Well, I am in my 40s, and have only developed career aspirations in the last few years :lol:

I was quite confused by the text and had to read it several times. But then again, I'd probably fall into the category of people are super smart with some things and stupid with others.

I always planned to have children and to stay at home with them while they were little. But I assumed I'd return to paid work once the youngest one started full time school. (Falling into home education sort of put a spanner in the works, obviously!)

I would says that home education is generally time consuming, regardless of the style of education chosen: we have had 'unschooly' times and more 'homeschooly' times, and I honestly didn't notice that unschooling took any less time, rather it was about the same amount of time, but doing different things. Likewise with ages and stages, I feel a little less time-pressed now than I did when the kids were little, but really that's more to do with regular parenting stuff than home education stuff (ie they can all manage their own toileting, hygiene, clothes, make themselves food, etc) .

I think that generally, a funeral should be as close to what the deceased person would have wanted as can practically be done, without causing undue distress to their closest family members or friends who will be in attendance. But if it's going to be massively upsetting to somebody important, it might be better to have an ecumenical religious funeral, or even a secular funeral. It is up to the family members organizing the funeral to do their utmost to make it about their loved one, and not make it about disputes or point-scoring. Families can be difficult, but a funeral is not the place to air grievances or try to get one up on your relative.

Ms. 9 is the only person here who sleeps with stuffed animals. Ms. 12 usually sleeps with the cat in her bed though.

We aren't anywhere near that stage yet, but we're planning to charge them if they are still living with us once they are no longer in full time education. So if a kid is 20, working on a degree full time, but earning in a small casual job, we wouldn't expect them to pay anything. But as soon as they have finished with their studies, at whatever age, we will ask them to pay us a portion of their income (whether from paid work or social security benefits) towards their board and lodging.

Woah, definitely weird. 4am is for somebody has died, or a missing child has been found.

Our local doctors' practice has a display board that they change every month or so. Usually it's some sort of health promotion / awareness campaign, but last time it was a running total of how many people were missing appointments, and it was in the hundreds, for a small rural practice.

We give serious consideration to the kids' thoughts and preferences, but ultimately the decisions have been made by me and their father up to this point. At the moment, our whole family is in agreement that home ed is the better option for us. But if one of them wanted to go to school at 16 or 17yo, we wouldn't stop them.

As I implied earlier, making any assumptions about somebody based on their appearance is something I try to avoid. As for the reasons, I would imagine it's just as the OP said - that we all have an innate tendency to view what we grew up with as 'normal'. So because my mother rarely wore makeup (and even when she did, it was little more than lipstick), I didn't automatically develop any appreciation for the 'full face', and so had to learn later on why it might be important and/or enjoyable for some people. I expect the same thing would happen in reverse, ie if you saw your mother put on her 'face' every morning without fail, your initial natural instinct might have been to wonder what's wrong with women who don't do this (until you talk to more people and understand the reasons). .

I'm very much like my mother, in that makeup is for a wedding or a special night out, not an every day thing. Similarly, doing hair just means it's clean and has had a brush or comb run through it. Likewise, clothes are bought to wear until they actually wear out. When the fabric starts developing holes, I have a new window cleaning rag and it's time to by a new top. I'd never buy anything fashionable, because then it would be unfashionable when I'm still wearing it ten years later. I have to confess that I still have to make an effort to avoid negative judgements of made-up / 'put together' people, but I have tried hard to be evenhanded with how I talk about things with my children. I tell my girls that makeup is optional, but they can certainly wear it if they enjoy it. My Ms. 12 has done a 'full face' a few times, mostly for special occasions, and I actually bought her some makeup of her own, just because her skin isn't the same colour as mine, and she looked terrible with my foundation on. Ms. 9 has only worn makeup by way of face paint as I feel she is a bit young for 'real' makeup, but she isn't particularly interested in any case. Mr. 14 had a brief try of makeup when he was much younger, and then settled into a standard male presentation (he does have waist-length hair, but wears it in the approved manly ponytail).

If I didn't have a partner and children, my dream would be to live in the woods on a grand estate as a paid hermit. But studying and home educating are pretty good too.

We travelled a bit pre kids. Haven't been out of the country (barely been out of the state) since children, would love to take kids o/s but finances don't permit.

