PrairieSong
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Posts posted by PrairieSong
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3 hours ago, DawnM said:
Another "Do I get rid of this?" question.
A friend gave me her son's hand me down bed. It is a cool little tykes car bed and looks really awesome. However, it is huge and bulky and A's new room is the smallest bedroom and now we have very little room for his toys/toy storage.
The friend did not give it to me to cherish nor did she buy it specifically for my son. Her son used it for 10 years and she asked a few family members first who said they didn't want it. So, it is not something I worry she might be upset about if we ditch it.
I am thinking of getting a bed with underbed drawers or room for storage bins so he can have more toy bins.
I'd get rid of the bed. Long ago (our kids are all adults) a woodworking friend surprised us with a handmade cradle for baby #5. It was gorgeous. However, we had a small house. I put it in the corner of our bedroom but couldn't rock it because it would bang the wall. The baby did sleep in it but when he outgrew it I gave it to a friend. We moved to a bigger house and had two more babies. We had a crib and portacrib and our babies slept in our bed most of the time anyway.
I did gush over his handiwork when they gave it to us, and even said, "I can pass this on down to our kids when they grow up and have babies." In reality, the cradle was beautiful but impractical and none of our kids would have wanted it. Those friends moved away many years ago and we are not in contact with them.
I think you can appreciate someone giving you something (whether it is specially intended for you, or just a hand-me-down) and not keep it forever. You can keep the memory of the person giving it to you and be grateful. My thinking is colored by the fact that my parents kept every single gift (and card!) anyone ever gave them, and when they were gone it was an enormous clearing out job. YMMV
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The way you describe her reminds me of the borderline person in my life. You have been a good friend and have gone above and beyond for her. She is unwilling and/or unable to do the same. You don't deserve to be treated that way, by her or anyone.
I am so, so sorry for the loss of your long time friend. I wish you healing and peace.
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I'm working on the small catch-all bedroom where I stash things to be donated but then I don't take them anywhere (WHY do I do this?) and they pile up. I'm making progress!!
I have tried the Marie Kondo category method before, but decluttering by area works better for me. If a room is overwhelming, I put mental blinders on and focus on one corner, shelf, drawer, etc.
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4 hours ago, mmasc said:
I have one of those giant IKEA Kallax 5 cube by 5 cube shelves FULL of books and homeschooling materials. My goal for months has been to scale down on all that stuff, but homeschooling stuff is basically impossible to sell nowadays, and I can’t bear the thought of the thrift store just trashing it. I’ve donated some good, usable products to our co-op. And some I can’t part with, so that’s on me. I’ve always been a curriculum junkie, and I need to get brutal.
My second area that I need to be brutal with is our linens closet. I want to get rid of every sheet and pillowcase that doesn’t have a match, things that have a stain/hole, blankets the kids don’t use anymore, etc.
My third area—my closet. Just ugh. I’ve got so much crap in there that I don’t wear, don’t like, doesn’t fit, too old—you name it. It NEEDS TO GO!!
Our kids are older and we haven't homeschooled for 5.5 years, but I'm wondering why homeschooling stuff is impossible to sell now? I used to sell it all the time.
I gave away several boxes of what was left to a mom of a large family but not much money. She was very appreciative and said she'd pass on what she didn't need to homeschooling friends.
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The small bedroom next to ours has become a catch-all for the things I want to declutter but haven't taken anywhere yet.
My sewing/craft room also has way too much stuff, including a bed youngest dd used in college that I do not need. Giving it to granddaughter, I think.
The garage is a nightmare. However, there are some large items and I think we could make progress quickly. It's way too cold for that today, so I'm starting in the small bedroom.
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Just now, Catwoman said:
I agree!
I would do the same thing you're doing with the item your dd made for you -- hang it up someplace! I think it's so sweet that she took all that time and trouble to make a gift for you. It's a lot quicker and easier to just go buy something -- and half the time it's cheaper, too, because craft supplies are expensive!
It was very sweet of her! She had her brother cut and stain the piece of wood, and a co-worker with a Cricut machine made the lettering. Dd saw one on Etsy for about $50. I know she spent way less, but she put time and thought into it. I would never, ever tell her it's not the style of something I'd choose. I'm not even going to say that to DH. There's no reason.
