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Everything posted by Jentrovert

  1. I'm glad they are both doing better. I've been thinking of you and them. Hopefully things will continue to improve and they will soon be settled back home with care. But I know it is very stressful in the meantime. Iirc your dad has dementia or alzheimers? which would make all the changes especially difficult.
  2. I'll jump in! I will definitely need a reminder, please.
  3. Depends on who is doing the eating. 😁 Some people in this household aren't very picky . . . and I just mopped yesterday.
  4. This is sooooo annoying, and it's a pain to compare invoices. I like the previous suggestion, but I don't tend to enter my transactions, I work with them after import (yes, I know this misses part of the point of ynab, but it works super well for me :). However, if I happen to have a large order, with many items in different categories, I sometimes do enter it at the time I place the order, with all the split transactions. The only other suggestion I can offer is just not to let it get too far behind. Do at least that small part of your budgeting weekly, twice a week, whatever, so the orders are fresh in your mind and there's not many of them. ETA: I've never noticed order numbers on my cc. I'll have to check this next time!
  5. Last year I was taking Wellbutrin for other reasons and noticed a big difference during the winter. I had previously used a lightbox, which helped a bit, but it was significantly better with Wellbutrin. I am continuing on it through this winter for SADD, even though I feel I could drop it otherwise.
  6. I use them monthly, and don't have trouble with them moving. However, I would make sure they are specifically for bladder issues. Like with cloth diapers and a heavy wetter, you need specific materials and layers to work well for urine (quick absorbing, medium, then hemp or something that absorbs a ton but more slowly.) I have used my cloth pads for mild bladder issues, and they don't absorb and hold urine as well (expected, since they don't have a hemp layer. They work fine for menstruation.)
  7. I think this is fairly common, but I didn't expect it until it happened. The lumberyard I use hasn't had fence pickets in months. I badly need to restain our fence, but need to replace some pickets. Also finish another section of fencing. It's aggravating to have the funds and decent weather, but no supplies.
  8. Yeah, in all seriousness, I think the neurodiversity makes a big difference. I will say, also, that I have observed a change in this area (and others) with interoception work. I know you've been doing things like that, and you may find that things improve as you become better integrated. It makes sense, right, as so much of it is sensory. I have some additional thoughts on this, related specifically to math and interoception, but I will need to pm them later. A bit too much tmi to post publically. I have to go fix supper now, but will try to remember to pm you tonight. If I forget, feel free to remind me.
  9. @PeterPan My accountant has never been great at intuiting how I'd like the books done. I think his neurodiversity completely prevents him from picking up the usual clues. I long ago developed the habit of exaggerating any, ah, expressions of approval while he's busy calculating. It took some time, but eventually my preference for, say, addition became clear. Once he mastered addition, exaggerated expressions anytime he ventured nearer to multiplication, and so on. At this point in time, he's much more comfortable discussing it, so I can be more straightforward. But in those early years, this strategy proved very helpful. The downside of this is that it actually did become a habit for me, whereas it was not naturally so. I now find it tricky to do math quietly. 😂
  10. Man, what a week to begin my new "social media on weekends only" policy . . .
  11. I'm more of a "find a bush" person. We used to keep a toddler potty in the van, though, and I've used that in a pinch, or just a cup. Diapers work really well to contain odor. Even paper towels, in a tightly wrapped bag, aren't too bad until you can find a trash. But, the main reason I'm commenting is to say that I have discovered I am unable to pee standing up. This is true with a cup, with those travel john type funnels, etc. I do not know what it is, but I must squat to use any of it, even if I really, really, need to go. It just feel so unnatural to stand, I can't let go.* So, if you're considering a funnel type solution, I'd practice beforehand and see what position(s) you'll need to have available to use it. Probably not a problem if you're planning to go inside the vehicle, but it was an issue for me when I had a particular plan and couldn't use it. ETA: *unless, of course, I don't want to pee or I happen to sneeze. No trouble at all then. 😜
  12. If this is because of its appearance, have you looked at all the edges and patterns that are available for formica now? With the right color and the right edge, it can look pretty good.
  13. I agree with you. I was taught that if you borrow something, you return it in same as or better condition than you receive it. I once borrowed a paint sprayer and the owner was shocked at how clean it was when I returned it. When I lend, though, I expect it to return (if at all) in worse condition. So I'm careful. I usually make arrangements for the return when I give it to the borrower. Ultimately, though, I don't lend anything I can't part with. Maybe she sold the discs to help fund the machine. 😕
  14. I use YNAB. I used it years ago, got frustrated, and quit. Then some time ago it was mentioned in a thread here, and I decided to try again. For whatever reason, this time it clicked.
  15. Yes, none of it was ever secret. Mom always wrote checks for the household bills on the kitchen counter, and we could see and talk about how much they were. I still remember how much their house payment was every month. We didn't do things like take vacations or huge shopping trips, but I don't remember if I mentally connected it to the fact that there wasn't enough money or not. We always had enough to cover the basics, just not a lot of extra. I think when I was very young, they had some periods that were very lean. But by the time I remember, it was more stable. When I was 13, I started working at the family business and eventually took over all the bookkeeping. I wrote the checks, so I knew how much money went in and out. While I don't recall much explicit teaching, I did learn a lot and still live similarly. It was just absorbed in life. We have conversations with the kids pretty often. They don't know many of the big numbers, but only because they just can't be trusted not to divulge things that we'd rather keep private. When they can be, we'll share it with them. But we do discuss the cost of things, how money and credit cards work, etc.
