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Joker2

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Everything posted by Joker2

  1. I know you don’t. I think I needed a few years from him coming out to know that. I became extremely protective of him in the beginning, for what I hope, are obvious reasons. I actually think we agree on a lot but how things have gone on this board make us a bit more twitchy.
  2. I wish you nothing but the best, but you and I don’t have a good history engaging in these topics here. I shouldn’t have started and I’m going to stop now because we both know it won’t end well. I’m interested in what you have say so I’m not ignoring you but I won’t engage personally further.
  3. Some people have a way of making it feel like it is.
  4. This thread is actually making me want to push back against every single female and gender stereotype there is. I can’t imagine what my dc, who have actual issues, feel when hearing/reading this stuff.
  5. Ugh, the clothing thing is getting off track. I believe most, me for sure, said there should be no problem with a gender neutral option. Option being the key word. You don’t want it, don’t buy it. It’s a valid option for those of us who have no issues with it though.
  6. I just keep thinking of how the states that are coming up with legislation against CRT need it the most. I grew up in Texas and I vividly remember the day my dad came home and asked my brother’s friends who was the person waiting in the car outside. They informed him it was one of the few Black kids in our school, and he didn’t come in because he didn’t know if we allowed Black people in our home. My dad was furious and I think it was one of the first times us white kids realized what he was dealing with growing up. My dad brought him inside and had a long talk with us later. This young man had actually been denied entrance into homes where I lived but none of this was ever talked about in public or school. My history teaching was extremely whitewashed. These things need to be discussed in schools and history needs to be taught factually. I have been told so many times that it’s, “facts over feelings” in regards to different issues but race seems to be the one issue that is considered the opposite for those same people.
  7. That’s what people say but I, my trans son, and my NB dc have no issue. When I was in high school, I was cheerleader and we did skits a few times that required wearing men’s clothing (including jeans) and no one had an issue. I often would find myself with no clean jeans and grab a pair from one of my brothers. I don’t think it’s as big of a problem as people think/say. I just don’t see how an option of gender neutral clothing for those who want it should be a big deal.
  8. Yes! My dh can buy pants anywhere and they fit but I have try multiple times if a new store or brand. Youngest likes knowing what size they are universally in men’s pants because it makes it easy to buy anywhere.
  9. I would love it if parents wouldn’t focus so much on girls being beautiful. I heard it often growing up. I also got in trouble every single Sunday morning because I would hide the curling iron so my mom couldn’t curl my hair so I’d be beautiful for church. My sister loved having her hair curled but I loathed it. I finally reached an age where she gave up. I rebelled so much against my mom’s gender ideals in that regard that my high school wardrobe was consistently sweat pants and hair in ponytail. She hated it and I loved that she hated it. As far as gender neutral clothing goes, I think it’s nice to have that option. My NB youngest prefers men’s jeans because of the pockets and they fit fine (but they buy women’s shorts - and don’t shave 🤷‍♀️). I think it’s good to have options for people today.
  10. I live very close to there (find myself at least driving through for some reason or another often) and see them all the time. It’s wild to me you haven’t seen them. Maybe I’m just out and about at the wrong time of day all the time.
  11. Most here are not wearing masks anymore. We’re all vaccinated and have mostly stopped as well unless a place is crowded. The only place I regularly see them anymore is medical offices.
  12. I was born and raised in Texas and also spent ten years in NE Florida. I’ve seen lots of Confederate flags in those places. I mostly thought those people were just ignorant losers. And the thing is that my family growing up was about as redneck as one could get but you never saw anyone in my family with one. We always knew what that flag meant. I now live in Indiana and see more of them here than I ever did in the South and the people here with them are definitely racist. I stay far away from them when I can. Both dc go to a state university just an hour from where we live, and there is often KKK and anti Semitic pamphlets left on cars and around campus. ETA: We’re putting our house on the market when dc go back to college this fall. One of the things dh and I said we wanted was to not see Confederate flags everywhere. It feels like they’ve just become normal for us to see and we’re ready to go somewhere where it’s not so accepted.
  13. Yes, Ds saw a local therapist for two years after coming out before contacting our gender clinic. He started seeing that therapist for depression/anxiety and she ended up being wonderful for us the whole way through. Also, our clinic at the time was only for adults but I do believe there is now one for youth at the local children’s hospital. Most I know go to the clinic as a last resort and/or only after much therapy locally. Ds only started going to the clinic at 18 to get hormones (and he still had to meet several times with the staff therapist even though he was still seeing his personal therapist).
  14. Yes, Ds had issues early on and most of his current friends are from the beginning of high school. They were good friends before and after he came out so they’re all close. They all met in an after school LARP club (so they all get the socially awkward part but they have fun 😁).
