motioned to dd13 to grab the pile of books and toys that they picked out and get them in the van while mil wasn't paying attention. MIL literally held up each dress and grilled dd17 on "Do you remember when we got this dress? Do you remember who bought it for you? Do you remember when you wore it?" It wasn't in a sweet, nostalgic way either....it was in a "do you realize how much I did for you"....way..... DD was starting to look pale and she told me she was feeling lightheaded...MIL was being so manipulative and plain mean to dd's. MIL then stood up and hugged dd and started weeping. Sil was there and started half teasing her "don't cry...." (actually it was a good thing because it broke the ice)....and mil said "They're just taking so many memories with them"...and I said "There's a ton of stuff left in there...they only took a little bit"....to which MIL said "Well it may not mean anything to you, but it does to me"..... Then we left. DD's were very upset. It was just another reminder to dd that everything her grammy gave her while she was growing up had conditions. Nothing truly belonged to dd....and yet MIL would say "Oh that's all L's stuff....I bought that all for L (my dd17). I told dd she doesn't have to go back again if she doesn't want to. I don't want to see her go through that again :( I hope I explained that all right. It's hard to explain a narcissist's behavior sometimes because it doesn't always sound so bad ....but it's the constant manipulation ..years of it...that just wears you down! Thanks for listening if you got this far :tongue_smilie:

Amen!!! It is essentially always uncharted territory with our FASD kiddos :( No two are the same and no two days are the same with any given FASD child. It's a total dance we do daily as parents :( I fear this day will come for us as well. Ds8 already gets worked up when we tell him he can't go down the street to one of his friends houses. I'm not looking forward to the teenage years :( Good luck and lots of prayers to you! ps. Do you know what's causing his frustration or motivating him to leave? Maybe you can work from that angle? Also, even though he's older, could you make a "chart" for him that reminds him of the reasons why leaving home can be dangerous? I know for ds8, visual cues are essential to his retaining any sort of info and also for sort of combating his impulsivity (sp?)

Yes, he's hypertonic (sp?) for sure. He was just diagnosed by our Regional Center and will receive ot/pt. We don't put him in the jumpers anymore but we still use them for Leahbug (9mos). They will probably be the first to go (along with the Bumbos)