While I completely agree that the way it was said was annoying and dismissive AND that warm areas have unique difficulties when cold weather hits... ... I just have to add that -14 is not actually something most of CO deals with all the time as you are saying. Perhaps up in the mountains -- but those of us down on the plains (Denver/Colorado Springs/Boulder/Ft Collins) are used to a lot warmer weather. It is actually rare for temperatures to get below 0 here. Businesses are closed, schools would be closed if they were still in, this is not our normal weather-- it is COLD!!!

Mine was A Wolf in Holy Places by Nina Kiriki Hoffman -- it is a short story. I gave it 3 stars and it was shelved by 33 other people.

Went to a co-ed shower recently and they played "taste the baby food and guess what flavor it is" 😆

I put all these kinds of 'habits' in Todoist app (which I found on this board) under "daily", "weekly" and "monthly"(or I would add a "must do" category if I had any must do's) -- then the only new habit I had to add was to look at Todoist multiple times a day. The part that works for me best is that it lets me do them in whatever order I like -- or skip doing them if I like, by either pushing them ahead a day or just letting them hang there (this is what I normally do because it shows me last date I completed). Also this shows me the one's I'm struggling to do the most so I can try and change them to make them more do-able. The only downside is when things get busy and I let too many things slide then I get a LONG list of weekly/monthly things waiting for me (that's usually when I end up pushing some ahead to a future day). However in OP's case, she could use this feature to push some things that could be done only at home out to when she was going to be back home. Also as far as decluttering -- on my daily list I have "declutter for 5 min" (I use A Slob Comes Clean method so 5 minutes is do-able -- her method is all about not making a bigger mess and so being able to stop at any time without 'finishing' ). This works for me because lots of times I'll do more than 5 minutes, but if I don't want to or can't do more, I can still meet the goal.

Read The Wizard Hunters by Martha Wells (author of Murderbot series) -- unlike any previous author, I have found myself really struggling to read other of Martha Well's books solely because I loved Murderbot so very much. I had read Emilie and the Hollow World previously, although I didn't link the two at first, and it was fun but just ok, not loved. However when I looked up all her other books, of course I saw that -- and I think it kind of prejudiced me against previous books? Or at least made me worried that I wouldn't love them? Anyway, I had to force myself to try one --and then I tried The Cloud Roads and stuttered on the very beginning and gave up 😞 So... I have told myself time to start through my backlog and The Wizard Hunters was on it. Turns out it was enjoyable, not in my best loved set, but I'm at least reading the next in the series The Ships of Air (in paperback format -- didn't realize til now how long it had been since I read a mass market paperback! -- somehow without realizing it, I've gone to mostly digital and if not, then trade paperbacks) On these lines but opposite.. a previous best loved author CJ Cherryh -- started a new series back in 1994 -- Foreigner -- that I just couldn't get into past the first few books. 30 years and 21 books in this series later I keep telling myself I should try this series again because obviously it is a series that has worked for her more than her previous ones-- and some of her books are still in my top list (although not reread nearly as often as 30 years ago) -- so I keep thinking "give it another chance!" but haven't yet managed it. AND on a strange but related coincidence, I am re-reading Lois McMaster Bujold's "The Hallowed Hunt" and enjoying it way more than the first time I read it (although that may be also because the Penric series gives a lot of background that makes this book make more sense to me) Have you all had an author or book where you found yourself either avoiding the series even though you loved others by the author -- or enjoyed a book way more on reread?

As someone with an unusual name ( one of 15 girls named it in the US the year I was born according to hellaentertainment.com), I have to say - For someone I see regularly, as long as it's clear the person is trying to say my name correctly-I have no issue with variants (and numerous people have literally been unable to say it correctly) nor issues with the person struggling to just remember it and mangling it because of that. But I have NO sympathy with someone who purposefully says it incorrectly or choses a different name. And I do have control of my own actions in response to that. I have many, many times done the very obvious thing of not even realizing they're talking to me. And I have had to literally say to some people, "I won't answer to that name" when they tried to call me "random name" because my name was "too hard to remember". All this was way harder when I was a kid -- but thankfully I had various people who stepped up and "corrected" for me -- including my Mom but also including numerous friends & acquaintances who had known me forever. My name doesn't lend itself to nicknames though. Can't even imagine what it's like for ones that have so many variants. However, I'm pretty sure all the "Weasel" and "Barrel" type nicknames are not because someone thinks the person's actual name is "too hard to remember".

