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LMD

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Everything posted by LMD

  1. And yes, I'm angry. I have done my best to make my pronouns neutral and keep to the facts. You might also get angry if you look at the 'brock Turner for 2016 Olympics' Facebook page and read lovely, predictable comments like this: "The outpouring of love and supportive emails I continue to receive is amazing and reaffirms my faith in the good people of this country. We MUST continue to teach our girls about the dangers of binge drinking and promiscuity. Keep control of yourselves and don't dress like s*uts and everything will be just fine. " Remember, this guy was caught in the act and found guilty in court.
  2. I'm pretty sure I answered when you quoted me. But I admit that I did step away for a while to sleep. You and others have completely ignored factual arguments and statistics. You and others continue to argue about an almost non existent grey area. This is one case, what we are saying is that both the sentence and tone of conversation are so darn predictable. People are doing their best to try and remedy the situation for around a quarter of women who will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime, but apparently it's too hard to understand and unfair?
  3. No, I'm saying that a guy can be literally caught inside an unconscious woman, he gets 6 months and she gets called an idiot. On what planet is this good enough?
  4. I thought we already established that there is just not a trend of women changing their minds and confused men being charged? It hardly ever happens. Yet it gets 99% of the focus. A man is more likely to be sexually assaulted himself than be falsely accused. I err on the side of believing the victim, because overwhelmingly, statistically, they are telling the truth. It really isn't so complicated.
  5. Bluegoat - she just wanted to be heard. Victims so rarely are. She is not a lesson in how to avoid being raped, she is a real woman, angry and hurting. Eta- and she is far from the only one.
  6. They don't happen in a vacuum, you're right. I disagree that hookup culture is the main guilty party, it may at most provide some easier targets. Rapists rape across all cultural contexts. I don't personally agree with hookup culture at all - but it is too simplistic to blame it. Anecdotally, I was a promiscuous party girl once upon a time. I was never assaulted then. Years later I was attacked walking to work in broad daylight. My friend was a good girl who hardly ever went to parties and only ever had one drink. It didn't stop the uncle or neighbor or teacher or co-worker. It didn't stop someone spiking her one drink. Eta-she could count on half a hand the people who didn't disbelieve or partially blame her. Not one of any of these men were ever charged.
  7. The issue is not poor drunk guys just trying to have fun and getting confused,carried away or accused. The issue is not silly, reckless, vengeful girls. 1 in 4 women are sexually assaulted. Very few rapists are brought to justice. This law takes away one layer of power from rapists in court - the baffling idea that having a drink increases the victim's responsibility whilst simultaneously lessening the rapist's. That the victim/perpetrator is overwhelmingly woman/man is not, I think, a coincidence.
  8. Oh, that's easy! Two simple steps: 1. Listen to and support victims. 2. Actually punish offenders. These laws are a first step. This guy was caught in the act. It took over a year to get him a slap on the wrist sentence and people on the internet (and I'll bet in real life too) call her an idiot and insinuate that it was her own fault.
  9. I thought that the thread title was pretty clearly pointing out that almost all genuine discussions about rape inevitably turn into repugnant debate over the minutiae of irrelevant tangents. I assumed that it was posted in the hope that people would actually listen to the victim this time.
  10. People cannot legally consent to many things if they are inebriated. Men or women. People can make stupid decisions when inebriated and would be wise to have a sober support person. Both men and women. This is not a case of demanding chivalrous behavior by another name. There is no flood of regret accusations, there just isn't. 54/100 victims never report. Only 3 out of every 100 rapists ever sees a day in prison. The law won't be applied in bedrooms on campus, it will be applied in court when testing evidence if charges are laid. Don't want to risk being accused? Don't have sex with drunk people. Easy peasy. It's not a trick! The only way that this becomes a men vs women issue is because 99% of rapists are men. The laws are there to level the playing field a little for victims who choose to report- because rapists (and society at large) traditionally paint the woman as responsible for allowing the rape by drinking, while simultaneously absolving themselves of any responsibility because they were drinking.
  11. Incidentally, I read today that a man is more likely to be raped/sexually assaulted himself (3%) than be falsely accused of raping someone (2%). Maybe, just maybe, regretful hussies aren't the big issue here...
  12. It's also because we are sick of the disingenuous excuses from rapists who apparently can't tell when a woman doesn't want to have sex with them. Fine, act dumb and this is the response you get. We'll make it crystal clear so the poor things don't get too confused. And so we have some tiny amount of recourse to object when we are raped again.
  13. I'm sorry for your loss. I would probably follow up with the doctor. Very similar to pp's here too. Missed miscarriage at 12 weeks, passed at home, I bled for about 10 weeks all up. Slowing down and then getting worse with my cycle. I had a couple of follow up ultrasounds and I did have some small 'grainy' retained something - which eventually passed on its own.
  14. I have been pleasantly surprised by how accessible and enjoyable many classics are. I would encourage you to jump in and try one that sounds interesting to you.
  15. In the eyes of the law, yes. As compassionate lay people, I don't think that interrogating victims is my place. I prefer to err on the side of support, especially when the statistics are on this side. Eta- I was speaking to the general tone of the thread and can't multiquote on my phone.
  16. Isn't it odd that we are so quick to find fault in a woman's story, and so quick to assume good intentions of these poor confused men.
  17. Oh please. Where are all these poor boys in prison because they didn't explicitly ask between each thrust? It's difficult enough to get an actual violent rapist into prison. And do you know what, if men are so worried about this - good! Women have been constantly told to modify their behavior 'for our own protection', I have no problem with men trying it for once.
  18. Oh my goodness. The rates of false claims are about 2%, comparable with other kinds of crime. The rates of actual rape are much higher than 2%, and under reported. It is a nasty red herring to continue the narrative.
  19. Who said this? Quote? Believing and supporting victims, and actually punishing offenders would be a good start.
  20. What trend? What are you talking about? The statistics do not support you SKL. Unless you are privy to some secret underground movement - which would have an awful long way to go to come close to the current, pervasive rapist movement - then you are perpetuating incorrect and damaging myths.
  21. Hardly the elephant in the room. It seems to be many people's main focus.
  22. And now I'm unspeakably angry. There are victims in this thread Laurie. You are literally kicking them when they're down. Wanna throw rocks at my friend with PTSD from her assaults? Her life is super easy... 1 in 4 women. Seriously. Look around at your group of friends, at your daughter's group of friends, at your mother's, and realize that statistically at least a couple are victims. Not just the drunk ones, not just the promiscuous/slutty/pretty/dumb ones. Stop othering victims! They are not a special class of stupid. They are us! Stop looking to share the blame, rapists rape. The end. We can maybe sometimes dress up as a less easy target, but ONE OF US will be the target.
  23. I don't know why you think that this is the case? What is this 'movement' you speak of? Links? All the studies I have seen show that a) rape and sexual assault is under reported - by a lot, b) the rate of false accusations is less than 2% - about the same rate as any other crime, c) the rate of charges or convictions for rapists is teeeeeny tiny. Even in this case the guy got the rape charges dropped! And d) who exactly made you the arbiter of when it was 'really' a rape?
  24. I'm very pleased to hear that. There does tend to be a focus on what the victim did wrong - there are no perfect victims - as if that will keep evil over there away from my good girl. Oh how I wish the world could be boxed up neatly like that.
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