I don’t know any teens who have trouble locating or transporting their phones, lol. They all have phones, just like they wear underwear or socks. I don’t see this as anything to worry about, Your teen will manage his phone just like all the other teens are managing their phones.

My kids are in a tiny parochial K-8 (class size 10 kids, grade size 4-5 kids) and small rural public 9-12 (grade size 50 kids) I believe the spending mentioned above is important for all school situations. Teen years are tough, and we spend money for our kids to be comfortable with their presentation - hair, makeup, clothes, etc. They have so many social issues to deal with daily, and I am determined to minimize the impact of items within my control.

If we weren’t in spending mode, I would be using excess funds to increase retirement, pay down debt, and/or save for large future purchases. Depending on time frame, cash holdings would go in low interest safe spots like boring savings and Vanguard money market accounts to meet those goals. If our spending goals were longer term, I would use a retirement target fund at Vanguard (in a non retirement account). I love the ease of target funds We’ve always had shorter term financial savings goals until this stage in our life, so most of our excess went into low interest safe spots to meet those needs. We spent 20+ years building higher income careers and a solid financial portfolio, so I am very much enjoying spending our excess now.

My 5 kids are 10yo-19yo, so we are too close to college to risk the ups and downs of the market. Our plan is to pay for one year of college in cash every year, which means we are mostly cash flowing, so the money market account is generally a flow through at this point. it’s kinda hard to explain without pictures. We will end up paying for 11 years of college over 9 years, assuming 4 college years/kid. Grandparents will pay for 5 years, and dh’s GI bill will pay for 4 years. We do have some smaller amounts in 529s which are invested in age based funds, and Grandparents have five years of college invested. If cash flowing goes well with the older kids, the 529 funds will be moved to the younger kids, and we will use that growth to slow our savings rate. Grandparents may be funding more as well, so we are really have more of a cash based plan. We started saving when oldest was a high school sophomore or Junior, so investment growth has not been part of our plan. Increasing salaries to cash flow has been the plan. We are through year 1 of 20, and the plan is working.

I determined basic financial plans for us to follow early in our marriage. Once those plans were established, I spent minimal time managing our finances because everything is on auto pilot. My first priority is retirement. We contribute at least 15% of our combined income into a 401k, and we invest in the appropriate target retirement fund. At our income level and tax rate, Roth IRA’s are not an optimal choice, but we did invest in Roth’s when our income tax liability was $0, because then it did make sense. When I complete our taxes, I can see where we compare to standard benchmarks like x savings by y years old. Once set, retirement funding is on autopilot I determined how many years I wanted to take to pay off our mortgage when we bought our house, I set up the automatic payment, and I haven’t thought about it since. I determined how much we need to pay for the kids’ college, and I set that amount to automatically transfer to a money market account at Vanguard. As long as the kids’ college expenses are in line with my initial estimates, I don’t need to review further. I determined how much cash I want on hand for an emergency fund. Since my other goals are on autopilot, when we have more than the target emergency fund, we know we can splurge. I have an investment account for excess funds, and I channel money there when our bank account gets too big. I draw it down when we splurge on wants - kid vehicles, vacations, remodeling, etc. Our wealth building and goals are are on autopilot and we have a healthy income, so we are at the stage where we are OK spending.

I don’t have any worries about over exercising in general, but I would worry if my kid was over practicing one sport. My kids prefer to be active, and I love that they put together neighborhood games in addition to their structured activities.

The best one....we bought our house a few blocks from the local public and parochial schools so my kids can get themselves to school and extracurriculars on their own. They are limited to extracurriculars offered at the school, with the exception of camps, out of town competitions, etc. This is actually a huge simplification with five kids in an 8 year span, and we are still extremely active and competitive in our extracurriculars.

Like others, as many bills as possible are on autopay. For those that aren’t, I schedule payment from my bank the same day as the bill is received, including larger bills like insurance or property taxes. paperwork that comes home from school is immediately taken care of and sent back the next day. Any future deadlines are entered into our electronic Google calendar. we use a family Google calendar with different colors for each member of the family. I have an automatic email sent to me every morning that provides a summary of everything on that day’s calendar. if I want to remember something when I’m out & about, I email my personal and work email so I know I will see it later. we have a family group text so the kids all get the same information at the same time. my oldest four have cell phones with unlimited data. I can contact them at any time. We send a lot of pictures to aid in communication - which body gell, shirt, etc to buy my drivers each have reliable vehicles so we aren’t driving them around or dealing with vehicle issues. Those drivers drive their sibs and run errands. We all also have AAA to call with a flat tire, accident, etc.

Grocery and to do items are written on sticky notes which I take with me when I leave the house. The sticky note goes on the vehicle steering wheel so I can see it, and then I transfer it to stick on my phone when I’m in a store. I need it in front of my face at all times or else I forget. My main clothing color is black so everything is mix & match. I prefer to have an open container + one extra in the kitchen. That way I don’t run out. My teens are added to my credit card as authorized users when they start driving at 16yo. That way they can run errands and help in other ways without worrying about transfer money between us. i definitely use my teens to run errands, shop online, etc.

I wash everything together. No sorting ever. Sorting makes me crabby because it feels inefficient to sort. With five sports active kids, we run laundry every day. Not only do I run small loads to keep the laundry moving , but I also use a color catcher in all loads, just in case something decides to bleed. Hang drying everything is inefficient, but it’s dh’s preference and I do get extra steps in While hanging. I do think our clothes last longer by hang drying.

This is my experience as well. Our clothes last far longer than they should. I wash everything together, and we line dry everything.

For me, the key is that I don’t make a hot meal and they have to fend for themselves. Sandwiches start looking really good when you are cooking for yourself.

