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Indigo Blue

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About Indigo Blue

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    Hive Mind Queen Bee
  • Birthday 01/19/1964

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    North Carolina
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    cycling, hiking

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  1. Exactly the same for me. This is the sort of demeanor that, especially around the right age group, can end with that person being targeted.
  2. I just want to say here that I hope I haven't said anything offensive to anyone reading these posts who may be on the spectrum. If I have, it certainly wasn't intentional.
  3. So you have two children on the spectrum, plus yourself? You are another example of someone with a child who grows up without a parent really "seeing" these things. So, I know it really is possible for it to be this way. It doesn't have to be blatantly obvious that there is something different.
  4. Just this morning I took my cat to the vet and the first thing I did was look up at the ceiling at the placement of the vets so I could sit somewhere where there was NO air on me. I don't like the feel of air vents blowing on me at all. I noticed the girl at the desk had one right over her head. I thought to myself that there is no way I could sit there all day under that vent and work. Every time I walk in there, I try to be inconspicuous about staring at the ceiling and circling weirdly around the room. There are a zillion "little things" where I just catch myself being really annoyed, but I have to keep it hidden. For one, the football game where the guys were yacking and I couldn't hear the band. Once dh asked me a question which required a response at the exact same time he pressed play on the answering machine messages. The messages started blaring out and I began to try to answer him at the same time. I wanted to pull my hair out, but I nicely asked him not to do that again. Lots of times ds will start talking about a topic and it's so interesting. I'll ask something related, and he'll start to answer. Dh will interrupt and go off in left field somewhere. It feels SO frustrating that the conversation just took a sharp left and went off into the woods. I want to keep talking about the deep thing we were talking about. Dh watches lots of loud movies with women screaming and men fighting and shooting. It is SO unsettling for me. Really, intolerable. I haven't figured out how to cope with that. He can be a noisy person in general. That's just who he is. Nothing will change this, so I just try to let that be. Ds and I had a discussion about eye contact. He told me he has a strategy (didn't know he'd given it that much consideration) . He looks at people's noses. He says you can't tell someone is not looking at your eyes when you do this. I don't know if that's true, but that's what he does. I look off just to the right of someone's face if I'm talking so I can think about what I need to say. Looking at someone's eyes majorly throws off the whole thought process. I simply can not pretend to like someone after they have done something rude or awful to me or someone I care about. (Not petty stuff you just overlook and forget, but really not nice things) I see people do this all the time. I don't understand why anyone would do this. I honestly can't do that. I don't like to lie or be lied to. I am capable of telling a lie, but I'm very uncomfortable with that.
  5. This is how I feel, Quill. It all started with finally realizing some things about ds. It didn't start out with me at all. I don't SEEM to have any difficulties that would warrant a diagnosis, but it's astounding that I keep trying to read about ds and find myself going oh my gosh..... I wouldn't even say I'm worried about it. If it came to be for ds, I'd be fine with that as long as he is happy. He would be, too. I was thinking today about how things were for me in kindergarten, then elementary, middle, and high school. One common thread is that it's always been like a person staring into a fish tank. They are in there and you are out there observing. I have no memory of interacting with other kids when VERY young. None. Like, first grade, kindergarten. I do have memories, but I'm just observing and not interacting. It is hard to explain. Weirdly, I have memories of being fascinated by the large crayons with the one flat side. They smelled a certain way. And the plastic containers of thick paste. And glitter. On the playground I have one memory of a boy who always tried to sit on me. These kids were just there, but I was not a part of them. I have one memory of being in kindergarten and thinking about the black kitten we had at home. My memory is spending the entire day just thinking of going home to be with my kitten. I have memories of being at home (age 6 or so) in my room. Just taking out each toy one by one, leaving the whole floor covered in toys, and then putting them back one by one. I was fanatically obsessed with the color yellow and ducks. I drew them and colored them yellow, then cut tons of them out of paper and arranged them in a small doll crib. I can remember this stuff but I don't have a memory of interacting with anyone in school then, even though I remember the school. The room, the sidewalk, the playground. Only just being outside looking in the fish tank. But I wasn't lonely or unhappy at all. That's just the way it was. There is more awareness in 3rd through 5th grade, but still not much interaction. And I just did weird things that I have now learned not to do. And ds, goodness, he could hardly be in school at all. He didn't exactly fit in, but he wasn't bullied by students for the most part. He was targeted by a teacher. He hated being in school each and every day and often imagined escaping from the playground and walking home. Then, I just thought, well, he's so much like me and I understand how he feels. There was no reason not to bring him home, so we eventually did. He tells me now as an adult how he used to feel back then because he can articulate it better. I think considering the things I noticed in him as a toddler (that I brushed off), it's not surprising that he felt this way, To me, he was just a fussy toddler who turned into a sensitive, young boy who wanted to school at home. Thought nothing of it.
