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TammyB

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Everything posted by TammyB

  1. I am so, so sorry. I cannot fathom your pain. I never understood the cruelty of death until I lost my mom. You are so right. It is a horrible, awful thing. You are not to blame, though. I well remember those horrible feelings of guilt with my mom, all those stabbing thoughts of what I wished I would have done and should have done...all the regret, all the heartache. My only solace was Jesus. He comforted me in a way I cannot explain and gently reminded me to trust Him even in that horrible time.
  2. We have had a virus in our home for almost three weeks now, so I've been scattered. I have made some decluttering progress, which is great!
  3. On a much more positive note, I am seeing about having someone come on Thursday or Friday to help with the cleaning. â¤ï¸
  4. Can I be transparent? I am overwhelmed. Really overwhelmed. I have company coming Friday, and my house is a mess. My oldest has a huge exam Thursday night at Civil Air Patrol that he has to pass in order to promote to second lieutenant. My company is coming from Virginia, Louisiana, and Tennessee to see him promote at the annual banquet on Saturday. It is a huge deal. He will be heartbroken if he doesn't pass the test. He needs study support from me, so that is taking time away from housework. I haven't been able to get the kids started back to school yet, and I am feeling tons of pressure about that. We were already behind, and this isn't helping. I can feel my adrenal system giving out. Of course. I don't manage stress well at all. I am behind on the baby steps. I haven't kept up with dishes since last week. I could go on, but you get the picture. I hate it, but I can feel depression descending. I fight it daily and have forever, but I can feel it overtaking me. (I do take meds.) I don't want to be a downer on the thread, so maybe I should take a break from posting until I am in a better frame of mind.
  5. I have had a very tired day, probably due to the busy weekend. We cleaned out the laundry/mud room on Saturday and then had our Epiphany celebration on Sunday. It was more involved than usual, so I had a fair amount of prep for it. I got dressed to shoes this morning, but I have been on the couch most of the day. Nothing on my to do list has gotten done today.
  6. Thanks for the encouragement and applause!!! Tackling that room really is an amazing accomplishment for me!
  7. I was going to choose the top of my dryer, but my husband and I ended up spending two hours cleaning out the entire laundry/mud room. ðŸ‘ðŸ¼ðŸ‘ðŸ¼ðŸ‘ðŸ¼ðŸ‘🼠We got rid of tons of stuff...like three huge trash bags full! I have wanted to do this job for years. I can't believe it only took us a couple of hours. We are going to repaint the room and put down some new inexpensive flooring. That crazy room has been my nemesis for years, and it feels amazing that it will soon be a room I actually like to use. 😊
  8. I am on baby step day six: work on a hot spot for two minutes. Hmm...which one do I choose? 😂🤣😂
  9. So far today I have: * Showered, washed my hair, and dressed to shoes. (My hair takes a bit to do as I have to dry and straighten it.) * Got my six year old little girl ready for the day (brushed and fixed her LONG hair and brushed her teeth and washed her face) * Made my bed * Helped my six year old make her bed * Straightened my bathroom and did a quick clean up of the bathroom floor * Had my ds12 unload the dishwasher * Helped my ds17 study for a huge exam for Civil Air Patrol * Had my ds17 start a load of towels * Finished reading a chapter of French Women Don't Get Fat (my book club book) *** I am also listening to an audio book of Emma (Jane Austen) while I am getting ready.
  10. During spring and fall football I have to be up early on Saturday. Sunday mornings are always busy getting everyone out the door for church. (I dread Sundays. By then I usually feel desperate for a day that is totally off.) I had an adrenal crash about four or five days before Christmas. I just totally gave out and was basically down for three days. Unfortunately, I was at my mother-in-law's home, and it was a bit awkward. (Her husband is a doctor who does not believe in adrenal issues.) While there my seventeen year old son sat by me and wept. It was horrible. I had no idea he had so much fear about me...that he would lose me suddenly just like I lost my mom....that he would have to live life without me. As horrible as it was, it was a seriously needed wake up call for me. I've been intentional about my nutrition and overall health the last two years, and I am definitely in much better shape than I was. However, I still manage stress terribly, and truly I believe that is as detrimental to my health as poor nutrition is. I came home determined to conquer the things that stress me most, and by far one of my absolute biggest issues is my house. I have been so ashamed and defeated by it for so many years. In fact, I think the clutter and disorganization has affected my marriage, my homeschooling, and my parenting. Feelings of failure don't really stay compartmentalized, do they?