  16. Yeah, I'd probably do something like this. But I'd swap my husband for someone else, I already know what makes him tick. He'd never forgive me, though . . .
  17. I'm horrible at this kind of thing. My husband's list is: Alexander the Great (a special interest) Jesus (because, Jesus) Steven Spielberg ("I just have some questions I'd like to know the answers to." 🤷‍♂️) John Wayne (I could not fully decipher his reasons for this one) Neil Armstrong (This seems kind of a random choice)
  18. We have several of the One Third Stories books. We like the books; as would be expected, they are somewhat contrived, but not too bad. Lots of silliness, which my kids love. If you have a more serious kid, well, it's not great literature or anything. There were flashcards as well, and some activities. We did not do many of the activities. It's not an actual curriculum, just introduces vocabulary in a gentle way by gradually replacing English words with Spanish.
  19. LOL My very first rental, part of the agreement was that I mow the lawn. I *requested* this, to save money. It was such a pain. I like to mow, but I didn't really have time to do it. Lesson learned.
  20. LOL I still shudder when I think about visiting my brother and his roommates in their early 20's. I was not allowed to even see parts of the house. Every time I went, I cleaned the kitchen. (Not that I had to, kind of as a gift, haha) But, that helps a lot, that there is a planned end to the situation. The bolded sounds like an excellent way forward. I'm all for written agreements for things like that, even between friends. It just heads off so many possible problems. I have only experienced one side of this situation (I lived at home for several years as a young adult), but I think it is difficult for everyone. I mean, sure, as parents you're glad to help out . . . but also, they're not like small children where you can set and enforce rules in the same way. And it's your house! And they may or may not be living in the way you raised them to. In the opposite direction, they want independence and freedom to do things their way. It's just a lot of adjustment and compromise in both directions. (((Hugs)))
  21. Lol Yeah, that was clear as mud, wasn't it? I meant in regards to thinking about what things he should be expected to do around the house. Like, if someone rents out a room, you don't send them lists of things to do and you don't expect them to spend their time off from work doing home maintenance. That's your job as the homeowner. You'd be doing that whether he was there or not. You expect them to care for their own areas and leave the common areas neat. Maybe other things, in lieu of payment, but have things agreed upon up front, just as you would with anyone else who rented a room. You can choose to slash the rent, maybe down to $ 0, but it's a relationship with an adult, not a child.
  22. My thoughts are all over the place on this. I think you guys have wildly different ideas about what constitues an acceptabe level of clean and tidy. It is your house (and dh's) so you get to set the rules. However, assuming you don't want to drive him out and into a perhaps less favorable situation overall, it will need to be negotiated and compromised a bit. How about you choose the 2 things that are most important to you, insist those must be done, and decide to accept whatever is done on his own on the rest? Like, maybe leaving dishes out anywhere is your hill to die on. Make it clear that this is the case, and let him focus most of his "household chores" energy on those couple of things. I do think it is a bit much to text that list. It would be better to have a set, previously agreed upon list, and then offer to help him set up reminders himself. Since he's an adult, it's basically to me like he is a renter and you're just choosing not to have him pay rent. You wouldn't expect a renter to spend time helping you mow. You wouldn't text a renter a random list of household things to do daily. You *would* expect them to confine their stuff to their room and bath, and leave the common areas as they found them. You might, depending on agreement, have a previously discussed additional weekly chore or something. I will say, too, that I completely understand the irritation when you (and dh) are working hard on weekends and it seems like he's just doing nothing. I have finally realized, though, that the fact that someone seems to have a different work ethic than me doesn't necessarily mean it's a character flaw. People have different priorities. You chose to own a home instead of renting, for example. So you chose the home maintenance. He's choosing to rent a room. At this time in his life, he prefers the free time to the maintenance. Not saying he should never help out, obviously that would be a kind thing to do. Just saying I don't see that he's obligated, unless it's an agreed upon condition of his rent. Maybe it would make more sense for him to pay rent (reduced if you like) and have an actual in writing agreement on what's required. Or, maybe he has a base rent and penalties if the agreed upon things aren't done? At minimum, it sounds like there needs to be a family meeting to agree on requirements, and then post that in writing.
  23. Yes, I would be greatly annoyed. The way it would go here is that I'd say, I'm thrilled that you want to be more involved. However, I am not a subordinate at your work. This is my work. I have been fulfilling my duties for years without difficulties. I do not need a supervisor to check the minute details of my workflow. In fact, I am the supervisor. Now, if you'd like to completely take over a few areas yourself, that would be great. Let's choose. If he thinks too much money is being spent on clothes, that's a separate discussion about the budget. I would do all I can. But if I don't feel I can clothe us on the budget he wants, then we'd have to agree to adjust the budget OR that would be an area he would take over completely OR the clothing budget would be spent entirely on the kids. When he needs new pants and there's no money in the budget, he can decide how he'd like to proceed. This probably makes me sound inflexible. In reality, I will bend quite a bit. But it is a matter of respect. If I arrived at his work I wouldn't tell him all the things I think he could do better or set parameters that I actually know nothing about. Well, this is my work.
  24. I have that same style, except not open bust. Mine is pretty comfortable. I've recently fallen in love with underwear from Soma. I don't like them under my belly, it drives me crazy, so mine are granny-style, but they have all styles. And the ones I have, have silicone to keep the bottom in place. They don't seem to roll down from the top either. Anyway, you might look there. Wait for sales.
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