Caribbean Queen
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Posts posted by Caribbean Queen
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I was wrong when I said, "He mistreats you because he loves you." You did say he talks meanly to you, because you love him.
As far as putting up with mean husbands, BTDT. I wish you the best.
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It sounds like you think you should be able to put up with verbal abuse because
He's a good guy, normally.
He is under stress.
He can't help mistreating you, due to the stress.
He mistreats you because he loves you.
You need to be there for him...(to be mean to)
You need to be more supportive.
You shouldn't have been there to be yelled at. He needed space, but you didn't realize it.
I think these are all lousy ideas that need to be gotten rid of
.
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Can you sweetly say, "no," to your husband? Or just smile and nod?
Once, he did read them a bedtime story. It was Julius Caesar. It was a disaster. To this day, the homeschool families in our town make jokes about difficult, esoteric books, saying they would make "ideal bedtime reading for the SquawkyAcres family!"
:lol:
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My problem? I eat out a lot. I have various women's groups and we all go out for dinner, lunch, or whatever. And my family likes to eat out together at least once per week, often after church.
I would love to just swear off of restaurant food completely for a while, but I don't see how I can.
Oh, whoops, I didn't pay attention to that part.
Church usually runs through lunchtime, so everyone gets home cranky and hungry and no food is ready. That's why eating out is so tempting. If you prep for Sunday dinner before you leave for church, it is a lot less tempting to go out to eat. Yesterday, I cooked a big meal before church. It was great. I think if your family knew you'd have good food at home, in a timely manner, they would agree to go to restaurants less often.
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I really, really DO NOT want to have only salad everywhere I go, and only plain salad. I want some options.
Don't eat out. Cook at home and bring your meals out with you.
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If I were you I'd look in the phonebook and see what kind of churches are in your area. The United Church of Christ and the Episcopal church might fit what you are looking for.
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The best life for me is waking up in the morning and seeing what I feel like doing - then doing it.
There are times we've set out in the car and just decided to "head north" for a day trip or two. Those are super fun trips, but now we've lived here too long to have much "new" out there. I dream of moving to HI for 18 months or so and better exploring there...
We have such different lives.
As a mother of five little kids, I have a lot of things I have to do daily. I could do them in a haphazard and illogical order, and call that "unscheduled and spontaneous," but it would really be a hot mess.
Part of our routine is that the baby has breakfast and then bathes. Why? Because her diaper often leaks at night, she wakes hungry, and then puts oatmeal in her hair. See, so the routine is Wake, eat, bathe. It makes sense. Otherwise the baby is cranky- hungry and smells like pee.
Even if I moved to Hawaii, the baby would still need to wake, eat, then bathe. We would also still have to clean, shop, cook, bathe, study, and all the other stuff we always have to do.
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He needs to buck up and control his emotions. Comforting a drama queen feeds into the drama. Pep talks and movies are not helpful. Do not engage.
When he starts fuming, say, "I can't work with you until you fix your face," then go on about your business. He will come to you with smoke coming out of his ears and start talking about math. Nonchalantly say, "I will not work with you until you fix yourself." Then pay no attention to him. He'll waste his time crying. He can finish his work alone, or he can get one more chance to have your help after he gets control of himself. After a few days he will realize that he can have a much shorter and more pleasant school day if he keeps the waterworks turned off.
My weepy student never wastes time crying anymore. One of my students is 80% better, but still tells me the rules of math should change so that his answer would be correct :001_rolleyes:. He does math independently some days, and that is okay.
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Every quarter we celebrate what we have done. Last time, I put memorabilia from our extra curricular activities out, plus projects, and crafts my kids made. The kids took turns doing a show and tell with all their stuff. You could use things like a poster of a frog's life cycle your child made, a certificate of attendance of Sunday school, a trophy from a tournament and a leotard for dance class. Maybe next time we celebrate I will make a slide show of photos of the kids doing things.
My kids like to recite what they have memorized and sing songs they've learned. They like to read something they wrote. They also take turns reading something short aloud to showcase their reading skills.
I presented new school books. Plus each child got a sketchbook to draw in. They liked that a lot.
Have cake!
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He's not offering to make the meal or pick up the slack from the kids. He's just adding to the burden.
