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Posts posted by rainbowmama

  1. My youngest just turned 4. I'm writing for a reality check of whether I should be worried or not. My oldest was advanced with reading/writing, and slower with gross motor skills. She turned out fine. My middle was advanced pretty much in all areas. She's turning out fine. My youngest is apparently on the "very low end of normal" with some skills, which is surprising me. I never really worried too much about this stuff, but now I'm wondering if that's a mistake.


    She just turned 4. She's pretty good with her colors. She talks up a storm and tells long elaborate stories. She likes making people laugh and she's good at it. She can pedal a bike, brush her teeth, put on her clothes mostly right.


    She is a little unsure of shapes. She was asked to draw a circle (she could), a square (she couldn't) a plus sign (she couldn't). She was then asked to draw a face, and she did, although was reluctant. The face was an oval with eyes, nose, mouth, and hair. The doc asked her to draw the rest of the body and she said "no thank you."


    She doesn't recognize her name, and doesn't know what letter her name starts with. She's not interested in tracing anything, and definitely not letters.


    I need hive wisdom. I really thought she was fine, but now I'm wondering if I need to up the pre-k skills focus.  TIA!


    Our doctor has our kids do these kinds of things. My young four learned to write his name like a month after his well-check, but at the time, he couldn't do anything beyond write an E. When I asked his doctor, his doctor said that they ask, but for a later birth order boy, he's happy if they know their capital letters by five. My kid did not draw a face on his person: just a head, body, arms, legs, and a sword. 

    • Like 1
  2. DH was telling my son about his coworker who has the word "Jeff" on her wrist.  She is married to Stan.  Yup, old boyfriend......regret!


    My spouse's tattoo is about me. We are still happily married. My twin actually has a tattoo about me, too, though I have no clue if he regrets his. They both really weird me out.

  3. I have been trying to think of what bothers me about the OP, and finally figured it out.

    WARNING!  This is not a JAWM type answer.  Skip it if you don't want feedback.







    I think that the original *idea* was reasonable, but that the actual *request* was a little disrespectful because it was so specific.

    I wonder whether that got the BILs backs up.

    The *idea* is that everyone should pitch in a little.  And the specific situation is that the inlaws can't perform their shovelling responsibilities on their own.


    But the request was not that.  The request was for money for a task that presumably you would coordinate.


    So the BILs, it comes across as you asking for pay for something that you'll arrange.  Not knowing the background, I don't know whether this is reasonable or not.  Have you been involving them in discussions of your own volunteer work regularly?  Have you been talking with them about the ILs' deteriorating condition?  Are they part of the team at all, even on a consulting basis?  Or is this just a request for money out of the blue?


    The desire and expectation of some help from them is not unreasonable, but the specifics might be.


    Also, as others have pointed out, the place to start is with the inlaws themselves.  Can they pay someone to do this?  And the involvement of the BILs should include regular information updates without requests, to see what they will do on their own.


    I don't provide regular information updates: I don't generally talk to them. I hope they are talking to their parents. It seems inappropriate to provide unsolicited updates to them, but maybe I'm imagining it wrong.

  4. Ditto this. Living independently means thIs is one of the costs they pay. If they can’t afford it, and are very tight, I would just consider paying it, but we’d also be having conversations about what’s coming in the next few years as their care needs increase. How to make it manageable for you, and how to pay.


    FWIW, my ILs were just over an hour away and we had a similar set up, until July. By that time, MIL had had 5 heart attacks and stays in hospital that year, and DH just could not do the late night calls and jumping in the car at a moment’s notice anymore. He used all his vacation (5 weeks) doing back and forth care. We ended up moving them to assisted living near us. They still require weekly visits and a lot of time, but it is so much easier without the two and a half hour drive.


    They are cash poor but assets rich: they haven't downsized from the home where they raised my spouse and his siblings. They love it and refuse to move, but they can't really afford it or take care of it anymore. It's an on-going disagreement

  5. Your inlaws need to pay for snow removal, not their dc.  Ask at church, or ask around the neighborhood.


    I have a neighbor who doesn't bother - not elderly, just doesn't want to use the rental profits for snow removal.  She gets fined only once a season, $50, and the town removes the snow at that visit, so it works well financially for her.


