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LVG

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Posts posted by LVG

  1. 2 hours ago, Pen said:

     

    Not to feel under debt pressure could be huge!

     

    I don’t think being a rural teen would ruin your kid’s lives by any means.   That is, tragic events can happen anywhere, but there’s no reason that rural life is particularly “ruinous.”   It might just not be a magical utopia.  And there will be a different set of ups and downs to deal with.

    Make sure any camper is environmentally and road safe.  

     

    I think we have more or less been worried about moving so much having a negative impact than anything else.  So I think initially wondering if a more country life like we wanted vs staying where we are was really a concern of, is moving soooo much going to create problems for the kids later down the road, or should we stay to create stability even though it’s not where DH and I want to be long term....

  2. 15 minutes ago, Dreamergal said:

     

    So do your best. Give your kids the opportunities you can, but don't beat yourself up. Your kid's idea of "home" and strongest memory may be as simple as the smell of your cooking, not the big land or the fancy opportunities you give them.

    Thank you for this:). You are so right.  I think at this point we are both just feeling the burden of debt, and we just haven't wanted to make any sudden moves with worries that we are damaging our kids lives by having such instability in our "home base" since it's forever changing.   In reality though, home is going to be the constant they do have in life...us being there, playing games, going for walks, hikes, bike rides, the home cooking we always do...those will be "home" no matter what future "home" or trips we take them on.  So if we stay, we deal with the pressure of debt, the pressure of being so tight we can hardly breath.  If we move we deal with the craziness of camper life, and long distance driving for several months, BUT we can start our adventures of going on different trips because we will have the camper to do that with, and the pressure of debt will be lifted off much quicker.  DH is ready to move into a camper...I'm still just slightly worried about ruining the kids lives, but ultimately I think that route will be the best to take long term...at least today, in this moment, that is what I feel! LOL

    • Like 1
  3. On 7/25/2020 at 8:13 AM, BlsdMama said:


    I think it's important to have goals and work towards those goals... But I'd strongly caution you to not live life on pause.  In another thread we talked about this and I dropped my favorite quote - “The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one's 'own,' or 'real' life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one's real life -- the life God is sending one day by day.”

    The most important thing I ever learned was to foster contentment.  I'm not there yet.  It's a constant striving - the irony of this doesn't escape me.  I have a family member that is... restless.  She works hard, loves much, but can't just rest in her mind, her efforts, or her life.  I am very like her in personality but I can choose differently.  She tends to brush over accomplishments to "move on" to the next thing, truly believing the next thing is going to bring her joy.  But, she doesn't rest in her life thus joy will always elude her.  She still hasn't realized she is chasing, always chasing, an ideal.  It will be a tragedy when she dies never having realized happiness existed where she was if she could have just looked around and taken the time to BE present and choose contentment.

    I hear you on this!  Contentment is something I have definitely struggled with...waiting until the NEXT move to get life settled, and waiting until the debt is paid before we live life.  I didn't go into this before, but our debt is weighing us down tremendously.  When we lived in the camper before, we had plans to get debt free before moving.  We abandoned that plan after 18 months and thought being in more space would make the debt journey more bearable, even though it would tag on more time (we know all about Dave Ramsey and were in hot pursuit of his plan, but clearly derailed that plan).  What we have found though, is this pressure and having to live life "on pause" because there's no money for extras doesn't make the journey more bearable just because we have more space.  We are still feeling that burden and pressure.   Another dream we have always had is traveling in a camper to lots of different places.   We have made the best of it...we take the kids hiking, mountain biking, to the parks...free stuff.  So we not only feel that getting the home on land that we wanted is on pause, but taking those fun trips is too.  If we just sold the house, we could breath again in 18 months (possibly less)...be debt free, get the house we want, and take the trips we want.  So that's sort of where we are with all of that...on pause because we have to be...because our past decisions have kept us drowning in debt, but wondering if we should stay for the sake of the kids (staying in this location), or move to get the ball rolling for the sake of the kids (so we can take those trips and create that environment we wanted to raise them in)...if that makes any since at all! 

  4. DH and I have been talking about all of your input non stop.  You have really helped us a ton!!

    I think we both feel that although we love the location we are in, it isn't what we ultimately want.  I don't think that image of being on some land will ever leave us, and I think we will both regret it if we don't do it.   As much as we love the pool, the parks, and the ability to ride bikes so many places, it doesn't take the place of the dreams we have always had.

    Neither of us is too keen on the idea of moving far out, like where I grew up.  I think that drive, and the fact that there is NOBODY there I can relate to, will get old and lonely VERY quickly.  So that takes the 45 minute to an hour drive location out of the mix.

