I am in my second year of homeschooling and I feel like I am failing my kids. I know I am capable and I have all of the curriculum we need. It's more like I'm failing them with no energy, no motivation.
I went pretty deep into depression this summer - I have abandonment issues and someone very important in my life moved away. I was able to pull out of the deepest part of it when I found my daughter lying in her bed crying. She's only 8, so she couldn't articulate why she was sad other than to say she missed me. It was like a punch in the gut. At that point, I looked into counseling. Due to other medical costs, we can't afford it. The money is not there.
I'm not crying all the time anymore. I still spend most of my time in my room watching TV because anything else is too much to deal with. My darling husband tries his best to pick up the slack around the house, but he doesn't know how to help. I am up every night monitoring the blood sugar of my child with Type 1 diabetes, getting barely 3 hours sleep most nights. This has been going on for months, I'm sure it's part of the problem. I can't expect my husband to do that because he has to be at work at 7:00. He's completely willing, and he has taken over on some nights when my body just gives up. I need him to be able to go to work and function - basically, I need him to feel better than I do.
I know putting the kids back in school would help, but there are reasons that's not the best thing for two of the three homeschooled kids. One has Type 1 diabetes (blood sugar was uncontrollable while at school), one has emotional issues from bullying while in public school (very sensitive, I worry about depression if sent back).
I feel so crappy because I have the best kids and husband a woman could ask for. I'm exhausted, emotionally worn out, and I can't see a way out of this hole I'm in. Maybe strangers on the internet can see something in this that I can't...