That's what I'm afraid of. She is young and compulsive and not thinking about future consequences. What if she gets a job in Florida and hates that too or somehow loses it? This could affect her whole life. She doesn't have a good reason except that she is unhappy and wants to be with this boy.

My dd is 24 and therefore I have no control over what she does. Unfortunately she has been making some bad choices which I won't go into but she wants to move out of state. She is a teacher at a public school and is very unhappy in her job. I thought she would finish the year but just found out through her sibling that she may be planning to leave before Christmas. I know that she had applied for a license in the new state but as of a few days ago she told me she hadn't received yet. She told her sibling that she has been in contact with a possible new employer. Her brother expressed concern about her breaking her contract. She is under the impression that she just wouldn't be able to teach in the same school district again. I've tried to do a little research but can't find anything official. From what I've read she may not ever be able to teach in our state again and it would put a black mark on her records and make it difficult for her to get other jobs. She is moving in with a boyfriend who she has basically just known for about 2 months. He lives out of state so they have actually only spent 3 days together. If this relationship doesn't work out she will have nowhere to live and I feel she is risking a lot. I know she is an adult but I think she is making a terrible mistake. Also I cannot bring this up to her or she will know her sibling told me.

Oops I was wrong it is 21. It wasn't an issue for us since my oldest is my worst driver. There is no way I would have had her help her younger siblings.

Wow I give you a lot of credit. All 3 of mine took driving lessons but our state requires 50 hours of practice with a parent (or other licensed driver over 18). My dh didn't help at all so that's over 150 hours but they are 3 years apart. My youngest two were good drivers but it was horrible with my oldest. I'm still terrified to drive with her.

It's not his chore! This is a spin off from a post of mine. People somehow have the misconception that it is my son's chore to throw out the garbage. It's not. I was just saying that he is tired of my dd being careless. It's not just a one time thing. She should wrap it up and then throw it away. I don't care who she is sharing a bathroom with it's gross to find a used pad falling halfway out of the garbage or on the floor. How can anyone be ok with that? Again this isn't a one time thing. My son doesn't have any hang ups. He is a mature 18 year old guy. He has lived with two sisters all his life and is used to the bathroom being taken over by makeup, bras etc. I just think in this case she is being inconsiderate.

That was my post. I just wanted to clarify a few things. First of all my son is quite used to seeing feminine products, bras, etc. you name it lying around. He has lived with 2 sisters all his life. He is definitely not "protected by the reality of menstruation". I'm sorry if my post was confusing. He is actually quite open with me about that stuff. My son goes to school full time and is in a sport for college. He is also quite busy. We ask him to mow the lawn and during the winter he will do the vacuuming and occasionally other things when we need help. Picking up the trash is not his job. We've asked daughter to take care of the bathroom. It is the ONLY thing we ask of her. She does nothing else around the house. The main reason we want her to clean the bathroom instead of him is that it is 99% her mess. Yes he showers in there but that's it. She has all of her makeup all over the place. She will leave empty shampoo bottles in the shower (he uses a different shampoo). She will get another razor but leave the old one in there. She is also just very sloppy getting ready-toothpaste and makeup all over the place, cloths all over the place. Believe it or not my 18 year old son is tons neater. So this is not a matter of him not taking the trash out during that time of the month. He has taken the trash out several times when that was his job. Right now the bathroom is her responsibility. It's not just about sharing a bathroom with her brother. She shares it with her sister when she is home from college and she is grossed out by it too. She doesn't wrap things that she should wrap. I'm not talking about something accidentally becoming unwrapped. This isn't a one time thing. It happens every month. Sometimes it doesn't even land in the garbage. No one wants to have to pick that up off the floor.

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I really appreciate all the help. I've decided to delete the post due to privacy reasons. I am hoping to talk to my therapist tomorrow regarding how I can help her.

I have several chronic health conditions that cause me a lot of pain. I do not have a job and therefore my husband feels that I should be 100% responsible for the house. Long story but we have to host about 20 girls from my daughter's college hockey team. It will literally only be about 9-10 hours. They just need to stay here to sleep on the way to a game. Their college is 4 hours away from us and they are playing a a school an additional 8 hours from us. It's going to be a big inconvenience but I've agreed to it because my daughter is one of the drivers. She won't get home from practice until midnight the night before and then has several hours of classes from about 8-4. They are leaving at 4:30 and it will be difficult for her (or any of the drivers) to drive 8+ hours and not get there until 1 am. It will help a lot stopping at our house. Due to my health problems and lack of help from anyone else, my house is a bit of a mess. I don't mean things like dishes, laundry or the main bathroom and I'm not a hoarder. I mean more like piles of papers that need to be gone through and things like washing windows, floor boards, cobwebs, ceiling fans. Since we will need to have people sleep on couches I need to spot clean and vacuum those. We also have a sofa sleeper in the basement so now I need to straighten the basement up. It's a mess-mostly from stuff from my college daughter who graduated but she won't have time to help. The basement is also our catch all for things we want to store but since it is hard for me to bend over or lift it isn't very organized. I realize that college kids probably won't care but I'm embarrassed by the mess and it's totally up to me to clean it up. The biggest thing is our carpets. They need to be shampooed. We have dogs and we spot clean but they need a deep cleaning since some people may have to sleep on the floor. My husband used to do it regularly but ever since I got sick he has stopped doing stuff. He holds it against me that I don't work full time and that I don't keep the house as clean as he wants. Today I asked him if he was going to be able to do it before the kids come and he had a fit saying "your arms aren't broken". I told him I don't Know how to run the machine and asked if he would show me and at least help me move furniture but he refuses. He said I can just hire someone. The problem is I really just want a few rooms and the stairs done. How does that work? Will I still have to move furniture? We have a piano so I don't even want that moved. Do they have to move it? Can I just keep it there?