Your post suggests the OP should accept the further burden from soon to be ex.
No, I said I understand that she is unwilling/unable to bake a ham.
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Yes. He is soon to be her ex-husband. He is not in a position to make demands.
He didn't demand ham.
The OP said, "When he suggested I get a ham and then cook it, I said "How about I get a piglet, raise him until he is grown, slaughter him and then smoke the meat in a smoke house I will build myself!" I think he got the message that I wasn't doing it no way, no how."
Gardenmom5, It is stretching things quite a bit to suggest I think woman were put on earth to be nothing but servants, just because I wont call him a jerk for asking the OP to bake ham. He asks. She says no. Fair enough.
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I think you are being unnecessarily harsh.
Her husband is her soon-to-be EX-husband, so I think he should consider himself lucky to be included in the OP's Christmas plans at all. And her posts indicate that he is the kind of person for whom nothing is ever quite good enough, so I absolutely agree with her position.
And I think your "martyr" comment was completely uncalled for, as well. She is trying to keep the holidays as normal as possible for her family under the circumstances, but they have been inconsiderate of her needs. It sounds like she has spoken with her dds and they have reached an understanding. I don't think she was being a martyr at all; I think she was just trying to be a good mom to her dds and make them feel happy and welcome while they are at home for Christmas, but she got annoyed with their actions.
Getting annoyed because people aren't considering your feelings isn't being a martyr. It's being normal.
Saying her husband is not a jerk for requesting ham is harsh?
As I already stated, when the OP said she gave her children a little talk about cleaning, yet will plan to clean up after them until she wants to explode, THAT sounded like she is a "martyr."
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Baking ham is not super difficult or extreme. I understand that you are not willing/able to do it, but they doesn't make your husband a jerk to suggest it.
You gave them a little talking to, and you plan on picking up after your kids until you want to explode? You sound like a "martyr."
Again, cracking up over the ham responses!! He really deserved a thunk on the head for suggesting that one.
Let me be clear: I never had any intention of cooking a ham to then slice to put into sandwiches! I would smack myself if I did haha. I have lived with him long enough to know that he always pushes super difficult food suggestions for holidays, like homemade raviolis or something like that. So no matter what I cook he is always there with "Yeah it was good, but maybe next time make blah blah blah."
That is one of the reasons we are getting divorced. Nothing is ever good enough for him. Everything has to be done to the extreme. That is fine if he wants to push himself like that and never be happy with himself, but I am moving on with life and no longer feeling "less than".
When he suggested I get a ham and then cook it, I said "How about I get a piglet, raise him until he is grown, slaughter him and then smoke the meat in a smoke house I will build myself!" I think he got the message that I wasn't doing it no way, no how.
I had lunch with my daughters today and said to them "I love having you home and want to really enjoy this time with you, so I will relax my standards a bit and not stress so much over the house if you guys try to just be more aware of not leaving things a mess." I think they heard me, but we will see when I get home! But on my end I do plan to try to relax a bit more, pick up stuff even if I want to explode, and just try to enjoy the short time they are home.
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Yes!Floradix. Liquid iron supplement.
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dmetler, I'd be interested too. Thanks for the tips on getting contacts.
EndOfOrdinary, he wants to commute to the local school because he can't go to sleep without hearing my bedtime stories. :)
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No. If you can treat them to something some other time.
She then asked my older kids directly if they would come, and keep LO busy for her.
About an hour later she texts me and says they are in a restaurant.
She is getting way too close for my comfort. Boundaries!
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My opinion, have a great high school experience and go to a great college is so much better than a minimum high school experience and mediocre early college experience.
This thread has me starting to agree. I'm leaning against the local school now.
There are colleges that would have inexpensive distance learning that DE students can participate in. One example would be Clovis Community College. Our local CC charges a higher rate if you are out of the area, but it is still very inexpensive and they offer a lot of classes online.
Can you access AP classes online? You could always hire a professor or grade student to tutor your son.
The first time I ever looked into online classes was yesterday. I need to learn more about them.
What kind of biology is he interested in? ...For her, the ideal undergrad school will be somewhere ...where a large percentage of the work involves whole, living organisms who remain alive, healthy, and happy once the work is completed.
