Is he in free pre-K? Is he in a situation where free pre-K is part of the public schools, or where the government pays for a spot in a private school? Does he have a 504 plan? How pre-K interacts with Head Start varies state to state.

I don't think it's close to "millions" unless maybe you mix in people who only socially transition. But I think that laws like bathroom laws, or laws that prohibit teachers from using kids' preferred names, or laws that allow medical providers to refuse care wouldn't appeal to someone whose motivation was to prevent people from using hormones or altering bodies. I live in a very blue area, where there are lots of protections for people who are trans. There are bathroom options, and schools will call kids whatever they want to be called. From where I sit, and my experience with trans kids, all of these things seem to reduce the pressure on kids to physically transition. I don't see how knowing that someone can have you arrested if they figure out you are trans, doesn't feel like pressure to use hormones to perfect the physical transition. I don't see how making it really hard for someone to socially transition without medical intervention, doesn't push them towards that medical intervention. I don't see how making someone jump through a million hoops to use the name they want to use, isn't going to make them hesitate to undo that if they consider detransitioning down the road. So, while I do understand the concerns about medical transition, particularly for minors, I would think that people who share that transition would be in the front lines of the fight against bathroom bills, because they'd want social transition without medical intervention to be a safe option.

How old is "very young"? Assuming he hasn't gotten to Kindergarten age, it sounds like he needs all the things that a good program that uses a "developmentally appropriate" or "play based" model would provide. Are there other, less academic, preschools they could look into? Is Head Start an option in the area? I agree about getting evaluation through EI (0 - 36 months in most places) or Child Find (3 - 5). That might open up more options for school, or lead to therapists who could consult with the school.

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So wonderful!!!

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I am not shocked that he is spying. I knew to expect that. Of course I do want him to stop spying. If he was a good husband he would. But what is alarming me is that he is telling my kids. Leave them out of it.

To confuse things further, it appears that the source was neither SIL nor the priest. I guess it’s good news about the priest but also creepy that I don’t know who it is.

I thought that the Republicans were up in arms about medical transition. So, why would they draft legislation that gives different privileges to people who have undergone the most invasive form of medical transition?

I have zero experience, because my power chair user was male. But we put all sorts of equipment on the chair. This one is reasonably small, battery powered, I can’t imagine why you couldn’t.

Are you sure you can't use the purewick option with the battery in the power chair? I don't understand why it wouldn't work.

I was responding to someone who suggested that my kid might try another church once. My kid has been to plenty of other churches. He spent a year and a half attending a different church. He attends a different church every time we take a vacation or go to a weekend soccer tournament, or a family member has a milestone or sings in the choir. He wants to attend this church, with these people. He's very much not an introvert, but I don't think that more activities with other kids is the solution, because he's spending a lot of time with other kids, almost all of it with kids he didn't know before things fell apart.

I assume you were replying to me? I don't think that half of the country wants trans people to stop existing, or to stop existing in public. I think that there is a small but very vocal minority who would like that, and that minority has an outsized amount of political control. I think there's a real difference between someone who is concerned about trans people's bathroom access, but even more concerned about women's privacy, and who would be happy to problem solve, and someone whose goal is to exclude. I might not always agree with the solutions that people in the first group might suggest, but the fact that someone is able to offer ideas and engage in a conversation is a sign that they aren't motivated by a desire to erase people.

During the pandemic, the people who don’t want trans people to exist in public made It crystal clear that they don’t want children with disabilities to exist in public either.

You would expect that someone wouldn’t have relationships with their own family of origin, or other people from their work or their kids education or activities? Only to their spouses’ family of origin? We have been attending church in the neighborhood where we were living for the past year and a half until we moved back two weeks ago. He doesn’t like games for the most part, but he also has school 35 hours a week and group sports about 20. He spends plenty of time with other kids.

If I made a list of the people I am closest to, the top 10 adults on the list would all either be people who are related to DH, or people who are married to people who are related to DH. Well that might be true, or not, but it doesn't really change anything. Like if I can't make friends because I'm broken, or because they are, either way the mythical support network isn't going to happen. Their experiences have been really different. He struggles with that.

You all should totally do this!

Thank you, I needed that.

I'm not offended. I don't know how. You have told me repeatedly, I need to get a new support network, and have implied that the fact that I keep other people in my life is the reason I don't have a support network. So, I am clarifying that I do not know how to get this mythical new support network, and why I'm not willing to give up my and my kids' current support network in hopes that it leads to a new one appearing, especially since I don't actually understand the connection. It's not like my current support network is preventing me from spending time in new places. My kids have changed schools. I have changed jobs. I have spent hours on the sideline of new sports that my kids didn't even play previously. I am around new people. We all have therapists. We have all done lots of work around trauma. That doesn't mean we're fixed. I wish it worked that way.

What makes you think I'm not working on these things and trying as hard as I can?

Hi all, I don't mean to be whiny. I'm not looking for people to feel sorry for me. I'm just saying that I think that I hear @prairiewindmomma saying I should just move and get a new support network, but that the second part of that is not easy. Where I live now, I have back up. I have people I can call on for little things, like a ride when my kids need to go in opposite directions, or enormous things like stepping literally or metaphorically between my child and an unsafe adult. I have people I trust who I can go to when I need to bounce an idea off someone, or I just need someone to hug me until I can catch my breath and try whatever task felt unsurmountable again, or I need someone to parent my kids for a little while while I spiral. I have an employer who respects my skills enough to trust me to work from home when I need it, and who I trust to protect my privacy. But all those people are people who I formed relationships with before things fell apart, and many of them are related to DH. I acknowledge that the people I am talking about might be part of dysfunctional circles, but at least they exist. I don't know how I'd replace them. And it's not just my own support network I worry about. My oldest has done OK at forming relationships. Since he started his current school 2.5 years ago, he's gained two new close friends, and a large circle of people who he hangs out with outside of school. But my youngest, who has been so damaged (to quote @Rosie_0801) by his father, hasn't had that success. He's my super extroverted kid. He desperately needs people to be with. In his case, I do think the issue is trauma, because he had a wonderful circle of friends before things got bad. But despite school, and playing all the sports, he hasn't made new friends since 2020. The idea of taking him away from the people he loves, is a hard one to accept, especially since I'm not well enough to be his support person. So, I hear the suggestion. I just can't imagine how to put it into action.

And yet, other people seem to have friends. How does that happen?