To answer your question, what is expected of weddings, I have found where one lives and the social circles he/she are a part of determines much of the wedding cost. When my husband and I married, we “needed” to go all out with the event: tuxes, limo, professional photos, flowers, dance hall. I wanted to elope but my husband did not agree. We live near NYC so it was expensive but we saved costs by buying my wedding dress at an outlet ($50! And $150 alterations) and having the reception earlier in the day amongst other things. We paid for most of it as both our parents were unable to contribute much monetarily. It was beautiful but my focus was on the marriage. I would have been happy to marry under a tree. ? Recently, one of my sisters had a backyard wedding in Nebraska. Very simple but elegant. High school students playing classical music. Wild flowers. Beer and wine served. My mother is a great cook so she supplied the food for the buffet luncheon. No fine china but beautiful nevertheless. Another Midwest sister had a small church wedding, small reception in the hall with punch and cake. It was lovely, too. Come to think of it, my brothers too. Just this past weekend, we went to a wedding in NYC. The couple, who live in the place, took over the top of their apartment building which has glass walls and no roof, overlooking the Hudson River and Manhattan. Windy but beautiful day. Costs savings included invitations via email, no limo, no professional photographer (designated friend instead), simple food served buffet-style. No bridesmaids/groomsmen but 2 flower girls and a ringbearer. (Presents to bridesmaids/groomsmen add up). There was a DJ...not sure if he was a friend of the family or not. There was a gorgeous flower-laced trellis and some pots of cut roses lining the walkway. I’m sure it was still pricey but not nearly what it typically is for this area. Weddings don’t have to be very expensive. It’s just you have to determine what is non-negotiable and let the rest go.

I hate to tell you this but the reason I'm searching for a new machine is because of the Whirlpool Cabrio. Keep your eye on the bottom of your floor where the washer is located. We had our Cabrio for about 4 years and during the past 2 months, it leaked from underneath and damaged our wood floors. We have no idea why the leaking even started; my husband is extremely handy and even he said it wasn't worth it to fix. I was happy to get rid of it as getting enough water to clean the clothes was hard. I left the dial on the "bulky" setting which helped somewhat. One idea you might want to pursue is buying a small water sensor gadget from HomeDepot/Lowes/online, etc. For around $10-15, it'll give you a heads up with any water pooling underneath. We use one for our hot water heater. Ours is called The Watch Dog water alarm. It's been helpful in warning us a few times especially after having a rusted out hot water heater dump gallons of water throughout the basement a few years back.

We have to make an washing machine purchase. If you have had yours for at least 3 years, could you let me know the brand name and model? We're leaning towards a top-loader again 'cause the front-loaders, that I've seen, don't have enough water to wash clothes clean enough for me. Thank you for your help in buying this appliance. :) ~melissa

Thanks for your words. She has dealt with more than I ever have. Part of the tough exterior is having to fight for much in her world. Learning to temper it with grace and love is an area we both struggle with. She's brought me joy in my life and for that I am grateful.

Honestly, I doubt it will even get that far. The facts of owning one are prohibitive in many aspects. I suspect it hasn't even registered in her mind. Pun intended. ;)

Awww, I'm sorry if I painted a very negative picture of her. While she is rather demanding, I don't believe she is able to process well in her brain. As mentioned in my first post, with a TBI, Cerebral Palsy, legally blind, and knowing a part of her childhood story, she hasn't had it easy. In addition, she walked into a hospital 2 months ago for her 3rd or 4th back surgery and had to be wheeled out and will be permanently paralyzed. (I believe the hospital may be culpable but that's a whole 'nother story.) I never thought the idea of the van was a feasible one. I figured if I presented the facts of owning one vs taking public transportation, it might help her to process the information. It would be facts directing the subject, hopefully minimizing emotion or desire. Thus, my reason for asking you folks for advice.

Feeling kind of silly; I'm sorry if I posted one of those Snopes-validated "scams". I usually check there first. However, I'm scratching my head as to why the names of people that showed up did not have the word, "following" in it? I did have one (possibly two) names with it but not the others. Names like Mary Smith and MeeNaa.

I believe this has been posted before but...but if you have a Facebook account, you may wish to check the people who are following you. I was surprised to find a number of folks with foreign names who apparently are attached to my FB account. Here's some steps to try. I am on my iPad so the steps may differ slightly. 1. Touch the upside-down arrow on the upper right hand side of screen. 2. Click on "settings". It will bring you to "General Account Settings 3. Look over to the far left side of screen and click on the word, "Blocking" 4. Go to the "Block User" section and type in the word, "following" without the quotations. This is where the folks who are following you without your knowledge will show up. I was surprised at the number. More than 10. 5. If you have any followers, you have the option to block them. You can also add your own names of those you wish to not follow for the moment or ever. I suggest periodically checking as this does not eliminate future "followers". ~melissa

This is very true about Medicaid. Thank you for telling about it much better than I ever could. :) However, there are services that will drive her and the cost is not nearly the amount an ambulette is going to charge. She's being resistant to those.

Thank you both for these questions. I would have never thought of them myself! The link is a good one to know. Thank you! I'm thinking that I will put all the info together and you can give her the information. LOL! Good to know! My friend is 54 years old and prior to the back surgery, she had simple upper body strength. In rehab, they are working her hard to build strength.

She's been taken care of by the state of NY for many years, due to her substantial disabilities. She has round-the-clock care with aides. However, those aides are not allowed to drive her anywhere due to state restrictions. As for the housing, she is in a state-subsidized apartment but the state is now looking for a handicap apartment for her. Overall, the costs lower doing it that route. Yeah, I am thinking the handicap van is not the route to take. Just needed to hear some feedback. Now, to present those thoughts to her...!

