Hi, I need some opinions on what to do in a bad situation. My uncle was diagnosed with cancer a couple of months ago. Since then he has been sick with ulcers and other things. He was in the hospital for a couple of weeks last month, and my mother went to help. He then fell and went back to the hospital. Then, he went home, but he was not eating well. My parents went to visit him last week. The doctor decided that he had an infection, and they put him on antibiotics. My parents left Tuesday for a trip to Europe. My uncle went back to the hospital Tuesday afternoon. My mom was told this Tuesday night as she was getting on the plane. However, at that point they didn't know what was going on. My mom got on the plane crying and e-mailed my aunt contact information for them in Europe. (All this is from my aunt.) Tonight, my aunt called to say that my uncle's kidneys have shut down and the doctors are not giving them a lot of hope. The doctors are trying to fix the situation. My aunt says the cancer has blocked one of the kidneys, and a CT scan was taken to see if that is wrong with the other one. My aunt says she is praying that nothing happens for two weeks. The question is do we call my mom to get her to come home? On Saturday, she will get on a boat, and we don't know if it will be possible for her to get off the boat. They are to be on the boat for about two weeks. They are expected back in the United States on Monday, June 22. My mom and uncle have no other siblings. They are close. Their parents have been dead for 20 and 60 years respectively. My mom's aunt died a number of years ago while my mom was out of the country. We didn't let her know, because she couldn't have made it home. My sister and I attended the funeral for our family. I think my mom understood, but she wasn't happy with us. Thanks.

If your niece wants games, we played one at a shower I attended that would work. The hostess had written the name of famous moms on pieces of paper. When we came in to the shower, she taped one to each guest's back. We then had to ask the other guest's questions, so we could figure out who "we were." We had fun time with it. We could play it when we wanted while we were talking about other things. I can't remember this one as well, but we weren't allowed to say baby. If we were talking to someone and they said baby, we got their ribbon. (Each guest was given a ribbon when they arrived.) There was a prize for the person with the most ribbons at the end. That one was too much work for me. Have a good time.

Hey, are you sure you aren't talking about my 7-year-old DD? She is my lefy, artistic child,with better fine-motor skills than her older brothers. She contanstly calls my name and when I answer, simply says my name again. Mine has been in speech since 3 also, and she has the same issues with sentence construction. However, her problem translates into her writing also. I mean she writes the same way as she speaks. I'm not sure it is a speech issue as much as a language issue, because the other three of my other kids that needed speech therapy did not have this issue. However, I think a speech therapist addresses both issues. We recently moved and had to redo her speech plan, because it is done through the public school here. They tracked the language separately from the strictly articulation problems. I don't know what to do at home other than model correct speech and correct her when I catch her saying something wrong. Next year, I plan to add Abeka's Oral Language to her day to help model correct speech.

Hi, I've been where your friend is. If your friend's kids are too young to stay by themselves, she will need someone to watch them while arrangements are made. There are days when thinking about calling and asking for help is too much to think about. So, my advice is not to wait for her to call you. Call and say, "I am coming to do XX or to watch the kids XX. You got a lot of good advice about staying in touch. It is easy to feel lonely in a house full of just kids. I was having a down day once and went home to a phone call from an old boss. Just hearing that message, made my week. Yes, people are there at first, but they fade as time goes by. Everyone has good intentions, but life gets in the way. I think that carecalendar would be a good tool. I sent you a PM.

Praying that everything goes better than expected.

