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HTRMom

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Everything posted by HTRMom

  1. I think you're right. "Just as" is an adverb modifying "were sure." Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  2. Ok. I'm going to read up on this ABC thing and see what I can do. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  3. I'm overwhelmed by the number of responses in just a few hours. I'll have to think about it and respond tomorrow. We do have many positive interactions. I was focusing on the bad here. We play games almost daily. I read him stories. I tell him I love him and kiss him lots. He helps me with dinner. We go for family walks. The time from 12:30-1:30 is just for the two of us every day. He goes to preschool. I think it's socially satisfying for him but intellectually underwhelming. I think someone misread that I've had him tested with a high IQ. My DH and I have high IQ's. He is clearly quite advanced in certain areas. The psych says that he's gifted, but doesn't like to do IQ testing at 3 years old. No, he cannot read. I want to teach him but his performance anxiety makes it difficult. The primer approach is impossible because it's pressure. I'm expecting him to just bust out reading one day next year, because that's his style. The psychologist told me today that the next step is to increase the amount of structure to his day, so I'll be working on that. He directs his intellectual energy to building things. His duplos and Lincoln logs are no longer challenging, so I'm going to get tinker toys or knex next, and maybe a small lego kit with instructions. He also finds 50-piece puzzles too easy. It's hard to keep up with his progress, he masters everything as quickly as I buy it. I'm probably holding him back by not providing the right level of stimulation. If anyone has ideas for teaching a kid who will not perform under pressure to read, I'm all ears. Like, some way he can practice in secret. That's what he likes. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  4. Yes, he hits, pushes, and bites the 2yo, in addition to the typical stealing stuff from him. He will yank out the chair he's sitting in and he falls. Hit him with sticks. Slam doors in his face. :( I make him stay in his playroom by himself after that. I try not to leave them alone if he's in a mood. Teething? He has all of his baby teeth. There are only two sets of molars, right? Obviously the power struggle is no good. I gave up on that long ago. I was just trying to describe his baby behavior. I have made progress, even if there's still a long way to go. And he does have a special interest that could become autism-like. It's the Mass. He plays Mass for hours every day, talks about it, etc. As far as obsessions go, you could do worse! :D Hyper focus is interesting. I might have that. My DH gets so angry that he can't get my attention when I'm reading or something, but I simply cannot hear him. It doesn't even have to be anything especially interesting. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  5. If I wanted to discuss this as some of you have suggested, would it go on the Learning Challenges or the Special Needs board? I can't figure out the difference. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  6. If he stares at me, scowls, and dumps juice on the floor or throws something or bites me, what motive is there besides making me angry? It's just fun to scowl and bite and throw? Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  7. He likes to see how I act when I'm mad. Maybe it makes him feel powerful? Maybe he's trying to find where I will set a limit? Maybe he feels insecure and needs to see that there are boundaries? I think maybe he just gets angry and lashes out, not knowing what else to do. He doesn't comprehend that I have an inner life like he does, or that being angry is unpleasant for me. He has no empathy. That's an observation, not a judgment. I don't know what the typical age range is for development of empathy.
  8. I don't think it's all about me. (But let's me real, it's partly about me and the brother he terrorizes.) I know that he is doing someone in order to get an angry reaction out of me or his teacher or dad. Would it be better for him if I never got angry? Yes. Is he deliberately trying to make me angry? Yes. He has no sense that I have internal feelings. He's not really trying to hurt me, although it feels that way, because it's never occurred to him that he could. He just wants to see me get mad. I don't know why, exactly. I know some of that is age-appropriate, experimenting. But the intensity with which he does it is not normal. I already said that I'm getting therapy for anger management. I never seemed to have a problem until I had this kid. Kids sure bring out the best and the worst in us! I'd be shocked if there were a 2E specialist in the state of NM. Specialists of every kind are lacking. If there were someone, she would have a 1-year wait list. Doesn't ADHD involve having more physical energy than other kids? DS has the same amount or a bit less physical energy as other kids his age. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  9. What is the difference between "push the big button" and "obey to disobey?" Obviously the baby wasn't trying to make me suffer, he was trying to disobey. I just consider "pushing the button for a reaction" disobedience for its own sake and don't see a difference. I don't think me 3yo is trying to make me suffer, he's trying to make me mad and doesn't really understand that I have feelings at all. Either his empathy is very low or he does a good job pretending that it is. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  10. He does have a lot of quiet places available and he usually comes home from school and spends an hour in the sandbox or playing legos in his room. But if I suggest it, he's never going to do it! I already know that he can't tolerate dairy or fructose. We do well with dairy but I could do better with fructose. But I've done strict elimination diets of most things with no obvious improvement. I don't think he eats food coloring very often. I've never heard of overexcitability before. I'd guess he has intellectual excitability, possible sensual or emotional too. I get that all kids tests boundaries, but this is just beyond the normal amount and intensity. He's unusually focused for his age. He has a very long attention span and can shut out everything around him when he's engaged with something, good or bad, in a different way from typical young children. He's very persistent. These are good qualities in a way, but tough to manage when he's fixated on a bad thing. As far as not intrinsically interesting, if I told him not to touch one spot on the wall, he would do nothing else. I get that certain things are irresistible to him, but this isn't like that. I'll do some poking around and see if there's an ASD specialist anywhere in the state. My ped has no idea. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  11. His preschool teacher mentioned that he withholds eye contact when he's angry or anxious or overwhelmed. He's very good at ignoring me and blocking me out. But he makes greAt eye contact and is a pleasure in a good mood.
  12. If I can do it early on, yes. If he's worked himselfup into a mood, he's not capable of doing anything but making weird noises and causing disruption. I haven't figured out how to break out of that.