We don’t use advisors because investing is easy to DIY. Our retirement money is invested in Target date funds at Vanguard. The funds automatically adjust every year. It’s a invest and forget it strategy with extremely low fees. As we get closer to retirement, I will learn about withdrawal options and tax money planning. Bogleheads has a lot of easy to understand advice.

We have determined that the closer you stay to the beach, the better. The last couple of years we have vacationed on Sunset Beach, North Carolina and Tybee Island, Georgia. Sunset Beach was a great family beach about 30 miles north of Myrtle Beach, and Tybee is about 15 min from Savannah. Our kids aged 8-20 (at the time) loved both vacations. For both, we had to cross dunes to actually get to the beach, which felt like a hot, long process. Our second stay we picked an AIrB&B that was right off the beach, so the hot, long walk was as short as possible.

I agree. I truly think your kids are following your lead, and I don’t think they are receiving the message you think you are sending. I think the message they are receiving is, “try to keep abusive, nasty grandma in your life no matter how much she abuses and offends you and others”. I truly don’t understand why you would allow this person to have any contact with your children under any circumstances. I think the message you should be sending to your kids is...we don’t interact or include someone like grandma in our lives. We don’t invite her to our house, we don’t read her emails, and we don’t solve her problems or clean up messes after her. We love and respect ourselves and Our family, and therefore, we do not allow that type of person the opportunity to abuse us.

If this grandparent is so terrible, I don’t understand why she would be with your family on Christmas Eve. Anyone who caused as much anger as you have, would not be in my home or invited to join my life. Has your oldest dd learned that she should invite/include grandma despite her issues, just like her mom does? She she continuing the pattern of her family of origin? I think it’s unrealistic to invite grandma to her family of origin events but then expect the oldest to stay away from her. That’s a mixed message I also think it’s unrealistic to think a grandparent is expected to always have all grandchildren around or hosted at the same time. Adult grandchildren, especially, are on a different level than minor children. I also think it’s unrealistic to think a grandparent will have the same relationship with all grandchildren, especially if the grandchildren are widely spaced ages.

This is similar to my thoughts about in-laws. I like my in laws, but I have enough mental load without including them. I maintain relationships with my side of the family, and I plan all my family things. If dh wants to do something with his side of the family, that’s his responsibility. I will certainly support him, but he needs to carry the load with regard to his family. i also often skip in-law functions. Once again, they are nice enough people, but every function is an all day affair and I don’t have a lot of mental bandwidth to handle it. I have five kids and a FT job. My life is busier than I can handle day-to-day. In-laws events often push me over the edge, especially since it seems they are during busy times of the year.

Yes, exactly this. Working for net $0 during the daycare years isn’t about the daycare years. It’s about the long view to income potential and financial stability.

I agree $100 bills are just money, but I do NOT see people using them all the time. It’s very noticeable when someone pulls out a $100 bill. We are higher income living in a rural lower cost of living area, and a $100 bill will draw a comment every.single.time.

Yes, it would bother me. But....pulling out $100 bills is noticeable and will usually result in a similar comment. If I had a $100 bill and if I used it to pay for lunch, I wouldn’t be surprised at all to receive a similar comment, regardless of income levels or relationship of either party. In my experience, average person does not carry $100 bills for various reasons, including are harder to spend (many places don’t accept large bills). So...while it would bother me, I would have expected a snarky or joke comment.

$10k vehicle + four years of tuition, room, and board (spread over four years) dh asked what gift we were going to give, and I said nothing other than funding her for the next four years.

In the last few years we have rented beach houses on Sunset Beach and Tybee Island. Both vacations were a lot of fun. We rented within walking distance to the beach, and we preferred early evening beach time. We alternated beach days with non beach days, and we would split up according to interests and/or ages. Both vacations were with cousins as well, which greatly increased the fun. other times when we travel, we rent multiple hotel rooms, preferably at least one with a sitting area. We also like hotels with gathering areas for game playing in the evening. We usually have one female room and one male room. That works well, too, because we have activities during the day and swim in the evenings at the hotel. We, obviously, eat out for lunch and dinner when we stay in hotels. Our last hotel vacation was in Chicago and we had a hotel near Lake Michigan where we either walked to attractions or took public transportation.

We are one of the crazy families, and it’s not because we have any thoughts about college or beyond. We invest time and money into crazy sports schedules because my kids are athletic and competitive. They are learning how to set goals, work hard, fail, succeed, and strive for excellence using their talents and interests. Most families have some activities or interests they pursue with passion - music, debate, reading, chess, travel, etc - without thoughts of college or professional gain. My oldest ds has a personal goal of being a high school state champion in his winter sport. We have supported him every step along the way the past 10 years. He fell short this year as #3, so he asked us to invest even more in him over the offseason. We will gladly support his goal, just like any other goal he would set for himself.

Have you calculated how much you need to pay monthly to pay down the loans? Your payment isn’t covering principal and interest, so the balances will keep growing. A $177k loan at 13% interest requires almost $2k/month payment to pay off the loan in 30 years. Obviously this isn’t your exact situation, but step #1 for me would be to calculate the required payment to start paying principal and interest. Without traction against the loans, the situation cannot get better. Step #2 would be to see if I could get a lower interest loan to pay them all off, but I’m guessing that would be hard with a balance that high.

In my work world, my time is owned by my employer. I do have obligations pushed down from those above me in the food chain, regardless of my personal thoughts about such obligations. I have examples of such things beyond my work life too. While these obligations are not beneficial for me, they are beneficial for most/many of the participants. High school has rules for the majority, not for the individual, and I think it is much like the post-high school world. We coach our kids to know when they should fall in line and play the game and when they don’t need to comply.