This. And also, if you want to do something to get them some socialization, see if there is a senior center nearby that offers meals. Despite being a rural, underserved area, we have a community center in the county seat that offers a seniors meal every Wednesday night. It is good food. Several churches and civic groups, including the culinary arts 4H club, support it and take turns providing the meal. The handicap van for the county does pick folks up for a $2.00 fee. You could see if something like that is available, make a donation to the organization, and then provide the transportation money. Ours has community social workers who eat there at least once a month and it puts more eyes on the elder. Sometimes they have music groups and special speakers so it feels like a really nice seniors event.

We don't have that here. This is a very medically underserved area. No one gets a case/nurse manager. So passive patients due tend to just go home and die. Not much of anything happens until they qualify for hospice, and even that is not robust. Hospice is limited here to a once a week RN visit, and a once a week CNA visit for a bathing and a few other personal care things. State Medicaid and Medicare do not pay for hospice care in a hospital or free standing hospice facility, but they do for nursing home. Sometimes they agree to go to the nursing home, many times they do not. The worst thing for paramedics in our area is the very high volume calls of finding elderly people dead for days in their homes. They are usually found when a neighbor calls the police requesting a well check, ie. haven't seen anything stir across the street in several days, and there is an old, sick person living there alone call. I wish we had a better system. But this is not something our national and state leadership have been willing to throw resources at, and what little there is, tends to be on the chopping block when budgets get cut because wealthy politicians and the companies that control them can always pay for someone to take care of their elderly family members. Regular people are not important enought to be considered.

Elder abuse law varies by state. So there isn't any one answer. Locally, if you don't let the elder move in with you - this is often where the legal problems come in because then you have assumed legal charge of and physical responsibility for this person - elder abuse charges have a hard time sticking and are rarely even brought against the adult child. You can't abuse them if you do not care for them. But that is because my state does not have any hard and fast "adult children are required to physically and financially provide for their parents" law. The key is not accepting the responsibility to begin with. Elder abuse tends to be triggered when the adult child accepts responsibility for care and then can't manage it properly resulting ins something bad happening or actually abuses the elder adult or embezzled their money, denies them medical care etc. I did face that though one time. My father refused to be treated for a major health crisis because he did not want to pay his deductible and co-pay. His condition deteriorated - despite the fact that both dh and I, and my brother and his wife offered to pay his out of pocket expenses - into brain hypoxia and paraneoplastic syndrome both of which combined caused him to hallucinate and become suicidal. He attempted to kill my mom. In order to keep him out of jail when he really needed to be in the hospital (Michigan no longer has a not guilty by reason of insanity or mental insufficiency plea so often people in terrible condition are kept in jail, not in hospitals being treated), my brother posted bail and then signed that he and I (never asked me, just put my name down on the form) would be assuming legal and physical responsibility for him, and then my brother promptly did nothing and stuck me with it all!!!! I eventually was at the end of my rope caring for our mother here at my house, and my father at his house. My mental, emotional, and physical health tanked. I was homeschooling a high school senior and trying to go through college application season, keep up with homeschooling the other two high schoolers, etc. and the cops/court in the county very much expected me to care for him and keep him out of trouble because of what my brother put on that form. Interestingly, they never seemed to care that my brother was not involved! 😠 After the third hospitalization, I told the social worker I was done. (And my father was profoundly, verbally abusive to me. I cannot even begin to describe the horror show. I ended up suicidal because of it, and what had been an unbelievably happy, stable marriage nearly ended. I give so much credit to DH for sticking it out with me, and holding us together when I had NOTHING left to give!) The social worker called the prosecutor, and the prosecutor told me if I didn't care for him, he would charge me with elder abuse. I spent $3000 o a criminal attorney with experience in elder care law to put the prosecutor in his place, and when I say put him in his place, I think the DA and state cops felt positively ROASTED when those phone calls and letters came through. That ended it. I did not take care of my dad, and I faced no fall out from then on. My sister came home from France, took care of him for a while, and then he ended up hospitalized for two months, came home on hospice, and died within two days during which I did not provide any care though I did show up at the house to check on mom and sis (mom had been allowed to move back home once he was incapacitated and couldn't hurt her physically), bring them a hot meal, and some other care actions I did on their behalf. My legal issue was an extreme case. Millie across the street had one son who lives in California. She refused to move there to live with him. She has housekeeping once a week and a driver/ride for medical appointments and once a week grocery pick up. She is not capable of living alone, and won't go to a facility. But her son is not going to face any elder abuse charges. She has the right to die alone in her house.

