How does that happen??? I am creeped out, I admit.

Thank you all for your stories and sharing your hearts with me. It has helped and I appreciate you all revisiting your own pain to help me (and my family) with our pain. For 20-30 seconds when I first woke up this morning I had forgotten he was gone. Then, like a brick wall, it hit me and I remembered. It was like losing him all over again. Only worse somehow.

A few years ago our dogs went to a different vet office. I had never liked the vet but Cotton was very young, rarely had to go, and there was another vet in practice with him and she was wonderful and we could usually see her, so we stayed with the practice. One day, for some reason, we got stuck seeing this guy. Cotton was older by now and we had our younger dog. Something made this guy say to me "you know at least you have another dog. the people i feel really bad for are the ones with no other animals and come home to a quiet house". I almost hit him. Like you said, I want MY dog. I want COTTON! I love our other dog, but she is no replacement for Cotton. And guess what? Our home is too quiet....my arms too empty...my heart has a Cotton shaped hole in it that will never close. We left the practice not long after that. I couldn't even look at him without thinking about what he said and knowing there was no way he was going to spend a second of either of our dogs' last few precious minutes on this earth with them or us. I am very sorry for the losses you have had. Thank you for your advice and help.

Thank you. Thank you.

I am. I started getting worried about her early yesterday. She is sad and it breaks my heart in fresh new ways. She heard me say his name and jerked her head up and looked around, I felt horrible and picked her up, all under her eyes was wet. By the time I stopped sobbing, all of her was wet. Anyway, she hasn't been playing and follows me everywhere super close to my feet. So I carry her most of the time or my daughter is carrying her (she is a tiny 6 pounds). We did get her to play for a bit yesterday. She has her physical in 2 weeks (with the same vet) and if she is still struggling I will most definitely talk to her vet about it...unless she needs to be seen before then. She is eating and drinking well and though she is obviously sad, she is responding to our extra care and love.

Please tell me how you get through this intense overwhelming grief. What has helped, not helped, what have you done to move through the grief, how have you managed to be in your home with your furry friend not here to greet you? We lost our 15 year old pup yesterday. We knew he was not in the best of health. We knew we would lose him sooner rather than later. Yet, he got suddenly sick in a way we didn't see coming, he declined super quickly over a 2 hour period. We got him seen by the sweet vet I wanted. She sedated him heavily for us to bring home and cuddle over the afternoon until my husband could get off work. Then we took him in, I held him, and we let him go. We handled his cremation arrangements ourselves. We should have him back this afternoon. They allowed him to be cremated in his blanket. We gave him the peaceful, kind, loving passing that he so richly deserved. But we are most assuredly not okay. This is our first pet loss. He was/is more than just a pet (as so many of these guys are for all of us). He has been my everything. He has served as an unofficial service/emotional support animal to me as I have battled PTSD over the last 12 years. We are hurting so badly and it feels like it will never be better again. For those that have walked this sad road.....how did you do it? Edit/update: Thank you all so very much. It is so comforting to know that so many have walked this painful road and understand what we are going through. Our sweet boy is home forever now. The wonderful pet cremation service had him back to us less than 24 hours after they lovingly came and got him last night. They even made a clay paw print for us and wrote his name on it. They gave us the Rainbow Bridge poem (which I will frame), a certificate of his cremains....his "urn" is a beautiful engraved rosewood box. Everything came in a pretty velvet bag with "until we meet again at the rainbow bridge" written on it. At this very moment he is tucked beside me with his baby blanket under him. Oh, the wonderful owner of the place confirmed yet again that he was cremated in his blanket (he personally does every cremation). We do have another dog. She is young, 6 years old. She misses him. She is sad. It breaks my heart. She knew yesterday he was going to die and she got scared and hid. I believe she knows he is back, I let her sniff his urn and she licked it and then wanted to be held. I don't know what we will do next. We are taking our time. I always thought we wouldn't get another dog, but I don't know anymore. This little boy has been with me day and night for 15.8 years. I do absolutely believe I will see him again. My grandmother sent me a sign 1 1/2 weeks ago that she was with me. I remember thinking "something bad is going to happen and she is letting me know she is with me". Then I got busy with life. Last night I remembered her sign. I firmly believe she knew, she wanted me to know she was waiting to hold him, she is comforting him until I get to him one day. This brings me an amount of peace that I cherish. But I fully admit I would much rather have him alive and healthy in my arms. Yes to everyone who said they grieved their pet harder than any human, yes a thousand times. My husband fully agrees with this as well. Forgive my rambling. You have each given me some bit of hope that it won't always hurt this much and that we will eventually be okay. For anyone who wishes, please please think of Cotton for a minute and blow a kiss to him as he waits for me at the Rainbow Bridge. From day one he proclaimed me his favorite person and one day he will be back in my arms. For now, the pain is almost unbearable.

Nope. Back in the dark ages when I gave birth I am quite sure doing that, or even suggesting it, would have bought you some serious time on a psych ward.

Read.

Hugs and prayers for your son and family.

I always boil enough eggs for the week for my husband and daughter. I make roughly 7 days of granola for my daughter. For the fridge I always make a big pot of beans (cooked in crock pot), rice, and roasted veggies. All of this prep helps so much. Oh, every other week or so (whenever we run out), I make a bunch of pancakes and freeze them in small batches for my daughter to heat up in the toaster oven for either a meal or snack.

Thanks guys! You are all voicing the very same concerns/thoughts I had. There is no appeal to me in doing this and i won't be doing it. The coordinator of the study sent an e-mail to all those seen at the hospital who may qualify. I filled it out just to see if I would qualify thoroughly expecting that I wouldn't for some reason. Turns out I possibly do. Since I possibly do, they will call next week. When they do, I will say that I am not interested. The MRI is of the brain. They are looking at whether or not HRT affects the brain in peri-menopausal women. I am not sure if it is a currently used HRT or not. They give you a chance to ask questions when the coordinator calls. There are a total of 6 visits. 3 to the hospital, the other 3 aren't specified so not sure what they are. GTN exam is by someone at the hospital. That is really all the info I have. Oh, successful completion means it pays 500. Thank you for the input and confirming some of the things that I had me noping right on out of this experience.

It is looking at medicine and mood on peri-menopausal women. The study involves 2 MRIs.....3 weeks of HRT....and a gyn exam. MRI is first done prior to study, then 3 weeks on HRT, then repeat MRI. GYN exam done before anything. You are paid for the study. Thoughts? Concerns? Edit: Questions you would ask.

I'm so glad that you feel good about this decision. I hope it is an easy transition for all of you.

I do fix his lunches every day. I don't mind doing it. He works long hours and this is something that makes his day a bit easier. Plus he eats much healthier if I am in charge of his food. I also actually make his breakfast but he pulls it together each morning. He has no problem at all making his own food and doesn't expect me to do this for him, however, he appreciates that I do it.

Any and all books by Chloe Coscarelli. She is fantastic and her recipes never fail.