My daughter boxes, but the gym is primarily for BJJ. Several moms (35-50) have joined the BJJ side and LOVE it. It's a great physical workout and (this part surprised me) they tell me it is also an excellent MENTAL workout. Still, I haven't gathered the nerve or interest to join in myself. Women at this gym cycle in and out more frequently than men do. What I've noticed is that sometimes females, especially the moms, will be paired with the newer young males (think late teens, early 20s) who are more scrappy and inexperienced. They seem to be a good fit with those moms who are getting back into the swing of things athletically. My friend's son is a wiry 20 year old and he's usually partnered up with a mom friend who is 40 and about 20 lbs overweight. She's strong, but not so quick; he's quick, but not so strong. They challenge each other enough to keep it productive. I think you should totally do it, and let the coach know of any concerns you might have :) enjoy it!

Congratulations! Your drive is inspiring and your acceptance into a competitive program is impressive! The program is lucky you found them. Best of luck as the adventure continues. :hurray:

With my first five kids I just did the tank top or scoop top thing that others have already posted about. I was never coordinated enough to figure out how to nurse through traditional nursing shirts. My boobs never lined up with the slits, and my kids were always too impatient for me to learn how to use nursing shirts with any ease. But when I had my 6th last year, I received this as a baby gift. I loved it so freaking much that I bought more. It lets me wear any bra and any shirt. I can see myself wearing this even when our nursing days are done, because it's a great layering top. It looks like they're getting rid of them at the store I purchased from (only 4xl and 5xl are left?) But maybe you can find them somewhere else. For $10, it may be worth buying one and shrinking it as much as you can. LOL

I have ADD, so it's important for me to have a streamlined process that doesn't change. For that reason, bill pay and automatic payments don't always work for me ... like when credit cards expire and I have to update the info, or when I switch cable companies, etc. Like, I can't manage that and try to keep up with the changes and figure out how to use this stupid technology stuff. I'm a pen and paper girl. But also, I have trust issues LOL so I like to stay on top of every bill. With auto pay, it's out of sight and out of mind. And that makes me jumpy. I also can't differentiate between auto pay, bill pay, and all of those options. It overwhelms me, so I just don't think of them as true options for me. So I pay every single bill by credit card. I pay it the minute it comes in. I call, or go online, or fill out the form ... however it comes in, I pay it that way with my (one and only) credit card. Immediately. Then I'm done with the bill. I get paid every other week. It's direct deposited into my checking account. Once a month I pay my credit card bill with the funds from my checking account. I do this on the anniversary of my birth date so that it's easy for me to remember. It's set on my google calendar, my phone, but it's also just burned into my brain that whatever day of the week it is ... on the 20th of every month, I pay my cc bill. It takes me two minutes to log-on, click "pay my bill" and log out. This works for me because my checking account hasn't changed in 27 years, and I don't anticipate it ever will. So once I entered it onto my online cc account, I was done thinking about it. As a bonus, I accrue a crap ton of points and have excellent credit! But for me, it needs to be as simple as 2 steps: (1) pay by cc the minute a bill comes in, and (2) pay my cc bill once a month on a set date. It doesn't get more easy than that. You could even pay the cc twice a month on paydays if you wanted. But really, so simple this way!

Sveti Nikola (St. Nicholas) is our big holiday, so the tradition we've continued is to send our college kids an orange, chocolates, and a token "necessity" or practical type gift (e.g., one son got an aux cord, car charger, and phone mount for his car.) I imagine we'll do this even when they're married. We throw a huge party every year. It's been tricky for college kids because it's sometimes the week before or of finals, but it's nice for married kids because it frees up the 24th-25th for other family events. We have a tradition of giving each kid an ornament every year. I would like to keep that up as long as it's feasible. But some of my friends are really REALLY into their trees and don't want random ornaments on them; they want a finished "look" kind of tree. So if any of my sons marry someone like that, I'm not going to die on the hill of this ornament tradition. LOL Other than that, the tradition in our community is to give married adult children the gift of cash at Christmas. So that's something I anticipate continuing. Until that point children (and usually their serious girlfriend/boyfriend) get actual gifts. Other than that, the tradition in our community is to give married adult children the gift of cash at Christmas. So that's something I anticipate continuing. Until that point children (and usually their serious girlfriend/boyfriend) get actual gifts.

Words seem so trite at a time like this, and yet that's all we really have. I wish I had words to do justice to the shock and pain your family is experiencing, but I don't. I know how painful it is to outlive a brother, and my heart hurts for you. I can't imagine the horror of losing a husband or parent, or the unfathomable tragedy of burying a child. :grouphug: Just know that your grief is our grief, and that even when this thread is buried so many of us will continue to have you in our prayers and our hearts.