    Both of us feel very good about compromising lots of acreage for just a couple, and to be within 20 minutes of the area we live in now, and 30 minutes from his work.  We really don't NEED a ton of land for what I want.  DH is a hunter, but we have plenty of land where my mom lives for him to drive up to and hunt, so I think keeping the property smaller, and closer to where we are will be a great compromise.

    Now we are at the place of ahhhh...we need to make this happen sooner rather than later...maybe?  I feel like staying here for the next 4 years may result in the kids NOT wanting to leave since they would be at those older ages where it's harder to make a change.  Right now they have the one kid across the street that my middle son is pretty close with, but I know that could always change.  If the kids really didn't want to move, then DH and I will feel stuck here because I want them to have a home to feel like they can come back to that they have memories in.  I don't want us moving after they are grown and for them to not have that "home base" where they grew up.  I know ultimately it doesn't matter, and that I can't predict our future, but if I had to choose, it's what I would want for them.  BUT at the same time, now that we have decided on a general location, it's not like we will be going that far.  20 minutes max from where we live right now, and most likely closer.  NOTHING in our life will change other than the house/neighbors.  Church will stay the same, co-ops, homeschool friends, activities, etc...I mean whatever we are doing at that point will not have to change because of a move.  So with that said, would it be that big of a deal if we did wait it out?  They would be, as stated in an earlier post, 13, 12, and 8.  I can see where moving schools, cities, etc would be very hard at that age, but with none of those things being affected, would it really matter?

    If we don't wait it out, we would probably put the house on the market sometime early next year, move to my moms, and wait about 18 months to buy land and build (we would build within the last 6 months of that 18 month stay).  That will be a hard 18 months, but doable, and would get us to the goal faster.

    Now what to do...

    ETA: The friends they currently have would all still be within the same distance that they are now...they are all in the country, with the exception of the kid across the street here...so we would be closer to the other friends.

     

  5. 7 minutes ago, katilac said:

    Sorry if I missed this, but how far away is your mom from where you live now? We have a shared cabin in the woods 2 hours away, and that fulfills most of our need for space, nature, and lighting fires, lol. It's great but after a few days I have had my fill, and I'm ready for high speed internet, decent phone coverage, no mice, and no howling coyotes. It very much confirmed my thought that I did not want to ever live in the country. 

    Maybe you could have a camper on mom's property while still living where you are, and visit frequently. If it's an hour or less, you could maybe even try your hand at gardening and such. You might find that everyone loves it and is clamoring for more. You might find that everyone likes it but considers it a sufficient amount of country, lol, or you may find that the only part they really enjoy is visiting grandma. 

    She lives 40 minutes from my house.  

    That is a great idea:)

    • Like 2
  6. I truly appreciate your responses.

    We actually lived in the camper at my moms for 4 months when we first moved back here.  So yes, we did get a glimpse into the country life with kids during that short time.  However, we were not yet established in a church, our old friends had moved, we were just starting to figure out homeschooling here and creating those relationships, so it was a very lonely time.  We knew it was a short term situation, so we didn't invest in trying to really create that life we were after since we knew we would just be moving soon anyway.  

    Your responses have REALLY helped me think through this and consider all the pros and cons.  

    We are VERY fortunate that we do have options.  We aren't stuck here.  I'm just overthinking what would be best for the kids long term.  We have moved A LOT the last 9 years due to my husbands job.  I feel like we FINALLY have stability as far as community goes, but still don't feel like we are home...if that makes any since at all, and feel eager to figure out home...either decide to stay, or decide to move.  I know home is where you make it, or as a couple of people stated, blossom where you're planted, which is so true!  It's just hard when you have options and can't decide which option to take...a good problem to have of course.  

    I grew up pretty far into the country.  I couldn't wait to leave and never desired to return UNTIL I had kids.  Since I've had them, I've pictured nothing else but raising them that way, but I felt like maybe thats because it's all I know, which is why I wanted to seek out other people opinions of how they grew up or how they raised their children.  Maybe staying in the suburbs would be a more fun and exciting place to be as they grow up.

    The idea of shuffling the kids around in their early teens has me definitely rethinking living out too far.  I am thinking the closer location where many of our friends live may be the best happy medium for us.  A little more breathing room, but still fairly close to daily life. 

    All of my kids LOVE the idea of moving to the country.  My daughter loves animals and is very creative, and my middle son loves to work.  My youngest is only 4, so he doesn't care much right now where we live.  