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1 minute ago, Catwoman said:
Maybe I'm the outlier here, but I just return stuff I don't like. I also make it very clear to my family that if they don't like anything I give them, they should just return it without a second thought.
The idea that someone cares enough to buy you a gift is the valuable part. The actual physical item is just a thing. If someone returns something I bought them and uses the money to get something they really want, I'm fine with that.
I return things when I can. Often they don't include gift receipts and I hate asking! Obviously I can't return the handmade item.
I have no problem with others exchanging a gift I gave them. It isn't a rejection of me or my love for them. It's just stuff.
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1 hour ago, rebcoola said:
We return things. If its homemade like the sign it will probably go somewhere out of the way. I get really bothered by obvious fails from close family if my foreign exhcange student can get me a perfect gift after 3 months without being told a husband teen/adult kids can to.
I will put the handmade sign somewhere. Today I suggested to dh that maybe I could exchange the pickleball set for something I'd use more, and he said, do not return it! If you do, I'll go to the store the next day and buy it again. Maybe I'll re-gift it to him for his birthday in the spring. 😄
Another dd gave us a digital photo frame that hooks up to an app. Other family members can send you photos and short videos. However, it does not support 5G wifi, only 2.4, so it won't work for us. Honestly, I think it's one of those things that we'd look at a few times and then forget to turn on. Maybe I'm wrong. I told DD about the wifi problem and she wasn't upset. She just sent me the Amazon gift receipt.
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1 hour ago, gardenmom5 said:
and dh won't stop mentioning how glad he is I like ___ whenever he see's me using it. . . . eyeroll . .
My dh would be the exact same way!
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1 hour ago, gardenmom5 said:
Miss Manners did an entire column on this subject - with the example of the woman whose butler returned from visiting his ancestral land of Egypt with a lighted Sphinx for his employer's living room. He would immediately notice if it was missing. She gave it a place of honor - for fear of offending her butler. She could always get new friends.
Proximity to 'will they notice?' is a big part of it. can you hang it in your laundry room? then you can see their sweet faces while doing wash. Soon, they will need to have their pictures updated, and will need something new in which to display them. Either proper photo frames - or a digital cube that holds many photos. (and takes up less space.)I was thinking of hanging it in my sewing room, right over my desk where my sewing machine is. Another option is the hallway where we have some other photos hung.
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I need to do this as well! Are we just continuing to add to this thread with our progresses, etc, or will it be a group? I'm fine with it being here, or whatever everyone else prefers.
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9 minutes ago, hjffkj said:
But it took me years to be able to speak up when dh gifted me things that just weren't me. I lived with a Kuerig, which I hate, for years after he got me one for Christmas. Then one day I put a french press on my Christmas list and announced I hated the Kuerig. I made a point of saying I didn't hate that he got it for me. He solved a problem (our coffee maker broke.) I just didn't like the product he picked.
Yes! I don't hate that they got me *whatever it is*. Several years ago DH and I attended a local art show and I really loved one of the paintings. Later DH secretly inquired about it, but it had sold. He bought another painting by the same artist, beautifully framed and I know it was not inexpensive, but so different from the one I loved. It is very dark and gloomy. It was generous and kind of him, and I thanked him and it's still hanging in our house. And I still really dislike it. Sigh.
On our wish lists we also add "things I don't want/need". Would it be horrible of me to add no sports equipment, art, home decor?
Edited to add: what I hate is the fact that I feel guilty for not liking the gift they put thought and effort into choosing/making for me, and that their money and time seems wasted.
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Our family shares wish lists and I got some nice gifts..compost bin, snap ware glass food containers, popcorn. I can use all of those.
However, I feel bad when people spend money and/or time on things I don't like or want. DH and I agreed to not exchange gifts, but then he surprised me with pickleball paddles and balls. I walk for exercise and don't play sports, but they opened up pickleball courts near us and he thought it would be a fun activity to do together. I am open to trying, but doubt I'd play more than once or twice. He spent like $100 on it!
