I suffered from headache for years. I thought were allergy related, but treating allergies didn’t help. Somehow, I ended up at ENT, where a friend worked. It turns out I had a deviated septum, and headaches are one of the possible side effects of that. I had surgery to fix it, and my headaches went away. I saw your daughter had a MRI, but no one may have looked for deviated septum if it wasn’t ordered by an ENT. My surgery was more than 20 years ago, and I am still headache free.

“I had thought about delaying our return, but didn't want to pay the change in airfare - and I'll be out of my meds . . . ..) and dsil's father is supposed to arrive tomorrow. . . . “ I’m praying that your son-in-law’s surgery is successful and uneventful. if your flight time was changed significantly, airlines will allow you to change it for no charge. In the past, I would have to call to have an agent do this when the new time didn’t work for us, but I for our trip in December I was able to change our flights with no cost/no trouble online. (This was a trip planned with a layover; it was planned way in advance and the times kept changing, so I waited until it changed enough from the original to allow free changes.

Cooking or Meal planning could be helpful with that audience. I think I remember you have a good bit of experience with dogs. If so, you could do an informative speech on selecting a dog, pros/cons of different breeds or older vs younger. Or one on puppy training. I’m sure there are other dog topics I’m forgetting.

On our trip to Louisiana a few years ago, we also did a swamp tour. It was a highlight of the trip. https://www.cajunencounters.com/about-us/ The swamp tours are not in New Orleans, but they will pick you up there if you don’t have a car. We aren’t big foodies, but we ate at Acme Oyster House on the recommendation of friends and enjoyed it. We visited Mardi Gras World while there and found it fascinating. I think it it would work for your non-museum person. It is definitely something you can’t experience elsewhere. https://mardigrasworld.com/about-us/ in looking for it I also found there is a Mardi Gras costume museum in New Orleans too. Reading about Mardi Gras World, also reminded me we rode the streetcar. We did visited the WW2 museum while there. https://www.nationalww2museum.org We also like to visit zoos/aquariums on trips. The New Orleans zoo was great. https://audubonnatureinstitute.org/zoo the aquarium is closed for much of 2023. There are also nature trails run by the zoo. We usually do some kind of water/boat tour while on vacation, but we didn’t get a chance in New Orleans. There are paddle wheelers on the river. https://www.steamboatnatchez.com From a different trip to Louisiana, I know you may want to visit southwest Louisiana for the Cajun culture. (This would definitely require a car, but a completely New Orleans trip does not.) I found these websites when looking for where I went. https://www.lonelyplanet.com/usa/the-south/cajun-country/attractions https://www.travelandleisure.com/trip-ideas/acadiana-louisiana-cajun-country-road-trip One of my favorite parts of that trip was a Cajun living history museum. (I was not in charge of that trip, so I don’t have the name of where we went. This may have been it. https://bayouvermiliondistrict.org/exhibits/ or this https://acadianvillage.org/about-us/acadian-life/

I do not know anything about the law firm. It just came up in a search of Mississippi custody laws. The name of the firm is Harris and they are in Greenville. They do have a phone number on their website to call for free consultation. They also have a form you can fill out and they will call you. I hate to put random website here, but I can message it to you if you like.

I’m so sorry to hear about this latest development. I agree with everyone else that this move seems clearly to be a problem. I found this but did not have time to read it. https://www.msbar.org/media/2375/gal-disc-3-mississippi-law-on-custody-and-visitation.pdf The quick search also turned up this explanation on the website of a Mississippi law firm that seems to indicate moving long distance is a no no. The part about moving is in last paragraph. “Modifying a Mississippi Custody Order Original custody orders can be modified in some cases, provided the parent seeking a modification can show a material change in circumstances that now adversely affects their children’s best interests. The parent who filed the petition has the burden of proof. Family court judges won’t grant modifications unless the filing party can show: A material change in the custodial home; The change adversely affects your child’s welfare under the current arrangement; and The modification will be in the best interest of your child. When a parent moves a few miles away, it’s unlikely to be deemed a material change. However, if one parent wants to move further than 100 miles away, that could be a material change” This firm says they do free case reviews if you want another opinion just to check.

Uno. Codenames

I would not have backed out of taking your son to the game, because I had already told you I would do it. I would see “your son’s dad” as a bully, and I would want to help you and son even more than I did before witnessing his outburst. I do not make decisions out of fear. In your shoes, my younger kid would miss the game. Simply text the coach that son’s ride fell through, so he won’t be at the game. He is young and has plenty of opportunities to play soccer. My kids played travel sports, so I completely understand theconsequences/commitment/importance. (Plus, I’m not a big fan of needing to travel 8 hours in one day for 1 game or even 2.) I would stick to my commitment of driving older son and friends to homecoming. It is a one-time opportunity; soccer is every weekend.

