This morning the coffee made it into the cup, so there's a win right there.

I know the month is almost over but if you don't mind, I'd like to join in. Generally, I spend the month of January thinking and planning the year. Christmas and all sidelines all my thoughts for December, so I don't give it more thought till after the first of the year when things slow down. My word of the year is GROW. Big Picture Goals by years' end I'd like to have at least 50 credits toward my associate's degree. Right now, including the classes I'm enrolled in, I have 30, so along with some CLEP tests, this should be an achievable goal. I really really really need to lose about 15 pounds. Read through the Bible this year. Finish the manuscript of the Bible study book I began writing in 2020. Grow more of our veggies this year in the garden. That went fine last year until we spent 2 weeks travelling to Yellowstone and GNP, and then the weeds got ahead and that was the end of the garden. We won't have a long trip this year, so garden should be fine. I need a pleasurable goal. I'm a serious minded person and I struggle with adding fun into my days. And then I look up from the Grindstone I have had my nose planted in for weeks and I feel all blah. So this year, I think CELEBRATE is my theme. Figuring out how to celebrate more both big and small things in big and small ways. First thing, I received an invitation to a party celebrating the 60th anniversary and 80th birthdays of a sweet couple in my church. I don't usually attend these things, but now, I think I will. This month: Stay on top of the classes I'm enrolled in--This is working out nicely. Statistics, so far, isn't as bad as I thought it would be and the teacher is excellent. Start studying for the Biology Clep--done this. It's a big, hard test. But I have a plan in place and so far I'm working it. Weight--I've lost 2 pounds this month already. Hoping to drop another pound this week. I installed the "Lose It" app on my phone last week, and I think it's helping me with my eating goals. I'm going to the YMCA three times a week. I really need to add in some weights. That's pretty hard because I hate weights. So boring. Bible Reading is going well. Haven't even touched the manuscript and I don't care. Looking forward to February: Finish my Biology Units and prepare for the CLEP test in Mid March. Continue doing well in my classes. Lose 5 pounds in Feb. Add a 10 minutes weights routine three days a week? Ugh. I hate the thought. But continue with tracking the calories. Look at my manuscript for 30 minutes once a week. I bet this blooms into more time, but we'll see. My dd is expecting baby #2 on Feb 22, so that could blow everything apart. She will need help with her 20 month old and I can't get anything done when he's around. Attend the anniversary/birthday celebration at my church.

Started bright and early. Fixed up my coffee pod in my single serve machine. Went to dress as it brewed. Forgot to put the cup under it so my coffee was all over the counter when I came back. went to fabric store and went to check out. Forgot to go by the cutting table to cut my lengths of fabric. Been buying fabric for almost 30 years. reprimanded my dd for taking my phone. While my phone was in my hand. im going to bed now. This day needs to end.

Same. I’ve travelled all through the south, Florida Tennessee Georgia Alabama North Carolina. Last summer we drive from tn to glacier national park in Montana and never saw a rest area with anything but real toilets. ( tho there were pit latrines in Montana and South Dakota, but they had real toilet seats)

I'd do a corner cabinet in a heartbeat and get rid of my buffet and hutch. We had one in the first house we lived in and l love it.

I'm with you. Why do they do that? I don't want to think about my butt stink or anyone elses' thank you very much.

In my area it’s kids sports. And then grandkids sports.

Some people don't do projects like that. Some people are never home. My friend was a cabinetmaker. They made lots of gorgeous kitchens for people who NEVER cooked. Used the microwave and coffee maker, but didn't care about function at all because they never cooked. It blows my mind, but some folks live like that. Home is just a place to sleep and grab coffee.

Yes, it is concerning that there's a spy. It's also concerning that your dh would ACT or SPEAK on this information. So someone tells him something about you, for healthy divorced/separated couples, the person says "She's an adult, she can decide when/where to attend services, because it's not my business" Or at least registers that in the brain and has the social acumen to NOT MENTION it to your kids. This is so much about your dh as much as it is a spy. Even if he doesn't have spies, as long as his brain's screwed up enough that he can't filter information correctly he's going to continue this kind of boundary crossing. UGHHHHH! I hate this for you!

My YMCA locker room has this set up and I'm super grateful. Changing rooms with locking doors. Private bathroom stalls. Showers in a separate area with opaque locking shower doors. And signs that say "Please for the comfort of everyone, when in the public areas of the locker room please keep yourself covered with a towel, robe or clothing." So there's no naked people walking around. Everyone can change and clean up but the idea is to be respectful of everyone else in the locker room. (the locker area with benches and such is open and the changing areas/bathrooms/showers are off in little "legs" off of the main area. ) There are plenty of stalls, changing areas, and showers, so you don't have to wait long to get access to dress or shower. There's also a men's locker room, but also several unisex bathrooms that are toilet, sink and shower with curtain all in a room with a locking door.