  13. At 10 months, if I said "don't touch that," he would laugh and do just that, over and over and over until we forcefully removed him. He would lock in and be incapable of doing anything else. What is that if not disobeying for its own sake? It was fun at first but then he was crying and it was a battle of wills that he couldn't stop. And if we come back into the room 30 minutes or 3 weeks later, he remembers and beelines to the forbidden thing. Even if it's something obviously not particularly appealing in itself. The forbidden fruit has clearly always motivated him.
  14. I think he has many ASD symptoms and DH does too, but the psych immediately ruled that out because he has nice social interaction, back and forth conversation with eye contact. Is poor social skills always required for autism?
  15. First, thanks for all the helpful advice and sympathy. My laptop isn't working but I'll try to address everything. He absolutely gets cause and effect!!! "If you do that, I'll take the toy away" is fairly effective. I could give 100 examples but suffice it to say, his comprehension and problem solving skills are truly remarkable. We are continually shocked by what he can do and understand. I was tested for IQ at age 6 and was found over 99%. DH is a physicist PhD. This kid is really freaking smart, and he uses that in many situations. So at 9 months he had the comprehension of a 3yo in certain areas. He talked late, like many gifted kids just waited for complete sentences so we tried EI. They suck in this area. At 3 it moves to the school system and that's a bad environment where he will not thrive. I'm sorry many of you are offended by my descriptions. I've learned that I have to lay it out there as I'm secretly thinking to be challenged and corrected. If I didn't think I were part of the problem, I wouldn't be asking for advice. Maybe malice is the wrong word because it's so charged. I'm trained in philosophy and take to mean "intent to cause harm." He will say, "I want to hurt you!" I get the difference between something being intentionally and unintentionally annoying. Signs of intentional misbehavior: He stares me in the eye, curls his lip in angry face and hurls my phone to the floor. He gets into the forbidden cabinet (locks are a joke) and makes a noise to make sure I'm watching. Etc. He's trying to get negative attention. He thinks it's funny when I lose it after the fiftieth offense of the afternoon. I only have so much patience. He does go to preschool and is better those days. He needs a lot of stimulation. I'd like to get a second opinion but I'm in a rural area and it will require travel, with 3 under 4. My mom is here for the week while DH is gone, btw. :) He hates cuddling. It makes him panic. He likes me to be across from him playing. Any situation where he's asked to do anything that challenges him makes him anxious and he shuts down. Seriously, at 12 months we saw him practice motor skills in his room alone and he wouldn't do it for us until it was perfect. 12 months! He loves a challenge but only on his own terms. I wish we had a true Montessori preschool around. My family has a ton of mental disorders including some known to be hereditary, so I'm expecting a difficult road with him. I very sincerely want to help him. As far as spanking, if I say "I'll spank you if you do that," it's effective short-term. But yeah, thinking about it it may be cruel because of his touch anxiety.
  16. He wasn't manipulating me, he was just deliberately breaking all the rules, just because they were forbidden. He's very gifted, he was quite advanced in comprehension for his age. Physical restraint of any kind makes him panic. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  17. Yes, I have a totally safe room too where he goes for 90 minutes. Sometimes he sleeps, sometimes not. I'm having an especially hard week because DH is on a business trip.
  18. Yes, to the first. Jury is still out for her on the second. She isn't definitely opposed to it, but nothing works especially well.
  19. He was being naughty for the sake of it, for sure. I don't really care whether you call that malicious or not. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  20. I do think that as an infant he was trying to do things that I did not want him to do. Now he thinks, "what would make my mom most mad? What would cause the most trouble?" By malice, I mean purposely trying to cause harm, as opposed to my 2yo who does naughty things because they're fun, not because they're naughty. I don't mean that he's a wretched sinner. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  21. We're only just getting to the point of recommendations. First we had 3 evaluation appointments, then one appointment devoted to a particular issue, and tomorrow we should be able to discuss this. She's busy and it's weeks between appointments. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  22. The infant got out when we stopped for gas and I fed him. I brought one activity per hour and one snack per hour. They were happy with that for the morning. They napped in the afternoon. After the nap we got out for a meal and a little walk around the block. Brought out a couple more activities. In the evening we watched a movie, I sat in the back with them. They're in diapers, so no bathroom breaks necessary. We make short road trips frequently so they're used to being in the car. They whined at different points and cried a little the last hour, but I know them and getting out frequently makes them more unhappy, not less.
  23. It is not normal behavior. I know other kids. I've talked to lots of moms. I am actually working with a child psychologist. She says that he's exceptionally difficult and on a road to developing a defiance disorder. It's not a phase, he has been this way since he learned to crawl, literally. Spanking is somewhat effective. Obviously I don't want to yell at him, I just get angry and lash out from time to time. I'm getting my own counseling about that too. I just thought maybe someone else had an unusually defiant, difficult child and might have advice. "He's just normal" isn't true, per his pediatrician and psychologist, and it isn't helpful. I've tried the whole love-it-out-of-him thing, so far to no avail. I have 3 under 4, which is certainly part of the problem. I cannot interact with him every waking moment. But if I leave him alone at all, this is what I get. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
  24. Not all the time. But often enough. If he's tired or bored or something doesn't go his way, he morphs into a bad place. He makes ugly faces. He talks in a different voice. He runs around looking for naughty things to do, quite literally. He tries to annoy me. He destroys things. He will not play with me or do anything productive that he usually enjoys. He hurts his little brother. He's just an all-around terror. He becomes very hardened so that nothing I do appears to affect him, positive or negative. He's been this way his whole life, my other two kids are totally sweet and nothing like this so it's not an age thing primarily. Anyone have a kid like this? Any coping tips? I get so angry about his attitude that I yell and spank and say mean things. I can deal with naughty toddlers. I can't handle that he's naughty with malice!
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