[Should I go to college out-of-state?]

1 hour ago, wilrunner said:

OP, we held my oldest back a year in 2nd grade when we moved from a different country back to the US because she started a year earlier in that country than she would have in the US. Even so, she was one of the oldest graduating in her high school class. We didn't want oldest to be the youngest driving and dating and relying on friends who could drive or were just that much more mature than she was. Being one of the oldest in her class, she was much more mature and able to make good decisions. She had a better idea of what she wanted to do in her life.

We also have a dd who was one of the youngest in her class and wishes we had held her back for  a year before starting kindergarten. I don't know why we didn't think about her being so much younger. She went into college and could have graduated after 2 years when she was 19. The day before a major deadline, she called me in a panic and told me she wasn't ready to head out into the world and she didn't feel confident that her degree would get her where she wanted to go, simply because she was so young and inexperienced. Thanks to so many recommendations here, she ended up adding a second major to graduate with her class peers and has a good job lined up. If I were to do it over, I would wait a year with this dd. The extra maturity really makes a difference.

 

 

 

 

Your older daughter wasn't any more mature at a given point in time than she would've been if she had been the grade above, nor was your younger daughter any less mature than she would've been had she been in the grade below. They also didn't drive earlier or later than they would have otherwise. Someone born in October of 2016 will be able to drive in October of 2032, regardless of whether they're a 10th grader or an 11th grader at that point, as well as go to bars in October of 2037 regardless of whether they're a college junior or a college senior at that point. The set of people in the world who drive and drink before and after them will be the same.

The idea that holding a child back makes them more mature is just an optical illusion. They're more mature relative to their classmates, but their absolute maturity is no greater than it would've been had they not been held back. If anything, they're slightly less mature that they would've been as they haven't completed as much education at that given point in time. Your younger daughter wasn't truly inexperienced. She was just less experienced than her classmates. But her objective experience relative to all of humanity was no less than it would've been had she been in the class below. In reality, she had completed more education at that point in time than she would have had you held her back.

 

[Should I go to college out-of-state?]

3 hours ago, theelfqueen said:

I'm going to tell you honestly -high school is the last time in your life anyone will ever care if you are 6 months older or younger (if they do now.)   

The facts are still there, whether anyone else knows or cares. If a tree falls in the forest, it makes a sound even if nobody's around to hear it. If I go to college in my home state, I'm a year behind in school even if no one else knows or cares.

[Should I go to college out-of-state?]

26 minutes ago, Lawyer&Mom said:

The 19 year old freshman will be competing for grades, internships etc. with the 17 and 18 year old freshman, not the 19 year old sophomores and juniors.

 

First of all, it would be pretty low of me to compare myself to younger kids in order to look good. Anybody would win a competition competing against people 1 to 2 years younger than them. It's nothing to be proud of. Secondly, I don't have a particularly competitive nature. Coming out on top isn't as important to me as it might be to others. Being on an unnatural and abnormal path just to win things is not worth-it.

[Should I go to college out-of-state?]

2 hours ago, Lawyer&Mom said:

I was seventeen when I started college.  I’d much, much rather be nineteen.  At that age every year older is another year of life experience and maturity, and it matters. The slightly older kids had more of an idea of what they wanted to do with themselves and how to get there.  There is absolutely no downside to being a 19 year old freshman.  You won’t stand out, and you might have an advantage.  

It's not like you were any less mature at 17 as a college freshman than you would've been had you been had you been a high school senior at that time. You were just less mature relative to the people in your year. The exact same people in the world who were more mature than you would've still been more mature than you had you been held back. You just wouldn't have known many of them.

As far as experience goes, you were probably more experienced(in least in terms of education) than you would've been at any given point in time, because you had more schooling under your belt. I think a 17-year-old college freshman has a better idea of what they want to do than a 17-year-old high school senior, even if they don't have as good an idea as an 18-year-old college freshman. By your 18th birthday, you had already experienced a few weeks/months in college. If you had been held back, you'd have still been in high school on your 18th birthday with no experience in college. Again, you were probably less experienced relative to the people in your year, but probably more experienced relative to people world-wide.

There are a lot more people in the world than just those we've gone to school with. It makes more sense to compare yourself to people your age than people in your grade, as age is scientifically-based while grade-placement is conventionally-placed. Growing up, you probably knew more than most people you age, but just didn't know many of them.

While there may be no physical downside to being a 19-year-old freshman, it's not natural or normal to turn 19 before January of freshman year in my state. It's better to follow a natural schedule with less desirable results than an unnatural schedule with more desirable results. To your last sentence, I might have an advantage over other people in my year, but like I said before, the default way to compare yourself should be to people your age, not in your year. While I, as a 19-year-old freshman, may have an advantage over the 17/18 year-old freshman, I'll be far less experienced in life than a 19-year-old who's a sophomore/junior.

 

Also, if you didn't like starting college at 17, why didn't you just take a gap year after high school? 

 

 

 

 

[Should I go to college out-of-state?]

23 minutes ago, Dmmetler said:

 Being slightly older can be an advantage, too, particularly if you are interested in being an RA or other campus jobs that require a little more responsibility. Some class field components or internships cannot be done below age 18. 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's not like I'll be able to be an RA or do said internship any earlier in my life. I'm going to be an adult in the fall of 2021 when I'm a 12th grader, but the same would be true if I were to be a college freshman at that point. If a certain internship has an age requirement, you'll have to wait until that age to do the internship, no matter what year you're in.

[Should I go to college out-of-state?]

I'm finishing up my junior year of high school, but I actually should be graduating this year. My birthday's October 5th, 2003, and the state where I live has a winter cutoff, which means that I was supposed to start Kindergarten in the fall of 2008. However, because my parents didn't have a lot of confidence in me, they waited until the fall of 2009 to send me. All through school, I've felt embarrassed about being a year behind, and out-of-place for being more than a year older than some of my classmates. The thing is, though, that most states have a September cutoff, which means that in most states, I wouldn't have been allowed to start Kindergarten until the fall of 2009. Thus, by the standards of most states, I'm in the right grade. If I went to college in a state with a September cutoff, I'd be exactly in the year I'm supposed to be in, and there wouldn't be anything weird about turning 19 in October of my freshman year, since that's the norm for October-born people in that state. I'd still be one of the very oldest, but I'd fall within the normal age range for my year. I know this seems crazy, but lately, nothing has been more important to me than being normal and fitting in.