Yeah, the rural south is much different from many of the larger cities.

I think it's more possible for women with no children. Because just me by myself, I could secure a dumpy apartment in a not so safe area and work at Lowes or something and barely get by. I'd have to hope that other opportunities would come along because I have no retirement apart from him and would be scrambling at age 44 to make things happen so if I had a medical event I could someday retire. If my health were to stay good though, I would probably need to work until I fell over. Women with children WILL struggle though. Between day care and just the energy required for parenting alone, it's a LOT, especially if one does not have extended family support. I don't know if my dh realizes that or not. He does see a ton of openings for "Warm bodies who work hard, show up on time, and don't take drugs" at his workplace and these are decent jobs with good benefits and if you can work for 25-30 years a pension. However, many of them have physical requirements that I don't think I could do. And the starting pay is still going to be very tight for making rent. Maybe the customer service aspect, answering the phone? I think that a single lady, no kids, no degree in her 40s or 50s could, after a few years finally reach stability and a life where she didn't have to agonize over every penny. But it would be pretty tough for a few years until she managed to "prove herself" and get some resume experience.

I know. I have a good friend who has a very complicated life and history and friendship is one place where she struggles. And I told her one day “you know, you’re not that hard to love” and she was baffled. Trauma messes with ones ability to sustain healthy friendships and believe that one is capable of healthy relationships . I want you to know it too. You're not that hard to love and you can find friends. You’re worthy. However, it is complicated and finding the right person who can handle it isn’t easy. But they do exist. And it’s worth looking for. Gentle encouragement while still understanding how hard and impossible it seems for you.

So it wasn’t what was said necessarily but how it was said. I imagine if the child said “oh mom I’m so sorry you’re feeling so bad and I hate that your illness has gotten in the way of so many of the things you want and need to do. I know a good cleaning lady if you’re interested. She could help you out till you’re back on your feet” your reaction might have been different.

Nashville? Not sure about the school stuff, but we do have a good college scholarship program. And the city is pretty diverse politically. IMHO. Lots of people from out of the area moving in the area in the last 10 years or so.

What understand you as saying is that you don’t want your ds to leave a place/atmosphere/religious tradition that he has always loved and found comfort from because he finds it so connected with someone who’s traumatized him. It’s like you don’t mind if he leaves because of other reasons that he’s logically considered but not because of trauma because he’s lost enough in that department.

I’ve dealt with similar and what I wished had been done, rather than urging the person to deal with the anxiety and grief was to “help you organize “ so everything was in labeled totes. Not that anyone wanted all the crap. But so that the legitimately important stuff was boxed and categorized and at the end, the several important boxes could be grabbed and everything else dumped. In our situation, so many things that were needed and wanted were jumbled into random places that sorting it all out was a headache.

Yeah, I’m online too. And still some stuff pops up that makes me go hmmmm. In my case there are 2 groups, the ones who are my kids age (and they’re just precious but so in earnest) and the ones who are my age. I’m hoping to CLEP out of my bio class.

I couldnt help myself. I planted some sugar snap peas in my South facing windows in pots. IT was the snow and ice that did it. I know it's too early for starting seeds, but a gal can only take so much winter. I'm growing Biquinho peppers this year. We had them pickled on a salad at a fancy restaurant awhile back and I'm fascinated. I think mine are yellow though. https://www.rareseeds.com/pepper-hot-biquinho-red https://www.amazon.com/Roland-Foods-Sweety-Drop-Pepper/dp/B073MLS6PY/ref=asc_df_B073MLS6PY/?adgrpid=66686195262&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIg_KllNLygwMVNTnUAR2iuAQ6EAQYBSABEgIULPD_BwE&hvadid=344004307193&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl&hvlocint&hvlocphy=9013167&hvnetw=g&hvpone&hvpos&hvptwo&hvqmt&hvrand=16962375412078758511&hvtargid=pla-738535547730&linkCode=df0&mcid=568acb955cad364c84b8b5a678c9a63d&psc=1&ref&tag

Please don’t compare. Everybody’s hard is hard. Doesn’t matter who has it worse. Being human is just difficult and sad and scary sometimes and we need each other.

I'm so sorry. Can the priest talk to your dh? Would that be effective?

Add me to the list of those who cannot do regular pushups. And I’m in decent shape. But between shoulder injuries and crappy upper body strength I don see it happening any time soon

North of Nashville through Clarksville and to the ky line—interstates are clear. Be cautious if you get off for fuel and food. Secondary roads can be worse.

MAybe not for pipes, but beware if you have drywall. Our church has thousands of dollars of drywall damage because the temps got so low indoors that it began cracking as things warmed up. But I guess if the heating unit isn't working, then it isn't working and you gotta just do what you must.

Good grief you’ve been through it. I’m so sorry. I truly hope things settle down quickly!