I was just going to say what Ceilingfan said. Find someone local - you could ask for a referral from another care provider or possibly friends. You child may respond more naturally in person. And many if not most counselors are offering video sessions - so you could possibly do a mix of both. If your child isn’t responsive to help right now, it might be beneficial for you to seek counseling to give you some direction about helping the child and your family overall. plus those online counseling services like betterhelp are doing a disservices to counselors by paying virtually nothing!

I know this thread has probably fulfilled its need but I want to chime in with my hippa frustration story. Last summer, my son had a few doctor appointments for various little things that we wanted to get taken care of before he went to college. There was one appointment that didn’t work with my schedule, but I was told that he couldn’t be seen without me since he was still 17. The week before my son left for college he had a mole removed. At the appointment the doctor kept directing his questions to me, and I would turn and ask my son who was sitting right next to me. My son turned 18 during his first week at college. The next weekend he became very sick. Luckily his grandparents live near his college and were able to help him get to a hospital. I traveled back to the area as fast as I could. Because of Covid rules at the hospital and because my son was now 18, I could not see him in the hospital. And because my parents had helped him initially, my dad was listed as the point of contact. My son quickly signed all the forms for everyone to talk to me, but somehow the specialist doctor didn’t get the message and continued calling my 79 year old hard of hearing father. It was exasperating. (It all worked out and my son is doing well, but I still wouldn’t expect him to manage all of his insurance issues alone!!) the most frustrating thing was that one week before, the doctor treated my son like an infant who could not speak for himself, and the next week my son was expected to be able to manage his health care through a scary health emergency with basically no parental support. (Even with the frustration we had several providers who went above and beyond to help including nurses who answered all of my millions on questions and phone calls and an awesome primary care doctor who helped with follow up care) I get that there are some kids who need to keep their info private, but if possible and safe, I would recommend all kids heading to college sign medical release forms for their parents.

Military family here, we generally move every 2-3 years. We are currently at 21 years in - 8 moves behind us and one coming up this summer! I am not a great home decorator, but I’m good at moving 😂. 3 days can get a house really well set up. Even 2 days, IF: the movers deliver your household goods early, you don’t need much sleep, and your new house has good storage closets and areas to hold all of those “I’m not sure” things, and your pack out at your old house was good. 1st day of moving in is sort of a mess. Boxes delivered to the right rooms (hopefully). Beds set up. And set up important things - furniture set where I think I want them and then we dig into unpacking until bedtime. Bedrooms don’t take too much time and I don’t like the smell of the cardboard boxes, so that’s where I like to focus on day 1. The kitchen is the biggest job (besides the garage*) and I like to get the kitchen set up by the end of day 2. Unboxing all of the glassware is a big job in itself - all the paper and boxes - it’s the biggest mess. Teenagers and older kids can help make the kitchen set up go really fast. Sticky notes on cabinets where you think you want things to go can help. End of day three we have the books on the shelves and most of the main areas in good shape. Office area set up. Music stuff somewhere safe. My husband loves to hang pictures asap, and I don’t… but by day 3, I have a better idea of where I want things. I might start to organize storage closets/craft things or maybe just keep them boxed in a corner of the room for a few days. No rush. The things that aren’t unboxed after a week probably won’t be open until a holiday rolls around and I can’t find the tree skirt or something. I have experienced bad movers who dumped storage bins together and packed random things in boxes from across the house. This makes moving in much harder. One move like this took nearly a year to recover from with sewing things tossed in with holiday and office supplies and baby memories. So, start off with good packing, avoid mingling storage items (holiday, high school memorabilia, seasonal decor) with your normal life stuff. Then make sure boxes are labeled well and delivered to the right room at your new house. And dedicate yourself to 3 bad long days of unpacking and you should be golden!! After a week you will feel right at home. It can take me a couple months to hang curtains and really feel moved in, but I like to start strong! Our four kids are grown now, but we’ve done this since we had 3 under 5 and a baby on the way. At about 8 years old they start to be somewhat helpful. By the time they can really help, they don’t want to… 😂 but they have all been good sports about it! This summer, just our youngest, a college freshman will move with us, and he will only live in our next house for a couple of months, so that makes me sad!!