One daughter made us a farmhouse style board that says "Grandkids make life grand" and has a piece of twine with clothespins where she clipped wallet-sized photos of each kid. I thanked her and smiled at their cute faces, but it's so not my style. I'll put it up somewhere though.
My parents (who have both been gone for years) felt an obligation to keep every gift ever given to them. I am not sure why. I have no qualms about donating things, EXCEPT when it will be noticed by someone who lives here or visits often, which is the case now.
I guess I am very picky and prefer practical or consumable gifts. I really do. Or maybe I am just a grinch.
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I am on a group text with some other homeschoolers whose kids have grown. They are usually a quiet bunch. HOWEVER, I have heard vax conspiracy nonsense from them and fears of national mask mandates and lockdowns coming this year, so I wasn't that surprised when yesterday they got very agitated about the FEMA alert that happened today. They were urging everyone else to turn off cell phones, computers, TVs, and maybe even wrap cell phones in foil (???) because the alert signal was going to activate graphene oxide in our bodies that was "put there by the jab". The ones who were worried haven't been vaccinated, but they were still fearful sometime BAD was coming.
HOW DID WE GET TO THIS PLACE??? I have known some of these people for 20+ years and never heard crazy talk from them, at all. Now it is all deep state, anti-vax, Q type stuff. A good friend in a faraway state struggles with the same thing, family and friends going down rabbit holes. She said zombies ate their brains. We just shake our heads.
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I had to clean out my parents' home a few years ago. Every closet and drawer was packed with decades of stuff: every Christmas and birthday card, ancient photos, kitchen gadgets, collectibles, my teen swimsuit (!), any gift anyone EVER gave them. Did they really think an old friend would stop by and ask, "Where is that bird figurine I gave you in the 80s?" It all became a jumble and not items they enjoyed. After they were gone clearing that house was a nightmare. I never want our kids to be burdened like that, and also, I want our home to be functional and enjoyable NOW.
Don't wait until the perfect time or until you find the perfect method because it doesn't exist (though I do glean ideas from the Minimal Mom, A Slob Comes Clean, and others). Put on your comfy clothes and maybe a podcast or music, set a timer, and just tackle one area. Make it small if you feel overwhelmed: one drawer or shelf. Sit down, hydrate, and enjoy your small success. That helps me to tackle the next area. I got very overwhelmed thinking of my parents' entire house. I had to put on mental blinders and say, "OK, I'm just going to clean out this dresser."
Get the stuff OUT. Don't put the boxes or bags away, not even in the back of your car "for later". Make a plan to take it the next time you're running errands. One idea I heard was to put donations on the front passenger seat of the car so you'll see them.
Enlist a friend's help if you need to, or just come back here. We'll cheer you on!
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I'm wanting to make a photo wall, too. I really think we will put up some shelves, maybe floating ones. That way photos can easily be rearranged, swapped out for newer photos, etc.
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We remodeled 12 years ago and put hardwood in the living room, dining room, kitchen, and hall. It's engineered hickory and still looks great. The carpet in our bedrooms needs to be replaced and we're leaning toward doing the same hardwood there.
We put luxury vinyl in an entire rental house and it is nice but I prefer hardwood. We do have LV in one of our bathrooms. Whatever you choose, I'd caution against going super dark because it will show all the dust and debris.
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I had a Moderna booster two weeks ago, after having Pfizer the first two times. This time I had a sore arm, then muscle aches and a low grade fever the next day for a few hours. It wasn't bad.
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8 hours ago, Pam in CT said:
Thing is, if there really were a Thanos figure looking to adjust population to fit global resources / climate capacity by simply killing them off... he could do it that way, OR he could wait until half the world were vaccinated and then unleash a fast-spreading variant (call it: Delta) to finish off the unvaccinated. The Q-predicted way, the Sheeple get snapped, the other way (call it: science) the Resisters get polished off by natural-looking causes. Which type would Thanos prefer in a world he controlled?
Once you posit a Thanos figure as both real, and a counterforce to the power of Q, it seems to me that the Choose Your Adventure decision tree shifts rather dramatically.
The Q/Thanos theory reminds me of a conversation I had with 21yo ds. He'd heard of Q but didn't really know much about it. After I told him what I knew, he said, "Wow, that sounds like a really bad comic book."