Gently, I would suggest your husband find a nursing home bed for her and stop doing all of this. It is going to take a toll on his health and potentially his relationship with you. It is one thing to take care of elders who do not go out of their way to make everything worse than it has to be as well as people who were not abusive. It is quite another to be driven into the ground by a historically selfish, narcissistic person who burned every bridge deliberately. Community services exist for a reason. My mother in law, who is difficult but no where near anything you are dealing with, can no longer afford to pay her once a week housekeeper. She thinks she is going to dump that on dh and I despite all of the other stuff we do including my husband spending tomorrow evening installing a new water heater for her that we paid for! Nope. She will either allow the center for the aging for our county which provides housekeeping services once per week to come to the house or her house is not going to be getting cleaned the way she wants.

Techwife, maybe focus on the windows along the side. They could have swags of garland with whatever colors you like over the windows. Then maybe do some color opposite the lanterns. A copper vase/umbrella stand full of rolls of wrapping paper would be pretty.

I made three of these for the front porch posts at the Alabama house. I am posting them (UPS) to Dd tomorrow. Easy peasy. I shopped the pre-black Friday sales for Joann online. I actually ended up paying only $2.00 per wreath of berry garland and $1.25 for the bow with evergreen and pinecones. I bought a whole bunch of extra bows so when they hang the lights from the porch, they can tie it up with more bows. All I had to do was unwind and straighten out the garland, and then shape into the size circle I wanted. Then I put the bow on using the twisty tie that holds the bow together. This was a 60 second per wreath job! We will store them in a tub for next uear, and probably use them every year until they fall apart from weathering.

Yes, my abusive, narcissistic uncle's sons declined POA and executor, and cut off contact. He tried to show up at one of their homes, and they simply did not open the door. Eventually they called community health, explained that they were not responsible for this elder and it was unsafe for said elder to be near them, and police with a social worker were dispatched to pick him up. They decided to have paramedics transport him to the hospital on a psyche hold, and then a nursing home bed was found for him. I do not think the social worker even gave him the option of being transported back to his home. The court appointed a person to oversee his financial affairs which that person promptly mishandled on an epic level. However, no one complained. Uncle earned the position he was in, and the best path forward was to let the legal system deal with him. He died in the nursing home. My dad went once to see his brother the week before he died. I don't think he had seen his sons in years. However, again, he was an abusive person -physically and emotionally - so it had to be this way. It never occurred to him to even attempt not to be verbally abusive so people might be willing to visit. And it wasn't mental illness either. He was a rage monster with vicious mouth from his young adult years forward, and a narcissistic, sneaky weasel as a teen. Very sad situation, but I am thankful my cousins did what was best for them and their children. My suggestion is that your husband decline the POA and executor thing now ahead of the crisis. Going no contact is good. But if she knows your phone numbers, I would change them now as well so she can't give out those numbers to hospital workers, community social workers, etc. and have them calling you all the time. My cousins had to do that. Believe me, the system will try to wear you down into taking on the responsibility because that is the easiest path for the state. So one good step is for the elder to not know how to reach you by phone, and that is also a signal to the social worker that you are NOT going to take care of this person. I meqn, LEO's can find your number if they want to, but, they do get a clue that this person is not coming to your house when the elder doesn't have a current phone number.

I am so sorry for your loss. And like you, I wonder when or even if the half of our population in denial will wake up. I suspect not. I think this is going to have to cycle through with 1-1.5 million people dead, tens of millions with long covid, healthcare totally broken beyond recognition, and the economy 100% wrecked before an not insignificant portion for the people will have their lightbulb moment. Again, so very sorry!