Brad and Bob (as they say - the worlds most famous physical therapists on the internet) have many videos of simple exercises to help with back pain. Search their YouTube for what you need. This video is an older one, but it helps explain how bending over can worsen back pain in the long run… My husband’s back went out and after getting very limited advice from his doc, these videos made a huge difference.

Oklahoma is my favorite! The best sing along on a cross country road trip!

nm

sorry! Unnecessarily argumentative and not adding to the conversation

Our area recently lifted mandates and I’m delighted to not mask. Last week I read a really compassionate article supporting college students to help them through this time of transition away from masks. It helped me see that it may be a tough transition for a lot of people as there is safety in masking. I can see that masking means a lot to many people. We live in such a diverse world that I’m sure our community needs and culture are vastly different. Even before Covid, we saw people masking on public transportation in DC. When we lived in that area, my husband rode the bus to work and got several nasty bugs that were likely from people in close quarters. Perhaps a mask would have helped him? At least it wouldn’t have hurt. It is nice to be able to make the choice. With a family member who suffered a major mental health crisis perhaps due to Covid restrictions, we are focused on being healthy in other ways that support immune health - being at a healthy weight, getting outdoors, creating healthy connections, etc, plus all the good things like hand washing and vitamins.

It sounds like you don’t have a great relationship, but your comment just seems mean. Masking and communicating with hearing loss has been a huge struggle for many people, and has likely hit the “neurodiverse” especially hard. It sounds like rough communication for both of you. It must have been frustrating. Here’s a study about how masking affects those with hearing loss. Perhaps it might be helpful to understand this from another angle. https://www.mayoclinicproceedings.org/article/S0025-6196(20)30843-0/fulltext

You’ve had a lot of changes over a short time with job and health changes. I’m so impressed by your insight into your life and health concerns. You have been able to manage some difficult life changes, mood behaviors, and medication changes all at the same time. This is huge!!! You deserve a gold star or something!! I hope you can give yourself some credit for how well you are doing with everything. Settling into stability with new meds is probably to most important step for your overall health, and it sounds like you have good support for that. Your sleep is your best indicator of bipolar health. Can you use a sleep aid to help get you back on a good schedule? Insomnia can mess up all kinds of things and I’m sorry that you are struggling with that! Your weight concerns are totally valid. There are lots of issues you brought up that could be contributing - being home more, knee and back injury, less exercise, medications, sleep, age, etc. Discussing it with your doctor is a good idea, but probably getting stable with meds will be most important for now. Making healthy plans with your dietician and therapist is such a great strategy. They sound like excellent support for you and can help you navigate healthy eating during this stressful time. I can also gain weight eating between 1200 and 1500 calories. For me, I have to be careful how I “spend” my calories. When I focus mainly on lean protein and veggies, I do better. I do best when I set up healthy habits of eating for a long period instead of Weightloss goals. The scale is just data collection - when it is up, I can tweak my eating, but I don’t need to panic. Tracking over time can help me see the patterns and steady down or even staying steady without gaining is great for me. Weight watchers is slooooow for me, but it is a good steady plan with the support that I need. I’ve been off plan and thinking of quitting, but your post has helped remind me that this can take time, so I’ll stick with it a few more months (and actually try to use the program!!)

It sounds like your psych is on the ball. I have a loved one who is using Vraylar with a bipolar diagnosis. It is crazy expensive so hopefully your insurance will cover it. You may be able to reduce your copay with a three month supply, and I’ve heard that the Vraylar website may offer savings if your insurance covers it but you still have a high copay. (Not entirely sure how that works.) This is our first experience with a mood stabilizer, so we haven’t known what to expect. It took at least a month to see significant changes in their behaviors and thoughts. But they haven’t experienced any side effects and the mood stabilizing seems to be working well. I hope this helps you feel better!

