Caedmyn, you have all of my sympathy. All of it. I lived this for two years. It was awful. I can;t really give you any advice that hasn't already been given. I understand when you cannot get it together. But you can only do what you can do. D did put a lock on his office door. We ended up moving rooms to split up the kids and put his desk in our bedroom, removed most electronic devices, banned the kids from the tv, computer and video games. I have them tomato staked right now, on the floor next to me. I did briefly put two in school. In retrospect, I should have sent them longer. I wanted them home, and I wanted it to work, but I really wasn't ready. I now have childcare once a week. It's fun for them, and gives me a bit of a break to get things done. I had to ease up a LOT on my expectations. My inclination is to remove privileges, lock them down, tighten the reins. But we got to the point when there was nothing more to take away. There was no slack left to pull. I was policing them 100% of the time and we all hated it. Now, I give them more freedom, more permission to do things, and I have to make things I don't want them to have unavailable, everything else is fair game. Deep breaths. Do what you can. Be gentle with yourself and with your children. Give them extra hugs. Keep them so close. Wrap yourselves in love. Give them tasks to help each other and to help you. Let them take over any small chores that they are capable of doing. Big hugs and good luck. This time will pass.

I disagree. I have used this method (more or less, this is my natural approach to parenting) successfully with all of my children, including one with SPD, one with ASD/ADHD, and one who is just downright defiant from age 1 forward. There is a lot of front loading and anticipation on the part of the parent, particularly in the early years. It can be hard, especially when your brain is fatigued. But it 100% works.

On the occasions when I throw a party, I ask for no gifts. I don't spend very much, because I am super frugal, and I only spend what I can afford. Buying my kid a gift I have no place for, and don't want isn't helping my finances. It's presenting me with another problem to deal with.

I'm agreeing with everyone else. Ca you make the quilt this week? This month? This year? Ever? I try not to hold onto things unless I can use them right away.

Do you need it for a specific reason? Our last library system labelled each book with a grade level. I don't know what system it was based on. I just flip through a few pages and see if I think my kid can read it, until they are old enough to choose their own.

This is infuriating and cruel. I hate the early academics push. it's stupid.

The walls are Behr Fahrenheit . It's a small, low ceilinged living room with a (soon to be) glass tiled hearth (in neutral colors) under a black wood stove. This room opens into the kitchen painted in Valspar Endless Summer with sealed greenish gray concrete floor. There are sliding glass doors in this room, and a large window opposite, so lots of natural light. Moderate to heavy foot traffic. We live in the dusty desert, so I'd love something that hides the dust a bit.

These, Hikaru no Go and Warrior Cats.

Oh yeah. It's all about the bed. That's the whole reason I want to upgrade from tent camping. I don't care about anything else. I just want a comfy place to sleep.

We paid for it outright. Not having a mortgage is possibly the best thing ever. It's an unfinished flip, so we get to do whatever we want with it. It's a giant craft project. I just cam e back from Home Depot looking at lumber, tile, paint, etc. I'm in the process of building a dining nook, painting the living room floor. finishing the kitchen cabinets, and wallpapering the shower. Next is tiling the backsplash and hearth, placing a heat reflector behind the wood stove, and painting the kids rooms and refinishing their floors. It's so much fun. I'm thinking about wallpapering the little boys room with their artwork, and doing a paper floor of their choosing. Then we'll get started on the outside. It's small and cosy and has character. It's from 1973, with an odd layout that I love. The interior shows the cinderblock texture, combined with the wood stove, looks so rustic and lovely. We have two bathrooms for the first time ever. It feel so luxurious. I can't wait to have our shower redone, and fix up our bathroom. Wide expanses of open land for my kids to play on. Beautiful mountain views.

Oh, I'm not giving up. I'm currently shopping for an RV or a popup. We need a new family vehicle, so we're a bit up in the air. Right now, though, we are committed to this house. I'm conflicted over D applying for new positions because he would have to travel and I don't wanna go. But once the kids are moving along, I definitely plan to spend a lot of time in a mobile living facility of some kind. With or without a stationary home base, we will consider when the time comes.

soo... Am I the only one who says no, not really? It certainly can be super time consuming, but it doesn't have to be. In that the kids are here, with me the overwhelming majority of the time, yes. Some of my kids are out of the house one day a week, but that's a relatively new development. I do a lot of running around, getting them to events, but only as much as we can handle. And I think most parents to that anyway. I don't think any of my kids' friends, classmates, teammates are homeschooled. But my little ones are little, and math and reading don't take much time. I have streamlined that process a great deal and keep it very very simple , and therefore, short. And my older kids are independent. My high schooler does 90% of his work without me. He just checks in with me periodically. I give him the book to work in and he does. My middle schooler requires a little more supervision, but not a ton. I only teach them a couple of hours a week, if that. Depending on what they are doing, I might not really be involved at all. I'm sure some of you are tsk-tsking me like crazy about what a crappy, neglectful homeschooler I am. And maybe you are right. But I don't think so. My kids are doing ok. They are learning a lot and developing good life skills.

I've heard the term "nomadic family" to refer to those who travel full time. I have tried to talk D into this for years, since before we were married. He hasn't given in yet. We do not have travel friendly work. I am going into the medical/social services field, D is a safety officer. He travels short distances, not more than a few hours, and will have to do some long term assignments (3 months in South America), but not really anything that would keep us on the road for long periods of time. We do have room for you! We are working on upgrading our hookups. You can use them now, but it would not be super great yet. Give us another year or so and we will have a poured pad, upgraded electric hookups with solar power, and high pressure water outlet. Septic is all ready for dumping :lol:

Yes. I grew up in Hollywood, my daddy took me political dinners, and my mom took me to book signings. So yes. A few.