I think the issue is that some of us do not agree with his conclusions or see the side effects as acceptable in order to function properly. Just because you are against pharmaceutical use and found a Ted talk that supports your viewpoint, doesn't mean that others are going to jump on that bandwagon. This is not different from medicating for a variety of medical conditions. My mom's type 2 diabetes meds have side effects, that doesn't automatically equate to being wise to go without.

Gently, you can't make them do anything and need to prepare for/steel yourself for the worst. The reality is that you cannot make them move, you cannot make them make changes, and believe it or not, the disabled person left behind after a spousal death Ina pusher downer hoarder home, will not leave. My son in law's grandmother is in exactly this situation, and she will die inside the house. There is not one thing the family can do about it. The only way around it is if they end up hospitalized, the hospital sends them to rehab, the rehab says they cannot live independently, and a social worker manages to get them agree to a nursing home. Sometimes they listen to social workers and medical professionals say more than they will listen to their kids. So I wouldn't plan. The chances are bizarrely remote that one of them will ever live with you or get rid of their stuff. This is something you will be dealing with after both of them are gone. In son in law's family, the siblings will hire a local company to come and fill dumpsters with all the junk, and then run an outdoor estate sale with anything of value. The house will be sold at auction likely just for the value of the land it sits on because it will not be worth a dime due to its condition. They are stealing themselves for finding mom dead on the floor. She is adamant she will not leave because she will not get rid of anything, she will not move. It is her legal right, and this is very common with people who live in these kinda of conditions. The prep and planning is really for you and your family emotionally, and just having a plan in place for what to do in terms of disposal of the stuff and property. I am very, very sorry! I wish I had better news. We are dealing with "determined to age in place elders" at the moment, and it isn't going to end well and there is not one thing we can do about it. Sigh.

No joke! P.E. we should eliminate P.E. it caused me incredible discomfort as a child! Life is pretty uncomfortable a lot of the time. Part of the purpose of childhood is to learn to deal with that by being guided through it by responsible adults. This CRT pearl clutching is just ridiculous. Why bother teaching them to read? If they can read at all, they are going to end up uncomfortable and distressed. There are billboards and bumper stickers that are downright awful, disgusting, you name it. Good grief. Ya, if some teacher is ignorant enough to do something truly stupid like a Privilege Walk, by all means call it out and demand action. But freaking out and banning books because kids might have their feelings hurt is perpetuating ignorance and doesn't benefit those children one bit.

Yes. My three sons are, depending on how the boundary years of these generations are drawn, super late millennial or early gen z. All I can say is yes, the rise of fascism in so many countries and the incredible instability in this nation definitely gives them a different perspective. My sons are not depressed, not remotely. But they are making very different choices than Gen X and early and middle millennials because of this perspective. They really want to end up living away from cities as much as possible, low carbon footprint, lots of privacy, and yet very politically active. They also do not see having children as a requirement to feel fulfilled or to be a good citizen of the world. I think that many people assume "depression" and label with a lot of negativity this younger generation simply because they are going against the default lifestyle of previous generations, ie. marry, buy a house, have kids. Just because they do not believe they should bring children into this world, or prefer to not have the heavy weight of home ownership hanging over their heads so they can be more transient, doesn't mean they are depressed, emotionally bereft, etc. but I hear boomers and gen x'ers refer to their generation in these terms all the time. I will say that for a small subset of their friends who would like to pursue a traditional arc, but do not see it as an option due to student loan debt, housing and automobiles costs outpacing early career wages by unprecedented levels, ridiculous coat of health care, they may very well be suffering some situational depression. Those young adults really do not see a path to that dream. As for anti-depressants, life sucks. It sucks to high heaven a lot of the time. We suffer trauma after trauma, and it changes our brain, it wears out our adrenal glands, it conditions our bodies to constantly put stresses on our hearts, shreds our arteries, you name it. If a pharmaceutical can mitigate that, then people should go for it. When you are working 60 hours a week and still have to keep up with housework, kids, elder care, etc. meaningful lifestyle change that might help or might not, is not happening for the most part. People need to get help where they can. The pandemic has absolutely traumatized a LOT of people to a depth that getting good rest, exercising, and eating right isn't going to fix. I am pretty certain that the survivors of the plague in Europe experienced widespread depression, anxiety, and panic attacks. These conditions are unfortunately common to the human experience.

