We signed him up for martial arts after the second week of school, joking that he'd need it if the kid keeps it up.. :ninja: Classes start next week. I honestly am surprised at how this has escalated and been dealt with.

This is the point I am making! Thank you for the articles. I will forward them to dh. Fortunately he likes evidence and an article in PNAS showing lasting stress response just may be helpful in swaying him. I don't buy the idea that enduring unnecessary hardships when the people you love fail to protect you somehow builds character. It leaves scars. I had my hair cut in the neighborhood yesterday. The stylist told me that another client of hers (same neighborhood, but don't know which school) has a daughter who was being bullied. The bully fractured the girl's nose and the bully had minimal consequences. The mom is an attorney. The stylist told me how frustrated the mom is that as an attorney she's not making headway. I left ready to pull ds out of school. Dh is against it. We ended last night compromising on having ds switched to a different classroom. I'm not convinced this will stop the targeting though, especially in an environment where adults are making excuses. Ds is a remarkably sensitive and astute child. His nickname is Archimedes because he looks at the world with questions and inventions and awe. But he has significant struggles, is probably dyslexic and is diagnosed ADHD along with anxiety and depression. We worked all summer with him on appropriate responses. With the help of testing and therapy we started the school year feeling like we could go in a positive direction. He is now at such a dark and sad place that I woke up this morning wanting to cry for all of the pain he's living with. He was so excited about school this year. Actually, in most other ways the school has been great. FWIW this is a very high income, lots of power people area and I do not know the social machinations or players yet. Dh jostles with alpha males regularly at work, thus his viewpoint of this being the 'real world.' Can I just say that I'm feeling like we've had more than our share of problems over the last few years. Most of it is due to sucky people behaving badly. I'm so sick of it!

I have my kids in public school this year for a number of reasons. I have had some serious health issues, dh and I have been renegotiating our expectations of each other, and our 2nd grader is 2e. The older kids are doing well in school. They're bored at times, but seem to be having fun. The school district has been wonderfully flexible with their academic needs, including granting high school access. My 2nd grader is the victim of repeated bullying at his elementary school. He has been hit by the same kid repeatedly since school started. Two weeks ago we met with the school principal and were assured that they would keep an eye on things. The hitting had been an almost daily occurrence, but after a more serious blow we had four days without an assaut. Then the kid hit mine again last week. The worst part is that the hitting occurred on Friday and then on Monday the kid was made the STAR kid of the day, getting in front of the class to share about his life. Ds tells me his dad is a race car driver and the kid has so much more than he does. My ds has plummeted into an even more severe depression. He cannot learn or function. I am so distressed that we have worked with our own child to do the right things and the institution is sanctioning his further victimization, both physically and psychologically. Ds already struggles with anxiety and depression. I am at a loss as to how to help. He has been told not to fight back, which may be the wrong advice for dealing with this particular bully. The kid is huge, by far the largest in class and seems to be older as well. He has knocked the wind out of ds and punched him full on in the stomach. Ds is athletic, but small. Incidents are of the sort where the kid tries to make rules of games so that they are targeting ds unfairly, such as a different set of rules for just him. In one incident ds, who is fast, was about to tag the kid when the kid stopped and called pause saying ds couldn't tag him. In response to being tagged anyway, the kid punches mine. Each kid will have say 10 turns, and the bully tries to tell ds he only gets 1. The other kid cheats at games as well, which is probably why so far the rest of the kids haven't joined him against ds. There are less blatant issues of general meanness and exclusion as well. Ds has been rolling with the punches until last week. He patiently waited for the adults around to help like they said they would. Now he is feeling despondent and that he should never have listened to anyone. He feels that not only is the kid not having any consequences, but that he is being given attention and power by the adults. DS articulated this!! The no brainer is that I pull him out to homeschool. DH is adamantly against this. He has pushed to have the kids in public school, feeling that they do not deal with 'the real world.' It is untrue. The older boys are geeky, musical, intellectual kids. Dh can relate to the younger, who is more aggressive and 'boy,' although I believe that the younger has molded himself to try to be what his dad wants him to be. Ds wants to homeschool, but he also wants to be surrounded by kids and action. We are currently giving most of our money to psychologists and psychiatrists. We get plenty of coping techniques and bandaids and books. So far nobody else sees leaving the school as a possibility. There's this baffling mentality of sticking it out. This won't be an issue that causes divorce, but it sure will add tension if I pull him out and homeschool again. I don't even know what I'm asking. Would you pull the kid? Is this a situation that will get better?

