I mentioned my experience with my 17 yo and 15 yo boys upthread. My senior did de and commuted over an hour every day to play on his private school baseball team that allowed homeschoolers. He was going to play baseball in college and he didn’t have access to any other team and that was a challenge. So as a teen he was doing a lot of driving to keep up with that team his senior year. So we were close enough to make that work for the year. For my sophomore I did ask him if he wanted to start at the public school to make friends but he decided against it. I often thought that was a mistake and he would have found friends and been plugged in if he attended school. The truth is, though, there is a decent chance he would have found the wrong friends. Which might have made him less lonely but caused more drama and disruption in his life. So, it does depend on the kid. Lonely was probably better than who he would have connected with when he showed up knowing no one. So….I don’t know what we should have done. We were just keeping him alive and out of trouble and biding time until be could go to college I guess. Three years is an eternity to do that. I still second guess some of our decisions but everyone ended up ok and the job situation is 100% better. You do the best with the info you have.

One thought- and maybe it helps and maybe it doesn’t is that I remind my kids not to make plans around friends but that they have to do what is best for themselves. I can’t tell you how many times I have seen people plan around friends only to have the friends be the ones that move/change schools/quit an activity/change personalities and dump them etc etc. I know we don’t see that happening but I have seen people make plans to attend a certain school or whatever and then their friend changes their mind. You really can’t count on other people to the extent you compromise what is best for yourself.

Yeah it is hard. I had kids 17, 15, 12, and 7. It was always going to be a bad time for someone. I actually think I was too dismissive of how hard it would be for my oldest thinking it was only a year and then he would be off to college. It is true it was only a year but a year is still a long time. I think it the grand scheme of all the absolute crisis and everyone’s extreme needs it got swept to the side because there were bigger issues but it was a very long year for him. I also beat myself up about my second son’s difficulty but the honest truth is he was difficult before we moved too. And it is likely he would have been a difficult teen regardless. He is 23 and good now! Family life is hard and there are just no perfect answers.

We did. We moved the summer before senior and sophomore year for my oldest two. They were homeschooled and continued homeschooling after the move. It was not planned and was desperation after job loss. We were in crisis and had no choice. It was not ideal. Hardest on the sophomore but, in fairness, life in general is hardest on him. He is just a difficult kid. Homeschooling made it tough to find a crowd. If we had been of the local religious flavor and been able to join the local mega church the homeschoolers went to I think it would have been fine. But we just didn’t fit in. So it was hard. However, 8 years later dh is in the same job we moved for and he has more than doubled his income. We just moved into a nicer house and neighborhood than we ever imagined and have more stability than we ever knew. Kids are grown and launched and happy. Younger two kids had more opportunities. So it was not ideal and there were hard times but there was a net positive. If we had found a way to stay those two children of mine would have been happier for a couple years (and those are important years so I am not downplaying it) but for the family as a whole we moved forward in a big way. If we somehow could have stayed I am sure I would have because I felt so bad. But looking back I am sure we are better off for having moved. But it is not a perfect choice.

The house we just sold had alot of accessible beige and we got compliments on the neutral colors.

Wow. That could about make me crazy but I won't let it because I have no dog in this fight anymore. LOL. I'm glad it helped!

Two of my boys graduated with diplomas and transcripts from Homelife. We are in TN and it was the easiest legal path. I will say, even in a state with a significant homeschool population, and applying to non-competitive schools, there is something magical about having a diploma coming from “somewhere”. Now, it made me crazy on principle because I knew that all I was doing was telling Homelife what to write, and it meant no more than printing it up myself, but it did make things easier and satisfy the people that just need it to be “official”.

I vote for a mom class at home to check this box and focus on what your dd is more interested in. My dd is in French 3 at a private high school where she is getting a pretty nice education but the French is the weakest class. It’s very meh and she did AIM French 1 in 8th grade so I have that to compare it to. She isn’t doing alot in there but her transcript will say French 3 Honors and no one will be the wiser. I think if your dd has AIM 1 & 2 and a basic Mom French 3 you can check that box and move on, since your dd isn’t really that interested in pursuing it. I think you will have fulfilled a college preparatory course and it makes sense to focus on other interests. You can’t do all things! Sometimes I get annoyed my dd’s French class isn’t more involved but then I remember she has all these other APs that she is more interested in and remind myself she just can’t do everything and that is OK.