She has personal health aides 24/7 through NY state. They are not allowed to drive her in any vehicle, personal or not. I understand why but it's so frustrating. The aides, for the most part, would be happy to go somewhere.

I hear what you are saying! Considering where the funds would come from, she should be open to others using the van. And I do think she would, for the most part. However, it gets tricky with insurance, and a few other things. Buying a van through GoFundMe might be cost prohibitive, if we're talking $35,000+. What happens if she never gets the amount? Can the money get easily returned to folks who contributed? As for assisted living, she probably won't. At the moment, she is in a rehab place gaining upper strength for transferring from her wheelchair to her bed. NY State is looking for a handicap-accessible apartment for her; that is the cheaper route for them. Thanks for responding, ~melissa

I agree but she's one tough cookie. I figured if she saw some of the reality that will occur with ownership of a van, she may reconsider. But that remains to be seen ;)

Thank you for the list of questions! As for the personal assistance, she does have health aides around the clock. The aides are not allowed to drive her anywhere with any vehicle, personal or not, due to state regulations. The restrictions for the county services are not terrible but she is not willing at this point to use them unless absolutely necessary. It has to due with waiting for them on their time table, not hers. Thus, in her mind, having a van at her personal disposal would be the answer. ~melissa p.s. I did try to "like" your post but the site is not allowing me.

Wet blanket? Absolutely not! :) This is exactly why I came to the boards. This situation needs many questions to be asked and I'm grateful for them being expressed as I know I won't be able to think of them all by myself. And I do think she will have to consider the county options. I head up the Compassion Ministry in my church and figured I should at least try to see if the van option is feasible. She can be pretty stubborn when she wants something and if I have a host of questions for her to consider, she might realize she has to rethink her thoughts. ~melissa

I have a friend who recently became paralyzed after back surgery :( In addition to that, she has cerebral palsy, a traumatic brain injury from some years ago, and is legally blind. She is looking to start a GoFund me page to buy a handicap van for folks to cart her around. There are options in our county that will help her to get where she needs to but she is unwilling to utilize those options at this time, because it is perceived it is restrictive (in terms of hours/days and availability) Before she lost the use of her legs, folks from our church would drive her to grocery shopping, banking, small errands. She got use to the personalized attention. She now wants to have a handicap van that we can drive her around. I'm on the fence as whether or not this is a good idea. We are a small church with limited drivers especially if it is to drive a large vehicle. What would help is to have a list of questions that will need to be asked before proceeding with this idea. Since I have seen a wealth of wisdom from this site, I would love thoughts and questions that should be presented to her. Thank you!

I would check this article out before using hemmoroidal cream on the eye area: http://www.eyecarecream.com/hemorrhoid-cream-for-eyes/ ~melissa

I found we only have organic beef at our Costco, not grass-fed. Recently, I asked if that would change anytime in the near future and the answer was in the negative. What a boon it would be for farmers & processors who could contract with Costco with their grass-fed animals. I guess the supply-n-demand equation is a bit off-balance at the current time.

I'm sending a big Thank You to all who have responded. Usually, I try to reply to each post but I'm tearing up too much to do so today. But I am grateful for the replies and thoughts. We've had pets in the past but all did so quietly of natural causes. Our dog has mammary gland cancer and it's taking a huge toll on her body. The cancer has spread rapidly and as our vet told us, it is not pretty nor easy. Prayers for her to make it to Saturday with minimal troubles so all my boys can be home. Thanks again for the hugs and words. Means more to me than you know.

Our beloved Labrador will be put to sleep in the very near future. We will be having a vet who travels to homes and helps those last moments go smoothly not only for the pet but for the humans too. One of my sons wants to know what we plan to do after the vet removes the dog from the home. The thought of the upcoming emptiness and awkwardness is hitting us hard. If you had your pet euthanized, especially in your home, what did you do immediately afterwards, besides cry? ~melissa

I agree with this wholeheartedly. In our church I oversee our compassion ministry which encompasses quite a broad spectrum of people situations. One thing I have learned the most is just to be there. Don't worry about what to say. It's usually best you don't speak. Let that person take the lead and just listen. Maybe say "I'm sorry". Bring a cold glass of water (if feasible). Cry with him. Really, most of the time words are not necessary. You showing up is the best. The concern you are showing here with us will show when you see him. And that is all that is needed. All the best, ~melissa

Highly agree with above post esp the last sentence: It's NOT about effort of will.

Anxiety runs in my extended family so I am familiar with it. In addition, I, too, have done an SSRI in the past for a particularly stressful time in my life. When I decided it was time to wean off, I went very very slow as I had read getting off of them can be difficult. 3 weeks of 3/4's strength, then 2 weeks of 1/2 strength (of original dose), 2 weeks at 1/4 strength (of original dose), then every other day for a bit. Never had any side effects that I had read about. Once I was totally off, I took a good look at my sugar intake. I find when I consume too much (which doesn't have to be much, in my case), it can make my anxiety skyrocket. I notice the same thing in one of my boys. At any rate, anxiety is awful. One of the best things I find to do, besides pray, is to focus on someone else and what I can do for them. Something as simple as writing out encouragement or thank you cards to someone helps me to get the focus elsewhere. And you bring a smile to someone's mailbox a few days later. ~melissa

As the others said, beautiful. I LOVE your dress!! Congrats and best wishes for a long and happy life together. ~melissa