Those beds look so nice!! Great choice. I love a dresser but my son prefers to hang up almost all of his clothes. In his dorm, he hangs all shirts, hoodies, and pants and has two bins that go on the shelf above for socks, undies, and pjs. He has a big dresser at home but when he was packing for college we found that it held mostly the too small or things he doesn’t actually wear… (so I’m just saying a dresser isn’t an emergency!)

All the positive thoughts toward your sister and her sweet family. Big safe peaceful smart doctor quick action and recovery thoughts.

I love this shrimp boil sheet pan dinner. It’s quick and delicious - I am planning to fix it as our fancy valentines dinner. https://damndelicious.net/2017/02/13/sheet-pan-shrimp-boil/

We stayed at a condo with full over full bunks and they were nice. This set on Amazon has the most reviews and it looks like it can split into two real beds when you are ready for that. https://www.amazon.com/Full-Teens-Detachable-Frame-Trundle/dp/B081G7HMSW/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?adgrpid=58900601194&gclid=CjwKCAiAl-6PBhBCEiwAc2GOVIt0b_ETyklg_1qrvZOK7l29gxdIRz5yTIQRbyoiaDqvPn5r56EPLRoCtVwQAvD_BwE&hvadid=274733906761&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=9030785&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=12723242221276260723&hvtargid=kwd-317499505628&hydadcr=13536_9594947&keywords=full+over+full+bunk+bed+ikea&qid=1643954109&sr=8-12 My neighbor recommends Walmart’s version of a Zinus mattress in a box. They have both the queen and king sizes and love them. Walmart bed-in-a-box reviews: https://www.abedderworld.com/walmart-mattress-buyers-guide.html/

We live in a neighborhood with community pool in Las Vegas. There is a very active older adult population in the ‘hood including a guy who voluntarily checks on our neighborhood pool every morning. One day at the pool, he casually told us that he sweeps the duck poop INTO the pool each morning to keep the pool deck clean. He felt that the pool vacuum would do a fine job of sifting out the particles, after all isn’t that what it’s for?? Yes, pool water is nasty, but when it is 115* the pool feels so nice! Living dangerously!! When our personal request to stop sweeping duck droppings into the pool didn’t help, we sent a request to the HOA board meeting and they told us that the pool volunteer will no longer sweep doo-doo into the pool…

My son is a semester or two behind yours and is also not sure. Over Christmas he asked everyone he talked about about how they decided on a career. It was helpful to hear people say “I thought I wanted to do this, but then I hated this classes, so I took ____ and then….” There’s often not a straight line. And he felt better hearing that successful adults don’t always have a certain starting goal or passion. Maybe a career advisor can help him look at his current credits and match him to something that he doesn’t hate? In my previous job, I invited a usajobs person to come talk about careers with the high school students I was working with. She was so helpful! She said that kids today feel a lot of pressure to have a dream and a passion and it can be overwhelming for most kids. Instead, she suggested that the you get a job. And while you work at that job you look around and see what you like and what you don’t like. And you start setting yourself up for the job that you like. Maybe that means schooling or training, or maybe it means different work experience. And when you get that job, you look around at the next possibilities… you don’t get a job and keep it for 40 years anymore - you build your skill stack and keep getting experience until you get to something you love. That was helpful for me (currently working on my own degree!) Perhaps your son could get some work experience at the YMCA now and the Parks department this summer to see if that is something he likes. He could referee high school sports this spring like track, or club sports all year. If his semester ends before your local schools get out, he could substitute teach and get some experience in different schools?

I have green eyes with a bit of hazel toward the center. When I cry they become strikingly bright green. But I wouldn’t call them emerald. I have been accused of wearing colored contacts (I don’t!) My husband has brown eyes. Two of our kids have brown eyes, one has green eyes, and one has tawny eyes - almost orange. We call them hazel but they are really interesting and hard to describe. Eyes are cool. I hope all you green eyed ladies have a great day- you are beautiful!!!