This is a really good idea reflects what she is actually into. I think if she does participate in this thing I really want her to be herself and do something that reflects who she is and not try to force something.

Maybe….I’m really just brainstorming. I doubt she will agree to do the competition at all. I was just thinking the talent part was a total deal breaker and wondering if we could even get by that obstacle. Good ideas!

Well, in fairness, they are open to all kinds of things. It's just alot easier for the ones that have those talents to translate them to the format.

These are all good ideas and reassure me that if she were to be persuaded to participate (big IF) she could come up with something to get her on and off stage without too much cringe. I had another thought that might be weird and need some work but a natural fit for her. She has hundreds of hours volunteering at the zoo and doing education chats and she is beginning animal ambassador handling. Maybe she could come up with something like an animal chat. A fake animal obviously but maybe could do some kind of keeper chat skit with animal facts and stories and jokes ala the kind of thing you get at a show at Sea World or Animal Kingdom. It would fit with what she actually does just amped up for performance quality. Hmmm. It would be different at least.

Good question! We are not that far along yet.

I didn’t know how to create a subject line for this question 😂 My dd is being recruited for a scholarship program (don’t call it a pageant lol) that has a talent component to the competition. This is very much not my thing but lots of people in our community that we respect are involved and the particular person recruiting her we are very fond of so we are listening, at least, to be polite. My dd would likely win the scholarship component of the competition and do well in interview so it isn’t ridiculous to participate. But she doesn’t have a talent to put on stage. Most girls sing/dance/play instruments. We did attend this program once and see some spoken word and a military drill presentation and a speech about Mr Rogers. So there is so openness to just about anything I think. My dd does mock trial and the person recruiting her said she could put on a closing argument for her talent. I looked at the website and saw science experiment listed as a creative option and one of the finalists last year had floral arranging listed as her talent. So…we can be creative but my dd also isn’t going to go up there and be totally cringey. She used to dance but she hasn’t kept it up and she isn’t going to go out there and dance with the currently training ballerinas. She does some theatre but she doesn’t really sing. She is comfortable on stage but isn’t any kind of special dramatic talent. But she could do some kind monologue and has basic dance music skills that could translate to something comedic…so maybe something like that. Anyways…we have so many creative people here and people that have seen things. What kinds of creative talents or little acts have people seen that could be put on stage by a cute girl with stage presence but no true talent? Her talent is she takes tests. And writes essays. And does math. That doesn’t really translate.

My 3 homeschoolers had approximately 32 including significant de junior and senior year. My last child is in private school and takes 8 credits per year. They aren’t all heavy academic though. She has a heavy load this year with six AP/honors core classes plus religion and dance to make up 8 credits. She took wellness over the summer and will probably do that with a couple other required electives to free up space for more interesting classes so she will end up with about 34 probably. She has plenty of time for extracurriculars. She is busy but just in typical smart kid busy way. She isn’t applying to highly competitive schools but a kid at her school with a similar schedule got into Princeton and Yale last year.

I bet if someone had a super reasonable explanation for why they don’t drive, and had taken the initiative to get themselves where they needed to go, and otherwise had their lives together I suspect Heart would consider it. But just not having a car because they can’t make it work and expecting her to pick them up all the time isn’t a good way to start out. But I could be off base of course. Someone that doesn’t drive for ethical or medical reasons but otherwise is a good candidate probably has figured out how to make their life work and would leave a different impression. And wouldn’t lead with “can you pick me up I don’t have a car”

Update since someone bumped this: it all worked out and we did close quickly on Sept 22. It all went so fast but worked out. We are happy in our new home. We moved closer to my dd’s school and while dh and I are happy, it is her quality of life that has really improved. We have run into a few more problems/repairs needed on the house than would have been ideal but I’ve come to anticipate that sort of thing so while annoying it has been ok. Dh also got a very unexpected promotion and raise at work around the first of the year so that was a nice help to the whole new expense of our new home 😊

The first time I got called on anything any of my kids did wrong I was so mortified and embarrassed and ashamed. I apologized so profusely and thanked the authority figure for letting me know etc etc. I discovered over time that being so apologetic and ashamed turned me into an easy target (and my child) and people became way too comfortable to quickly rush to me with every tiny infraction a child of my mine might commit. So…my life experience tells me this is not a huge deal and you will deal with it but you sound way too ashamed (your own word). My advice is to deal with your child in a measured and appropriate way but to toughen up your own skin a bit because if you are too apologetic you run the risk of becoming a punching bag. Everyone wants someone to complain to and it isn’t fun to be the easy one to approach. Just my .02. Hugs to you! I’ve BTDT and it is a bad feeling when your kid messes up even when it is pretty minor.