    After crunching the numbers, if we moved back into a camper, we could start the process of building or buying an existing home in whichever location we decide on in 18 months.  If we stay, we will be here for 4 more years before we can make any moves.  Part of me feels like, lets move so we can get the ball rolling, but then another part of me thinks lets stay and see where we are in 4 years...maybe it will feel like home after that long...maybe the appeal of moving will die down.  Oh, and we can have chickens where we are.  The former owners had them, but I know from the neighbors, they didn't like it...so I haven't gotten any out of respect for them.  I guess we will continue to discuss it, pray on it, and just see where the Lord leads us on this.

    And I apologize to those couple of posters who thought my title was going to send them to a post describing major life altering circumstances.  Obviously this isn't a major deal in the grand scheme of life, but it's where I am right now.  I never post on social media, and rarely post here for this very reason...people make you feel dumb, irrelevant, unimportant, like your problems are silly in comparison to theirs...so those are the feelings you validated for me today, but for the rest of you...thanks for not making me feel stupid for feeling this way and for giving me some things to really consider!  

    • Like 9
  7. I am really struggling with lots of emotions lately and need help sorting through things.  I rarely post anything, but when I have you all have given me great advice and things to think on, so thank you!  

    We moved to this house almost 2 years ago with a plan to stay 5 years then buy land and build a house on a few acres in the country.  We are currently in the suburbs. 

    I really LOVE the location.  We can ride bikes to the park and hop on the major greenway system for miles.  We have a neighborhood pool, and we are close to any restaurant, and store you could ever need.  We can ride bikes to get ice cream, Walmart, the grocery store, and library if we really wanted to.  We are also in a very nice part of town.  

    BUT I never imagined raising our kids in the suburbs.  I grew up in the country with acres of land, and my husband has always dreamed of the country life (he grew up in the suburbs).  I literally have always pictured (before it became a thing) a modest farmhouse with a huge front porch, a porch swing, a garden, woods for the kids to roam, going for bike rides through the country roads, and maybe some chickens!  LOL!

    We bought this house because when we moved back here after living out of state for several years, we just simply couldn't afford a decent house on land, and definitely didn't have the finances to build.

    When we finally get to a point of being able to move, the kids will be around 13, 12, and 8 (if we wait it out in our current house for the full rest of the time we had planned).  OR we could sell this fall, move into a camper (we've done this before), live on my moms land for about 2 years maybe less (still need to crunch those numbers), then build, which would put the kids around 11, 10, and 7 at most. 

    There are a few places we could move.  Some being 45 minutes to an hour from my husbands work and our church, but right by my mom (which I am on the fence about).  Some being more like 30 minutes from those things, but not in the most desirable area, and some being within 20 minutes or less, but suuuppper expensive and definitely could not do more than 2 acres, and neighborhoods popping up everywhere, but a very desirable area where lots of people we know live (probably the place I would like best of all of them, but wouldn't be able to really have what we want as far as land goes).  

    1. I'm just struggling to come to terms with the life I dreamed of not being the life I'm living.  I'm not sitting on that front porch watching my kids play, gathering eggs, and tending to a garden (however I am sure it wouldn't look like that in real life, HAHA).  Instead, I'm sitting on my front step, trying to keep my daughter and neighbor from arguing (that's for a whole other post), and figuring out ways to stay busy away from home so I'm not dealing with the drama all the time. I'm listening to the traffic from the major highway that cuts through our neighborhood, and I'm trying to figure out where I can plant a garden with 11 trees in my tiny backyard.  AND I'm constantly having to watch the kids cross the street to the neighbors because the house beside them is a group home and creates a TON of traffic...so I'm always yelling "watch for cars".  BUT like I said above, there are definitely perks to the area!  So how do you deal with not living the life you imagined?  

    2. I'm also struggling to imagine what life will look like for my kids as they grow up if we stay here.  We just have the kid across the street, the rest are elderly, and the kids are super scattered throughout the neighborhood.  You pretty much only get to know other families if you're in the neighborhood school.  For those who grew up, or raised kids in the suburbs, and were homeschooled, what did you like about it, or hate about it?  I imagine them as teens being able to walk to the pool, and walk or bike ride to the park and trails (but worry about traffic getting to those places even though side walks are available), but beyond that, I don't know.  What are the perks or downsides?

    3. I'm also struggling to imagine what life would look like as a teen in the country (I can imagine as a younger kid, but not a teen).  Obviously as stated before, I grew up this way, but I was raised by a single mom, didn't go to church, and partied every weekend...the opposite of how I live my life now and how I'm raising my kids!  So if you grew up in the country, or are raising teens in the country, what does that look like...especially for teens that are making good choices in life and being raised with strong morals and values?  What are the perks or downsides?