I hope you make it to your Special Event today! It sounds like you and your medical team are doing an amazing job of getting right on top of this, even down to getting a surgery date almost a month earlier than originally planned. School seems to be falling into place, too. Please let this give you the peace of mind necessary to focus solely on resting and healing. Something tells me you'll be back to school and life in no time, and with a healthy vengeance! :wub: Rest well, and know that so many people are thinking of you and rooting for your recovery.

I hope that as you're with your family at the hospital today you feel the love and support of everyone here. I hope you find small comfort to know that you have so many people - some of us strangers - praying, hoping, and worrying along side of you. I hope that "no news" is good news, and that you're celebrating a miracle with your family. :grouphug: Saint Lucy, your name comes from the Latin word for light. Today on your feast day, most especially, please pray for him.

I'm amazed at some people. I totally get this. :glare: Good luck with the situation, whatever you decide to do. Something tells me it won't be the last you hear from him, or about this debt!

I voted that I'd be affronted. But that has less to do with any given situation, and everything to do with the fact that I'm prickly in general. My feathers get ruffled when cashiers tell me to have a nice day, because what if I don't want to TYVM. (I've been working on this character flaw for decades. Let's just say there's still a long way to go, sigh.) But I'm a fixer also so I'd have handled it exactly as Person A did. If someone just wants to vent, they need to give me a heads up. I can listen and play my part in a "conversation" if I know that's what they want. But my default is to assume that they're making something my business because they want my assistance on how to solve it. Over the years I've learned to ask: "Are you just complaining, or did you want me to help you fix this??" But sometimes I forget. Just like sometimes they forget to remind me that they're just looking to bitch and not to get solutions. Relationships can be messy!

I had to google what exactly this was (I mean, I've heard of it and I know people in my family have had it, but I never knew exactly what it was or how they did it) and what age you're supposed to start getting it. The more I read, the tighter my "cheeks" clenched in reaction. But then I came back to this thread and read all about long naps and great drugs. I'm not ashamed to say, I'm not only unafraid now .. I may even be looking forward to it! LOL Or maybe not, but at least I'm not fearful of it. What a wonderful PSA and support thread :) I have another ten years or so to go. Here's hoping the tool gets more narrow during that time. :huh:

Yes, you'll be fine. Yes, you're still very lucky and blessed. But give yourself plenty of room to process this stress - this is a lot of stuff happening all at once, and it's not surface level stuff. It's the real nitty, gritty, life-changing and upheaval kind of changes. Sometimes a good solid cry, or four, alone, in the shower or the car, can be so cathartic. Get it out of your system. Something tells me you know when it crosses the line into something deeper and more dark, and that you're not going to let yourself go there. But don't deprive yourself of the opportunity to grieve all of the crap that's fallen into your lap lately, either. In the meanwhile, :grouphug: We all know life will be full of challenges, but it'd be nice to maybe not have so many of them dumped on us at one time. Hang in there.

When I see these threads, I post that I will pray and I make a note so that I do just that once I get off of the computer. But when I read your post I had to stop right then, right there, and we prayed a rosary for his healing and your family's strength. What a scary, freaky accident but how encouraging it is to read that you're already surrounded by miracles - from his wife's being home and in the right room, to his heart beating well, and so forth. We will continue to keep all of you in our thoughts and in our prayers.

I'm a "nip it in the bud" person who has no problem getting in someone's face, so I'd reply: "No can do, but how are you?" just so he wouldn't reply again. I don't mind opening up a can of worms, though. My husband is more of a "don't poke the bear" kind of person who hates confrontation and gets stressed easily, so he'd ignore the email ... and any future ones that were sent in case brother thought we somehow missed the original email. So maybe it just depends on your personality, and what you can handle this time of year. It's easiest to ignore it, for sure. LOL

I had two who were super easy teenagers, and a third who is 17 making up for it. My fourth is 16 and seems to be the most on par with his peers - that is to say, "normal" whereas the other three apparently were at either extreme of their peers. I wish someone had told me sooner that "it" wasn't personal. I've taken it to heart how difficult my third son is, and it DOES feel personal. He's always been challenging; maybe it's the hormones or the man size that makes it so much harder to deal with now. I've had friends share that 17 is the brunt of it, in their experience. To see their sons now (in their 20s) I'd have never guessed that they went through the storm that I'm going through now with this son. It brings me hope. I cling to it fiercely. More advice, depending on how old you were when you had your kids: hormones. Theirs, yours, everyone is in this flurry of hormones. And just trying to make it through each day can be hard ... even harder when you're butting up against someone else going through the same thing. I was pregnant last year and am in a post-partum mess. With my upcoming teenager I'll be peri- or full on menopausal. It helps me to remember what those surges of uncontrolled hormones feels like - it messes with my brain, my emotions, everything. And to give the kids the same benefit of the doubt. (That takes work on my part, but it helps me to see it as partially medical and not just defiance and disrespect.)

