lailasmum
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Posts posted by lailasmum
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The one person I know with NPD had childhood trauma, he was abused by female family. My thinking is it's probably a combination of genetics and trauma. Maybe that particular trauma by that particular person pushed him to the NPD to protect himself. Maybe other brains would have come up with different coping solutions in that situation. He is very triggered with women in any kind of authority or who might be better than him at something. Even a life time later he seems like he's protecting himself.
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I love sci-fi but find Star Wars extremely dull. My husband loves it and my son likes it. I just don't find it at all engaging. I love Star Trek, Firefly, Stargate etc. basically most other big sci-fi series.
I love a series with a good spaceship.
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I'm in the UK. I would go to your GP with your concerns. It would be a good place to start. Even if they don't see the issues or he doesn't get assessment they may be able to help in other ways. Maybe write a list of the behaviors and challenges to take with you.
A close friend of mine had parenting support with her children, she attended a group and they helped her to cope better and have her time to talk things through. 2 of her 4 kids have since had aspergers diagnoses but that took several years and being assessed twice a few years apart for one of them.
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Not any that think it's absolutely bad. I have one friend who was led down the path of radical unschooling by her husband who now thinks she did the wrong thing (they're separated now). One of her kids is an adult and is angry about her education because she's just not prepared for anything, no qualifications, not much actual tangible education as such to get her started in the world, it's been exceptionally hard for her. I'll probably always be suspicious of that approach because I've seen so many kids in our home educating community where it seems to be a way to get away with doing very little actual parenting and not really setting kids up for their future, it's seems to be more about the parents than the kids.
I think if you are doing your best to choose a good quality education that gives your child a solid foundation and options in the future then it doesn't really matter whether it's home or school because different options will always suit different people. It's the quality that counts and it being about the kids not the parents.
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NHS dentist isn't 2 cleanings a year it's usually 2 checkups a year. Though in practice it's however many they need. My son has been every 2-3 months since he got teeth. He'll have his first 6 monthly one this year.Pretty sure kids on the NHS dental plan get two cleanings a year. It seems right with what friends do. My kids weren't on NHS and since they didn't need braces we didn't put the effort into finding a dentist where they could be.
Eye exams and glasses are free to under 19's here too.
Regarding the midwifes...One of my close friend's husband worked for National Rail when she was pregnant with her first. They were apparently very bored waiting for her to deliver so grabbed her hospital bag and used their train pass to go a far as possible every time he had time off. No worries about delivering away from home, I think she actually wanted to but didn't.
The different midwife idea doesn't seem to bother people, although it is generally within a practice. It's rather like going to a practice with 8 ob's and being required to have one office visit with each.
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I think the midwife thing depends where you are in the UK. I always had community midwifery prenatal care in a rural area with a dedicated midwife who would be the person who delivers the baby in the case of a home birth and then a second midwife that I was familiar with in case my main midwife was unavailable for some reason. I had the same midwife both pregnancies. I believe if you get your prenatal care in a hospital or big clinic it's more likely to be whoever is on duty because I've had friends comment about that and they all live in urban areas.Not the UK, but in Canada the nurse will come and do home visits after you have a baby. I never thought of them as intrusive. They weigh the baby, ask how breastfeeding and other things are going and they pay attention for signs of PPD. I can't remember how many home visits are done before those stop (probably depends...) but after that you can go in to the weigh in clinic and see a nurse there who will do the same things. I found the pre and post-natal care very supportive.
I did have one baby in the UK and what I didn't like was that I wasn't assigned a single "midwife" for prenatal care - I had to see whoever happened to be working when I had my appointment. In Canada you have a primary care system where you see the same person (whether it's your midwife, doctor, or OB) for prenatal visits and then that's the person who delivers your baby. So, you can discuss your birth plans and really be on the same page with the person. In the UK (at least 14 years ago when I had ds) you had to see whoever happened to be working that day and then you delivered your baby with someone completely new.
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Some parts of the UK have a self referral service for physiotherapy but it's still limited.