  6. Hi! I have the same problem and I think I've posted before about it. I finally found a vet that had a built-in dog groomer and they agreed to sedate her and have the dog groomer do her best to giver her a lion cut. This was needed (or so I thought at the time) because she was always coughing up hairballs, and she wouldn't tolerate being brushed at all. With her hair being so closely shaved, she licked herself raw to the point of bleeding in some places. Later, at a routine visit to her original vet, he finally discovered that she has bad allergies. After lots of trial and error with food, we finally concluded it was not food. She just has environmental allergies and needs to get a shot every four to six weeks for the rest of her life. Turns out, all the hairballs (and raw skin with lion cut) were all from overgrooming BECAUSE of her allergies. She only has them now when her shot begins to wear off. She will not let me brush her. She's a beautiful Persian that we rescued. I hate that she has to get those shots, but she is getting much relief from those frequent hairballs. So now, sedated grooming is not needed for her because she really doesn't have a problem with mats for some strange reason, even though she rarely gets brushed. I'm glad you found someone to help her. I think the mats can hurt because they can pull their skin when they are so tightly wound up close to the skin. Boy, this type of thing really is a problem because vets don't groom so they won't sedate, and groomers don't sedate.
  7. What a tough one. People who've never been deeply affected and have fairly normal families just have no idea. And the narcissist can keep it all so well hidden if they need to. You know this, though. All I can think of is to suggest that they try to educate themselves (seriously) then attempt to make a rational assessment.
  8. I understand. I'm glad you got so much help here and are using that to train your dog. That is great. You sound like a wonderful dog owner, btw. You just got into a bit of an odd situation. It happens. IMO, the situation has turned a bit odd, and that was your original question. So, yes, it's odd, lol. Anyway, don't get further backed into a corner here trying to explain. It just makes it worse. My advice is take the good advice given here and go with your gut. You'll be fine.
  9. For my personality, all this would be WEIRD and WAY over the top for me. In my 55 years of life, this is the sort of stuff I have learned to run away from as fast as possible. If getting a second dog is not your desire, I think Innisfree had a good suggestion about training classes. Weather permitting, she could swim around in small lakes in summer and retrieve balls from the water. This doesn't involve other dogs, but it would satisfy her and get her energy out. I'd be funny about dog parks, too, with never knowing if a dog could become aggressive or what diseases could be spread. But mental note to myself: From now on, refrain from excessively gushing over someone's else's dog! 🙂 I know you want a playmate, and you should keep trying. If you find that it just never works out, a deep one on one relationship with their human goes a long way toward making a happy dog. I don't mean this at all to be snarky. I truly do say this to be helpful.
  10. Why is it so hard for people to have a logical discussion? Why does it have to be so one-sided? Have things always been like this? Or is it getting worse?
  11. Ds is interviewing for jobs now. He pretty much runs into this as well. He did have one video interview, which felt odd to him. It made me think of that commercial where the guy is doing a video interview in a suit and tie. When the interview is over, he shuts off his laptop and stands up to reveal that only his top half is dressed up. The bottom half of him has on a pair of polka dot boxers or something. Funny.
  12. Thank goodness there is another human on this earth who has this same trouble. With football, it's all just a big jumble of men running around in clumps. I'm sooooo embarrassed to admit that I literally can't follow who has the ball no matter how hard I try. Let alone have someone try to explain the rules. Don't know what this means or says, but anyway... Dh and I went to the last home game of the high school we once attended. Didn't follow a darn thing except a few brilliant plays made by one small little guy on our team. Impressive. (But the band....that's the reason we went in the first place. Side story: There were two men sitting behind us quietly enjoying the game, making a comment here and there. Dh and I were both in band. Our high school band was great during those years,but kind of went downhill until the last few years when a new, young band director came to the school. For the past two years, the band did great and won lots of awards. So, dh and I were excited to see the very small, but good band. We hadn't been to a game in years. So, I ignored the game that I couldn't follow anyway, and was obsessed with the band. The drum major was mesmerizing. So precise. And really, really good. I couldn't wait for half time. When it started, the two guys behind us started talking loudly about hunting and things they'd shot recently. My annoyance grew and grew because I couldn't hear a thing. The band was visually great, but I couldn't hear them. Why would someone be so quiet during the game and start yacking over the band? Even dh, who doesn't get easily annoyed at this type of thing, was annoyed. Oh, I just wanted to turn around to tell them to be quiet.......... I should have stood up when the game resumed and started a loud rant on .....I don't know....something). And chaotic friends....had one of them long ago.....loved her but everything just got so jumbled up every time we made plans. Exactly as you describe. It just doesn't suit someone who likes things to go according to plan. And the catcher in baseball.....yep. Same. Thought the same. (I still don't know what a short stop is). Also miss some little thing in a movie, then I have a hard time making sense of things.
