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Posts posted by LMD

  1. Yes it's okay!

    I think there are two separate things here, the material care of a person for whom you feel a duty and having a personal, emotional investment in a relationship. Can you & sibs make sure the former is done (note, not necessarily do it yourself) without feeling like the latter must follow? 

    Sorry, I know it's easy to type it, and the opposite of easy to live it. 

    • Like 1

  2. 1 hour ago, Ktgrok said:

    So, today's routine has been sabotaged by:

    1. internet going out. And today was the day I ran out of the phonics worksheets I print from teachers pay teachers - was supposed to prin more today but can't get to them. Also couldn't watch the educational video that went with our lesson. And no way to plop 2 yr old in front of daniel tiger, lol. JUST sorted out that one of our networks IS working, and got the password from DH, so now we are up and running. 

    2. DH's ex girlfriend, and close friend of both of us is in a crisis situation regarding domestic safety, and I spent a g good amount of time locating resources for her

    3. The previous owner of our rescue dog found me HERE of all places, and sent all sorts of awesome photos of her as a puppy. Which was a huge distraction, but the very GOOD kind, lol. Not upset about that at all - she even had photos of the parent dogs, siblings, etc! 

    And DD2 is still not 100 percent since her cold last week, and asked for medicine to "help her nose sleep'. LOL she meant benedryl, so I gave some and she's laying in my bed watching cartoons. Kids are done with what we could do so far, and I'm having coffee. 

    They did spend a lot of time last night and this morning playing with some fort building stuff, which is good. They were figuring out what shaped structures are strongest, etc and had to work together. 


    Some days are just write offs and that's okay. If you work when you can it evens out. 

    Yesterday our day was derailed by 1. Dh being home during the day. 2. Everyone slept in because recovering from illness 3. I hadn't cleaned the kitchen before bed so had to do that 4. my sudden need to go into town (30 mins each way) to pay an invoice in person because it was complicated and not working over the phone. 5. an email came in about dds orchestra so I had to print, fill in and drop off forms while in town. 6. I had to take a phone call from my friend who needed to unpack some stuff- we'd been trying to chat for 2 days. We did not get much school done 😄

  3. I'm really sorry to hear this Stella. You have an awful lot on your plate already. Please be kind to yourself.

    As for your question, I'm not there yet but I've thought a lot about it. Luckily for me, my abusive parent is still on good terms with my sibling, so I'll just support her (and vice versa with our other parent, families eh?! Complicated.) 

    I have a friend who doesn't even take phone calls from her abusive and now dying of Parkinson's parent. If it came down to it, they'd make sure a care home spot was found for but the relationship boundary is bold and necessitated by his unrepentant and continued behaviour. 

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  4. Quit Scouts. I'd quit scouts in a heartbeat!

    Do not feel bad about not doing evening stuff, or not being busy. I often not-joke that I'm allergic to being busy. I don't function well. We don't, as a rule, do evening things because our schedule is whack enough with dh's shifts and it just doesn't work. We have broken it twice in 15 years, when dd was aged 8-10ish, for a total of about 18months and mostly regretted it. We're about to break it again but under strict and vastly different conditions (1-1.5 hrs once a week, dd is older, carpooling and dh helping with lifts, only running for 3 terms p/year, already has friend in the group, it is in the career path dd is interested in and will advance skills)

    Anyway, sorry for the me-rail!

    What sort of environment do you need for writing? How much time per day/week do you need? What time of day do you generally work best? One block of time or snatches of time?

    Can you institute an afternoon quiet time? Everyone rests quietly for at least an hour? Then it won't matter so much if your 3 year old sleeps, she'll still get a rest. I'd probably say from about 2.30pm, everyone goes to a quiet spot with books, headphones etc., set a timer. I'd likely cave on quiet screens as long as they stayed put and quiet. Then you can make a cup of tea and write for an hour or so.

    Can you take the dogs out for 20 mins before your husband leaves for work? At 7ish, before the kids are mostly up?

    I'd keep wild and free because it sounds like you enjoy it and it's meeting more of your needs (kids from church, good activities outdoors, not in the evening)

    P.e. Class, I'd be open to something different. Throwing out this idea - what if, instead of pe class, you went to the gym as soon as daycare opened 8am - or left home same time as your dh, you did your thing (exercise & sauna) til 9/9.30am. Then, you and kids spend another hour or two having pe at the gym (I'm assuming for the sake of this idea that there are facilities like a pool!) and pre-text-invite other homeschooling families to join you for casual pe/play time. Home by 10.30/11.30ish, daily work & lunch. Done by 2 - rest/writing time.

    I'm envisioning a routine like this:

    7am - take dogs for a walk

    7.30 - shower/dress, breakfast with family, see husband off to work.

    8-8.30ish - 11-11.30 ish - morning block. This is homeschooling group work time or gym/pe or wild&free. 

    11.30ish - 12.30ish - lunch. Include an after lunch household chore for everybody.

    12.30 - 2.30 - daily homeschool work/folders. 

    2.30 - 4pm - rest and writing time

    4 - 4.30 - take dogs for a walk again, with some/all kids? Your oldest could maybe watch one or two? 

    4.30 - Evening Meal Time (6? 7? Ish) - free play for the kids. Housework, prep food, relax (haha)

    9pm - kids in bed. Spend time with oldest ds? Last pick up around the house.

    9.30 - 11pm Mon/Fri when dh is still at work, Write! Tue/Wed/Thurs enjoy your hubby! 

    Sleep by midnight.

