So I guess I didn't mention we don't live near our family (opposite coasts) so the only connection they keep is by sending my kids birthday cards and my kids sending cards and letters. That's probably why that one thing is important to us...it's the only thing that IS their relationship with my kids. There's nothing else happening for my kids to know that their family is interested in them at all. We visit them occasionally, but we move a lot for my husband's job and are exceptionally far right now so haven't visited them in over four years.
There's also five kids here, which is why I haven't really said a whole lot about when some family forget some kids. It's a lot to remember I guess. This is the first time everyone forgot the birthday child, so it was very noticeable to not only my son, but also to my younger kids as well who asked why their brother didn't get any cards from family and then wondered if they'd get any. I don't complain about family to my kids so if they ended up sending a card late, he wouldn't even know I asked them to.
I've reminded them before, but not often and mostly my side of the family. One child not getting any birthday cards has never happened before though. It's not normal for my kids, so they did notice. They don't ever get a phone call, they don't expect a gift, a little money is exciting for them though, but the point is ALL of their grandparents didn't think of them and since it's not normal, it hurt their feelings. I know the grandparents love their grandkids, and to tell them that their grandkids were hurt that no one remembered them on their birthday doesn't seem like a horrible thing to me. We generally talk about what's bothering us in our extended family, although thankfully, that's not usually very much.
I didn't share any of this with my kids, so if he gets a card late because I said something, it would be appreciated just as much. We're a late-card kind of family as it is.
I was more wondering if it's more common now than it used to be to forego sending extended family members birthday cards and if our parents are just following the trend, kind of how less people send Christmas cards now. It seems based on responses addressing that, that it was never the norm for everyone, it just happened to be in my family.