My kids exchange gifts, but they're required to be handmade/homemade. They've been doing this their entire lives, since being toddlers. ETA: I have six kids, too. That can get expensive, like the year my daughter made every one of her brothers a leather belt (which also required the purchase of punching tools.) Or it can be super cheap, like the following year when she wrote every brother a personalized haiku and framed it in re-painted Dollar Tree frames. This year she's making the baby a felt book, and her older brothers two things: beef jerky and flavored tooth picks. It's always a secret, sometimes done "in pairs" (together) although I encourage them to do it individually. This year the older four are building my daughter a playhouse, and my baby a play kitchen. These are always the best gifts under the tree!! And it requires them to pay attention to each other's likes, dislikes, and to be gracious about receiving gifts - and about doing our best effort in giving them, too (nobody wants a half-assed gift. It's happened.) My baby is newly 1 year old so there's not much he can do this year. Each of the older kids has a favorite sports team, for which they bought him a onesie when he was born. Now that he's outgrown the onesies, "his" gift to them will be me re-purposing those onesies into little decorative pillows. Starting next year he'll be able to help bake for them, etc.

We grew up celebrating Sveti Nikola (St. Nick), so he's always been our "guy who breaks in to leave treats and goodies." It wasn't until our older kids were in 4th-5th grade or so, and talking to people outside our family, that they decided they wanted in on the Santa guy also. I think it came up at a baseball game where some kids believed and some did not, and my kids were intrigued. It had never really come up before. They didn't realize "Santa" and "Sveti Nikola" were the same idea until I explained it to them. Sveti Nikola leaves goodies in our shoes, and then comes to visit us every year at the community party - but he's dressed as a Catholic Bishop! They'd seen the fat guy in a red suit, knew he was called Santa, but never asked us about him or why he didn't visit. Santa wasn't a part of our cultural upbringing, so it's not something we passed on to our kids. But my older kids really seemed to want to believe in Santa, despite my explanations. So we let them. We figured they're growing up as Americans, in America, and that we'd adopt the Santa thing. I didn't realize until a few years later that some people consider it a lie or trickery to kids. I didn't understand it, really, because it's not like Sveti Nikola is really leaving treats in our shoes every year. But a friend explained to me how truly awful it was (for her) to learn that this most magical belief was shattered when an older sister told her it was a lie. She still has trust issues with her parents over it, and refuses to participate in the Santa thing. I thought she was unusual, but have come to find out that she's far from alone! Who knew! So my older kids already knew, but my baby at the time grew up always believing Santa comes to fill stockings. She's 12 now. I can't tell if she still believes or if she's playing along. I don't know how to handle this, I've never had to before! LOL She's very sensitive, so I'm just going to keep playing along until she confirms for me that she knows. My older kids don't care anymore, but I'm stuck filling all of their stockings so as to keep up the illusion with my 12 year old. Thanks, kids. I've decided not to continue the Santa tradition with my baby (he's 1) once his sister's done believing. I'll let her do it for him, if she likes, but I'll be officially OUT of the game. I plan to handle it same as I did with my older kids - play up Sveti Nikola including his historical significance, and then explain how he's the American Sveti Nikola. It'll be just another difference in how we celebrate, like what we eat versus what his friends eat.

