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1 minute ago, freesia said:

I

I feel like the arguments keep shifting. Maybe it’s because different people enter and leave the conversation. I care about the women who want space that is limited to female genitalia. Whether or not the law extends to trans men is separate from that to me. I get that it’s not to others. I also get why you and others are concerned about that bc that would affect you dc. However, I also agree with @Melissa Louise that the risk is to themselves. With no law they get to chose risk. The women I’ve been referencing do not get to chose risk. I do actually think it would be possible to have a law for just one bathroom. As a country we’ve allowed women’s colleges but not men’s. Do I think it’s probable in todays climate? Not in many places but I think it’s important to recognize it as a possibility and not just reject it out of hand. 

FTR, my trans ds has had zero issues using men’s rooms since he was sixteen. I do completely reject that the US would make bathroom laws targeting those who are transgender and only target trans women. The people making these laws don’t actually care about women’s spaces. 

I also find it wild that some insist that trans women are males and they care so much about females but don’t give a hoot about trans men and their safety. You would think they would be considered female by those same people but I guess they’re not the right kind. So, trans men shouldn’t use women’s spaces and you all don’t care what happens to them in men’s spaces. Got it!

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5 minutes ago, Melissa Louise said:

Ppl identify  non binary because it's the current fashion. 

Transmen don't want to be considered female. If they pass, and lots do, or pass enough, they can use the men's. The risk is to themselves..

If laws are passed, my trans ds will use the bathroom he’s legally supposed to and everyone will have to deal. 

Also, I assume you’re only speaking for the trans men and non binary people you actually know because your statements are not an accurate representation for all.

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7 minutes ago, freesia said:

Well, the bathroom situation is tough all around. I don’t hear anyone having a problem with trans men using male bathrooms. I don’t hear silencing of opinion on that front. I think negative was said was not that he’d be expected to use a unisex bathroom but that he might be more likely to understand why it would make the women uncomfortable. 

You can’t honestly think that if laws are made about women’s bathrooms that it won’t also extend to men’s?

A part of me hopes ds doesn’t care at all about making the women who vote that way comfortable if it comes down to it. They voted for it, they can deal with the consequences. He’s a better person than me though. Hopefully those laws never actually happen and none of us have to find out what will happen with trans men in women’s restrooms.

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7 minutes ago, freesia said:

I see the masc women issue as different. Sure it might look the same in practice in one bathroom. However when we are talking about certain women feeling safe using bathrooms in general knowing that biological male genital bearers are allowed in the space (including locker rooms and female spas  and swim times here) make a difference in how those women move in space and chose movement. Encountering a person who does not present as feminine in one bathroom is not the same to me. And that’s horrific about the toddler. But the fact that nasty people do that, does not change my opinion on how we listen to women who want private spaces. 

You may not have a problem with it but someone else in this thread has already said trans men should probably choose unisex bathrooms to not make women uncomfortable. 

If laws were changed federally so that my trans ds was not allowed to use men’s restrooms, I think it’s insane that he would then be expected to go out of his way to make the women who voted that way comfortable. 

[Drag Story time]

4 minutes ago, freesia said:

Not in your opinion. They are “more equal.”  They want to be there. They get to be there. 

To be fair she also mentioned masc women. Maybe they’re supposed to do like trans men and use a unisex bathroom as well to make some women comfortable? 

Gender stereotypes are worse than ever. A few weeks ago I watched a middle aged woman berate a young mom because her toddler son had a man bun. The older woman accused the mom of feminizing her son in “these crazy times”.

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10 minutes ago, KSera said:

I actually think of your ds with some frequency, you might be surprised to hear. His outcome is what I’d love to see some version of for my ds. 

I hope your dc come out of all of this ok too. I don’t wish for anyone’s dc to struggle as much as mine did or as much as many are today - yours included. It’s why I want all the options on the table and the mental health care aspect to be way better for all. 

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11 minutes ago, EKS said:

Sort of.  I'm asking whether, all things being equal, it is preferable for a person to undergo social/medical transition, or instead to become comfortable with the body they were born with and the "identity" that goes with it.  In other words, if waiting means that most people "desist," wouldn't that outcome be preferable to transitioning?

I am not saying that people who would be better off transitioning shouldn't transition.  

I honestly can’t make myself even think of that at this point because it wasn’t our reality. We tried it for years though. We didn’t jump to transitioning in any way at first. Part of me is sad we didn’t though because of who he is after transitioning. So, I feel for parents today trying to make those same decisions and don’t think politics should be involved in it at all.

[Drag Story time]

Just now, EKS said:

So you think that social/medical transition and all the issues that go along with it is preferable to becoming comfortable with one's own body and the "identity" that goes with it?

For some, yes. Which is why it should not be illegal. My trans ds is way better off right now as a trans young adult than he was for the years he tried not to be trans. He’s graduated college, has a job, and is getting married in a few months. He’s a  productive and healthy human being now. 

[Drag Story time]

I will say I take issue with the dialogue that minors shouldn’t socially transition or use any hormones because they are more likely to “stay trans”. It feels very much like conversion therapy. And, no, being trans didn’t make my kid straight. He was gay prior to coming out as trans and is still just as gay.

These decisions should not be decided by politicians or whomever shouts the loudest. It should be between parents, their dc, and medical professionals. Absolutely none of it should be legislated. All kinds of therapy should be accessible - and all kinds of affirming care should be accessible. 

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31 minutes ago, katilac said:

You're not under any obligation to to post links, but a lack of specific response really does not lead to your bolded conclusion. That last link is eight pages of dense information, followed by four pages of citations. I think many posters are cautious about a quick response to an in-depth paper or article (as they should be, on a classical education board!). 