Nm

Jean- my Dh can not put things away! He's not allowed because he has no idea where anything goes. His cleaning contributions are limited.

Good luck! Dh and I have torn a bathroom out down to the joists and rebuilt. It was a lot of work and very stressful. We had to learn how we worked best together on the project. In our case it was divide and conquer. We traded off tasks based on skill set. Try a few methods and see what works. Maybe working together and having time to talk is your thing. The one thing I highly suggest that helped us- if the other didn't do as good of a job or the way you like, keep your mouth shut. Six months after the project or before starting something similar is the time to talk about how it could be done better. I sure hope this is a paper/ administrative project if you think you might go into labor! Unless that's what you want....

I'm so sorry. That's sick. I hope your mom has no long term damage. This is not about being a customer, just about a violent jerk who lacks empathy.

I recently read about magnesium to treat depression. Has your daughter already checked to see if she has nutritional deficiencies?

I've stepped into a few different subcultures over the years. My takeaway is that people are weird. We tend to like people who are weird like us.😄 Seriously, I'm happy to report that I have heard very few odd or negative Homeschool comments over the years. Mine are now all in PS. They tell me some of the kids are a little weird.

Would you consider renting from her for 6 months-a year first? It wouldn't be throwing away rent because you would go to your sister. I would do that first to make sure it works for everyone long term.

Just my observation on where IQ really shows up. PG kids often look like specialists wherever they are. At math camp they look like a math kid. At music camp they're the music kid. At speech camp... you get the point. The ability to learn super fast and take things beyond where most go has this effect. It's a good argument for finding kids of similar abilities. It can get old and frustrating for the GT kid to be called out by a teacher and praised when it's, well, his least favorite subject and he did the work the night before. I was addressing the OP of the other thread in that thread. Based on the one she started here I interpreted her original post incorrectly. I thought she was feeling the need to push her kid based on IQ alone and a need to live up to the potential of a number. It is an overwhelming feeling to first understand where your kid fits in the general population. It can feel isolating, scary. The feeling of responsibility is real. I don't want to negate that at all. When your perspective is already skewed it's kind of wierd to find perspective. I hope that makes sense!

((Hugs)) I have no idea if you're dealing with the same illness or new ones. There was this one winter though when we were sick (rotating) for over three months back to back. It sucks. It can happen.

I don't have much encouragement to offer. It's hard. Two years ago dh's job started taking him out of town every month for about a week. Add a baby, Dh taking on even more work and a leadership role and... lots of single parenting. If I could have planned for a life like this I would have set up a strong community net, despite introversion. It sounds like your situation is temporary? I think you would benefit from finding friends to hold you accountable. Get a workout partner, ccooking/dining friend. The fixing and dealing with stuff is pretty straightforward. Either hire someone, diy or know who to call for help. I try to remember that Dh is doing this because he feels it is best for the family in the long term. Although I agree that coming home to a list of chores would suck for your Dh, I also made the mistake of treating my dh's return like a special occasion. It proved to be disruptive to our lives. There's a happy medium that I'm still searching for, where life keeps its flow and Dh walks respectfully into that system while at the same time not feeling alienated from the family or not needed. Definitely be on the watch for depression. You can be deeply depressed and still highly functional. ETA: your kids are old enough to help out a lot. Expect that from them from the start. This should be approached as a family pulling together time. Don't pick up all of the slack alone.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this and have a little baby that might catch it. I think you know what you can expect from this sister. If I were the sister I would have stayed away to protect the baby, but it's really more likely the illness was caught earlier and not from the most recent visit.