No actually, I am in a much better state mentally since I left Christianity. My sister was able go off her antidepressants when she deconverted. My nephew and his wife both reported that deconverting was like having an anvil removed from their chests. I am glad that your faith elevates you! Really, I am. Others of us were very badly damaged by Christian faith. We all have different experiences with it. But contrary to what Christians believe about non-christians, we don't need the carrot of intangible paradise in an alternate dimension to motivate us to make this world better or to live life with purpose and joy.

Oy vey!!!! You are killing me! I can only imagine being in line at Kroger and someone says, "Are you for Auburn or Alabama?" And then I say "X because they are smarter!" I am going to get my a$$ kicked...smug Michigander moves to Bama and immediately craps all over the sports culture. 😱 Cue the Funeral March of the Marionettes. 💀 I think I am just going to be the weirdo that sticks with Notre Dame, and has no friends! 😂😂😂

I have nothing to say about obnoxious Bama fans. We have the college whose students looted, pillaged, vandalized, arsoned, and assaulted after a game this fall. So if your fans aren't doing that, then good on you. (Staring at you MSU!!! 😠)

Okay, so how many of you are Auburn, and how many Bama? Maybe I should pick a side based on hive majority!

No judgment. My husband is the best man there is until "man cold" and then it is just an epic upheavel of my life.

You ma'am are a great women's hero!! 😁

Phew! Thank you! I thought Crimson Tide might be Harvard, and wondered how Auburn or Alabama managed to play in that league! 😂😂😂

Okay, uhm....I just have to ask because I feel like I might get thrown out of Alabama if we move there and do not know this. What is "The Tide"? Roll Tide? Like, who is rolling? 👀

OY!!!! This calls for really devious actions to shake him loose. You may have to go to the pet store, get some spiders and put them in the recliner the next time he is in the bathroom. 😆

I am in Michigan and well, it is the Wild Wild West out there. I am pretty certain this is going to rip through until 10% of the population is dead, and another significant portion can't work. The not working part will really p!ss off the nuts running our state legislature. But then they will blame the whole damn thing on the female governor whom they hate entirely based on misogynistic prick hate even thought they were the ones that stripped her of emergency powers and told the state health department to go to hell. We have one semester to go and then youngest graduates college here in Michigan. I think we will flee to the mountain house for a while. It is so much easier for us to relax and nor participate in society.

So he can continue to be sick thus being waited on by you. It is a vicious little man plan. I think they all came up with this in high school, original locker talk, "Looks guys. Soon our mothers aren't going to take care of us anymore when we feel sick. Quick. How do we get our girlfriends and future wives to do baby us?" For this reason, there should be no locker rooms. They dream up too much stuff in there! 😂 My suggestion is offer to give him a back rub and then do some sort of "Bond Villain Torture Fem Fatale Masseuse" thing where he feels so pummeled that he decides to have a miraculous recovery in order to get you to stop. Make sure you cook him some sort of "wellness soup", maybe sauteed grass clippings in parsley broth swimming in fish sauce and topped with beef suet! 😈😁

A woman's got to do what a woman's got to do......😁

Imrich, I am scared! Apparently this Auburn/Bama thing is like a blood feud on the level of UoM/MSU here. At closing on our retirement house just south of Huntsville, we were asked, "Are you an Auburn or a Bama fan?" And it didn't feel like a friendly question!!! I mean, I like UAH as a school so maybe I would lean forwards Bama but our realtor whom we formed a friendship with is Auburn. Oy! 😜 At any rate the only thing in whole world that unites every Michigander in the most extreme solidarity seen since Carthiaginians backed Hannibal and kicked Caesar's butt, the Wolverines smacked Ohio State upside the head which is actually the only thing that counts in college football!! 😂😂😂😉