    Good luck. 


    I have not checked what the fine is, but if they'd only get fined once a season and it was that low, we'd be better off just letting them get fined. The lowest cost I could find was $30/storm or $275 a year. 

  6. My in-laws are both still living in their own home with our help. My spouse and I are there once a week for groceries, cleaning, yard care, etc... A neighbor used to shovel their sidewalk, but the neighbor has moved. Their city laws require the side walk shoveled in 24 hours, and given that we live about an hour away, they don't live quite close enough for this to feel manageable. My BILs live further away and provide no help whatsoever. I asked them this week if they'd be willing to pay for snow removal. One of them is a bachelor with no dependents. The other is a living the dual income no dependents lifestyle. Both refused to help, and I'm feeling a little unappreciated. I don't like my in-laws: they pride themselves on being very honest people and having a great sense of sarcasm that unfortunately I find difficult not to take personally. They are my spouse's parents and my kids' grandparents, though, so I try to do right by them. Why don't my BILs feel this sense of duty that they can't take on even a tiny bit of the responsibility? 

    • Like 2
  7. I have an upper elementary school aged kid who is participating in a science fair. My kid designed an experiment loosely from a suggestion she found in a book. I'm pretty sure this book is not designed for families using well water, and I don't think her experiment will work unless she treats the water. This is our first science fair, though, and I'm not sure how appropriate it is for me to tell her how to redesign her experiment to account for the hard water. So, do I leave it alone and hope she figures it out? Or should I tell her?

  8. Um, no. The answer is never for Mom to do more work. It sounds like he’d rather you did more work so he never has to make an effort. That’s just too bad, Snowflake. His house. His kids. His responsibility too.


    He isn't home. He had Christmas off, but other than that, he's at work. I do see habit training as part of my job, and I do wish I did a better job of it. Right now, with the huge influx of stuff from Christmas that I'm still working on organizing/purging, it's especially bad. I don't blame him for being frustrated with that. I'm frustrated with it. 

  9. Thanks for all the feedback. Last night, I told my husband that since we didn't know his brothers' schedules, I planned to take the kids to the performance. I'd make sure the house was clean in the morning and when I left, but if he minded the kid mess, I needed him to be responsible for it. I told him that if they were around during meal times and wanted something other than sandwiches for lunch or chicken nuggets for dinner, he needed to be responsible for it. It turned into a fight. Apparently, the event is sold out, so if they show up during the event, they can't just get tickets and tag along, but he doesn't know if they will be there then. He thinks I should do a better job of being on the kids for not making a mess, in general, and then it wouldn't be such a big deal when we had company. He accused me of not wanting to see his family, which is true, though I wish I did. I feel pretty hurt and guilty.


    This morning, one of the kids woke with a fever. Now, I'm not sure if we'll be able to go to the event anyway. I don't know if they will want to come over if we have a sick kid. He texted that they will be around late morning, knowing that we are leaving for the performance late in the morning. I responded that we have a sick kid, and what does he want us to do. I don't have either my BIL or SIL's number, so I asked that he start a group text that will include both me and my SIL and am waiting for a response.

  10. Wanting those things isn't selfish, I was more responding to the scolding of the spouse. You want your brother over, well I feel excluded and the house and food situation is going to suck because you didn't do it my way!!.  It's one weekend. With his own brother.  Don't make it about you and how YOU want it to be.  (Metaphorical you).


    I grew up with a mom like that.   It's  exhausting .  But you either always get her approval , or you deal with her anxiety and complaining. It's a no-win.  I'm sure in her mind, she was a saint who did all the cooking and cleaning and scheduling for us.  But I know she did it for herself. 