Also, it’s very easy to go tit for tat with articles and research regarding these issues right now, and that never leads anywhere good on this board. I’m focusing more on making a difference on this topic with IRL people who are voting where I live and who I actually think I can reach. 

[Drag Story time]

7 minutes ago, Terabith said:

I want to point out that I do not even live in a red state.  I live in a blue city in a purple state, but we are surrounded by red states.  The county (versus the city that we're in) five minutes away, however, is very red.  

It isn't healthy for trans people to think that people want to kill them, but they aren't WRONG. They are aware of laws in the South.  They have to be.  It is legitimately not safe for them to travel to these red states.   Even in blue states, where the culture is not the same as it is here, they are aware of the rural/ urban divide and that there are plenty of people in their state who feel the way the legislatures in the South do.  It can feel like gaslighting to be constantly told that they're exaggerating, because they know that all that has to happen is for DeSantis to win the presidency in 2024, and their blue state is suddenly not safe.  

Yes, my trans ds has already been physically assaulted so it’s wild to see some act like things aren’t really that bad. It’s why I’ve pretty much quit posting here about anything trans related. Things are very bad and many, like my own dc, feel things will get worse before they get better. It’s scary. 

[S/O of DQST: I live in one of those states.]

I was born and raised in Texas and will never go back at this point. 

We moved to Chicagoland a year ago because we could see what was coming. It’s way more expensive than most states we’ve lived in (except CA), but we’re hoping we are spared from the worst of the craziness. My dc are early twenties and pretty fearful. So many people just truly suck right now.

[Theater/concert etiquette question]

Always facing away. I am uncomfortable when someone passes facing me. I much prefer a strangers backside passing me than their face in mine.

[study discovers chemical in common sweetener damages DNA, can cause cancer]

I’ve always avoided the diet drinks because when I was pregnant with my first kid 24 years ago my OB was adamant that if I wanted a soda to drink a regular one. He told me to avoid all things labeled “diet” because the fake sugar was worse for my growing baby than just about anything else. It really stuck with me. 

[Thread to argue about waiting rooms]

The mammogram place I used to go to had communal waiting rooms. I never had a problem with it until I almost passed out after a biopsy and then had to sit out there with my juice and cookies. I ended up there way longer than I was supposed to because I almost passed out again at the mammogram after the biopsy to check the placement of the clip. It was awful and I felt like everyone knew why I was there. I just really wanted to be alone. I now request to be in a room alone and get it over with. 

[Saw something on the news about security when you stay in a hotel]

I’ve always just been able to give last name and room number to get a new key. But, we always check out the whole room again when entering and then engage the order inside door lock/stop so no one is getting in unnoticed.

[Fraud by Hello Fresh]

1 minute ago, LuvToRead said:

I can't.  On the first screen I can click "view our plans".  When I clicked on "view our plans" i am brought to a second screen that says "choose your preferences" on the left side, and on the right says "customize your plan".  When I selected "select this plan" it brings me to a third screen where I am asked to start making an account.  There isn't a way I can see any of the meals by bypassing this.  Unless I am missing something, which is possible.

On my phone, there is a drop down menu (three lines) in the top left corner and I select to view menus. On my laptop, there is just a drop down right at the top that says something like view menus. 

[Fraud by Hello Fresh]

I’m confused why people keep saying you have to subscribe before you can see the week’s menu. I do not have an account but can click the drop down menu and select the menu option and view the next several week’s worth of menus. Can you all not do the same?

[S/O: What is your MB type?]

Today, I tested as ISFJ but sometimes it’s ISFP because the J and P are always close to being 50/50.

[Anyone still masking?]

We mostly do not mask anymore. Obviously, we do anywhere it’s still required such as medical appointments, but do not anywhere else usually. Sometimes we do in places that are really crowded. We all had Covid last June (hadn’t been masking since the October before when we had boosters), pretty sure we had RSV that following September, and have been healthy since. It just seems weird to me to keep masking when we eat and drink in public often now.

[New gun violence thread]

I’m reading the shooter legally bought seven guns from five different stores. Still lived with parents and they knew one was bought. Parents made them sell that one gun they knew of because they didn’t think this person should own any guns. Seven guns from five different stores and many people think that’s a completely normal thing to do. 

 

[What do you think of this...Marriage comment]

This is a weird one for me.

My mom, in her marriage to my dad, was definitely someone who said her kids came first and I don’t think it did any of us any favors - especially my parents’ marriage that ended just shy of 24 years. She decided with her next husband, that he most definitely came first and I don’t think that’s been all that great either.

Dh and I have been married for 26 years and are still going strong. He’s my family as much as dc are so it’s weird to think I’m not supposed to love him or prioritize him the same. Priorities between dh, dc, and other family just shift at times based on who has needs that are more important at that time. Sometimes I think we prioritized our dc’s needs over our own to an unhealthy extent. I might change some of that if I could go back in time.

 

[S/O Zombie Peri/Menopause]

My biggest pain right now is elevator buttons. Yes, elevator buttons. We live in a building where we use the elevator a few times a day when taking the dog out. I just stare at the buttons for way too long before I can decide which one to push. It’s so freaking weird because I know which one to push but my brain and hand just need a few too many seconds for my liking. It makes me feel dumb.

I also am quite irritable. I feel bad sometimes for the people around me because I’m such a joy right now. I really have to work at being in a good mood these days.

[Is it mandatory that a person sign up for Medicare?]

My mom uses Medicare and insurance from her job (she’s 73).