I have the same 11th grader. I chose to fail as a teacher, and try to salvage my role as his mother. :crying: It got to the point where I wanted "it" more than he did, and was killing myself AND our relationship in the process. "It" being myriad of things: home schooling, setting him up for the future job/career he envisioned, setting him up for the "bare minimum" future *I* envisioned for him (trade school or military) ... One day I totally lost my shizzle and he apologized for upsetting me but said he's not sorry for who he is - and he is "not the best student" (despite having goals that require he be). I chalked this up to immaturity, among other things, and in that moment I realized that home schooling was no longer going to work. Unfortunately, our local schools won't accept home school work (even from accredited 'schools') and while it was tempting to put him back in the 9th grade I knew I couldn't do that. Friends of ours did that at the start of this school year, and it did not go over very well. I have high expectations for my kids. My older two have full ride scholarships, and my younger one (10th grade) is more in line with them. This kid has always been the exception, and my expectations for him have always been reasonable to his abilities - I wanted him to qualify for NMSF, and that's all. I know he wasn't going to earn merit aid any other way, and test taking is easy for him. He came close in both 9th and 10th (practice tests), and we'll know shortly how he did this year (this is the year that matters.) I told him these were our options: 1. GED - he had until July 30th to take it and was responsible for paying for it AND studying for it. I directed him to the library for assistance. 2. ENLISTMENT - he is 17 and was considering it anyway (though he wanted to go in as an officer, later in life). 3. DUAL ENROLLMENT - he'd be responsible for funding that himself, and getting himself there (so really it wasn't a TRUE option, but ...) 3. BARE BONES - basic high school graduation requirements (I drop my "wish list" classes, and he agrees to commit to what's left.) bare bones = we do the bare minimum to meet state (and my basic HS) requirements. I spent a lot of time writing syllabi that included EVERY possible detail: assignments, due dates, etc. I anticipated questions and covered my butt for any of his excuses (within the context of the syllabi). For each subject I also included a chart on his syllabus. It had each week listed (e.g., 1-16), a column marked "Due" (for him to fill in), and a column marked "Turned in" (for him to check when he turned it in to me), and a column marked "grade" (for him to record when I returned work.) My goal was to turn over all responsibility to him, much like he'd get at a community college. And to eliminate the source of our struggles, which was him answering to me. Now he had the entire year mapped out and had to answer to IT instead. I didn't remind him when assignments were due, I just marked down that they weren't submitted. I didn't want him to completely fail, so I did give him progress reports every six weeks. Our schools are on a six week schedule for report cards, so it was easy. We just completed the second six weeks, and he's only failing one class - and it's because I had a due date that was "far out" and he forgot about it. I gave him an extended deadline, and he forgot that also. So I gave him a zero and it was a test grade. His grades aren't where I want them to be, but ... whatever ... he's getting the work done-ish and we're not fighting. I only consider the grades he's recorded on his syllabi, too, even though I have also recorded them on my own copies. Part of his problem is being irresponsible and messy. He still hates the work, but I've eliminated some of the stuff he REALLY hated so he's better able to manage what's left (and required by the state.) I gave him until the end of this year (Dec 2017) to see if the "bare bones" approach would work. If he kept up his end of the deal, we'd continue it through 11th grade. And then we'd talk over summer to figure out what we're going to do for 12th. (My hope is he's miraculously matured by then.) By "work" I mean he's passing every subject with a "C" average. Otherwise, as we agreed to when we went over our options, he's left with choices #1 or #2: GED or ENLISTMENT. Do you know what has suddenly motivated him, to the point he's asked me to add back in a "fluff" subject (logic) for spring semester?? Dating a girl who values education. No lie, LOL. She wants to have a big family and to home school them, so he's thinking if he has a future with her then he needs to be educated enough to make a living wage!! I'm usually a Debbie Downer and shatter people's dreams without realizing it, but this time his delusions are working in my/his favor so I let him keep them. :o GED is always an option, but it's not one either he or I wanted. But I'd have insisted on it if it came down to a diploma or our relationship. We're going to be mothers long beyond their school years. It's so hard to separate the two roles, but definitely prioritize being his mama. And don't consider yourself a failed teacher ... you didn't fail him, he's his own person with his own ideas. My son is definitely the type who has to learn everything the hard way ... but he does learn, and I have to learn to be okay with it taking him time to do so. My parents let me learn the hard way, too, and those are the lessons I've not forgotten. My dad actually had to remind me how much like this son I was, when we were in the thick of it a few months ago. :grouphug:

I've had luck at Gap with "kids of unusual size" but it sometimes means playing with size numbers ... like going a size down and making it husky in order to get the correct length. I don't know why or how that works, but it's worked for us. Get taller boots. :lol: Usher in a new style, bring back the regency era fashion for men? Sorry!

