Oh, I'm really sorry 😞 . I don't think him trying to get bigger will help, although I don't know that I'd discourage it unless he takes it too far. DH was a teeny boy until the end of high school, and he was definitely self-conscious about it. He said that it really helped that he was good at sports -- it earned him some allies that kept people from hassling him. I wonder if your DS can find an activity like that?

I can't answer how to structure your day, because I'm not sure what you'd like to do. But in terms of finding like-minded people . . . given that this is likely to be contentious, I'd stick to just chatting people up and telling those that seem plausible about the co-op. It's going to be a lot easier to get going if you're already starting with a group.

I think the advice that I can do nothing except be quiet and focus on myself would be frustrating for me. Nagging is obviously not helpful. But when a situation isn’t livable, people try to control the people who are making it unlivable, and nagging is one way it comes out. The solution to that is to not throw out the baby with the bath water: she needs her life to feel livable even though you can’t MAKE someone change. And then the question is what she can actually control… what parts of their life that are affected by her husband’s drinking are actually things she can’t deal with. In my opinion, you can only deal with the nagging once you’ve made the environment different.

I think being selective is tricky. If you tell lots of people about it, and then you have to turn lots of people down, that breeds bad feeling. But if you start out with a long list of rules, you might also have trouble attracting a group. What I've mostly done is run things with a small group of people and only invited people to it when they seemed like-minded. (I've told people about it in other circumstances -- I just don't advertise unless they seem interested.) We've only done this for a few years, and we've definitely had some conflict -- you should expect that no matter what you do. I think having explicit discussion of what's bothering people and what's working for them and what they need from the group is probably more important than writing it down.

Should have space now.

It’s full. I’ll clear.

Looks pretty reasonable to me. In general, I think a high school student's schedule would need to look pretty dire for me to get seriously involved. High school is a great time to practice time management and to make some mistakes if need be.

I think of it as totally silent.

We lived in SF for the entire fall and felt safe enough. We certainly never had our car broken into, and we even parked it on the street at Fisherman's Wharf a few times. (And parking it in other parts of the city is much less stressful -- we spent the whole term parking it in Noe Valley on the street and nothing happened.) That being said, it feels much less pleasant than it did before the pandemic (and before the decrease in enforcement.) Which is to say that it's not like you're going into some sort of crime-ridden dystopia when you head to SF and are very likely to get in trouble . . . but nor is it totally peaceful. DH did, for example, see some guys breaking into cars in broad daylight, which is NOT something you should be seeing even once on a 4-month visit, statistically, unless there's a problem.

Happy birthday! How do you know it’s the most common?

That's super exciting!!! I hope you like it :-).

Yeah, property crime is out of control there right now. I don't think it's really related to the homeless population, though -- I think it's more than they aren't enforcing things right now.

Thank you! I hope it works (although I also hope he won't need it.) It's the thing I've liked best for getting out of this kind of sticky stuff.

This person sounds damaged, threatened, and therefore scary. I'd bow out of the interaction in a way that's totally not accusatory and makes it seem like it's all about your kid. "I'm so sorry I did X. I get overwhelmed very easily and I won't be able to respond to any more messages right now. Best of luck in Y." That way, it lets the other person move on to someone else that makes them angry -- trust me, someone like this must be constantly picking fights. You just want to get out of the crosshairs without setting them off again, which any mention of anything the other person is doing will trigger.

Hey there. Good to see you on here again, although I'm sorry you're struggling. Hugs. You should vent to us as much as you like. This board is so good for that. And there are people with all kinds of useful experience. And much empathy. This sounds like a really tough row to hoe. I'd also hesitate about adding more medications . . . although you should probably take that with a boulder of salt, since I tend to be medication-averse to begin with. Probably irrationally so. Personally, I'd homeschool, wait for her brain to grow up a bit, and prioritize finding what makes her feel better -- whether it's exercise, or audiobooks, or drawing . . . whatever it is, you'll be better placed to find it at home than at school, since it's likely to be very personal to her, and this is also likely to be WAY more important in her life than her academics. I'd also look for better therapists if at all possible. I wouldn't even care what it was called -- whether it was ERP or not. You want someone who knows how to get your child to listen and makes your child feel heard and understood. And I firmly believe that's mostly a function of the therapist and not of what the specifics of what they call what they're doing is.

I think it depends on what you mean by hate. A strong emotion of frustration and disappointment? I think you can come back from that, if you fix the reasons for those. A feeling of global disrespect and contempt? I think that’s irretrievable.

They're fun! It's usually in the style of a speakeasy. No sign, in the basement or otherwise inconspicuous (maybe in a back room?), retro vibe, cozy, the feeling of being hidden away from the world.

The one I like best isn't even obviously multiplication! Here it is: https://mathforlove.com/lesson/blockout/ You don't have to write down the values as products or anything. You just have to count the squares in the rectangle. It's adding or counting, not multiplying 😉. The kids in my classes like the version that Beast Academy has better, where you have to make a "blob" -- the rectangles of the same color (played by the same player!) have to be contiguous.

Do you need a multiplication game? I have a favorite for that.

I have experience with anxious kids who also get bored by easier content. Both of mine fit that mold. For us, this is a tricky problem. We've dealt with it in a few ways: * Making sure that we're working together as a team (I really like The Explosive Child for a guide on how to do this, even for non-explosive children.) * Approaching the same content from a different angle (I think DD11 learned to add multidigit numbers way back when she was 5 in the service of converting from binary to decimal. She didn't want to do it unless there was a REASON.) * Taking a break until the kid is ready to work on something. You have my sympathy! This is a tricky thing.

I don’t think you’re a drama llama, either! Although that is a very cute llama… 🦙

You should totally write a book 😁. Yeah, I can l see that being a good approach. I see what you mean.

Yeah. I’d agree with that!! Your post flattened it too much, I think, though. Like, to deal with anxiety, you wouldn’t necessarily change the CONTENT, just the approach. Same for other challenges.

That can really break down with anxiety issues, though. That's what I've seen the most of in my family -- not that the content is too hard, but that the content makes them anxious and then they can't tackle it.

I'd get a tutor for sure. Even if you can't do real time tutoring, you could find someone to pay to field her questions -- she could e-mail them or something. I don't think you'll be able to learn enough at 2-4 hours a week, either. Also, as someone who tutors . . . there's understanding something decently well, and there's understanding something well enough that you can handle misunderstandings, and it's much harder to get to that level of proficiency.