  11. Co-op is every other Thursday, and I do know that the following day is going to be a slower day day for me. I also realize that the overtiredness is always accompanied by fear: "What if I'm down all day?' "Why do I feel like this?" "Is something terribly wrong with me?" "Should I press through or rest?" It all drives me crazy, which, of course, exacerbates my problems with my adrenal system. Stress is seriously toxic for me. I am encouraged, though, that it is January 5, and I am still plugging away at this. Five days in a row! That is progress for me. Getting dressed to shoes and keeping my sink shiny is taking a lot of mental energy. I know that sounds ridiculous, and I am not proud of it, but it is the truth.
  12. So, here it is late in the morning, and I still haven't gotten going. I am lying in bed definitely feeling like the day is way bigger than I am. The day after co-op is always hard for me. I feel extra tired, and my body feels all throbby. On a positive note...when I walk in my living room and kitchen, I am going to be happy! I shined my sink and swept the floors before bed last night. I also made sure that the surfaces were clear, so at least I won't be looking at piles of stuff that needs to be put away. I watched the two videos about today's mission. I totally get the need to change self talk. I have been to the place where I completely believed that I was a failure who couldn't reform. Changing that outlook is daunting. I think today I will check in through the day. I need the extra support. 😊
  13. Good for you! That is awesome! I came home from co-op and took a nap. 😊
  14. Leaving for co-op soon but wanted to check in quickly....Having a better than normal getting-out-the-door experience...bed is made and laundry is going!
  15. I do need to get up earlier. I am still recovering from adrenal exhaustion, so I am definitely not jumping out of bed in the morning. 😊 I have two teens who are behind in their schoolwork, so an earlier start has become a necessity. We start back to co-op tomorrow and to regular school on Monday. I have got to have a new plan in place by then. I am not seeing the link to your blog, but I may have missed it.
  16. I am not sure that it has started off better, but I have felt better about myself. I haven't had any of that little bit of dread that something may come up that I need to leave the house quickly for. I have some pretty significant "thinking" issues to overcome. I have been making considerable effort to believe that I can change...change in several areas that direly need it. I have been making progress in the house for the last few weeks, and that truly does feel like I have jumped my first hurdle. I have so many things to improve, but for the first time I am embracing the long haul aspect of the journey. I have always been a sprinter, not a marathoner. I can put out fires as well as anyone. I just can't keep them from starting.
  17. Today marks the second day in a row I have gotten dressed to shoes. I think that may be the hardest part of flylady for me. Morning is the hardest time of the day for me. I always wake up feeling a sort of pressed down feeling....like the day ahead is akin to mountain climbing. When I finally do get up, I feel the pressure to get the day going, to get school started. I don't want to take the time or energy to get dressed in a way that I would feel good about. Of course, I feel cruddy about my makeup-less self and my messy hair. I know that overall sense of yuckiness drags me down, probably even more than I realize. This is going to be a very difficult pattern to break. This accountability group is super important to me. I am hoping that making myself check in daily will give me the motivation I need to do the things that are really hard for me. I have tried Flylady several times in the past, and generally after only a week or two I have become convinced that I just couldn't do it. Something about the enforced structure, which I desperately need, causes me anxiety.
  18. My day did not go as planned. 😊 My step mother-in-law was sick, so we postponed our plans with them. I ended up enjoying a long afternoon nap instead of preparing for our get together. I did get my sink cleaned, but I need to try some type of oil on it to make it shine. I also packed a small box of things to donate to Goodwill. My goal for January is to purge things every day. I am having overnight company in two weeks, and I have a pile of work to do to get ready.
  19. Yay for January 1! I always love the new year! I am starting the baby steps, so I am going to be shining my sink today. 😊 So far today I have slept in, made my bed, started a load of laundry, tidied the master bathrooms (his and her) and bedroom, and put away dishes. We are going to supper with my in-laws this evening and then to their home to exchange Christmas gifts, so I have some wrapping to do for that. It is going to be a great day!
  20. I am excited! Tomorrow is January 1, my first official day! I have been making good progress for the last couple of weeks (minus the time I was out of town for the holidays), but there is just something about January 1 and accountability for set tasks that is motivating.
  21. I am glad to see there are other new people joining in January! I am going to do the five minute mission today. 😊 I am at the end of a virus, so hopefully today will include at least some productivity.
  22. I am on day four of a virus, so productivity this week has been severely limited. I am still giving serious consideration to restarting the baby steps on January 2 with this group. I have been spinning my wheels for years and years trying to stay on top of things. I have never managed to last more than a few weeks at any system I have created, which is immensely frustrating. I am just so not good at homemaking!
  23. I am seriously considering restarting Flylady for the manyieth time. 😂🤣😂 I truly do not like doing housework, but I do like a clean, ordered home. Currently I do not have one. 😊 I am terrible at sticking to any schedule I make, even ones that are reasonable. (I have some chronic health issues that wear me out pretty quickly.) I want peace in my environment, so I need to do something.
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