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sandydawn

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Everything posted by sandydawn

  1. THIS makes me feel positive and helps me - so thank you SO much for this post. An update on our life: we have made the decision to pull DS from Kindergarten and begin homeschooling him for the rest of this year. My husband has agreed to it and says he will assess it after the year to determine what we do for 1st grade. He is still not "sold" on the idea, but we've agreed that the only way for him to know for sure is to experience it, so here we go. My DS was sick for almost a month straight and last week was out for a WHOLE week with the worst sickness I've ever seen him have - that was more than enough for me to just can it. On top of him getting so tired of school that he literally wakes up every morning at 5am in alarming fashion asking "is today is a school day?????" - trying to prepare himself for the worst. It was TIME. I am SO thankful for this opportunity and now let's hope I can enligthen hubby. :) I giggled at the "Drunk on homeschooling" post because this is SO ME. I cannot stop. I am so inspired, excited and READY that I cannot stop thinking about it!
  2. I like that advice. I think pulling together some supplies and prepping would help me "stay busy" and feel a bit better so I know I"m prepared if we do decide to pull him. And if not; I can use what I discovered now (at least the same type) for our year of 1st grade, because at this point it's looking like a definite for next year. And yes, I am this way with most decisions in my life, and most certainly having our two babies - lots of thinking & discussing :). And yes, you definitely understand my family dynamic if your husband travels that much, too. I tend to vent maybe a bit too much; but over time have learned to word my questions differently or be careful what or how I say things. Even after posting this week; I've changed my approach with my parents and somehow my mom is totally on board (and I've decided not to discuss with dad - and this is typical for him - don't ask him too much and just tell, he's very in the box). As long as I tell her "this is what I want to do, and this is why" instead of "what do you think I should do?" --- it changed EVERYTHING. So I appreciate all of your help with that!
  3. Small update; I know some of you suggested pulling my DS from K this year yet. My main goal was to make it through this year and begin homeschooling in 1st grade, but I am struggling! I can't tell if it's because I'm just excited to begin with him or if he SHOULD be pulled. Yesterday he brought home a "math test" (keep in mind, were are in Kindergarten) and it was marked up like a high school test should be. He was marked off for writing a 9 backwards, and not counting a triangle. A big -6 sat on the top of the paper and was only labeled as "satisfactory." I'm assuming he wasn't read the instructions because he knows what a triangle is and can easily count to much higher than 100, much less 3 or 4. He's a whiz at math and is already doing multiplying/small division problems at home with me. It rubbed me the wrong way, because what type of learning is this? That he's "wrong" and "not smart"? Luckily, he really didn't even look at it nor does he care, so I have to remember that it probably isn't affecting him. Only me. He has been crying every morning this week not wanting to go. He gets home and is okay; he still says he doesn't like school but agrees to go the next day without much trouble. That's what confuses me - is he just tired, or should I be listening more and just make an immediate change or stay the course? I don't feel prepared, and clearly we still have some work to do on my hubby. He agreed with me on the testing and overall seems to be softening to the idea. I suppose I just want to be sure of what I'm "pitching" :laugh: - school this year, or next? Has anyone pulled a child mid-year, and if so, was it tough on your child?
  4. That is a thought I've considered before! He is a corporate pilot so we don't get miles though, so it'd have to be at our own expense (the kids & I) which would slow us down a bit ;) But, he goes to pretty cool places for 1-2 weeks at a time and just sits there, so we'd get free lodging & lots of family time - plus a world full of knowledge & learning! He would love that!
  5. Originally I posted this topic just to kind of get the feel of how you all dealt with negative comments from family, friends and community. It's reassuring to me that you say they're not all that common and maybe I'm just dealing with a bunch of crazies, but I do think my community is relatively closed minded. The friends I have told haven't all been as rude as the comments I posted in the original post, but they've all kind of scratched their heads and said "huh"? I will not decide what to do on what people think; but I did wonder what the best way to approach it would be. I didn't expect this to turn into a feed about how I don't believe in myself, haha! But maybe I don't enough to be strong enough to be a homeschooler. I mean, yes, I am worried about this - it's new to me, I've heard a lot of negativity, and I'm not sure I will be able to succeed. Is that me not believing in myself? I don't know. Maybe. All I know is that I have this spot in my heart, if it's God, seeing my son struggle, if it's my belief in how I think education can be inspiring, fun and personalized - I don't know. But it's a desire in my heart and I need to explore it. Thanks again guys. I really appreciate all of it, even the constructive comments. Helps me to think this all through!
