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Showing content with the highest reputation since 03/18/2019 in all areas

  1. 32 points
    "Friend, I've been working on planning the upcoming season and trying to make everything fit. I have come to the realization that our participation in the co-op is unfortunately not going to work out this year. I am so sorry that I did not realize this when I talked to you about this last ___. But it cannot be helped, and I need to let you know now so that you have time to adjust or find another person. I wish you all the best with the co-op next season."
  2. 32 points
    I'm not on social media other than this site, so I don't know the comments you are referring to. However, I've long said that people should not say that fathers are babysitting when they are caring for their own children. It really doesn't have anything to do with any of the things that you mention. Those things just need to be worked out by the couple. For me it is merely the term "babysitting." No one says that mothers babysit their own children, so we should not say that of fathers, either. When fathers are the sole caretakers of their children, they are just parenting, not babysitting. Even if they are not familiar with all of the routines and need instructions. Edited to add: I actually don't say this in real life, because it is not my concern to tell other people what words to use. But It's been my opinion for a long time -- since before I had children, so 20 years or more -- and is not based on any social media postings. I think words have power and that we should choose them carefully.
  3. 31 points
    DS accepted at Hamilton!!!! He's had 5 waitlists and 1 rejection over the past week, so we really needed this one to get him out of his funk. And one of his top choices, so even better!
  4. 31 points
    Before I became a teacher, I thought you could form your kids. That people who were "good" parents mostly got "good" kids. Teaching and getting to know families in that professional context dispelled that myth for me, for which I'm very grateful. Our kids are not clay that we shape. They are their own people and we're just here to guide them. It also helps me know that what you see of other families is only the tip of the iceberg. People are always telling me how polite and perfect and amazing my kids are. And it's like, what. My kids? Because our kids bring their worst to us. And they do this because they know we love them and it's safe to do so.
  5. 28 points
    Occidental notified DD of her acceptance this evening.
  6. 27 points
    Son got accepted to Emory/Oxford and UC Santa Barbara this week. We are in CA so still waiting to hear from a few more UCs before making a decision. We are very thankful and not taking anything for granted. So many with stellar stats were rejected/waitlisted that I started to wonder if applying as a homeschooler is a hook of some sort.
  7. 27 points
    DD was just notified that she was accepted to Mount Holyoke.
  8. 26 points
  9. 26 points
    To the bolded: WHAT?! Absolutely. Yes. Many times, in both directions. You know people can address issues in their homes and marriages without being preoccupied with an impractical and capriciously-applied version "equality," surely? You're projecting big time here.
  10. 25 points
    My daughter just got admitted to Franklin & Marshall!
  11. 23 points
    I hear ya. I have concluded that I have largely been a motherhood failure too. Mental health issues in all of 'em seem unlikely to be a co-incidence, kwim ? I do know that I did a great job on one thing - reading my kids a wide and wonderful range of books! However, talking about it the other day, it turns out the kids don't really remember many of the books...you have to laugh or else you'd never get out of bed for crying. My perspective change ? Well, I've certainly developed quite a lot of parenting humility. If I'm ever a grandparent, I will likely not feel I can harass my children-in-law with my superior parenting outlook, lol I have a better attitude to my own mother, who I felt for a long time just did all the wrong things. And actually, she did do a lot of the wrong things, but it turns out I have too. So, I don't judge her as much, and I think that is healthy and appropriate. I am working on self compassion at the moment - not doing all that well there, but trying. That's another persepctive change, seeing oneself as flawed and fallible, just like the other humans, and yet seeing oneself as deserving of the same breaks we'd give another. Lowering the bar is good ( mine is really low too ). Are the kids alive at the end of the day, and the start of the next one ? Win! Honestly, it is, historically speaking. Can you look for a win elsewhere ? A lot of my self esteem atm is coming from my teaching work - lots of positive feedback, and they pay me too 🙂 I can put in effort into teaching which then pays off. It's important to have a couple of wins now and then. Other wins I've had come from crafting projects, and doing small things for a sibling that I know makes them happy. Can you view the show Please Like Me ? The Dad in that show thinks he is to blame for all the bad outcomes, and seeing him think and talk exactly like me, really helped me (temporarily) to see how silly it is to think we have so much control, and made me laugh at myself. Recommend. Finally, do you ever get to hear that you are doing a steadfast job ? Mothering is often thankless, and it shouldn't be. And frankly, you are doing it harder than many. You need thanks for your role! I mean, look at you, you are down but here asking for ways to shift your own perspective - you are steadfast, honey. Four kids with dyslexia ? I'm gonna give you a medal. I don't really care if your kids are a mess, you keep going...you deserve recognition for that.