I got an instant pot for Christmas and my husband is super excited about using it!! He made a frittata this week that was great (not really a frittata, maybe more of a crust less quiche). I made simple shredded chicken breast for tacos. I am going to make something in the instant pot tomorrow, but I’m not sure what… heading over to YouTube.. I’ll let you know what I come up with. https://www.sixsistersstuff.com/recipe/instant-pot-spicy-chicken-and-rice-bowls/ (I used less broth and no rice. We had the shredded chicken in tacos one night and quesadillas today. If I had more leftover I would make white chicken chili…)

*snipped out personal stuff I hope we can have compassion for those who have different views on topics that mean the most to us.

We lived close to cousins when my son was 11-13 years old. All of his cousins are younger than him and mostly girls. He had so much fun when we got together with them. Our son is our youngest and has only sisters. So being with younger cousins was awesome for him. He was like a superhero. He was faster and stronger and had lots of good ideas of games and adventures. And he was really patient with his younger cousins - their older siblings were constantly irritated by their younger sisters, but my son was around them less often and they weren’t annoying little brothers/sisters to him. It’s a different relationship than other family friends with younger kids. I think cousin relationships are really cool. My son was able to hang out with younger kids without it being weird. I could see that he would have been an awesome babysitter when he was a teen, but people just don’t really hire boys to babysit, you know? My sister said some mean things about my older teenage daughters - commenting on their moodiness, clothes choices, and how “unfun” they were. It hurt at the time, but I can see she just had no understanding of teenagers. She has moody teens who make odd clothing choices and are not interested in super fun family games any more, and it feels like payback. If she had ever commented about my son being basically the most awesome friend to her younger daughters I would have been angry. I hope I could have confronted her with some grace but with some force to defend my son’s honor. I would have probably also made sure that there was no private playing in the basement or bedrooms. And if she continued being suspicious and rude I would have limited my son’s time with her family to protect him from false accusations. I haven’t read all the comments. She sounds like someone who needs supervision around other people’s kids. It feels like she enjoys making your life difficult. I hate that for you.

I am visiting my parents in Utah and because of a family reunion and this visit, I haven’t done normal shopping since Christmas. On Tuesday I took my son shopping at a small Walmart for some groceries for his dorm. The pasta section was cleaned out, the only thing left was pasta made with chickpeas. I figured it was all the kids back from the holidays. So I went shopping at the big Walmart near my parents home, and again, the pasta section was empty. There were a couple boxes of no boil lasagna noodles, but no spaghetti or any other type of normal pasta - the entire section - about 3/4th of a row - was empty. I haven’t done any other regular shopping so I have no idea how the other rows look, but I was really surprised! I feel a tiny bit like going to Costco and buying some giant boxes of any kinds of pasta…

We had a virus at our house over Christmas that included congestion, sore throat, coughing and big sneezes. We all tested negative for Covid. Only my husband also had the test for flu and it came back negative as well. It’s been a couple of weeks and we all got over it. No loss of smell. We had Covid in the fall of 2020 and are vaccinated. BUT two of my sisters that we saw over New Year tested positive for Covid on Thursday/Friday of last week. And now my husband who traveled out of state last week for a training (and tested negative again early in the week before his flight) is not feeling good and thinks it may be Covid… All that to say, who knows! It’s not unusual for me to get a cold with congestion in the winter. Perhaps we had covid over Christmas and both the quick tests and prc tests came back negative for all of us and the tests were all false? And we passed it to my sisters and my dh has it again? Or maybe we did just have a cold and my sisters had the actual covid virus snd now my husband has it? My son and I are both feeling fine, but we have an appt at a drive thru testing site for tomorrow! I am not giving any extra energy to getting worked up about it. The current strain seems to be highly contagious and I feel like we will all likely get it at one point or another. We are masking and boosted but otherwise living life.