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My friend had the same experience with getting a less than helpful NHS doctor and then seeing a smiling helpful private doctor who was the same person. Neither would do what she wanted because it was unnecessary plastic surgery but it was an interesting experience to see how much diffently he behaved.(This is second-hand, so Laura, I will delete it if you'd like me to. It is a "funny" story, which I heard directly from a good friend whom I visited last summer.)
A good friend of mine, who lives in Lincolnshire, was having a lot of vague, unusual symptoms. Her NHS doctor (I think it was a specialist) was brusque, rude, uncaring, kept losing her test results, and basically told her she would probably die. (He said she would need to enter the hospital, and there was a good chance she wouldn't come out.) So that she would be able to communicate via email while in the hospital, she bought an iPhone (it was so funny seeing my old-fashioned friend with an iPhone :) when I visited her last summer). She was fairly distraught, as you might imagine, and decided to see a private doctor, which cost about £100. The private doctor was thoughtful, caring, helpful, and listened to her. The kicker? It was the same guy! [emoji38]
Her take (she is a nurse) is that the NHS system forces doctors to be rushed. For routine things such as eyeglasses, pregnancy, broken legs, ear infections, even common cancers and heart problems, the system works well, but for any mysterious illness, there simply isn't time for them to investigate it.
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In my rural bit of the UK access to doctors is reasonable. Certainly better than when we lived in London. The doctors are a mixed bunch. I think they are forced to see us so quickly and not spend money that they can be hesitant to do tests to see what is going on in a more vague case. However my mum was very sick last late 2015 and had amazing treatment. If you have an obvious life threatening issue then they are very good, can be difficult once you slip down the priority list. Having said that the experience of being scheduled in for follow up appointments has always worked smoothly but usually does involve some waiting at appointment times. They're never on time.
Our experience of A&E is mixed. Great if you are ambulanced in but difficult outside that particularly at peak times. Long wait times in cramped waiting rooms. Having said that I haven't been there longer than 6 hrs total.
Maternity care in hospital is pretty terrible but good in community midwifery (run in places further from hospitals). I made the mistake of having my second child in hospital, I really wish I'd had another home birth.
Dentistry is a total mess and where I live has minimal access to adult NHS dentistry. Its an area where funding it yourself really helps. I'm hoping to get an NHS dentist in March. I haven't had one for years. Wealthier more built up areas have less issues with access.
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In the UK you mostly have maternity care from midwives. That care continues after birth for a few weeks so they will visit you at home to check on you and the baby. It switches to a health visitor after those few weeks and where I am you usually get a home visit from them too. After that you normally take your baby to sessions at a local healt centre/GP to get them weighed or checked for developmental stuff. All that is still with the health visitor. Health visitors are nurses.I'm curious about other social services freely available to people.
I hear internet friends talking about home nurses checking on babies. While to my American sensibilities that sounds weird and intrusive, I can certainly see the value in that service. What else does your government do to help you be healthier (other than strictly medical procedures)? Dietary counseling? Respite care for the elderly or mentally ill? Physical therapy, speech therapy, occupational therapy, etc? Psychiatric counseling? Things that are so outside my frame of reference that I would never even think of them?
Thanks.
Wendy
There aren't any services for health forced upon us in the UK but in our communities are things like physiotherapy, self referred mental health counselling, doctor referred exercise groups and quit smoking support, people have access to other therapies/advice if referred to them. I believe there is respite care but my knowledge of it is fairly out of date. My dad had dementia when I was a teenager and he did have a few periods of respite care. He had some in home care provided too but this was in the 90s.
It does vary within the countries though. My experience is England. There can be extra thing in cities too.
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We don't routinely separate laundry and mostly wash it at 30°c on a 45min cycle. Anything that needs that extra clean because it's particularly dirty or possibly germy will obviously be treated appropritely with a hotter/longer cycle. I don't think we own much white clothes or anything. Not had a problem so far.
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If you go to Stonehenge be aware you now have to book a timed ticket now.
I really like walking tours, in London these are good self guided ones http://www.walklondon.com.