We live near Chicago and I'm a third generation Cub's fan. I still feel like it's a dream. My dad is 82 and I'm so happy that he finally got to see them win. My college daughter is such a big fan and couldn't stand missing watching the game with us. She goes to school in Wisconsin 4 hours away. She left after class yesterday afternoon and for Got home around 7:30. After the game she went with her brother to Dick's Sporting Goods to get t-shirts etc and ended up standing in line for over 2 hours. They didn't get home until after 2. Then she had to leave again at 6:15 this morning for the 4 hour drive back to campus in time for biology lab. In a way I'm glad she is used to lack of sleep due to her insomnia since I was worried about her driving after only 3 hours of sleep but she did fine. I'm so glad we were able to share the moment as a family, although at times I was sure I was going to have a heart attack. My son is thinking about going to the parade and rally tomorrow but they are expecting record breaking crowds. I will be watching it on TV.

I'm so happy. I'll admit I cried when they won.

I'm so excited. My dad was 11 last time the Cubs were in world series. His dad was also a Cubs fan and I've been one as long as I can remember. I can't imagine how crazy it is downtown. It's loud enough here in the burbs with the fireworks.

We were thinking about going over Christmas break not actually over Christmas Day. It wasn't originally going to be a present but I'm thinking about changing it to that since my husband doesn't think we should pay for my daughter since she has a full time job (as of September) My husband will probably be more agreeable if we decide to go as a family Christmas present.

Of course. That's a given. Normally I think she would be thrilled to go. Our relationship hasn't been the best lately but of course I would ask her if she wanted to go and wouldn't hold it against her If she didn't want to. I want to go to a warm beach over xmas break since we've been talking about it for years but it has never happened. We mentioned the possibility last summer but it was more in passing. Most likely she would want to go but would definitely be hurt if we made her pay. I just don't agree with doing that but my dh can be Stubborn.

Thanks for the replies. My dh was brought up a lot differently than I was and he said that he had to pay his own way as soon as he was 18 (and his parents had money). My parents on the other hand never had a lot of money and while I never went on a vacation with them after 18 to this day my 82 year old dad still insists that he pay if we go out to eat. Just a very different dynamic. We are definitely going through a difficult time right now adjusting to having her live at home after being away at school for so long (except summer and holidays). It's hard watching your kids make poor decisions no matter how old they are. But that doesn't change the fact that she is still part of the family. She is definitely starting to learn that money doesn't grow on trees and when she moves out on her own will realize that even more. I feel like this is something special for the whole family and it's completely different from expecting her to pay for her own bills. She is a teacher so she has off over Christmas break. She may choose to not even want to spend her time off with us but I definitely want to offer it to her. I'm just in the beginning stages of planning the trip but my husband really surprised me today when he told me he would expect her to pay for herself.

Yes we can afford it. There are some other things going on right now which I won't really get into but basically it's time for her to accept more responsibility for things then she has been. I still feel the vacation should be a separate thing. Just because we expect her to pay for her expenses at home etc doesn't mean she suddenly isn't our daughter anymore. He feels that we are enabling her by continuing to pay for her to go on vacations with us. It's completely different if she was going somewhere by herself but this is a family trip. I may try making this into a family Christmas present.

I'm just curious how this would work in other families. Do you expect young adults to pay their way on a family vacation? I'm mainly talking airfare as we would be paying for the hotel anyway. I doubt this trip will even happen due to other problems going on right now but we were originally talking about taking a family vacation over Christmas break. This is the only time everyone will have off and very likely our last family vacation all together. This hasn't even been discussed with our kids except for a a slight mention over the summer. We have 3 "kids" 18, 21 and 24. (Btw for those who don't know me is been on this board forever with a different user name and homeschooled all 3 just in case your are wondering why I'm even on this board lol). My youngest 2 are in college and don't have a job during the school year. The oldest graduated in May and has a full time job but for the time being living at home to pay off school loans. My husband feels the oldest should pay for her own ticket. First I don't feel it's right that we pay for the other two and not her but also this might prevent her from going. (Not being able to afford it but I also think she would feel hurt about it.) She is responsible for her own expenses at home (insurance, medical expenses phone etc) but I feel this is different. On one hand I can see his point regarding at what point we would stop paying for them. I was thinking when they get married but I got married at her age. He doesn't want to be paying for everyone when they are 30 just because they aren't married yet. I can see his point but yet having her pay right now doesn't feel right. It doesn't help that things aren't going well right now with our relationship with her. I never realized things would be so hard at this point. Edited to say I truly believe we should pay for it. It's my husband who thinks we shouldn't. He is asking me at what point that would change and I didn't really have an answer.