I used to work in a facility that provides addiction recovery for teenagers. It was mostly for court ordered and foster care teens and didn’t accept private insurance, so it may not have been as nice of a place as where your son is currently staying. I worked in development (fundraising and volunteers) so my understanding of how the care side of things worked is probably not complete, but I have some insight that might be helpful. There were 12-18 teens in the addiction portion of the facility at any given time. Most stayed 12 weeks or so. Many returned more than once in the 2 years I worked there. Where I worked, the “youth care workers” were paid just over minimum wage and the requirements for the job did not include any college, though on the job training was provided. They did the bulk of the daily interactions with the clients and basically were day care workers for teens. Most were people who truly cared about helping youth, but they were paid poorly and were sort of “salt if the earth” people who had some major life struggles of their own. They were tasked with helping the kids follow the daily rules and not get into any big trouble. There were generally 2 or 3 youth care workers on the unit with the kids at all times. Addiction counselors at the facility that I worked at needed just a bachelors degree. I believe this is fairly normal in these types of facilities. The addiction counselors led daily “groups” where they talked about coping skills and changing behaviors. They also worked one on one with the kids to set goals and work toward them. The counselors were often paid less than $15 an hour. They had some schooling but none of them had masters degrees. They often had additional certificates. They all seemed to really care about the kids, but again, low paid. There were generally just one or maybe two working at a time leading two daily hour groups and talking to youth one on one for short appointments. There is less addiction recovery counseling happening throughout each day than you might think. The case workers did not have to have a degree but seemed to need a mix of some schooling and some experience. The ones I knew had been youth care workers at the same facility for a while and had worked up into the position by taking classes and asking to move up. The caseworkers made less money than the addiction counselors but more than the youth care workers. I don’t exactly know their roles but they seemed to communicate between social workers, parents, probation officers, schools, doctors, etc. There was a program director that did have a masters degree as a social worker. He managed the programs and other counselors, plus worked one on one with the kids and led groups. As the program director he also had an enormous amount of paperwork. He was excellent and did a great job leading the other adults to make a good program. I don’t know what he was paid, but I remember a conversation between him and the cfo about hiring more counselors as he had a lot of contacts that he knew would be excellent. He was told that even with a masters degree they would only be paid between $16 and $18/hour. The director of the facility also had a masters degree and was a licensed marriage and family therapist and had many years of experience working in mental health care facilities. He was terrific, but his job was not directly with the kids. He worked with board members and with the administration staff to keep things funded and running. There was a psychiatrist that worked with the facility and met with kids as needed to prescribe, but I rarely saw him. It seemed like he was more of a figurehead and he had a whole separate private practice. The nurse at the facility was an lpn. I’m writing all this to say that addiction recovery facilities are generally a step down from psychiatric care. They do not have or require the same medical training to run the programs as a medical psychiatric ward. The workers are often young, uneducated, and poorly paid. They are often very caring and doing a good job with what ability and training they have, but don’t mistake them for well trained licensed therapists or nurses. If something seems wrong you should try to speak to someone with more authority. I can’t imagine our facility asking for or allowing multiple Lego sets - so many things get lost or stolen - that is just not realistic. I think this program is a good fit for your son in many ways. It sounds like he is safe and well cared for and drug free in the facility. His caseworker sounds horrible and I’m glad she is gone. He may not want to talk to you, but the counselor and care providers still need to give you daily updates and keep you informed. You do not have to wait until they call you. As the parent of a minor you have every right to remain informed and involved in every aspect of his care. Hopefully something will stick and he will be able to see the need for change. IOP is a good next step but it can be so hard for parents to enforce attendance. Is there a program closer to your home for when he is ready to transition home? We have major mental illness in our family and I intimately know the struggles of working with a young adult who truly needs help but doesn’t feel that they need care or medication or any help at all. It gets a million times harder at 18. It’s worth strategizing now with his providers while they still have to talk to you and make some plans for the future.

I kinda think you were rude, but he wasn’t so great either. Last year I was working in a job that had me meeting with clients one on one. I thought I was careful with my mask, but I had a client tell me that I was “disgusting” because I touched my mask. I remember that I had a cloth mask on that was sort of a slippery material and it kept trying to go below my nose, so I did have to adjust it occasionally to avoid my nose showing. I hoped I was discrete, but apparently I was not. She wasn’t really rude, but her words stuck with me and to avoid being disgusting, I have used only paper masks since then to avoid slippage. Being in public in a mask for hours and hours is tricky and uncomfortable. Do you remember at the start of COVID there was a news conference with a health official telling all of us to mask up, and in the video she kept touching her mask? 🤷‍♀️