I didn't sleep well, so I'm having a hard time responding to your post in the proper way. Our experience in the last few years has given me a new appreciation for the importance of attending funerals. So, I'll put it this way. If your daughter had died in a wreck, what would you think of someone that offered those excuses as a reason not to attend the funeral of your precious child? Your daughter's clothes won't be noticed; her presence will. The following posts are right on as to what the family will feel. One of my former students died in a car crash when she was 13. The outpouring of support, both at the wake and the funeral, is something that the family remembers today, more than 8 years later. I'm sorry that you can't see how much such a show of people can comfort a grieving family, even if they don't personally know all in attendance. Your daughter, young as she is, seems to understand. Please let her go. ................................... Now, not to convince you one way or another, but loosing a child is the most devastating thing that can happen to a family. Even though the parents may not know someone personally, seeing an overwhelming show of love for this child that they loved will make an impact. Perhaps *one* person will not make a difference, but if everyone felt that way, well you get the idea. When my SIL's son died she was amazed at all the people who showed up at his wake. She made a point to thank everyone for coming (hundreds) and, I have to say, it helped her. Did they all know her son in a close, personal way? No, but seeing that hundreds of people cared enough to rearrange their lives for him (and, in extension, her), touched her deeply. She commented that it made his life seem more worthwhile, that so many had been touched by one young man.

Four more days and no more radiation. That is great. You can do it. I hope the sleep medicine gives you the rest you need to make good decisions.

I think travelling with your husband while your kids have time with relatives is great for everyone. My kids enjoy when they get to go to relatives by themselves or one other sibling. The kids are always the first to suggest we do it again. I have a sensitve one that sometimes has trouble, but I wouldn't bring her along for that reason. Not everything in life is about us and kids need to learn that also. This child will complain no matter what. This weekend she complained "Why didn't I get to stay" when her older brother spent the night with grandparents, however, the previous weekend she refused to stay with them overnight for her birthday. Oh well. Since I know this child does better with siblings along, I make sure someone goes with her when she goes to visit relatives for a few days. Believe it or not, she has asked to go to grandparents for a few days unprompted. In your case, I think you need to think about your friends. Would they want a four-year-old along on this long-planned trip? You also need to think about this child, and how she does on planes, trips, etc. I have some that would have been fine at that age and others that wouldn't have. I will say that two weeks is a long time. Could you go for just a week as a compromise? Life does have seasons, but no one is promised another season. You have to decide is right for you and your family today.

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I also want to say thank you to you and your husband for your service. We cannot thank you enough. It sounds like talking to your friend has helped. And, you have recieved good advice here on a plan that will make you feel better. I want to offer thoughts from a different perspective. Please know that I say this as someone that knows life doesn't always work the way it should, and I no way want anything bad to happen. Please do something special with your DH before he gets gone just in case the worst does happen. Think about anything that you and your DH would have regrets about not doing if the worst happens to either of you while he is gone. My husband had a brain tumor for five years. It was benign, but that doesn't mean what it means in other part of the body. We took it as a wake up call that we were never knew how long either of us would live. It changed how we made decisions. We did some things that we never would have done if we hadn't realized life was short. However, we were not paralyzed by this realization and continued to live life. Until two months before he died, my husband was working full-time; coaching soccer; and running the sound at church. He would have been at each of these longer if he hadn't have been hospitalized for two months. We knew of someone else that was dagnosed with the same type of tumor of my husband that put his life on hold while he treated the tumor. His priority became beating the tumor as he figured all the rest could be done after he beat it. My husband had a hard time with this approach, and said what happens when he is hit by a bus on the way home from a clear MRI. Sadly, this man died after four years after diagnosis. He never got back to "normal" life. Death doesn't always happen when we expect it. The post about the husband who left a confernce room 10 minutes before everyone else in it was killed on 9/11 illustrates this. Her husband wasn't doing anything dangerous that day. We have friends that have two children. One daughter has a severe medical condition. They were not sure she was going to live after delivery; she did. She has had numerous, very risky surgeries. She survivied. Last year, the dad and the children went out to eat for dinner while the mom was away on a business trip. They were in a car wreck. The "normal child" was killed; the special needs child was barely injured. I don't mean to upset you in anyway. I just want to encourage you to do anything you know the two of you want to accomplish. (I would offer this same advice to everyone since we never know.) Once he gets gone, you can get back to counting the time he gets home. From everything you have written, I have no doubt you will pull yourself by the bootstraps and life live while he is gone. I too am praying that those crazy things that only happen when husbands are away are a minimum. I can relate to that. While my husband wasn't military, he travelled for work and was gone M-F every week.