    Thanks for reading this far and for any help with sorting out all these things I'm trying to sort out in my mind! 

     

     

  8. Thanks to all of you for all of these great tips!  

    First off to clear the air, I have never used the word slob in front of DD, and actually have never referred to her as that until I posted this...I was frustrated, as we had just had another major battle over her room, and it was just how I was feeling in the moment...that I have a slob of a kid.  I’m not perfect, but I certainly am very mindful of what I say to my kids and about them.  Thank you though for pointing out that using negative words like that is never good for anyone involved.  Rest assure though that I’m not over here calling my kids names on the regular...just today😬

    Yes, ADHD may be a factor...it’s something I’ve been concerned about and plan to bring up at her next appointment.  She’s a very creative kid and likes to pull all of her toys out and create big scenes.  I’ve always been very mindful of the fact that it’s frustrating to her to have to clean up all this stuff after she just got it all set up for her scene, so I try to give her grace in that, but it gets to a level of ridiculous amounts of things being out.  She gets overwhelmed, I get overwhelmed, and it just creates a lot of frustration for both of us.  I agree that we need to lower the amount of toys she has access to.  We have done that in the past, and it really helped, but she would still complain and drag her feet about cleaning just those few toys.  We do use open top bins to keep cleaning as easy as possible.  I haven’t labeled them yet, but plan to do that this week.  We went out and bought more bins to sort stuff in so it’s easier to find...hoping that helps with not needing to pull so much out to find that one item.  We also plan to go back to having only one grouping of toys out at a time...barbies or babies, but not both.  

    Thanks for helping to remind me to be patient with her.  I try often to remind myself to do that, but I’m very organized and so are my other kids, so this is just one of those areas she and I struggle with.  Hopefully after implementing some of these strategies I will be on the road to helping her not feel like cleaning is such a horrible thing!

     

    • Like 2
  9. I need help, helping my daughter.  She's 8, and she's a slob.  I have tried all the things, but nothing sticks.  For one thing, she has too much stuff, and we know this is the main issue. We have done a toy rotation in the past, and that helps, but it still isn't getting at the root of the issue of not cleaning up after herself.  Simple things, like after you pull all of the doll clothes out and find that one outfit, put the rest back, or put your clothes in the laundry basket instead of throwing them in your floor...etc.  I do plan to do a major purge...again...but I want to help her develop good cleaning habits...especially since this is not something that comes natural for her.   Any advice?

    Edit to add that right now all I feel like I do is nag, punish, etc to get her to do things.  I'm just hoping for an easier, more simple solution if that exists!

  10. Thanks!  Yes...lots of brown...we are planning to get new couches this fall in a lighter color.   We are also getting a coffee table from my SIL that I’m painting, which will help lighten up that space too.  I already have some mustard yellow accents, so that’s perfect!  And the rug is a great idea too.  I really sort of want to redo that table.  I actually painted it like that from an ugly brown, but I wished I had chosen to do either white or another light color.  Thanks for the tips!

    • Like 1
  11. Trying to decide on what color of curtains I want to use.  I have blue up now, but sort of feel like it’s a lot of colors going on...green table, tan couch, gray couch (not pictured), blue lower cabinets (also not pictured).  What color do you guys like better?  I put one gray panel up to see, but just can’t decide.

    1372FFE2-63C5-41CA-89CE-8922B8826269.jpeg

  12. Thanks for the ideas!  Still haven’t had a chance to get a close up.  It was getting dark before we got them and I was rushing to get them planted.  They are gigantic!  I don’t even know if they will survive because she had them out of the ground for a couple of days, but I replanted them this evening, so maybe they will make it.  They have not had any blooms according to her.  She just bought this house and didn’t like them where they were and removed them, so she doesn’t really know anything about when or if they bloom.  I don’t have an Android for that app, but how cool!  Wonder if iPhone has anything like that!

  13. Thanks for the input!  Yes, I do want the job.  I take odd jobs like this often, but mostly babysit or sit with elderly people.  Ive only cleaned one house for someone moving in, and she offered $80 and I took it, but at the end of the day I felt like that was way too low!  I was thinking $200, so I wanted to see what others thought to see if that was reasonable.  I plan to tell them that I may not be able to remove the smoke odor, but will try, so whatever they pay isn’t going to include removing it just in case I don’t have success!  This gives me a good idea of what is fair, so thanks!