Haven't given an update for a while either so thought I'd throw some books out there (wish they were ones I liked more though 😕 ) .... Just read Gideon the Ninth due to Nona the Ninth being on the Goodreads Vote for Best list (+ having it on my kindle from some previous giveaway). Super goth, which I don't really care for, but otherwise good, except near the end I could see a sad (and somewhat unrealistic ) ending coming , and sure enough it happened (mostly) as I expected. Probably will still end up reading the next one and see where it goes. Reading Dragon Unleashed by Grace Draven since I got notice from the library that they had Raven Unveiled and saw that I'd never read the 2nd book in series (tried to re-read Phoenix Unbound again first and couldn't get past about 1/3 because it felt both so slow and too many references to creepy or depressing happenings (that happened to the 2 main characters but not shown in the book)--so since I'd already read it, I skipped to the end to remind myself what happened before starting Dragon Unleashed -- apparently I liked it more the first time so I dropped # stars on goodreads too). Dragon Unleased also feels very slow and at the same time lots of references to creepy/depressing happenings (not to the main characters but still!) but so far I've made it just past halfway.

I'm debating this too -- I feel like albums would be better for looking at but, having just inherited all my parents photos, they were definitely more of a pain to deal with and the vast majority were not albums I would want to keep for myself (they did a lot of traveling after they retired). AND clearly no one had looked at any of them in many, many years (and there was no time to actually go through them all and make decisions on what to keep while cleaning out the house). OTOH I have almost all my own photos in photo boxes (the shoebox style ones)-- and while they are easy to flip through, I am the only one that (rarely) gets them out. Also, I put most of my parent's photos in boxes (as a first step in organizing them) and then a couple of them flipped over with photos everywhere -- which has made me realize I need to somehow mark each photo with information as I organize them (thankfully, the boxes that flipped had photos that were not yet organized). I also at one point put a bunch of photos in the big plastic box with smaller plastic photo boxes inside -- hoping that would make it more likely that they would be looked at but instead it just added one more step, making the photos even less looked at. So I recently pulled all those photos out and put them back into the shoebox style box. My current plan is to (slowly) go through the photos and figure out which are actually keepers -- and then digitize those. And make the digital folders available to all the relatives who would be interested. And then keep the remaining photos in the photo boxes -- but as part of that, to pick out only my very favorites and make albums of those, with notes, comments, stories. And to hopefully do this over and over through the years -- so that my kids don't inherit masses of random photos, but only ones that I (or they) cared enough about to keep looking at or to do something with.

Tomato sauce in the can is not at all the same as tomato puree. Tomato sauce is more like spaghetti sauce base -- it usually even has some spices in it in the can (although most people I know put more in it before serving). None of the people I know who serve it daily put out 'canned tomato sauce' as is -- but they don't call it 'spaghetti sauce' either. I would have said they still called it 'tomato sauce' (but no guarantee I've held on to what they call it correctly as it's been years since I was lucky enough to be able to have dinner with them).

It is pasta sauce they are talking about. Interestingly, even though I know people who put pasta sauce out at every meal, and other people who put salsa out at every meal, only the pasta sauce has ever been in a dish that looked like a gravy boat (although in actual usage all the dishes worked pretty much the same -- a bowl with a ladle ).

Connie Willis is an author that I often have to tell myself 'just push through the beginning'. Usually in the end the work to push through is justified -- but a few of her books I haven't cared for, or haven't been able to get myself to push past the beginning (Doomsday Book for one -- which seems like one I would end up liking and an award winner too - but have tried several times and haven't been able to push through yet). By far my favorite of hers (the only one I re-read) is To Say Nothing of the Dog.