  6. Homeschool Mom in AZ: No, I don't think you're being a jerk. I appreciate you being straight forward with me; and I agree with most of what you're saying. Thank you for it! And my dh isn't likely to refuse. He would agree to it if I told him it was what I needed to do. It's more just getting him on board mentally!
  7. Hahaha! This is so good, and you're right :). Spot on. Once he agrees I will likely just go do my "thing" and he'll probably never question it again. And I agree whole heartedly with you all on the Kindergarten curriculum and how it has changed. We actually did a "Young 5's" program just so our son could not have to do full days, every day, so young. I am a true believer in the importance of "play" in a child's education. They won't learn a thing if they are tired, stressed and overwhelmed. Exploring is where they get curious, and curiosity is where they learn!
  8. To Homeschool Mom in AZ, you said: "Those of us who have successfully homeschool do so because of our hard work and diligence, not because anyone believed in us. I find this question odd coming from an adult. " I am an adult. Maybe I'm an odd adult, but adult I am. Although I do think I've got a bit of a childlike wonder ;) --- I merely meant that if people don't believe in my homeschooling practices, it will be very hard for me to succeed - most agree my DH needs to be on board because this isn't just a simple task! It's a lifestyle & a commitment, and I need support. "I've never heard of an adult parent calling their own parent overwhelmed with normal parenting. If my adult child did that I would have to wonder of homeschooling was going to work out too because it's not within my frame of reference as normal parent to grandparent interactions. Are you part of an American subculture outside the mainstream? Are you from another country? I'm not saying it's odd to be overwhelmed. What is odd is you "often call overwhelmed..." to your parents. I don't think that's a typical adult child to grandparent relationship dynamic and it's certainly not going to be helpful if you're homeschooling while dad is against it." Yes, I live in the US and if I"m part of a subculture "outside the mainstream" then so be it. I don't think I am, but I definitely march to the beat of my own drum. My husband is a pilot and I am raising the kids most often alone; and when I have a baby screaming, or a toddler having a temper tantrum, or I have had no sleep because the babies were up all night - or what have you - I need to vent. My parents (my mom) and I are very close, and I call her at least twice a day, because she's my friend. So, like any normal parent, I do get overwhelmed, and I do need to vent. I haven't met a mother who hasn't been overwhelmed with having small children. It's a rite of passage and I'm happy to be knee deep in it, but yes, I call my parents when I get overwhelmed. I haven't met someone yet who doesn't do that. Except maybe you! "You're an adult. Children ask. Adults tell. If you have a habit of asking people what they think about what you're doing, it's time to stop." I think we probably just have different personalities. I do tend to ask others opinions, and yes, my children ask a lot - and I tell them to do a lot - but we also communicate effectively and I get down on their level and ask THEM a lot, too. I am the adult and I make the final call, but I really care about what they think and yes, others too - maybe to a fault, but that's who I am. As far as the rest of your advice, I appreciate it!! And there is that chance that my husband may never change his views, but if that is the case - we'll need to take a different direction, because I can't just toss aside his feelings either. No matter how strong mine are. But, I think we'll get there together. I sure hope so at least :)
  9. We have a dinner date planned for Saturday night so that'll be a good, relaxing time to sit down and chat without the stresses around us. I'm going to try to have a heart to heart and we will see how it goes. I keep texting positive things about homeschooling and he isn't really responding to those, only other things - haha! He really cares about the kids so I'm hoping he can open his heart to my point of view. I totally agree that Kindergarten should be mainly play with creative learning attached, but he is of differing opinion I suppose. It makes it hard but I know marriage & parenting hold a lot of compromise. But I also feel that because I am the one getting up with DS daily, putting him to bed daily, and seeing first hand his attitude towards school - he should at least be open to listening whole heartedly to my opinion on the situation. I've completely ceased talking about it with anyone else as I'm finding they are not being super supportive, so we're going to focus on the core family decision at this point and when we make our decision, just tell the family. :)
  10. Thank you for this! xoxo - I kind of have to give this to God for now and trust in him. Much appreciated :)
  11. A quick response from my hubby - I told him our DS had a tough night & morning and he replied "Yes, I know it's hard to go to school. I had to do it too! We all have to do it every day!" ...how do I even suggest I'm considering it? You see what I mean? He thinks it's coddling & not teaching him to "work hard" :mellow:
  12. Maybe? I feel scared, to be honest. I am not sure what materials I'd use and I'm nervous I would not succeed. There are a few nature programs I've seen we could enroll him in, but he probably wouldn't have a lot of social interaction the first few months either, so I'd also be worried my DH would notice this and put it down. I also (and my DH especially) feel that if we've committed to a year of school, we should finish it. I know that's silly to feel that way, but even I feel like I'd be "failing" if we had to pull him. I just don't know. In all of my research, I've also read a few stories of folks who pulled their children mid-school year and regretted it for a certain number of reasons; mainly because it was so sporadic that they just weren't prepared. I so badly want this to work for us that I don't want to make a mistake being hasty. Does that make sense? ETA: this may be a better way to pitch it though, as I think about it. DH has mentioned in the past "it's only Kindergarten" - so he may be more 'open' to letting me try for the last few months. food for thought... you guys are definitely challenging & encouraging all of me! :)
  13. Oh gosh, if my DH was on board, we probably would have homeschooled beginning this year. The first two years (my DS was in 4 year pre-school and we did a Young 5's program) were just as bad and I kept thinking things would "get better" - but clearly after 3 years, things are not "better" - my DS just isn't a fan of school. I didn't really start thinking about homeschooling until about one year ago - and I've been slowly (and quietly) watching videos, reading - getting inspired - on my own. I'd casually mention it to DH and he'd say "No way" - so I was too nervous to even tell him I was seriously considering it up until a few months ago. So that is why we are where we are - and as much as it hurts every morning to send my boy off and see him crying (it's REALLY hard), I know that my DH needs to be on board. It'd cause more family problems if I did something that he didn't fully agree with and I think this is so important that I need to do it in the right way (if he winds up resenting this process, that'd be even worse). And right now I think that means - having to wait. In the back of my head I secretly hope that maybe we can try for after Spring Break, but again, my DH needs time. All of you are also giving me so much encouragement and that's more helpful than I can ever say.
  14. Isn't that the truth!? Sitting in a classroom being directed vs mending fixes and taking tae-kwon-do - hmmm, which sounds more "manly" :) And to be fair as far as male influence at school - every single teacher is a girl except for ONE third grade teacher which everyone "requests" so he'd likely never get him as a teacher anyway. The only other older male influence at his school is the custodian which he reports is "mean and yells at us to get back in line" - ha. So, the only real influence of boys that he's getting is from his direct peers who I also don't feel are the best role models (6 year old boys! push, hit, throw things, call people names) :) So, how to convince hubby of this, I am not sure. He's still really stuck on you have to get knocked down to toughen up. And yes I really need to turn off the viewpoints from the outside world, even if they're my mom & dad - but they echo the same as my husband, so I'm trying to work through it all and (sadly) desperately just want a companion in my thoughts. I think my husband will get there. I hope.
  15. OhElizabeth - you hit the nail on the head. That is a good observation and yes, he's made comments that he doesn't want our sons to be "momma's boys" - I tend to baby them and he tends to be from the school of "hard knocks" as that's how he was raised. He hated school and disliked the way he was treated by his dad, but now that he's adult, thinks it's what shaped him and made him more of a man. So he's repeating the patterns. Which, while I don't agree, I do understand. I also don't want our sons to be coddled & only want to be with their mother - so I don't want to create that. It's kind of a hard one, isn't it? On the other hand, it doesn't just seem to be my husband. Last night when I expressed to my mom that I feel bad for my son who cries daily about school - her response is basically that I really have no choice and it's good to teach him that "he can survive" and also that (in relation to his crying) "he knows how to work me." Somehow that doesn't sit right with me. But I do seem to be alone in that thought, at least within my circle. It confuses me.
  16. Milknhoney - I think our husbands sound similar. I know mine needs time; which is a huge reason I'm starting to talk about it now, so hopefully we can be in a better place by the summer so we can prepare for 1st grade curriculum before fall. And, I am sorry you had to deal with mean comments on the "other side" as well - that's just awful. It's so hard to be a parent and be so judged for the things we do - and I appreciate your post because gosh, how grateful should I be that I am given the chance to even consider this as an option? I am SO grateful. And I know it may not always be an option either. We live in a neighborhood very similar to the one it sounds like OneStepAtATime lived in when she grew up - kids to the left, right, and everywhere. My son was outside all day long last summer catching frogs, playing with his best friends in the neighborhood, riding bikes and making up fairytales. He is surrounded by lots of neighborhood pals. So that helps me feel better; although again, I think he could go weeks without much interaction and not mind a bit. So here we enter another evening where my son was crying about school (that he'll miss me & the work is boring) - and every morning he wakes up he's a mess; sigh. It is getting SO hard! It makes me dread every morning!