  15. Your post made me sort out my transgender Ds’ friends for the first time ever. He has a pretty even mix of male and female friends, but every single female friend is a lesbian and every male friend is straight (except the one he’s currently dating). I have no idea how it worked out that way but it’s interesting. My Ds definitely has moments where he just wants to hang with the guys and even did a road trip right before Covid with a few. He only has a few transgender friends these days but his close friends for the last few years work out like the above.
  16. I think that gender just refers mostly to stereotypes. I know people use it as a synonym for sex. I grew up in a household that seemed very focused on those stereotypes for some issues and for others not at all. I’ve never felt a need to follow or resist any of them. Since the conversation waded into those who are transgender I feel a need a need to point out that the transgender people I know are not trans due to gender stereotypes. My transgender son isn’t at all following gender norms for a male (and didn’t follow them for females either). It has to do with him feeling he was born as the wrong sex (actually has zero to do with gender -it’s just the label he’s been given). His clothing styles and colors are all over the place and at the moment his hair is long and curly. He thought for the longest time he only liked females but he has also started dating males. He has no problem with all of his pictures growing up because he has no problem seeing himself with long hair, in dresses, and/or playing with stereotypical girl toys (he still has his Barbie doll house😁). He’s just living a much happier life being identified as a male.
  17. I was born and raised in Texas so knew about it and it became a holiday there when I was younger. Even though there was very much a racism problem where I grew up, I never heard anyone actually complain about Juneteenth. So, people doing so now is weird.
  18. I have a cousin who had Covid early on, got the vaccine as soon as he was eligible, and just recovered from Covid a second time. 😳 The second time was way worse and the family was worried he wouldn’t make it. I’m guessing he is just unlucky and that he doesn’t seem to be developing an immunity to the virus at all?
  19. I’ve never, not once, wanted to not be female and I’ve never felt that I wasn’t. There have been times I’m wasn’t 100% in love with certain parts of my body or being, but I’ve never wished I was anything else. It’s probably why I immediately was so confused by my ds and felt so bad for him because it was something I just couldn’t imagine. I think since he’s been vocal about waiting to become a girl but hasn’t been vocal about a name or pronouns that I wouldn’t push those things at all. I would just keep doing what you’re doing and allow him to wear whatever. If he is in distress like you say when discussing becoming a girl, then I would search out some therapy for him but I would probably try to make sure that therapist is not someone who would push anything on him or you. There are so many times I wish my Ds could have vocalized his feelings younger but there are also just as many times that I think we, as parents, just wouldn’t have been ready for any of it. Hugs to you!
  20. Using preferred pronouns and name is what turned things around for my Ds though and he was 16 (he’s almost 22 now). He was off all medications for anxiety and depression within six months of us insisting everyone be respectful of his preferred name and pronouns. It was literally part of his therapy and it worked. I think it’s awful to just decide to not be part of the solution when it absolutely does help, at least some of, these kids. Fortunately for us no one of any importance refused to do the right thing on this in regards to ds.
  21. I can say that my Ds started having major issues at five. When he went to public school kindergarten, he realized he was different. He was in therapy from five to sixteen before he was able to vocalize to us that he was transgender. I do honestly wish we had given him the vocabulary to talk to us sooner because he went through hell. I go back and forth on so much of this but I absolutely do believe some of these kids know early on. And I do believe they need to be supported, but that doesn’t have to mean surgery and such early on or until therapy has them in a better place.
  22. I don’t know how the numbers work out but I do wish there was more therapy/help so more were happy prior to surgery. Ds hasn’t had top surgery yet (hasn’t worked out schedule wise with school but he plans to) but he’s so much happier now than he was right before he came out. He wants the surgery but he doesn’t absolutely have to have it to feel good about himself anymore. Our years of therapy were super important and I am worried hearing about people getting surgery to actually be happy because there is no way to know if that one thing will actually make someone happy.
  23. I had my first at 22 and second at 25. I have zero regrets. It’s nice that the dc are off at college now and dh and I get to be by ourselves again. Pretty much all of our friends have kids 10 years younger than ours but I’m glad I don’t have young ones anymore.
  24. I agree and when I said my dc cut my sister out of their lives, it was after five years of them giving her grace. It was ok for them to decide that was enough. I believe the op has discussed this family member before so it’s been known for a while, which is why I mentioned this seemed to be more about just the surgery. Edit: Or maybe I’m completely wrong and the surgery just made op realize that this is a real and permanent decision where before she thought they might change their mind. Either way, there’s stuff to work through and how she does that depends on what kind of, if any, relationship she wants going forward.
  25. If this is the same nephew you’ve discussed before, then him being transgender has been known for a while right? If so, then this is more about your difficulty with the surgery and I would assume that is due to what you’ve been through and really isn’t about him. I don’t understand the niece/nephew stuff to know whether it’s you not accepting or if it’s something else. I get struggling with it all and my son is transgender. I also get how therapy can be really helpful in this and I wish my own sister had chosen some help with it because my young adult dc have nothing to do with her now.
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