I'm not sure what kind of biology he might want to specialize in. He'd like to be a research scientist, not a nurse or doctor. He has that interest in studying whole, living organisms too! Hearing what your daughter is doing is very helpful. I'm taking notes.
Waiting until 18 to go to college so you have more time to pick a major isn't compelling to me.
Would a mainland school be better for meeting people, making contacts, etc?
Well, it would depend on the school, I guess.
I would imagine there is quite a bit of research in the Caribbean, and maybe some meetings as well.
There is research. And lots of grants available for more.
Great idea. Where's the note taking smilie?When he is older, and has some online bio under his belt, perhaps he can meet the professors in biology. Maybe he can persuade them to mentor him, or let him volunteer to work for them. Perhaps this might be a learning/networking opportunity. It wouldn't hurt to have some professionals write reccomendations for college either.
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I live on an island in the Caribbean with just one university. Flights to other islands start at $100 round trip. If he's going to college either he goes to the local school, or he goes away to live on campus.
I'll look into auditing at the local school.
I'll also look into online classes.
He'll take the SCAT for John Hopkins University's talent search next month. Hopefully, he'll do well, and get opportunities to take some online classes.
She is at a "good" CC. That being said, one of her classmates was literally dancing for joy at achieving a 72 on a test. She has also had several female classmates belittle her for taking notes and "being a nerd for studying"
This just reminded me that my friend, who was a professor at the local school, said when she lectured she'd have to say, "Write that down." Some students still wouldn't.
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The local university really, really does not take high school students.
He could officially (not really) graduate from homeschooling so he could go to the local school for a couple classes as a non-matriculated student. That could cause confusion later. When applying to a top tier school, I'd have to tell them I told the local school he stopped homeschooling in 2018, so he could take a couple classes, but he really continued homeschooling until 2021. That doesn't sound too good.
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I don't understand: does he really need to have graduated from high school? The requirement for a high school transcript and SAT score is normal, but most universities enroll students if they have not yet graduated from high school. Our university holds high schoolers seeking enrollment to higher standards than regular freshmen.
They accept high school graduates and homeschoolers who have graduated. They will not accept high school students. There is no dual enrolment. He would need to have a transcript which says he has already taken all the courses necessary for high school graduation.
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This would eliminate the school for me as a final college choice for a strong student. I would handpick which courses could serve a need while taken in high school, but I would not consider this school to be able to provide the intellectual challenge a gifted student needs.
I can't say about graduate school, but if the school is weak, the undergrad education will be weak, and the student may be disadvantaged on the subject GRE.
You need to talk to the department and see how their graduates are placed.
Thanks for being frank.
So I might use the university to outsource the classes I can't teach well at home. I really don't want to learn any math past geometry and algebra II. ETA: I don't know any foreign language, so I'm not a good teacher of that. The local university is an option for teaching him those classes. I could think of it as dual enrolment, even if it isn't, officially.
The local school is not known to be strong in any department, as far as I know. None of the graduates of the better private schools go there.
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There is no dual admission at the local university. He'd need a complete high school transcript and SAT scores. The school accepts mediocre grades and scores. Most incoming freshmen take remedial math.
Back when I was in high school I prepared for the SAT in 10th grade. Took it in 11th and applied for early admission into college. I thought you were supposed to start the process of planning to college early. Maybe I'm rushing things?
If he took three years of classes at the local school and transferred to a top school, wouldn't it be demoralizing when they wouldn't accept his credits? I don't think they usually do. Would it be better for him to go ahead and graduate and then try a top tier school for graduate school? Is it hard to go from a state school for a bachelors and then go to a top school for a masters?
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in The Chat Board
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WIC can provide checks for food for the two year old and the pregnant mom. They should find the phone number in the phonebook and call and make an appointment. The WIC staff can tell them what to bring over the phone. The mother needs photo ID, proof of address (a utility bill), proof of income (pay stub), the toddler's birth certificate, and she must bring the toddler. I can't remember if there is anything else she'll need. The mother will get a form for the providers of her prenatal care to fill out so she can get on the program too. WIC will provide checks for food. It won't be enough to meet all their needs, but it will be a help. Once the baby is born WIC can provide formula, or if the mother breastfeeds exclusively, WIC will provide the mother with extra food.
They need to find out the contact information for homeless shelters, just in case.