Actually I think I liked how on yours, it appeared that each doll had one 'special' thing -- the butterfly, the doll, the coffee shirt (except the mom, who I can't really see if there is anything). On the website, I think it was the big long line up in the frame with half the people with no faces and weird looking animals that was creepy 😧 (and the flat cartoony people!). Looking at it again, the small families are ok, just not anything great-- and most of them don't seem to be holding a 'special' thing (which is what makes yours cute to me). Although thinking about that -- I suppose the special thing is supposed to be that it is your actual clothes from the picture you gave her -- which is mostly not all that special IMO (for certain people yes -- but most people not so much)

Your picture of what she gave you looks cute... but the etsy website also majorly gives me the 'creepy' feel 😧 FWIW most of my Mom's gifts after I was an adult were similar, with possibly even the same pre-conversation, and post desire for kudos -- and she was not narcissistic and wanted to get me something I would like. She would just would get stuck mentally on what she perceived as the 'perfect' gift. As I remember, she only managed 3x to get me something I actually liked and used-- once she was with me and saw how much I loved it, and the other 2x she bought me something by a local to her artist where she had been with me when I bought a print by that artist(these could have been major fails as well, but were actually cute). Although, going through her and Dad's stuff after they passed, I'm pretty sure most of my gifts to her were similar fails -- mostly stored in 'places of honor' and never used or looked at again. I kept the one thing I found that I had given her was clearly used and loved as one of my memories. IMO you did great on your response -- said thank you (this I personally consider just polite, whether I feel any gratitude or not), said something 'nice' about the gift (kids grabbed theirs right away fits into this IMO) and still made your point on why you didn't like it, via a joke about what you didn't like about it (in my family, jokes definitely went over better AND got remembered better).

I have this clog that has a little bit of a back (similar to your 2/4 links) -- it does not flip when I walk. https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B07VBNV4DT?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details mine is not leather upper but mesh -- which is more what I wanted when I bought them -- I have looked at their winter version but have not pulled the trigger yet https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B06ZYVLXTL/ref=ox_sc_saved_title_5?smid=A2NEM58BFPMEIL&psc=1

According to 'prepmaven' site, there's about the same number of states that require the SAT as require the ACT to graduate....so just looking at the 'other' test doesn't necessarily show anything (although it actually lists TN as one that allows either the ACT or the SAT so perhaps not up to date?)

Wits & wagers Telestrations (this one it's best to just ignore the whole scoring thing -- the laughing about the interpretations is what makes it fun) ETA: I see I was not first on those two 😄 -- we have also played Codenames and enjoyed it but only with 4 so far

Here's one on ebay that says sweatshirt fabric https://www.ebay.com/itm/275467912751?hash=item40232ac62f:g:dX8AAOSwXmxjBYAJ&amdata=enc%3AAQAHAAAAoIC%2FrBA0VYkT2LVBz2S%2BOwlqZlO%2B19Q1mtQnw3wXaeRN%2BkLK9MedZrp25VlIKn0NGqvZIPCYKlQ7L5HaRc6xCyOZ0dhGSPFTeK33Wcoa6wfeSPZQIu0R78IPK71zYAAKiKanCkAm0h%2Bg5udV6Zh10qw0%2BhVvIiy0tmvhb4YEZH8vM4qInHfUg9PiRYO4iQGq0URxU6g9UDOGJAcSQzGSOjA%3D|tkp%3ABk9SR4KZ2_P5YA (found one on amazon too but it had horrible reviews AND has fleece lining) https://www.amazon.com/JiangWu-Womens-Fashion-Thicken-Light-gray/dp/B096RH5NPS/ref=asc_df_B096RH5NPS/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=532261489653&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=8932926105683200125&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9029027&hvtargid=pla-1413162122301&psc=1

So, maybe the choice is actually: your DH will not agree that "he should give up his right to see his kids on the holiday" ("his right" italicized because apparently your current agreement states you have them on that holiday this year -- (and possibly I remember you may have them always with only supervised visits?)) or " I can likely convince DH " to agree you can do that holiday at your mothers who you have been mostly estranged from ("likely" italicized, same as above note) This unfortunately appears more an issue with your DH then your mother & both of those statements together would tell me it is time to move forward with the divorce if you haven't already -- in which case IMO let go of the whole mother thing and focus on surviving in the meantime (as Rosie said much better below).

