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LMD

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Everything posted by LMD

  1. Oh my goodness. The rates of false claims are about 2%, comparable with other kinds of crime. The rates of actual rape are much higher than 2%, and under reported. It is a nasty red herring to continue the narrative.
  2. Who said this? Quote? Believing and supporting victims, and actually punishing offenders would be a good start.
  3. What trend? What are you talking about? The statistics do not support you SKL. Unless you are privy to some secret underground movement - which would have an awful long way to go to come close to the current, pervasive rapist movement - then you are perpetuating incorrect and damaging myths.
  4. Hardly the elephant in the room. It seems to be many people's main focus.
  5. And now I'm unspeakably angry. There are victims in this thread Laurie. You are literally kicking them when they're down. Wanna throw rocks at my friend with PTSD from her assaults? Her life is super easy... 1 in 4 women. Seriously. Look around at your group of friends, at your daughter's group of friends, at your mother's, and realize that statistically at least a couple are victims. Not just the drunk ones, not just the promiscuous/slutty/pretty/dumb ones. Stop othering victims! They are not a special class of stupid. They are us! Stop looking to share the blame, rapists rape. The end. We can maybe sometimes dress up as a less easy target, but ONE OF US will be the target.
  6. I don't know why you think that this is the case? What is this 'movement' you speak of? Links? All the studies I have seen show that a) rape and sexual assault is under reported - by a lot, b) the rate of false accusations is less than 2% - about the same rate as any other crime, c) the rate of charges or convictions for rapists is teeeeeny tiny. Even in this case the guy got the rape charges dropped! And d) who exactly made you the arbiter of when it was 'really' a rape?
  7. I'm very pleased to hear that. There does tend to be a focus on what the victim did wrong - there are no perfect victims - as if that will keep evil over there away from my good girl. Oh how I wish the world could be boxed up neatly like that.
  8. Facts? Uncomfortable? So, you'll tell them that 50% of rape victims were raped by their intimate partner? That statistically they'll be most at risk at age 14? I absolutely agree with telling kids about the dangers of being inebriated. I said that. But sexual assault is a much wider problem for all women than just those silly girls engaging in risky behavior. I know it's more comfortable to think that way. That can be done without implying that victims can control or prevent their attacker!
  9. But you don't know the details and can't simply say that the rape could have been prevented by her behavior x... surely? Do you cite the actual statistical risks or do you only cite examples like this that confirm the biases? Do you warn them that likely a quarter of their peers will be victims, not just that one stereotypical girl with the short skirt? Our language around this matters.
  10. But what do you warn them? Don't be friendly? Don't have a drink in your own home and get into your own bed? The statistics show that most sexual assaults occur by a person known to the victim, and that victims are mostly wearing jeans. Warning about drinking too much because it hampers your ability to make decisions and leaves you more vulnerable is fine, I do that. Warning about drinking too much because look at that girl who got raped turns her real horror into our object lesson.
  11. 1. I'm so sorry for your experience. That is awful. 2. It happens directly to rape victims all.the.time. By people who I am sure are not intending to revictimise anyone - it is so ingrained. I'm not accusing you, just letting you know that it definitely happens. 3. You don't know who is listening now. You can't know that someone reading this may have been raped last night/week/year. It is very othering language and isolating. Rape or sexual assault doesn't happen to 'those' people, it happens to 1 in 4 of us women. 4. Conflating personal safety and responsibilities with 'that' girl who got raped when she did x,y,z is damaging, incorrect, perpetuating the stereotypes of victims and giving a false sense of security to girls. 5. Many victims feel enough shame and self blame to replace all the commentators. They don't need that sort of help. 6. Talking like this, focusing on the victim's mistakes, allows the criminals to minimize the behavior in their own minds, believe that other people think the behavior is not so bad. People say 'of course the rapist is the bad guy', but the bad guy gears 'everyone does/thinks this way, I'm not so bad'. It reinforces their sense of entitlement. 7. I will not teach my daughter to live in fear. I will teach her to behave with self respect for its own sake - not by threats to her safety. I will also teach her, in different conversations, that some people commit evil and that I will always support her. My boys get the same lessons. Sorry, not all of that was directed at you Scarlett, I got a bit soap boxy there!