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My 12yr old is tall and looks much older than she is I guess maybe the thing that's balanced frustrations clothes wise and comments on height is that it's also normal for our family so we talk about that a fair bit.
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I struggle to eat in the morning and I easily feel queasy at that time of day but now I make sure I do eat because feel less tired later on if I eat regularly. I just tend to stick to simple savoury things and usually a good hour after I've woken up. I don't really like most breakfast foods. I am a morning person though and I sometimes wonder if I just feel so energised in the morning that it overrides needing to eat. I wake up wide awake and don't naturally want to stop to eat but I do struggle more by late morning if I don't.
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London is fun and easy with kids as long as you take a mellow attitude and don't try to rush about. The worst bit is travelling between things but you have options like taking taxis instead of trying to use the underground.
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I don't worry walking by myself in the countryside but we don't have dangerous animals. I don't worry too much about injuries either because I've got someone waiting for me back home who would realise I was not back and be able to guide people to locate me if necessary. I feel much more nervous in urban areas because there's just so much more in the way of likely issues especially late at night.
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I find it interesting from the family history point of view because I can't get very far back researching up the line that carries my surname but can go much further through all the other branches. It feels disproportionately strange to not connect with the people that carry my surname even though the other family members are all equally important. It is really strange that we only carry the name of that one little branch.
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It could be worth getting lots of paint samples. I've painted my hall lots of different shades of whites, cream, beiges and yellows and it doesn't matter what I buy they all look primrose yellow. Something about the light in that room. I've just given up trying to get it to be the colour I want.
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I think things have improved customer service wise in the UK especially in big chains because it's easier to get out ahead of problems. I got a refund on a full nights stay in a hotel last year with just a minor complaint and I wasn't expecting it. However I don't think we like aggressively friendly customer service, aloof is better. I generally am put off by being talked to by staff in any business unless I directly ask a question and things like door greeters are starting to creep in and they just seem unnecessarily invasive to me. I would guess cultural norms are different enough that this stuff will always ruffle feathers.
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I've played it a bit, my kids play it and my brother plays it. I like it because it's quite mellow to play but I tend to forget to play it. My eldest goes through phases of playing it but she generally plays more Undertale.
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I think that the traveller stereotypes are probably pretty outdated. I worked in a local tourist information office nearly 20 years ago and American tourists tended to get frustrated that lots of places didn't take credit cards and that hotels were really small/lacked facilities. We used to find it weird that they were so unprepared. These days payments systems are more similar around the world and it's so easy to check and find out information about a country and your accommodation that I guess it's easier to know what to expect.
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In the UK the uniform for most of my friends over 30 with kids (and without come to think of it) seems to be jeans and plain or patterned long sleeve t-shirt or tunic and leggings, both plus layers as appropriate to the season often with a scarf. Footwear is often leather boots or wellies, walking boots/shoes or sneakers like converse or skechers (not sporty ones generally) in drier bits of the year. So it's pretty simple. The only people I see wearing a nice dress with hair done and full makeup are usually well dressed for work.
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London is so mixed with locals, students, professionals of all fields, fashionista types, people of all faiths with different cultural dress that you're pretty unlikely to stand out unless you go around wearing a pink bunny suit and even then most people will ignore it.
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Facial maybe if there were other worrying signs but other body parts no. I bruise really easily and usually have bruises on my upper arms and thighs from bumping into furniture and carrying stuff. I have also had facial bruises from things like hitting my face on cupboards or from a couple of times when my kids have hit me in the face accidentally. I'm quite clumsy and uncoordinated though.
How does NPD develop?
in The Chat Board
Posted · Edited by lailasmum
The guy I know ended up in contact with counselling/mental health services essentially because it was part of making his wife think she was crazy. I don't actually think he has really taken on board his npd or any responsibility, I don't think he's capable of it, but his family and friends are aware of it. It's really helping them to be able to unlock his behaviour and be less manipulated.
He is also involved in groups that are about communication where he's learned to spout the right thing and moved up to kind of guru/leader type status. People take advice from him without realising the disaster he causes. He can come across as charismatic and engaging. He'd make a great cult leader.