  17. PS - THANK YOU for those links! I am going to spend some time reading these and may forward a few to my husband. He definitely would be willing to read articles that are easy and attached to his phone ;)
  18. It's wonderful to hear that all of you had people in your life "turn around" their viewpoints in homeschooling. My family and community are reserved and typically not very open to change; so I think that I've realized this journey will likely be judged easily and often, but I need to let go of that concern. Do you ever find it affects your children at all? For, I don't mind what others say to me, but it somewhat bothers me that my child will have to deal with it. I suppose the thing is: kids are kids, and if it isn't about homeschooling it'll be "why is your hair so long?" "why do you wear glasses?" "your name is stupid!" --- or whatever. So it's more that I teach him the importance of not worrying what others say and being self assured in who he is as a person. I'm hopeful, if my husband can jump on board, that we can begin to receive support from our family members and friends, but I suppose I can't base a decision on that. I agree with all of your sentiments with socialization - and agree with what two of you said about high school. There are cool and uncool kids no matter where you go, but that bothers me to even "write" because I don't think there should be "uncool" kids - it's just crazy. A huge reason HS is just not great at times. My son is of the personality that would most likely be quiet, introverted and not super social. So I'm of the thought that homeschool would suit him better and speak to him much more positively than a busy, social setting. My younger son (who is only 2), I am not sure yet. But I don't know that I want to do PS for one and HS for the other - I'd like to keep it in the same realm. Although, clearly, it will be a year to year situation. But my youngest would be what some of you are referring to as NEEDING that social time, where as my oldest actually craves ALONE time. He's a lot like me, which means we'll both have to work extra hard to keep up with social appearances. And really, isn't that what you all love about homeschooling so much? The ability to tailor it to YOUR child's needs - and not a one-size-fits all type of deal? That's what is really pushing me towards it, because I really feel we could create a pretty amazing dynamic for all of us - with each child choosing his way of learning and socializing to their needs, so we don't have a lonely child or an overstimulated child, etc etc.
  19. To all of you: thank you. I know I continue to say that, but having this group of you is so helpful. The support, the advice, the knowledge you all have - it's priceless. As I think about all the advice for my husband, I'm just still not sure what would work. I don't know if he'd take to reading books or asking questions on a forum, because as bad as this sounds - he's not that "interested." I think he has an interest "against" homeschooling because he is under the perception that our son will wind up socially awkward & "weird" (his words and a total misconception, clearly). He sees my vision and really believes in it (I am of the thought that a classroom of the world - the ocean, the mountains, the woods - is a much better environment than a row of desks & busy work - at least for us). He trusts that I am able to take on the load and provide a proper education. The only thing he tends to question is our son's social situation. Today he commented "But we want him to be the cool kid in high school with a girlfriend going to prom! The neighbor girl (our son's best friend) will be a cheerleader and dating the football star and <our son> will be left behind!" Do you see what I mean? He's so STUCK on the wrong ideals that he's not even really thinking about the right thing. So I'm trying to figure out how to kind of get him past that - because if I can, I think the rest is golden. He's just stubborn :) And luckily (and sometimes not so luckily), so am I! To OneStepAtATime - thank you for all that you wrote. I think the reason this is quite a struggle is that I understand the weight of what I'm choosing to do. It's a lot to think about and I know I need to stay strong and get on my feet before I let little things bother me. You all make it look so easy but I know it's one of the hardest challenges with some of the best rewards. I also really appreciate all the personal stories of when you got started and how the first few years went. Being a "newbie" is difficult in most areas and this is certainly not the exception! I'm learning so much more than I ever thought I would with my first post here!
  20. Ellie, I think you are right. I like you a lot :) I do the majority of the childrearing since he is gone so often (he is a pilot), and he constantly says that he appreciates all I do and trusts me in most of my decisions. A lot of his fears come from his childhood and he doesn't want his sons to grow up with some of the issues he had, so he gets scared. Hopefully he can get to this place in our decision. I think he may, after he listens for a bit longer at the real and true reasons I think homeschooling is better for our family :)
  21. In response to Ellie, I really appreciate what you said. My son shows no real "love" of school and often says he misses me and his little brother; and when asking about if he'd like homeschooling, he continually repeats YES, because he'd prefer to be with mom and brother. I've been told that I need to push him out the door so he's not of that mindset, but your response reminded me - it's okay to want to be with my children and vice versa! It is OKAY that he wants to be home with his family. He clearly will grow and naturally develop the desire for more friends outside the home and independent time, but there's no reason to push that onto a 6 year old. Thank you for that reminder. My husband and I just had another discussion where I told him I felt his comments have been a bit degrading and harmful, and he apologized and seemed to understand, but he's still not on "board" per se, so I suggested we table it for a month or two and come back to it at the end of the school year after we see how this year goes. It's so important to me that he be with me on a decision like this, and I think he may just need some time. In the next few months I will stock up on books, watch videos and see if he'd be interested in attending a conference. Slow and steady; we want to make the right decision. I hope the outcome is homeschooling for us; but we will make the right decision for our family no matter what.