Praying

You have received great advice in this thread, so I’m only going to address a few things you or others have said. I’m curious if the 4 accepted to MIT were the only ones from math team that applied there. If not, was there anything that made that student’s application less strong than the others? If not, that is why everyone is saying you son needs safety schools. I know some schools only consider applicants who apply by an early date for NMF/merit scholarships. I looked at the UIUC website and it’s early acceptance date is after some of the deadlines I saw for these scholarships when my kids were applying. (I doubt the dates are later this year, but I have no one applying.) Your son has a great background. RIT would work as a safety for him, as their website says they accept almost 75 percent of applicants. Rose Hulman would be a safety as it accepts 76 percent of applicants. One of mine had the opportunity to apply for free there and was accepted, however, attending would have cost double our EFC. So. If he’s interested, learn from our mistake and visit or show interest in some way. Someone mentioned WPI. I don’t know what exactly constitutes a safety but its acceptance rate is 60-70 percent depending on type of application according to their website. Unless something has changed in the last couple of years, students can apply to more than one school that offer NM scholarships, however, the student must name/select 1 school by a certain date later in the process to receive the NMF scholarship. Some mentioned Alabama and it would be a safety since it accepts 79 percent. I think I read an article here in the past about a large number of students from Illinois going there. I can’t find a recent article, but the Alabama website says 58 percent of its students come from out of state. “Of the 38,645 undergraduate, professional and graduate students enrolled at UA in the fall semester of 2022, 42.1% come from Alabama 57.9% come from elsewhere in the United States and 88 foreign countries”

I recently read this article that talks about how to do this as a business; I would assume the basics are the same. https://www.thepennyhoarder.com/make-money/side-gigs/photo-scanning-side-gig/?aff_id=86&aff_sub3=20210622&aff_unique2=ITR-1459dedf-394a-4656-8695-82d037a20233&utm_medium=email&utm_source=daily&utm_campaign=20210623&utm_content=make-money&sms= I do think simply taking pictures of the pictures with a digital camera would be faster start, and it would at least allow you to decide which pictures you want to scan.

I hope the move to the rehab hospital went well and that you could see progress in his recovery.

I hope the move home went okay today.

I understand. I almost wrote that what works for one family member will cause another person more grief, but I didn’t want to give you something else to worry about. I have a suggestion, but first I want to explain where I am coming from. My husband died when our kids were young. The oldest two were both about the same age as your youngest, who would have been right in the middle of them. So, in our grief journey, a 10-year-old was a big kid. So, I could easily see myself asking/telling a 10-year-old that I wanted to preserve “London” or at least my favorite parts of London. It is okay to tell him that the thought of losing London after losing his brother would be very hard for you. I would offer to replace, any of the London pieces that he wanted to take apart to build agiain. I might even put some of the London lego sets on the 10-year-old’s Christmas list, so he could rebuild some of/all of the glued pieces as often as he wanted.

Since your youngest plays with London as is, could you use one of the “glues” that are sold to keep lego creations as they are? This would allow him to play with them and prevent anyone from taking them apart and messing them up. Another option would be to take lots of close-up pictures of all the pieces that make up London, so a piece can be put back together if it was accidentally taken apart. Or taken apart on purpose, your youngest may change how he plays with the London pieces. If he takes them apart while playing, that may bother someone else in family. Grief is complicated and different people grieve differently. This impacts how everyone sees things that are associated with the loved one. Praying for you as you move home without your son.

I understand that, and I didn’t mean to upset you. Unfortunately, this year has brought changes to policies in many health-care settings that would have never been considered a year ago. You just need to verify the details of who/what/when/where is allowed before your son is transferred to a different facility. You need to make sure the facility’s policies agree with your expectations before your son is admitted and insurance has kicked in. Sounds like you have a well-thought out plan, praying that everything goes smoothly on Friday and for a full recovery for your son.

Yes, definitely look into Ronald McDonald and other housing if your son does out patient therapy at the children’s hospital. We found the families had to live a certain number of miles away to qualify, so it is possible being an hour away might not qualify, unfortunately.