I wish there were a perfect answer. But I suspect our main choices are to either let the kid have complete freedom (and try not to be overtly disapproving when they don't make the same choices we would), or make them do what we'd prefer (either by advising them, or by actually keeping some of their money where they can't get it). We used to give the children pocket money at first, but we found that getting money for nothing meant that they didn't really value it much. We considered instituting payment for chores, but rejected that idea because we felt that they should do their chores without being paid. We wound up with our current system, which is that if they want money they have to earn it. They can earn money by their own methods, or they can earn money from us, by doing extra jobs (which can only be done in their free time, ie after they have done everything they are supposed to have done). The kids have gone different ways with this: Mr. 14 doesn't earn much but virtually never spends anything. He says there isn't anything he needs, as we provide all the essentials for him, and is totally oblivious to things like fads, fashions, etc. Ms. 12 doesn't earn much and spends everything she has almost instantly. She has told me she hopes to find a wealthy partner when she grows up!! Ms. 8 works hard, spends a bit, but saves a lot. She has much more saved than her siblings, is super organised about what she spends, saves, and donates to her favourite cause, and is already well on the way to being a financially responsible adult. It's possible that your Ms. 7 simply doesn't have the requisite capacity for majorly delayed gratification yet. If this is the case, it might help to start her off with small savings goals. So instead of saving 'just in case' or saving 'for a rainy day', you could encourage her to find something she would really like to buy, then make a plan that if she can save half the cost, you'll match it and she can have her Exciting Thing. When she succeeds with this, you could help her pick out a bigger, longer-term goal. Hopefully this would teach her that money saved is money you can use later, not money that disappears forever. And when she's a older, then she can think about really long term things (house deposit? Retirement savings? lol)

Number 1, I would find very strange and feel a little uncomfortable, but maybe that is reflective of her culture? Number 2, I would certainly not talk in that way, we are very body positive in my family, and I wouldn't dream of even going on a diet, let alone allowing my kids to know about it if I did. But people vary a lot, and I don't think it's that uncommon. Number 3, I don't find particularly strange at all. I probably wouldn't say it myself, but I don't think it's an unreasonable comment to make, given the context of a conversation about how various kids are more or less developed for their age. As far as future interactions with this family go, I guess it depends on both how much these things bother you, and how frequently they occur. Is this how most of the woman's conversation goes, or were those the only three occasions you felt uncomfortable, with hundreds of other remarks in between that you didn't find weird?

I think that any definition you can construct is going to be somewhat arbitrary, and not necessarily appropriate in all contexts. "Reading" could be anything from sounding out "C-A-T" with prompting, onwards. And many grandmothers are naturally proud of their grandchildren, so it's not surprising that your MIL is excited about your niece's developing reading skills. I hope she is equally excited and happy about your Mr. 4?

We have got a small group that is focussed on teens and tweens, but younger siblings can come along. My Ms. 8 happily hangs out with the 11-12yo kids.

It's interesting that the majority of people don't mind. I always had the impression that Americans couldn't cope with non US spelling, and I have spent the last several years trying to 'translate' everything for you on here! I might just type normally from now on :D

Well, actually, you'd be very welcome to come over and cook for us :lol:

She wants you to spend $2K on a bed?! I freaked out when we spent half that on a bed for my son, and that was only because he is 6 feet tall and needed a longer bed (all his previous beds had been either free or $30 secondhand). Could you give her a budget and let her select something within that? Or pick out 3-4 options you like and offer her the final choice? It's nice to allow choices, so that kids can personalize their space to their own taste (all of our kids have their walls painted in colors they selected), but you shouldn't feel obligated to give her carte blanche.

Ms. 8 will usually get up when I ask her to, but Mr. 14 and Ms. 12 are a nighmare to get out of bed 75% of the time. They seem to have a strong natural tendency to gradually get later and later, ie stay awake late, sleep in, stay awake later, sleep in later, etc. If I insist they get to bed and have lights off by a certain time, they still stay awake for hours. It's driving me mad because we have a shed ton of things to do and we're just not getting everything done. I know that, in theory, a kid who is up from 10am to 12 midnight has the same number of hours as a kid who is up from 7am to 9pm, and thus should be able to achieve the same amount of stuff. But it just doesn't seem to work that way for us; if we don't get a good start in the morning, the day is derailed, and it's very rare that anything productive happens late in the evening after dinner. I'm not willing to enact some kind of extreme, tough love "whoop 'em and cancel all their fun until they comply" regime. But I'm also not willing to take a chilled out, radical unschooling approach where they can sleep all day if they fancy, and not do any chores or school unless they happen to feel like it. What's the reasonable solution to deal with this?

I'm the opposite to you. I lived at home with my parents until I was married at age 22, and I feel that I missed out on a lot by going straight from parents to husband, and not getting the experience of being totally independent and living on my own or in a share house. Also I wish I had dated or even lived with a few different people, instead of marrying my first serious boyfriend. I feel like I won't be able to offer my kids any wisdom about romance / sex / relationships because I never got the normal experience of 'playing the field' before 'settling down' a decade (or more) later.

I would never presume to advise my kids whether or when to get married, and at this stage I honestly have no idea whether any of them will ever be interested in marriage. It's not something I particularly care about, and I don't really expect to be consulted. But I guess if they were to ask me, I'd probably suggest 25-30: old enough to know yourself and know what you want, but still young enough to avoid fertility issues if baby making is something they want to do. I was engaged at 20 and married at 22, but I think now that we were a bit too young. We know that the prime decision making area of the brain is not fully matured until age 24-25, so it is better to avoid life-altering decisions before then. (That is also why I think that many young people should have an extended 'gap year' of paid or volunteer work instead of rushing off to university studies when they don't really know what they want to do.)

I have sensitive teeth and receding gums, so yes, anything I ever get done at the dentist hurts.