  12. Can I just say, that you sound like a conscientious mom, I'm sure you'll be fine. With a mom like you I wouldn't sweat a week like that now and then.
  13. We said that we wanted minimum 4, possibly up to 6, when we got married, young and idealistic! Our first 3 were more difficult to get than we anticipated, and there were two losses in there. Huge surprise, as I was only in my early twenties! #3 wasn't/isn't an easy child and we had life stuff going on, so we just left it, happy for a surprise but no more trying. Our 4th, a natural surprise - the only unmedicated surprise that I have carried to term - arrived when I was 29. I had originally wanted to be done by 30. I don't have baby fever anymore. Dh does! For him it's less about wanting a baby than the vision for his family, and the idea that this phase of life is finite. For me, it's less that I don't want a baby, I deeply agree with the vision, I'm just tired and stressed! I can get my head around one more... So, we're back to not trying and we will see what happens I suppose. I'm only 32 so in theory we have time, though neither of us are comfortable with the risks of trying after 35ish.
  14. What is your passion for? I started learning piano in my 20s with 2 small kids (& one on the way!). And just start reading the classics - the well educated mind is great, it has lists. You'll find that many classics have earned the name for good reason! I read many via audiobook while cleaning up in the evening! And don't minimize what you will learn alongside your children! My nearly 11 year old has more education (homeschooled) now than I ever had, we learn a lot together! It's never too late and it is so interesting! Good for you!
  15. I thought long and hard about what was important to us at the moment and I made some tough choices. We do 3 longer days 9-3ish), one midweek short day (2hrs max) and one 'music lessons and poetry/art with friends' day. And my house is a bomb, kids help with chores (mobilise my resources as my MIL would say lol) and I cook as minimal as I can. I used to love cooking lavish meals but no more. I don't do it all, not even close. I do do enough of the important things, most of the time, sometimes...
  16. I would give the 4th grader a checklist of stuff that he can do independently. Things like copy work or assigned reading. I would go through the list with them first and explain the expectations. I would probably have a reward in place for completing correctly without interrupting you. Watch his concentration soar lol. Then I would send him to do his list at one side of the table, while you work with the younger two and I would combine them as much as possible. Even if they both are doing the same subject at their own level, you can be in math mode and get the 2nd grader to do some math facts review while teaching the 1st grader, then switch. Let the first grader play with c-rods while you work with the 2nd grader. I would spend about half an hour or so on this then let the younger two do an activity (that has a natural end! Like, read a picture book and draw me your favorite part), I would then work with the older one on the same topic - so math. That's about an hour all up, then I'd repeat the pattern with the next subject. This is generally how I manage my days with a 6th, 3rd, k and toddler. And it's crazy lol! Good luck!
  17. Some weeks are like that and with only little ones you can get away with it. I agree with Jean that at some stage you will need to think about where your time needs to be spent. I also agree with Minerva that a routine is important, just add one thing at a time until that thing is done consistently (so, morning routine/chores, then morning routine/chores & math, then morning, math and LA etc) *Hugs*, hope next week is better, I wouldn't have gotten anything done with all that out of the house stuff! You will find your groove and it will be fine!
  18. I insist on music as important as any school subject. I value downtime and peaceful, calm family time. I will not sign up for something that requires multiple lessons/practice times a week (btdt). I haven't found a sport yet that fits our values or schedule so we do incidental, family based activity. Pool, tennis, bike riding, walks etc. I would possibly like to get the kids into either swimming or martial arts in the next couple of years, but it's not a high priority.
  19. Oh goodness! Prayers for you guys. And yes, we're in a situation like that (not health related) right now and it is affecting me. I woke up this morning with a half composed letter in my mind...
  20. Any recommendations for books under $40-50 each?! Yikes, you guys are killing my bank balance!!! ;)
  21. Are you in the US? Us foreigners can't access Google books *boo hiss*
  22. Yeah the Velcro isn't that much fun. Mine has taken to saying 'mama no going' and holding on to my shirt with a death grip at nap time... Cute, but mama has a whole lot of work to do!
  23. I very nearly posted the same thing... Sorry, I'm not helpful. Most days we just white knuckle through it and then I fret all evening about how badly I'm failing. Rinse and repeat. I like pps suggestion of the 3 point rotation.
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