This. Completely. We had doors open long before testing. Then we tested to gain access to a program. By the time the tested kid became a DYS it turned out we knew quite a few people in DITD just from the kid pursuing interests. My older kid is more philosophical and probably also DYS material, but would not benefit from testing or the program. My younger kid we thought to be more on the bright end with LDs and it is looking like he too is quite gifted, but struggles (possibly in part due to his giftedness) with psychiatric issues. The baby is the happiest, mellowest, most normal seeming thing on the planet. I've learned not to make any assumptions. I guess I'm saying that I've learned from having different kids, all gifted, with different needs, that those scores rarely help the way a kid's own passion and personality help when it comes to education access and meeting needs.

It was kind of you to let her know so that she can make other arrangements. I get anxious about similar things and did watch a kid (no exchange) for a friend who lost free family childcare (should have been a heads up for me). In the end I felt taken advantage of and wished I had said no. The kid was great, but the extra expense of food, outings, time etc ended up stressing me out. Your mom friend can now ask around and make other arrangements. In your heart you can still decide to be a last possibility if she can't find anyone else- but don't let her know that.

I posted in AL, but had another thought. A lot of the options we now have are a result of change in higher ups. Ive found it worthwhile to go and meet the folks who have the actual decision making ability, such as the superintendent, and attend a school board meeting or two to see the flavor of folks making decisions. I've had things come full circle and bear fruit from seeds planted some time ago. Most of all I have seen a greater willingness to offer support when I do the same. Your offer to take your kid to middle school or high school for math, rather than demanding the school find a way, may make a difference.

In the early years, nothing. I tried K for each of my older kids and ended up doing a mix of school and homeschool. By mid elementary I started to gain support within the system. Now, with middle schoolers (entering 6th and 7th) I actually have high school and community college available. I don't really count CC as PS since I have to pay for it. High school access is nice though. I've found folks much more eager to place my kids into already existing classes that are out of level than to try to accommodate them in a group setting of age mates. What are you hoping for?

Only he can fix it- and he has to want to. I'm right there with you. If it helps any, we actually went to a counselor and talked through it. It took seeing how passionately Dh spoke about his job, these being his earning years, his ability to make a difference etc for me to really get it. Your Dh found value in the extra time at work. If he doesn't want balance then I don't think there's anything you can do. It's nice that he's taking your ds. "Hi" from one single-married mom to the others out there.

Much wisdom above. If we hadn't gone for an evaluation we would not be aware of other issues. In fact, the very thorough and well done report is helping us to understand how to best proceed. In our case it may be that the ADHD is actually a symptom that may be resolved by addressing causes. But we might not have considered depression, for example, because the kid is not a mopey kid. I think the point of looking closely and thoroughly to identify confounding or coincidental factors is an important one. Eta: I fully realize the ADHD might be with us for good and don't want to upset anyone by suggesting it is a resolvable issue. It happens that in this case it does appear to be more of a symptom.

I wish I had pursued an evaluation and sought professional help at that age.

The two are soooo different. Have you tried or have you considered trying out Alcumus? It's free and would give you a taste of AoPS. It also adjusts difficulty for the student.

You very much described my 7 yo, but the screaming happens at his brothers mostly. Have you seen a psychologist? We have struggled despite trying a number of methods and interventions. The kid is always on and needs tons of stimulation. As we speak he is going up to everyone with a balloon that he blew up into a costume helmet and punching it in their faces until he gets a response. Sigh. ADHD, odd, anxiety and depression and gifted. 😟 I have a basement full of stuff he can mess with, but he doesn't want to be alone. I plan on putting him in a few different afterschool sports this year. I started him on probiotics. He has a script for vyvanse, which I'm truly agonizing over filling. It's so hard. I wonder where I went wrong. I wonder how it got to this point. His brothers are not like this at all. But he has damaged his relationships with his brothers so much over the last couple of years that I am kicking myself for not intervening sooner. I wish I had some helpful advice for you. All I can offer is that you are not alone. As we move forward with counseling and try things I can post what works. Right now I address the day to day needs he has the best I can, which is not good enough. I tied the balloon and he is showing the baby how to use it as a punching bag (weeble). I guess you could say I redirect. Head on confrontations end very badly as he has no limits to how far he is willing to take things.

Prayers for you and your huge heart. Squishy is lucky to have you.

I don't know anything more than what is posted here. It looks pretty clearly like he just said he cheated. Hopefully this family will finally move away from the cameras and privately address their issues.