IMO the stepping back into a familiar routine is more of a reason NOT to do it -- because it sets things up as if nothing was wrong between you and implies to the other person that you are done with the issue when clearly you still feel estranged, upset etc. Also -- from my POV, that simple visit you describe is not some special holiday set up with special boundaries you've worked out -- you could do that exact same visit ANY time you wanted except you could plan it for some time that was convenient for you, like next spring break or even later (and take the kids or not, as seemed appropriate at the time -- I personally would probably start with not taking the kids, but it sounds like her seeing the kids is most of the reason you're even considering doing this trip).

IMO as your mom, she should have reached out to you in some way no matter how strained the relationship was --just because you were her daughter that she cared about and wanted to support while you were hurt and grieving and regardless of how she felt about your son. Really, writing some kind of condolence (online or card to you) is the very minimum level of action she should have taken. I would not go at Thanksgiving and I would not take the kids. I would probably only go when she has reached out for help( as you say you have done so far) or if you decide to do more, I would do it very slowly (as Tanaqui suggests )-- and I may not ever tell her why, that would depend on what she says and does. Same with the kids, I'm very honest with my kids about stuff like this but in this case the similarities to situation with their father would make it hard -- but I would definitely not chose to <whatever> with her because you hope kids will do <same> for Dad (forgive her or visit her or whatever it is that seems to match to you). I would think at very least from what you have said that you could explain to the kids that the difference is that Dad is trying to do better (even if he is failing) and Grandma has not even recognized the issue as an issue, much less tried to mend things.

This is when I need a "100% disagree" button 🙄 Adopted kids ARE real grandchildren --and it's the grandparent that should be thrown out of the family if they can't accept that. (and 100% disagree that it's a generational thing like the "I am 57" implies too)

IMO, this is just more negative self talk caused by your depression. Been there done that -- seems endless while you're in it. None of us nor counselors will be able to fix it quickly as you wish could happen (part of the negative spiral for you seems to be thinking that if only your life were perfect situation you would not feel this way) fwiw, I was lucky in that I eventually found a counselor that did EMDR with me even though I had no one clear traumatic incident and I personally got HUGE relief from that (know others that it hasn't helped)-- however she moved and next counselor, recommended by first, was not a good fit even though she also did EMDR (this was long ago, pre-online stuff). I still have a few aural EMDR tapes that I listen to sometimes when I can tell I'm getting caught in a downward spiral of thoughts (mine are old, pre-online stuff but I see a few on Amazon).

i am trying out the method described in the linked article, so I put everything (so far -- long way to go for actual everything) into projects (including the routine ones he suggests) except.. I already know I struggle with using GTD's contexts and also with switching from project to project. I want to see all my choices at once, so I made a filter that was today | no due date (| is or) so I can see everything I could be doing today at once and then ordered it by project ( I also ordered the projects by order of importance) I know this method won't work once I get a serious number of to do's in the projects -- but I expect as I use it more I'll figure out other filters that will work (maybe a tag like next action?) Note: you can only make 5 projects on the free version -- went ahead and paid for now to give it a real try.

looking at that article got me to try todoist on web (vs app) -- and must say I like it visually a lot better on the big screen 😄

You are looking back with your 20/20 hindsight and beating yourself up when you have told us at the time you made it everyone agreed that you were making a good decision with the information you had at that time. It is a part of beating yourself up to imagine that only the best possible case would have happened as the result of your imagined different decision -- when real life is that no matter how perfect a choice you make, things go wrong anyway. There will always be a choice you made that you can beat yourself up over, no matter how perfectly you choose.