I've never been awesome at picking out gifts, but I have a million nieces and nephews and get similar lists from them. My go-to at that age is usually not exciting because I know they'll get a million exciting things by people who are more in touch with what's current and who buy more exciting toys. I'd look for a Doc McStuffins themed "thing" - tee-shirt, sleeping bag, water bottle, blanket, socks, etc. Anything a young kid likes is going to be easy to find at Kohls, Target, Walmart, etc. so that's good. But a kid who has a fascination with a brand name doll/show is going to already own a lot of the toys and branded crap. The one area that's usually not a big issue (for the kid OR the parent) is something wearable-ish or something designed to be a multiple (e.g., water bottle). It's not like buying a kid their 2nd or 4th McStuffins doll IYKWIM. If I had cash to spare, I'd find a glitzy accessory from the big people's side of the store: hairbands, scarf, little purse (or shoes from the kids' section.) And I always include gift receipts LOL. For the preschooler I'd get a spiral journal of some kind - nothing too expensive or fancy, but not your mom's steno pad. Something for $5-ish with a horse or Wonder Woman or something on the front. And I'd add a collection of sparkly gel pens OR a set of Crayola pencils (and sharpener). I'd include a little pencil carrying kit (love this style pencil roll). OR I'd nix the journal and buy a few different sized or types of drawing paper/pads. Also the aforementioned pens or pencils. Then I'd buy a plastic clipboard thing for her to keep them all together. Perfect for around the house or on the go. I'd probably decorate it with a superwoman image or personalize it with her name. If I had cash to spare, I'd add a short/small book probably related to a superhero girl or the holiday. OR I'd spend the whole $25 on etsy and buy her a supergirl cape. That's a fun age for those things. :)

My daughter didn't arrive until after four boys, so she not only wore boys' underwear but most of them had been through the ranks a few times. :lol: I had a friend who took my daughter to the bathroom for me at the movies, and was aghast when she saw dinosaur themed tighty whiteys (with the man split and all). At my daughter's birthday not much later this friend gave my daughter something like 14 pairs of girls underwear. One set was days of the week, and I don't remember the other. They were cute, but they were cut bikini style. My daughter at that age was lovingly referred to as The Tank because she pretty much acted and looked like one. Those cute girl panties were a huge bust. She looked ridiculous in them LOL and they wouldn't stay "put" on her frame. Besides - she didn't want to wear "Silly Saturday" with ice cream cones on her butt; she wanted dinosaurs any day of the week she liked! I vote you keep your daughter in boys undies! :hat:

Yes, I suppose it is the point of great literature! :lol: That's exactly how this felt. Like that book was a commercial for where my life is right now, and I can take the path outlined in the story (happy ending) ... or not. LOL I love to read and have always read, but I've seen it as primary a leisure activity. I guess that's why I was surprised. But I think maybe you're right, and that the point of great literature is to transform us and not just to entertain us. That's a new perspective for me.

Have you ever read something and gotten a bit spooked wondering how the author created a character that was the epitome of you? I half expect to see my own image staring back at me when I watch the movie version tonight. I just had this experience. It's profound but I'm also a little unsettled and I can't figure out why. I'm embarrassed to share which character it is. It's a literary classic, but it may as well have been a self-help book. Like, I have insight now that I didn't have before I started this book. I didn't want to read this book. I only did because I have to tutor a group of private school kids in it. I'm so glad I read it.

This is a great idea! Thank you for sharing it. I never would have thought about this. I remember being in a new home and you know that first big "uh-oh" you have ... where you don't have rags, but you don't want to use your good stuff so you grab your husband's rattiest tees, without thinking that they're older than his armpit hair and he's going to be mad because one (wo)man's rags is another man's lifeblood and very essence? This gift could have been a relationship saver. I have some nephews and nieces who are moving out over the next few years. I'm going to add this to my gift idea list.

I love the idea of a personal cookbook! :001_tt1: I hope you add family quotes/anecdotes/memories and pictures throughout - what a great gift. When I got married, my MIL gave me a calendar that was filled in with important family dates - birthdays, anniversaries, etc. It was so helpful, and having it all in one place made it easy to transfer to my own "main" calendar every year after that. I stole the idea and it's now my go-to gift whenever a sibling moved out or got/gets married. Most of the time I just plot the dates on a small wall calendar, the kind that fits inside a cupboard or on a refrigerator. For a few of my brothers I did a perpetual calendar because I have a feeling they'll be perpetual bachelors (and they're not the type to transfer information into an annual calendar every January!) A similar idea would be an address book. Sure, we have most people's information in our phones but phones get lost or broken!! And one day, we may want to send some distant relative a formal letter/invitation or congrats/sympathy/graduation cards, but they may not otherwise be in our list of contacts. It's nice to have all of that information in one place, in a junk drawer somewhere. I write names in pen, addresses/numbers/email in pencil. A total "mom gift" would be a monoxide detector, and is fairly cheap and necessary ... yet surprisingly not common in apartments! LOL Between $5-10: Quirky fridge magnets; kitchen tools - bag clips, Pampered Chef type brown scraper, holiday kitchen towels, "dishes clean/dirty" magnet for the dishasher (homemade), fun gourmet food (e.g., something from the food aisle at Ross/Marshall's - fancy salt, gourmet popcorn, teas, etc.), oven mitts, cute placemats or table runner (can be homemade), quirky salt and pepper shakers, fun mug.