  22. OhElizabeth, I know I sound silly! I'm sorry. I truly do not have a full grasp of this yet so I'm learning as I go. I am positive there are a ton of homeschoolers in my area, but I haven't found many yet. I think once I connect with my friend, that will really help me gain confidence and just stop my silly worrying. But, as you can see - currently I'm surround with such negativity! So it's hard for me to stay completely confident. Evanthe - thank you for this! I have never thought homeschooling was weird but will agree that my oldest son is "weird" in truly the best ways. That's why I am so inspired by him and think we could make this experience be something pretty amazing. He would thrive, in my opinion. Where as in a school setting, he is only limited to what he's offered, which isn't much. I think what my husband struggles with is exactly what you say - that "normal milestone" of a first bus trip, etc. Which in all honesty, I don't think my oldest even like the bus. It's loud and stressful and he comes off with a headache at times! I have highly considered starting a blog and actually even have one half started. To point the naysayers to the blog instead of having to explain over and over again - so they can see what we'd do and the materials, etc. I love that idea :) And, he may be open to reading, but he definitely is more of the "believe by seeing" type of guy. We will see where this goes. You have all given me so much encouragement and I think (not to be cheesy) I need to believe in myself first and then my husband will easily jump on board. Because as of now, when people are saying all these horrible things, I sort of just shrink away and either a) cry or b) get confused.
  23. I agree, and even for myself, it feels like less of a "leap" if I just commit to one year. Because even though my head and heart are pushing and pulling me 100% in this directions, I'd be lying if I didn't say I was scared myself. It's an important and life changing decision and I really believe for the better; but as we all know, each situation and each child is different. So "one size" doesn't fit all, and if public schooling is best for my family, then we'll do that. We've discussed giving it a trial run this summer and I think that's also a wise idea. I also think my DH would be much more willing to commit if it was only one year - in the midst of our conversation which continues go back and forth, he did say he wants to spend more time with the boys, so I think homeschooling would allow for that (one of my biggest pet peeves in public schooling is the hours the children spend at school all day - we barely get time as a family together). Have most of you started homeschooling before Kindergarten, or have some of you started after? My son is excited for the thought of homeschooling, but the ONE thing that holds me back (besides all the negative talk and unsupportive family - ha!) is my worry that my son will "miss" school - the bus, his friends, the class parties - and not realize it until he's gone from it. We made a "pros and cons" list for homeschooling and he provided 13 pros, and only 1 con - but I am not sure he realizes that homeschooling isn't a free pass! He's only 6, and I can't expect him to have opinions (and the visions of creative and interest based learning!) like I do! ETA: I appreciate the advice on keeping the scheduled events to a lesser degree, because I imagine I might overdo it trying to "prove" how active and social we really can be. It's hard to try to please everyone - it's really been a trying few months of this decision mainly based on my fear of what OTHERS would think! Isn't that sad?!
  24. There are meetings to attend about homeschool in our area; and I have a playdate with a close friend who homeschools her children next week to ask about a few things. Honestly, I think what would get him on board would be to see all the social interaction we'd be involved with, and meeting with the families to realize how increasingly common it is to homeschool. Our relationship is a bit different than many; he's a pilot and gone for weeks at a time, so I have taken on almost 100% of the child rearing. When he's home, he still doesn't really do "much" other than a few good dad bear hugs and kisses, and a mini golf game or two. We both agreed to it and have no problems with it, but because of that, it does leave me to make most of the parenting decisions for the kids. And there are times he's resistant (he had a not so great upbringing and really struggled in school, which you'd think would help - but he's of the belief that kids need to "struggle" to toughen up), but he usually comes around and praises what I do. I think the reason I was mainly feeling upset was - yes, my husband has gone from indifferent to opposing and back and forth - but if my other family members and friends also strongly disagree, it will be incredibly challenging - I need to know that people have faith and confidence in this endeavor. Again - all of your insight is truly priceless. Can't thank you all enough.
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