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2 minutes ago, Spryte said:
Thanks, it really does sting.
I’m still holding out hope that we will reconnect at some point, but I think DH has given up.
I wonder if this will eventually fade away or at least weaken after predictions keep failing to come true? Yet there is another date set when it WILL happen. "Trust the plan." But after many months or years?? I've seen stories of people leaving and talking about their experiences, so I will hold onto hope.
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4 minutes ago, Garga said:
If you really liked the couple and enjoy your time with them, then I’d attempt to remain friends.
I wouldn’t talk about Q stuff, though. I’d make it very clear that those topics are off limits.
The reason that I would remain friends with them would be two-fold:
1. If I liked them, then I’d enjoy my time with them.
2. I wouldn’t want them to be so isolated in Q-Land that they forget that people not in Q-Land aren’t the enemy. I’d want to be a normal presence in their lives, so that at least on some level they’d have to realize that not everyone who is Anti-Q is the enemy. If you remain friends with them, they have not know that you are not the enemy. This might one day help them back away from Q-Land, if they see that rational, reasonable, kind people who aren’t as radical as Q aren’t the enemy.
I’d make it clear that I disagreed with them, but that I didn’t want to talk about it.
And then the ball’s in their court. They might not want to be friends with a sheeple.
I think about #2 a lot. I don't want them to be isolated from everyone else who is not in Q-Land, and I'd like them to know that even if they choose not to remain close now, if they ever change their minds in the future, that door is open.
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9 minutes ago, Spryte said:
I tried to just keep things normal, and to continue in the same vein. We did not talk about anything conspiracy related. In our case, our friends are a couple, and so the wife and I were able to continue for quite some time by ignoring the obvious Q hole that her husband had, maybe predictably for him, fallen into. We did not see each other in person, but both worked hard at maintaining normalcy with frequent texts and calls, mostly joking and keeping updated on kids.
This shifted at the beginning of the year, and contact became more one sided on my part, until after months of one-sided contact … I’ve gotten the message that our friendship is over. The husband had stopped all contact earlier, maybe last summer we noticed that he no longer waved if he saw us out, and things became chillier through the fall and winter. Maybe I should have known it would happen with the wife, but it hit me hard around April, when it was blatantly obvious, and I’ve really grieved.
We ignored the Q stuff, in part because after reading a lot on the topic, I felt doing so was the best option for us to maintain a relationship. It didn’t work, but honestly our friendship may have been doomed from the moment the Q hole opened up and swallowed her DH. It’s hard to say.
OP, I’m so sorry you’re facing this. It’s been a very painful experience here. I miss our friends, and it feels almost unreal to think this has caused such a rift.
Spryte, I'm so sorry this happened between you and your friends. How awful.
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36 minutes ago, mommyoffive said:
Oh wow, that would be so hard to see and deal with. I don't think there would be a way I could stay friends with them when they are in the Q hole.
I might try, maybe through texts at first. Not sure yet.
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16 minutes ago, Tanaqui said:
It's like joining a cult or being in an abusive relationship. It can happen to anybody, no matter how smart you are, because these sort of things are things you do when you are emotionally unfulfilled. People fall into these rabbit holes because the conspiracy theory helps them deal with uncomfortable and painful emotions. It allows them to make sense of a sometimes scary and confusing world, and even can give them a support network.
That's a good explanation. I think my friends are trying to make sense of (what they perceive as) the scariness. Of course the cult bubble just magnifies that.
Another woman (more of an acquaintance) is also deeply into this. She's divorced with grown kids and I think she's trying to fill up something inside. I think it makes her feel important that she has "inside information". After she posted something particularly hateful on FB I called her out in a private message. She responded that she'd been researching for YEARS and I probably hadn't so I just didn't realize. Poor PrairieSong. A while later I unfriended her because she would not stop the hate and nuttiness, and I'm not close to her anyway.
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The Purge thread......ALL are welcome!
in The Chat Board
Posted
I made good progress on our small bedroom and will be delivering several boxes of donations today. I will also put away items that belong elsewhere but somehow got piled in that room.