  13. Of course that (reading only non fiction) can be a completely normal thing. But being drawn to only non fiction as a young child is actually a "thing". It means nothing by itself, but it CAN mean something when taken altogether with other things. I'm by no means an authority on this subject for sure, but I did make note of this when I came across it in my reading.......
  14. Goodness, we are so much alike. I remember your posts where you wondered some things about your boys. I'm highly suspicious of ds, but my stuff might just be, as you say, they fit but may not be quite there. I read all those old 4th to 6th grade level biographies with the hard back yellow covers on Helen Keller, George Washington, etc. We had a set of World Book encyclopedias for children and I think I read each one from cover to cover. I was obsessed with famous women ice skaters, horses, breeds of dogs, and cats and such. Just sat in my room for hours every day. Outside, I would swing. Go inside to read. Go outside to swing. Go inside to read. Sometimes mixing in riding my bike and roller skating on the road, practicing and practicing to be a "pro". The girl across the street would want me to come over. I feel horrid saying this, but I just didn't want to go. I just wanted to swing, and go inside alone to read., play music on the keyboard, or draw. I still do this's just different topics and different obsessions. The thing is, I don't retain information very well from reading. It needs to be written down. My desk/planner is covered in sticky notes. I have to have EVERYTHING organized. I used to organize my room when I was young. That wasn't seen as a positive thing then, because it was thought to be too obsessive. I didn't feel that way. I just want/wanted it that way so I will/would feel comfortable. I learned that sitting on your hands is a trait. I'm sure lots of people do this, but, still, it's a real trait. I shove my hand between my crossed legs and grind my teeth while thinking. There are generally mainstream things we do as a culture that I seem to find odd and hard to understand and tend to think differently on certain things. (Don't judge, but just don't "get it"). Clubbing, traveling with groups, and even leaving a screaming young baby in a church nursery. Why do that? I just don't see the point of it, although I know it's seen as a normal thing to do. I remember you said (was it you?) you often felt on the outside looking in. Me, too. At recess, I didn't/wouldn't/couldn't catch the ball. They would look at me as the ball rolled past and shouted, "Don't just stand there!" I hated recess. And I have such a hard time maintaining friendships.....oh, that's so hard. I want friends. I love people. But when I've been around them for a bit, I just want to be alone again. I have some friends, but they put in more on their side than I do. If we haven't had contact for awhile, it hard for me to be the one to try to reconnect. It's sort of like this: Meet someone new. They invite you for a day out. You go and have a great time. There's lots to talk about because you've just met. It seems easy and relaxed. ( In my head, though, I'm trying to be aware of not appearing "odd", keeping conversation going even though it's a bit hard. Oh, and again, don't do anything odd. Try not to seem mentally tired as time passes and you've been "on" for a while. Make mental notes of things they mention about families, etc. For goodness sake, try to remember). Go home feeling slightly drained, but happy. Next day, you just want to stay home and clean the house. New friend calls and says, "Hey, blah and blah is on sale at Kohl's. Let's run over there. Want to? Oh, then we can stop by Starbucks for a cup of coffee. While we're out, I need to get gas and run by the cleaners. Do you mind? Oh, you know what? Dh and I are going to the mountains next weekend. You guys wanna ride with us? We'll talk about it when I pick you up." this point I'm still tired from yesterday and the thought of doing all that just sounds like trying to walk up the side of a mountain. I want to but I can't. Maybe I'll say that I can't go to Kohl's, but maybe we could ride to the mountains later. I'm in a completely different mode from the first day we met and had a good time. Now all this sounds overwhelming. If we get together again, it may go differently, with me being unable to think of anything interesting to say, feeling more awkward, and not remembering much of the details the friend gave about herself and family. Just having a much harder time being "on". I end up letting my friend put in the effort to keep the friendship going. It's not intentional; it just happens. The friendship has a really good chance of fizzling out. Just so hard. If we do hang out some more, I probably just reveal my "oddness" and maybe they just gravitate toward someone else instead. And what makes me odd is not something I can put a finger on. It just IS.
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