    That's about 8 hours of writing time a week so far. Then, I'd make a deal with dh for some focussed writing time on the weekend. Maybe Saturday afternoon/evening is daddy and kids time to sort out the evening meal while mommy writes. You disappear at 3pm and come out at 6ish when tea is ready. Then (if I remember correctly, he doesn't come to church with you guys? No judgement, mine doesn't either!) He has a few kid free hours Sunday morning to do whatever he needs/wants, guilt free.

    Obviously this is just my random thoughts, ignore as much as you like 😁  sorry if there's doubled suggestions, I only read about 2/3rds of the replies... Solidarity sister, sounds like you are doing a great job!

  5. 3 hours ago, MercyA said: offense to anyone, but whenever I hear Presbyterian I think "Frozen Chosen." 🙂 (And before anyone jumps all over me, I attended--and loved!--a Reformed Baptist Church and our "sister church" with whom we worshiped and took communion was Presbyterian. I have nothing against them.)

    Frozen = formal in worship 

    Chosen = Calvinist-leaning in doctrine

    The main difference between the Presbyterians I knew and my Reformed Baptist church is that they baptized infants and we did not.

    😄 I like this!

    - as a Baptist at heart currently worshipping in a Presbyterian church... I'd agree that the two main differences we see, in practice, are the infant baptism and the beuracracy  church governance structure 😉

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  6. 10 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:

    I had an opportunity to see him in concert in LA in the mid-90s. Sadly, no assless chaps that day, lol. Still a highlight of my college years...waiting in line with thousands of random folks for the chance to buy tickets. So.Much.Talent!


    Something we can agree on! 😄 *is jealous*

    • Like 2

  7. 2 hours ago, Jenny in Florida said:


    I don't watch sports, either, especially football. However, I will share what my husband always told people who scratched their heads at some of our viewing decisions for our kids when they were younger: We sincerely hope that our children will grow up to have fulfilling and happy sex lives and sincerely hope that they never have reason to act violently against another human being. For us, it was a no-brainer which we were more worried about having them watch on screen.

    It is precisely this reason that I prefer to guard against absorbing a pornographic and exploitative understanding of sexuality. 

    • Like 9

  8. I would just like to clarify that pointing out the so-called empowerment in selling (a very specific kind of) sexuality as a commodity in our pornified society is not the same as thinking any individual woman is a s!ut! Nor does it imply teaching my children to judge other women as having less value. Amazed it needs to be said.


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  9. 11 hours ago, Quill said:

    I am totally on board with athletic fitness at any age and do find that inspiring. It’s something I embrace in my own life and I even just recently put up a post about how fit is it reasonable to expect to be past middle age. Part of my question is because I don’t know what is really possible without surgeries or procedures. It’s really difficult to tell by observing celebrities and I mostly can only go on those odd articles you see every now and then featuring weight-lifting 80-year-olds or whatever. 

    However, the majority of the commentary about Shakira and JLo is not emphasizing their physical fitness (though some does). It’s emphasizing their sexiness. (Guess that’s to be expected when the show displayed sex throughout. Heh.) It’s about their looks because they “still look good” past 40 and onto 50. 

    Not that that rhetoric is anything new...

    Ding ding ding. Well said. It's not that they still look good for 40/50 - and I agree that they absolutely do! It's that they are judged still 'f**kable.' Still acceptable as pornhub user w*nk fodder, how exactly is that empowering for women individually or as a class?

    • Like 8
    • Thanks 1

  10. On 12/31/2019 at 3:41 PM, KungFuPanda said:

    I loved Little, Big by John Crowley but I can't find anyone IRL who has read it so I can talk about it.  I have friends who READ.  It feels like I'm being gaslighted and everyone is pretending this book doesn't exist . . . which is a mood that totally GOES with the book.  Someone needs to throw me a bone.

    Pick me pick me! I've read little, big! I found it... wow. 😄 

    • Like 1

  11. 29 minutes ago, StellaM said:


    Running water is the best. 

    I often reflect on the gods of plumbing, and give thanks.

    We actually had an outdoor loo for a while. 

    Having just spent 4 years in 'interim' housing while my husband builds our house - including indoor plumbing - I can tell you that running water, hot water on tap and flushing toilets are the freaking bomb. Character? My kids are dripping with it. Or maybe that's silent fury? 

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  12. 4 hours ago, knitgrl said:

    Our household runs on timers. We've trained the kids from an early age. Sorry, sweetie. It's time to leave now because the timer is going off. Mind you, it's not us, the parents, telling kids they have to do this or that thing, or stop some fun thing -- it's the timer. You can't argue with an inanimate object.

    You clearly haven't met my son...

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  13. Thanks so much for your reply Tracy!

    You pretty much mirrored my thoughts/worries, the angsty young teens all bouncing off each other in an echo chamber!

    My dd is closer to 15 than 13 and has recently seemed to come out of her 'life sucks and no-one gets me' funk. I'm torn between thinking she's probably mature enough to try it (with heavy oversight at first), and worried that it is exactly the kind of thing that could suck her back in... Most likely scenario is she'll probably lose interest fairly quickly, she tends to obsessively write for a week or two then hardly touch it again for months. I joined as an educator so I could poke around and especially so I could look at profiles. Most seemed fine, maybe 10% were concerning.

    Anyway I'll discuss it with her and dh first. Thanks again!

    • Like 1

  14. My dd14 has been asking about joining this site. She has an irl friend (I know friend and family pretty well) who recommended it. It seems to be a place where teen 13-19y/o writers can publish their work and have it reviewed/commented on by peers, read and comment on other pieces & join competitions. I've read through their terms and they seem pretty decent with moderating age appropriate stuff and moving on kids as they get older. 

    I can't see a forum type of thing anywhere on it but I guess I'm most concerned about what the community is like and the vortex like influence these kinds of things can have on young teens

    So, has anyone used it?

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