I’m always the one to post on these threads that we’ve been unable to keep everything even and it’s been okay as far as I can tell. We try to keep things even with intent but everyone is just in such different places it just doesn’t make sense for our family. For example, for Christmas one of my adults sons asked for a pair of nice shoes for work. So I thought hey that is a good idea and asked second son if he could use new shoes for his new job. They both picked out exactly what they wanted and there was a price discrepancy- because the one with a better job needed nicer shoes. But they both got exactly what they wanted/needed. Then I took 3rd boy out, also for dress shoes and he found a nice pair but on cheap clearance. So again a different price point but exactly what he needed. So I didn’t write checks to even it up. We help kids as we go along as needs arise and we are able. Someone moves into a new place we might gift them something. New job, etc. But as far as we know they aren’t comparing receipts. We don’t have a big bucket of cash to go evening things out for everyone all the time so if we did get called out every time we did something for someone chances are it would stop for everyone. So we do our best with intent and type of gift and not exact values. And sometimes we do just help someone out .

My boys were harder than my girl. But there were three of them at once and I have my girl by herself. So 3 teen boys was definitely harder than one teen girl. So many people make it sound like boys are so easy. Not here. But my girl, who is generally easy, has her moments. Mostly when she is driving. 😭 I realized today she is used to us all giving her more latitude for her feelings and more time and space to collect her thoughts and process things than is possible in real time on the road. And the whole “I was ABOUT to” that she pulls when asked to pick up a sweater that has been hanging over a chair for six weeks doesn’t translate well to giving her directions when driving. Ugh. “I was ABOUT to stop” just isn’t working for me.

I always think of biological sciences being more female. My dd actually applied to a biology program and I had the opposite thought- that it would be more girls. She really doesn’t know what she wants to do. She is just trying to get exposure to a few things to see what she likes. And she has girl and guy friends but her main friend group is mostly guys so she does manage fine with guys for sure.

We send our dd to Catholic high school, which while not like the pricey prep schools around town, is not cheap. It isn’t really in line with the frugal ways in which we have always lived but it is this one thing we have chosen to do with this one child left at home. Some people that have known us forever all of a sudden think we are made of money. Not that things might be tight because we are doing this thing we decided was best. People are so weird about money.

If I had to bet now, with dd in 10th grade, I would guess she is headed to your dd’s school 😉

No it is helpful. I’m really just curious. I don’t really think she needs or is looking for any kind of advantage. I really didn’t even know if it was actually a reality that there is some great disparity or if it was one of those things people say or perceive but isn’t actually true. In my little slice of the world I have female friends my age who are engineers and my kids have female friends in engineering. So I didn’t know if it is real vs urban legend kind of thing. But my slice of the world is pretty limited. My dd’s school started a robotics team this year and she is the only girl and when they picked teams she was the last one drafted and they make her keep the notebook. So, yeah, that is also her experience but she doesn’t complain because the boys did do the activity previously and know more than she does. The boys on the team are also split between enjoying her company and being resentful of it. Interesting. My dd isn’t even sure she wants to go into engineering. She is just exploring possibilities.

I know it used to be true that women were underrepresented in most STEM fields and I think that is still the perception but I am wondering if that is still actually true? I know many young women that have gone into engineering programs out of high school and it seems when my dd’s school announces future plans of graduates many women are headed into STEM fields. My dd was filling out an application for a summer engineering camp (supposedly competitive but I really don’t know how much so) and she asked if she had a better shot getting in as a female. I have no idea. 20 years ago I would have said so, but does that still hold true? I realize at the highest levels (like Ivies) they are so highly rejective they have plenty of women to choose from but is there still a lopsided ratio of men to women in these programs at, say, a less competitive state school level? Just curious really. My dd isn’t going to be pursuing any colleges that she shouldn’t easily get into so I’m not really looking for any kind of advantage for her. She has just applied to a few summer programs that had me wondering what the current climate is and curious as to what experience she is likely to have if she attends.