I haven't seen the crazy, over the top stuff. My school had a father daughter dance that was a bit of a rite of passage. We had dance classes for a month, and the dance was at the end. Not everyone went, but many did. It felt a bit like an entrance into adolescence. We were 12. It was not weird. Most of the community centers here hold father-daughter dances and mother-daughter teas. Tori will be old enough next year, and I can. not. wait. She is SUCH a girlie girl. It will be so special for her to dress up and do something fancy. Her daddy usually doesn't do things like that with her, so I think the father-daughter dance will be extra special for them. I do let her wear some makeup when she asks, so I'm sure she will be one of tawdry little girls with mascara and face powder on. I don't care.

we have done sleepovers since age 3. It doesn't come up often, but when offered, I have no problem with it. We have only hosted once, with cousins. I want to start doing them regularly with those cousins.

Sarah is a classic. I knew a few little Sarahs. Jason would have been a Sarah. Speaking of dated names. :laugh:

I feel like I am bad-mouthing my husband in this thread. I am not. We have different approaches and I'm only highlighting some of the conflicts we've had over the years. We worked through everything and mostly it was no big deal. Sometimes I get hung up on little, stupid things that don't matter. Sometimes he says stupid things, but when we talk them through, he sees the impracticality of what he's asking for (like keeping the kids within arm's reach at all times so they can't hurt themselves at 2 and 5). Or we just have to disagree, in which case we each do it our own way.

I think the difference is that when you are with the kid you are actually parenting. Some of our spouses are not doing that, but only want to watch from the couch, but also want to make decisions. I did mention above that I take a back seat to my husband when he is home. I want him to have a the parenting experience. Before I took this approach, he would spend all of his home time napping, watching tv, playing video games, letting me deal with everything and otherwise acting like a bachelor roommate. And griping at me if the kids were too loud, or messy, or whatever. He treated me like an employee, not a partner. I'm 100% sure that you do not have the option to sit back while you are home and let someone else deal with your kid. And then complain when that other person doesn't do things the way you think it should be done. Edit: I also want to address that providing financial support is very important. Of course. It's necessary. I don't think anyone is trying to say that it's not important. But there is a big difference between being boots on the ground, waking up at night, listening to the screaming, engaging in the power struggles, and so on. Can you imagine if someone came into your house and gave you a list of parenting requirements that you find kind of absurd (I was instructed to follow behind both of my children within arms distance at all times, while also keeping the house clean, the children fed, and everything else done, How is that even possible?) and expected you to follow and then left? That would be unfair.

Phwew! I've never been so relieved to be confused. I was feeling a little panicky there.

I assume you have told him this? And he insists you do as he says anyway? Is he generally controlling and pushy? is this new behavior? I would find this extremely concerning.

He 100% does have a say. Every night that he is in his bed and child comes into the room, he has 100% ability to drag himself out the bed and send that kid back to bed. That is fair.

I am all for involved dads. I think we could definitely use more of that. Here's the thing. Being involved means *doing the work yourself*. Putting in the time. Doing the heavy lifting. Not making decisions for other people and expecting them to handle it. you get a say in the things *you actually do*. Early in our marriage, D did not like the way i did dishes. So he spent *hours* scrubbing dishes (It takes me 5 minutes, but whatever). He did not like the way I washed his shirts. I invited him to wash his own shirts ( I tried, he saw invisible stains. I can't treat them if I can't see them). He decided my way was fine. He still irons his shirts every morning. I hate ironing with a bright and fiery passion. And I'm bad at it. And I hate it. OMG so much. So he handles that. If he wants to be an involved parent, great. Get involved. Get in there. Get busy. Do the hard work.

I do not let my DH dictate to me. At all ever. We have been down that road, and it nearly broke us up. I do not tell him what to do or how to do it. I deserve the same respect. In this particular case, I would invite him to wake up during the night and gently drag the kid back to bed. I would be clear that I will be sleeping while this happens. The end. He can handle it his way himself, or he can back the heck off of it.

D generally defers to me. I have lots of background, experience, education, and I'm the one doing 99% of the parenting through the majority of our marriage. If he is home, I let him be in charge. I try very hard not to undermine him or correct him. He's a good guy, and a verrry laid back parent compared to my uptight self. It is good for them to get a break from me to just have fun with dad, even though he doesn't make them do chores :banghead: , lets them tear up my bed :cursing: , and feeds them garbage. It's good for me to not have the entire burden of parenting. It's good for D to have a chance to actually be a dad without me whisking the children away from him. If there is something we strongly disagree on, we talk it out. As I said, he generally defers to me, but he does sometimes ask me to explain something. Why should we not punish for this, why is ok to let slide, why is this important. And often, it's not important, but it makes me crazy and I'm not being super rational, or is developmental and punishment will only make it worse (he's not a big punisher, so that's usually a philosophical discussion). Or I know there is a problem, I am doing everything humanly possible and it is not working. In which case, he makes suggestions, or we think about what might be a next step. I think it is harder to be the kinder, gentler parent. I know Derek hates hearing me reprimand the kids constantly, for things that seem like nothing to him. I could definitely not be in a relationship with someone harsher than myself. But I'm super tough, so that would likely be unhealthy. I agree with Happy, you have to start by hearing each other out. I really don't see how you can resolve anything if that's not the first step.