Praying that one of those tests proves to be the answer. Sounds crazy, but praying they can figure out what is going on quickly. LC

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Hearing. That makes sense. Part of her quirkiness, is that she can convince you that she doesn't hear you. She goes for her check-up in a few weeks; I'll talk to her pediatrician then. Last year, we discovered she couldn't see the Big E on the chart. I truly thought she was just being shy and didn't want to answer the nurse. Of course, the eye doctor confirmed that she is extremely far sighted. Her brain abnormality is that three of her ventricles are enlarged and one is not. They thought there was some type of blockage that kept the fourth from being enlarged also, but there is not. This was only discovered, because she was thought to have hydrocephalus as a baby and had CT scans and MRIs for that. She doesn't have that though.

"It sounds like she needs time to process information and she is a slow, careful worker. I would totally get the testing for what it's worth and ignore the teacher. She sounds like a pretty normal first grader to me. I would keep an eye on processing issues and really work to help her understand how numbers work. " These are exactly my feelings depending on the day. I guess having her tested would let me know which way I should lean more heavily. My 11-year-old was a slow, quirky learner when he was 7, and he now has no trouble. He does long division in his head, but he is still my absent-minded professor. However, this child's issues seem a bit more pronounced than his ever were. He never had any comprehension trouble. Thanks.

She is my left-handed artist, so she could be right brained. Yes, she does want to come home. She is different enough from her siblings in her learning that I wonder if she has a problem, however, I know she can do more than the teacher thinks she can do. I appreciate your thoughts.

Hi, I'm writing about my 1st grade daughter, who just turned 7. I think she might have some type of learning difference, but I'm clueless about how to figure out which one. She went to a church kindergarten that was wonderful. She had a great family friend as her teacher. She learned to read without any trouble. This was a concern, because she has an awful time with articulation. She's been in speech therapy since she was 3. At the end of the year, we learned she is extremely far-sighted. In addition, this daughter has a brain malformation that I guess can lead to learning disabilites, however, she has never any major trouble as a preschooler. However, she is quirky and shy. I talked to her teacher last year about it last year before seeing the doctor, the teacher said daughter was a solid B student with no major problems. Upon learning, that DD couldnt' see the Big E on the eye chart, the teacher was amazed at how well she had done. This year this daughter joined our homeschool for 1st grade. She is my 4th child. Over Christmas, we moved to a new community. All the kids are in public school for the first time, because I couldn't handle schooling and moving. The oldest 3 are all doing fine. The 1st grade teacher wants my daughter to repeat 1st grade next year. She has only been there six weeks. In e-mailing the teacher, I know the problem is the teacher not my daughter. (The teacher changes her story; won't meet with me; etc.) The year started bad when my daughter wouldn't tell the teacher her vowels. Of course, my 5th grader wouldn't have done that in 1st grade either. They both know them; they just don't want you to know what they know. However, things don't work the same way for this child as they have for my others, so I'm curious if she does have a learning issue, besides being young, quirky, and shy. They are currently testing her for her speech IEP, and if I want her tested for learning issues I guess it is the time. I know my kids will be home next year, so I want to know what I need to know to make sure this child thrives at home. Her issues: Math. Can't recognize patterns, she will sometimes notice counting by 10, but that is it. At home, she never wanted to admit knowing the next number when counting. This was especially true when you would get to 19, 29, 39, etc. Addition and subtraction: doesn't remember facts. However, she can do it. But, then she can miss something that she just got right two problems earlier. At school, on the timed test she got 32 out of 50 in 5 minutes. She didn't finish the rest; she only missed one of the ones she answered. Three weeks ago, she answered 10 out 50 correctly. She may have answered them all, but she just copied the top number for her answer on most of them. I have taught her to count up on her fingers even for numbers after 10, and she sometimes uses this to get a number. When she works something in her head, you can see her eyes go back in her head as if she is trying to see something. Money. Knows the amount coins are worth, but can't apply it. Time. One day she got all the hour and 1/2 hour problems correct; the next day she missed 6 out of 13. They were the same type of problem. Reading. She reads fine for a first grader. She doesn't like to stop for sentences. She does fine with phonics and sight words. The school uses Saxon phonics and doesn't like that she can't code sight words. Of course, my 8th grader, who has a 99 in reading and English, couldn't do that either. She knows 195 out of the 200 words they want her to know. Reading comprehension: she can't answer questions about what you have read to her. If she has read it, she can do a much better job. However, it is still not automatic. She knows to look back at the story to find a word that is in the question and then will answer with a word from that sentence. When I am working with her on something, she won't answer a direct question that I ask to help her see what is going on with a problem. She will be silent and then give the answer to the problem. Most of the time, she is right. However, the problem we are working with will be something she missed when she did it on her own. In talking it through, I'm trying to give her the steps to work it correctly the first time when she encounters it again on her own. Thanks for reading my book. What I'm looking for is advice on whether I should have her tested for anything specific while she is in school to help me teach her at home in the years to come. I'd appreciate any guidance you can offer. LC