    So, I'm no saint. I do do all the cooking, cleaning, and scheduling, as I care about this way more than anyone else in the house. I have always been the most high strung in the family, but after the most recent baby, I've been in treatment for postpartum anxiety. I hate that the anxiety spills all over the kids and my spouse, and to a lesser extent his family. 

  11. Well, especially after the holidays, we often have more toys than homes for toys, so between the quantity and the lack of organization, I could see this as overwhelming. I'd probably purge a good deal of the toys: even if it doesn't feel like that much, if it's more than my kids can take care of with a good attitude, then it's too much. I often tell my kids that they have a certain amount of time to clean the room, and then afterwards, if I have to clean it, I will clean it how I want. They generally at the very least clean up what's important to them in that period of time. I often put chores before the fun thing: generally the anticipation of the show would help keep attitudes good, and it also would create motivation to get it done before the show started. 

    • Like 5
  12. The thing about the tickets would bother me the most. How many do you need? Is the event sold out? One of his brothers is performing at this event, right? I would think both brothers would want to go, and then wives and maybe children (if old enough).


    Many questions! The food thing is the easiest. Make a lot, save the extra if you go out or don't need it, but that event...yeah, that'd bug me.


    No, this event is an event I bought tickets for a long time ago. His brother we do not have plans with is performing at some event at some time somewhere in the next week  and we don't know when, but... my spouse wants to go and possibly wants to bring some of the kids if it's appropriate for the kids, but then again, he doesn't know... but because of the kind of event it is, I suspect it's on a weekend, so potentially this could happen on the same day. I have no idea if the event I already have tickets for is sold out, but I know it's extremely popular. 


    Really, the food stresses me out, because if it's just the kids and me, I'd probably make easy kid fare. I wish I had adventurous eaters, but realistically, if my husband isn't around, we'll do something like chicken nuggets, sweet potato fries, and a green salad. Several of my kids won't eat stuff like lasagna or chili, and I don't like to serve adult guests kid fare.

  13. The great thing about type b husbands (at least mine) seem to be they don’t get in a fit if things have to shift and they don’t have problems telling their friends and/or family- oops, I didn’t realize XYZ, need to cancel. Now if he did get bent out of shape like that, I’d have a bigger problem with the play it by ear thing. But I try to embrace the whole, “he took charge of this so let him take care of it†mindset and just roll as much as possible unless something major is required of me. (Like Thanksgiving dinner or something). I try to be happy it’s somethjng he’s dealing with and it’s not on me. But just a weekend? I’d say whatever and stick to my plans. He can deal with fitting whatever he’s cooked up around it, and since you’re dealing with his brother, I would doubt brother would get bent out of shape with you if things didn’t pan out.


    We originally talked about his brother coming over on a different day, when the baby and I had other plans, but my spouse decided against it, because he wants his brother to meet the baby. I'm not ready to leave the baby, so I feel a lot of pressure to make sure the baby and I are around whenever his brother shows up.

  14. I would just make sure the house was clean on Saturday 


    This is definitely one of the aspects that stresses me out about not having a time. I have a lot of young kids and a small house. If they show up first thing in the morning, yeah, my house will be tidy. If they show up in the evening, though, I need some time to put the house back together before they arrive. They don't have kids, and I honestly think the chaos of my largish family kind of stresses them out in the best of times.

  15. I am a Type A person: I like schedules. I like plans. My spouse is not. Two of my brothers-in-law are in town this week. One of them may have some performance that my spouse would like to attend, but my spouse does not know where or when. I asked my husband when he wanted to invite his other brother over to our home, and after talking to his brother, my spouse and he only decided on Saturday. When on Saturday? He doesn't know. I get so, so anxious about my schedule being up in the air like this. Do I need to make enough food for my brother-in-law and his wife for dinner? Should I buy extra tickets for the activity we have planned mid-day or see if I can get those tickets refunded? No clue. My need to have everything planned annoys my spouse, and I'd love to learn how to be more laid-back. So, if you are a laid-back person who would make plans like, "See you on Saturday!" without a specified time, how do you manage the rest of your day?

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