With interest rates so low, I would definitely look into refinancing with a rider that would pay off the mortgage. I know you and your husband have way too much on your plate right now, so this might be spending that a friend who offers to help could do. You would have to get the paperwork together at end, but if they could do the legwork needed to get the ball rolling. You are correct that SS considerations make it hard to choose to be a homeschool or stay-at-home mom. Even survivor benefits for a non-working widow stop when youngest reaches 16. After my husband died, it took me years to pick possible guardians for my kids, because there was no one who could handle so many. The one I ended up choosing had a two bedroom house with one other room that served as the den/kitchen/breakfast room. The other choice had kids already and it would have impacted their kids too much to have the family more than double in size overnight. They couldn’t have fit in the house or car, especially since none of mine were old enough to drive. To avoid problem about good people, my will split my assets into 3 parts. The first part gave the guardians a set amount each year until the youngest finished high school. This would them to buy a car to fit anyone and pay for stuff kids needed, additional food, clothes, etc. the second part was money used to pay for the kids to go to college. The third part was what would go to the kids when they reached certain life, graduate college, or age milestones, 25, 30. I think they get the last at 35. Any unused money from the firstsecond parts go into the third part after the kids are 18 and finish college.

I am glad to hear your son is making progress. I’m sorry what the next step should be isn’t clear. “Also, possibly sending him to a sort of physical therapy boot camp inpatient clinic for a week or two when he is ready to be discharged after his surgery recovery, but there isn’t a place like that in this state, so we would need to travel to somewhere where it is available attached to a children’s hospital. Another option is a program where a physical therapist comes to work with him at our home, but because we live over the border in a super high-restriction state, they said it is unlikely our state would allow that now because of covid. Us driving an hour to a clinic three to five times a week is another possibility”. I have been through an inpatient PT clinic like you describe with a family member, and I would usually highly recommend this option. However, with COVID restrictions I would want nearly a written guarantee that you or your husband or both could stay with him 24/7. With my family member it was the right place to be and everything went great until it didn’t one night and one doctor made everything impossible. Thankfully, someone stepped in and an overnight truce was declared with the understanding it would be sorted out in the morning. (This was an adult clinic and I wasn’t spending the night.) By the time I got back in the morning, everything was taken care of exactly the way we wanted and the new doctor had deemed impossible the night before. I am very lax compared to many on these boards about what I allow, and there is no way I would leave a young(ish) child with possible mobility issues alone in the hospital overnight. Just from standpoint of the ability to get help when needed, he would be at too much of a disadvantage. With that said, that type of clinic is great for learning to use a brace or other device, because it will be incorporated into everything. It also feels “normal” sooner because others around are also using similar equipment. (Praying that no long term brace or other equipment is needed for your son. It sounds like your son is doing great less than a week after surgery, so I’m praying his recovery continues. if you end up with out-patient therapy an hour away, could you stay at a hotel in an accessible room for the first week just to see how it goes? I have friends who did that because therapy was too exhausting for the kid to be stuck in car for three hours a days on top of therapy. on a more positive note, A classmate of one of my young-adult kids had a cancerous spinal tumor removed as a child. It never caused any physical limitations after recovery, and you would never suspect this YA had been a childhood cancer patient is you read the college activity list for this YA. I’m praying that your son’s recovery is as complete and future as bright as this kid.

I agree completely with prairie wind momma on these points. Something I have not seen mentioned is what does your dad and your kids say about them attending? My number one concern would be what is my dad wanting/thinking? I know there is absolutely no way my dad would be okay with his grandkids skipping their grandmother’s funeral, and my dad is super laidback. If your dad is ambivalent on this, I may ask your kids if they are comfortable going or do they want to stay home. I would ask, at least any that are able stay home alone or at school while you and husband attend funeral. Both my grandmothers had Alzheimer’s and had not known me or been able to communicate for years, so I can see a child or teen not wanting to attend the funeral of someone they didnt see regularly or recently , even when it is a close relative. (Your feelings trump theirs, but it seems like you don’t want them to attend due to the pandemic .) one of my kids would very hesitant to be around elderly relatives without testing and quarantine first, so that is why I say ask the kids if neither your father nor you feel strongly about your kids attending.

I am going to share our experience in case none of the suggested options work for you. My husband died years ago. Our house did not have a mortgage, however, we had mortgages on other investment properties. Some of the mortgages were held by my in-laws, so no problem there. Two were held by private banks or mortgage companies. Those two were each taken out about a decade earlier when it didn’t work for me to go to the closing and be on the deed/mortgages. They were taken out a different times, about two years apart, and both times I was busy with an infant. Those infants are now out of college. I never informed the mortgage company of my husband’s death and continued to make payments. The mortgages were already set up to be sent electronically from the business account, so nothing needed to be done to have this continue. I do not know if a VA loan is assumable or would be notified of a veteran’s death. I know one of our credit cards and one of our bank accounts were closed or frozen after my husband’s death. Other accounts continued in his name. It is random. In theory, I may have learned dead people can send emails. And, I may have heard that cut and paste signatures along with email may allow dead people to sign paperwork. (I have never heard of dead people doing this for legal documents, just weird stuff that a mortgage company may have required along the way.) When we moved, I was able to change our address with the mortgage companies. I can’t remember exactly how. It could have been with an email or with a phone call from one of our kids who had a deep voice as a child. I am very sorry that you are needing to think about these things. A random thought, could the house be refinanced or redeeded now and put in a trust? If you have trusted adult children, the may be able to administer the trust.