I'll 2nd or 3rd dermatomyositis. My mom had this nearly 20 years ago. She had a rash. The muscle weakness got so bad, she could barely brush her hair. We were building our house at the time, and she couldn't walk up the stairs. Two months earlier, she had been hiking in Hawaii. I don't remember if she lost her appetite. She was put on prednisone pretty early on when doctors couldn't figure out what was happening. Lupus is one of the things that was considered. Good luck getting him feeling better. LC

I'll vote with Carol. It is just one more bad year that will set up some good things. Right now you don't think you can do it, but you will have the summer to recover a bit. The first year teaching, or back teaching, is always the hardest I hear. So, hopefully next year teaching and attending classes might me a bit easier. Since you have a good counselor, see if you can work on your paper and research project this summer when the classes you need aren't offered. See if you can substitue another class (or two) that is (are) taught this summer for the one (two) you have left. It seems to me if they are closing down a program, there needs to be or should be some flexibility for the students that are currently enrolled in the program. What is the plan for students that are behind you in the program? Good luck. You are close to the finish on this project, and to me it sounds like you have good reasons to finish.

What would you do there or near there? We have an opportunity to visit Winnipeg later this year. It would be a long flight with young kids, so I'm not sure if I want to take advantage of the opportunity. I know nothing about Winnipeg. In looking online, I see it has a lot of cultural opportunties, but I'd be with kids too young to appreciate the ballet, the symphony, etc. Is it an area with interesting geography or with flat plains. Thanks for your thoughts on this. Laura C.

I'm also a widow, and I'm keeping everything for my kids. I want them to know their dad as a man when they are older. The paper he created and stories are the only way they will know him. He sent a lot of e-mail, and all of his sent mail is on his computer. I will print that out for the kids to have. When I give these things to the kids, I will tell them the stories that go along with some of it. (Plus, I enjoy looking through his stuff and remembering better times.) I also suggest you keep everything in plastic boxes for the kids to go through when they are ready. In terms of the big picture, I would want it somewhere. We don't have a big family photo, though I wish we did. We have a large photo of my husband, his father and our oldest son at age two, because they all have the same name. I will always want that picture up in our house no matter what the future brings. Is the big picture up now? I think a hallway would be appropriate for it. All my kids have 5x7 pictures of themselves with their dad in their rooms. The scrapbooks sound great. LC

I don't know about donating a body to science, but one thing people don't realize is organ donation isn't always an option after a death. I know two families that recently had children die in accidents -- one a car accident and one a farming accident. Neither could donate organs, because of the organ damage to the bodies. Both families were extremely disappointed that something good couldn't come of something bad. However, they both could donate corneas. The second family turned it down, until talking to the first family about it. They had thought anything but her eyes. My husband had planned to be an organ donor; we had talked about it; and it was marked on his driver's license. However, he died at home, and I was never asked about it and I never thought about it. When I thought about it a few days later; I felt horrible. That is when I learned that he couldn't have donated anything since he died at home.

Hit Older Posts at the end of the last post; on my computer this is blue. It will take you to the previous posts.

Jane, Try the shower instead of the bath. It is not as easy to pass out there, It is still a great place to cry though. Also, are there any sad movies on TV. When I'm sad, cring helps. LC