  14. A friend that’s a real estate agent asked me to give her a quote on cleaning a clients house that is prepping to be put on the market.  I assume a deep cleaning (baseboards, wiping cabinets, etc). One thing she also mentioned is that these people smoke in one of the rooms and will need to have the walls cleaned.  I live in NC.  What do you feel is a reasonable price to charge?  I’ve looked up numbers online, but still not sure what to really charge considering this is a side job, and I’m not a professional or licensed company.  What would you charge?

  15. Thank you everyone for your responses!  They have been super helpful!  We have decided that it just wouldn't be the right thing to do for our family at this time.  I really feel like I am called to be at home, and to homeschool, so I think I would just end up regretting it.  The numbers look enticing, but at the end of the day it would be at the expense of our families mental and physical health.  We will just keep trudging along on our debt free journey, and maybe something else that would allow me to stay home, and make a huge dent in our debt will come along.  Until then, I just need to relax and be grateful for where we are financially, and not where I wished we were.  Thanks again for your help!

    • Like 5
  16. 2 hours ago, DawnM said:

    You might look into what public school options your state offers and apply to work for them.  You make less than a classroom teacher usually, but you would make more than a tutor.  And you could work from home.

    Our state offers K-12 and Connections Academy.

    That is interesting.  Looks like we are in the same state, so I will have to check into that for sure!  Thanks!

  17. 17 minutes ago, mommyoffive said:

    Are you talking totally debt free in 5 years?  CC, Car, Student Loans, Mortgage?   That is amazing.  I think you are way ahead of the ballgame even at 5 years.   

    No, I wished!  I meant consumer debt free...so all credit cards, car loan, student loans, etc.  I'm just hoping to have the mortgage paid by the time my husband retires.  

    • Like 3
  18. Just now, cjzimmer1 said:

    Have you looked into VIPKid or one of those others teach at home type of programs.  I have a friend in real life who is just getting started with it and I know others on this board are finding it a good solution (Soror? I think that's her screen name).  Anyways maybe it could be a happy medium.  Bring in some extra money but still be able to keep kids at home with you.

    Yes...my husband is currently in the process of getting his higher level of clearance...he works for the government.  For me to do that I would be working with foreign students, which puts a whole different status on his clearance being processed...I mean, he would get clearance, but it would take a lot more time and energy.  Once he is cleared though, I would really like to look more into this.  I have a friend as well who does it!

  19. 3 minutes ago, Ktgrok said:

    Given what you describe, no, I would not do that. 

    Pros - Debt repaid 3 yrs faster (3 yrs isn't a huge amount of time)

    Cons-

    -3 yr old in daycare full time (I'm not a fan of daycare if avoidable, plus the illness factor)

    -kids are behind so their first experience of brick and mortar school will be to feel stupid, and that negative association can last a lifetime

    -will your kids being behind negatively effect your reputation at the school, among the other teachers and staff? Will they look at your kids being behind and question your teaching skills ? Will worry about that cause you to push your kids more than you should, or put pressure on them? (you and I know that its better to start slow and easy, but that doesn't mean that they will agree)

    -you found it very emotionally stressful before, so at a time when your kids are going through a lot of emotional upheaval (daycare, academics that are harder than used to, making new friends midyear) you will also be going through your own emotional stress. 

    -what will you do if a kid is sick? Two kids starting public school plus 1 kid in daycare is going to mean kids get sick - who will watch them? Will this cause marital tension as you juggle who stays home with the kids?

    - you plan to pull the kids back out to homeschool - will that effect them adjusting? I mean, if they know they are not going to stay long term will that effect how they interact there? Or if they don't know that, will they go full force into it as you stress all the benefits of this new change, only to have the rug pulled out from them when you flip flop and pull them again?

     

    If this was a matter of "we need the money or we can't buy food" I'd say do it. Just to pay off debt a bit sooner..no, I don't think the trade off right now is worth it. 

     

    Thank you!  These are some very excellent points!  I'm so glad I posted this to help me look at more than just the financial side of things. 

  20. 2 minutes ago, moonflower said:

    I would not put a 3 year old in daycare in order to pay off debt more quickly.   I would do it if we needed the money to eat or pay rent, but not to reduce debt that will be paid off eventually anyway.  If you really want to go back to work to pay off debt, just wait 3 more years until the 3 year old is in school, at least.  The debt can wait 3 years.

    Thank you.  That is a great way to look at it.  I guess I just feel so behind the ballgame.  I'm 37, my husband is 40.  We are on Dave Ramsey's program.  It's just hard to listen to him, and not feel the urgency to get things done:)

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