I read today that UNC cancelled all in-person classes for fall semester. I have relatives in NC and one told me in June that this was the plan for the fall. Lanny, I know your daughter has been gone a long time, so I looked up Spirit tickets to Colombia for you. It looks like they are selling tickets to Bogota starting the end of August. One-way tickets from Raleigh to Bogota or Cali or Cartagena are less than $100 the first week of September. Of course, there is no guarantee that these flights will happen, but it might be a chance to have your daughter home for the fall if that is what your family wants.

A friend of one of my kids goes to college in the Netherlands. This student was born in Europe to European, not Dutch parents, who have lived in the US for more than 15 years. I don't if they are US citizens or not. I don't know if this helped the student go to college in the Netherlands, but definitely had more than 4 AP classes.

Sorta. What a non-committal answer. My thoughts on it have never made me want to keep my college kids home this fall. For me it is like when my kids get their driver's license. When they are new drivers, I worry/think about all the things that can go wrong when they are driving. When my older kids drive, I don't even think about all the things that can go wrong. Of course, these thoughts pop up occasionally if they are super late arriving home with no warning, or the weather is super bad. Even before Covid, college students died every year from various causes. Years ago I stumbled across a website that compiled a listing of all the college students that died by year, which was very depressing to read. I remember 3 students dying at my college while I was there. One died from flu, another from meningitis, and the other in a car accident. (I am very glad that there are meningitis vaccines now, but everyone went to school without it back in the day.) I'm sure there more students that died while I was in college, but I remember these three because one of these was a good friend, one was a roommate of a friend's brother, and one was the passenger in a car a different friend was driving. I also know that 3 students I went to high school with died during our college years, one in a car accident, one from drugs, and one from suicide. When I was looking for the college student death website, I went down a rabbit hole and found these articles. I don't know they will make you less worried about Covid or more worried about the fragileness of life general. (When I couldn't find the site I was looking for, I typed in covid and college deaths and very few articles on college students dying from it. https://onwardstate.com/2013/09/24/student-death-rates-go-unnoticed/?fbclid=IwAR0QVR3tKV7cONgGRlUSrRz38mmokgUM5l37I2-1fYMhL5GHe6xZVGOCx5Q https://www.cnn.com/2019/11/14/us/california-usc-student-deaths/index.html https://www.huffpost.com/entry/college-students-died_n_6091622 https://www.wbur.org/commonhealth/2020/02/13/flu-breathless-severe-college https://people.com/crime/faith-hedgepeth/ https://news.yahoo.com/man-21-faces-murder-charge-222200376.html https://www.foxnews.com/us/college-students-murder-new-york-guilty-verdict-nicaragua https://www.berkeleyside.com/2020/06/26/remembering-seth-smith-19-a-cal-student-who-was-killed-in-berkeley-on-june-15 My college students have had two friends/classmates die this summer. Neither was from Covid, one was a farming accident and the other from cancer. A friend's college-age kid had a teammate drown this summer. My sophomore had at least 6 friends/classmates/acquaintances die in high school. One from an allergic reaction/asthma, one by drowning, two in car accidents, and two by suicide. I had two acquaintances who had college kids die last year, one in a car accident and one from an undetected heart defect. I will remind my kids to take precautions and what to do if they feel sick. I will hug them when they leave for college. I will tell them I love them every chance I have. All things, I normally do, but sometimes something happens ... My kids have grown up knowing life is fragile as their dad died from cancer when they were young. P.S. The 2020-21 off-campus parking permits at their school sold out the day they went on sale, so students are definitely planning on coming back to campus.. I don't know if the permits selling out that fast is normal or if off-campus students don't want to take the buses. My college students have always walked or biked to class.

She should be careful, of course, but NC does not have travel restrictions at this point, and I'm sure it will be news on campus if that changes. My sibling and family live in NC, and they are currently on vacation out west at a national park. They fly back tomorrow. Their college kid is working at a South Carolina camp this summer and will return home to NC in a couple of weeks. Lanny, I'm sure it is hard to be so far away from your daughter in such uncertain times.