  12. 23 points
    Oh and no, the mom in a two parent home did not “get herself into this”. It takes two to make a baby. And both have responsibilities.
  13. 22 points
    My son just got an acceptance to Stevens Tech today. This was a safety school for him, so he's not super emotional about it, but still something to be proud and happy about. He'd much rather go to Penn State UP though, and we already have a deposit in there. (very excited about Penn State!) He's really just waiting on the major reach schools before we will truly know.
  14. 21 points
    Due to some sticky issues with her previous owners I've been asked not to share about her on my regular social media, but they don't come here, and I have to show her off to SOMEONE! So, this is our sweet 11 month old foster weimaraner - she's a blue, and she's sweet, and she's LOVING life with a yard and other dogs and attention and medical care!
  15. 21 points
    DD's final acceptance came in yesterday. She got a yes from Smith. Today, we are starting to strategize how to make the decision.
  16. 21 points
    I posted this on the "30 days and waiting" thread, but thought I should also post it here as I always enjoyed reading this thread when my kids were younger. My D was offered admission to 7 out of the 8 schools on her list. This was my third and last time through the process. My D applied to more schools than my other two combined, mainly because I wanted her to have options between a liberal arts school and a tech school if she changed her mind about what she wanted over the span of senior year. She was offered admissions to the following: Grinnell (with merit) Hamilton Williams Worcester Polytechnic Institute (with merit) Rochester Institute of Technology (with merit) Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute (with merit) Our state flagship (with merit) I am 99.9% sure what her decision is going to be, and will come back to update this post when it is 100%.
  17. 21 points
    You know what? How stupid do you assume most women are that they can't read a freaking meme or article about how fathers aren't babysitters (they freaking ARE NOT BABYSITTERS..."babysitter" has a meaning, and neither father nor mother is it!) and not immediately jump to how it is the gospel Truth that *must* apply to their lives??? And talking to your husband about something he's doing, or not doing, is not synonymous with nagging, for crying out loud 😡
  18. 20 points
    If you're not seeing improvement by heart-to-heart talks, it may be time to consider counseling, individually or together or both. As for "it would be cruel not to tell him how to take care of the kids" - well, maybe. But on the other hand, your telling him what to in great detail do is interfering with his ability to learn how to trust his own instincts with regards to those same children, and communicating that you think he's inept. And really, what's so wrong about being discontent when the situation is bad!?
  19. 19 points
    I'd bet money that every single one of these men have porn addictions and that porn exacerbates this sense of entitlement. When real life women don't respond to them the way porn has taught them that women should, it's going to fuel their anger.
  20. 19 points
    My D's waiting is over. Now she needs to make a final decision. I am 99.9% sure what her decision will be, but will be happy when she makes it official and we can move forward to the fun stuff - looking at dorm decor, something my boys had zero interest in doing. This was my third and last time through the process. My D applied to more schools than my other two combined, mainly because I wanted her to have options between a liberal arts school and a tech school if she changed her mind about what she wanted over the span of senior year. She was offered admissions to the following: Grinnell (with merit) Hamilton Williams Worcester Polytechnic Institute (with merit) Rochester Institute of Technology (with merit) Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute (with merit) Our state flagship (with merit) She was deferred then denied at MIT. Good luck to everyone still waiting!
  21. 19 points
    Yup! Copy SKL's wording, paste it into an email, hit SEND. Do it tonight. Be done and move on without guilt. Life is short. (as a leader-of-many-things, I would MUCH prefer to get the above email sent in a timely fashion vs. an angst-ridden, tortured-over email weeks later, leaving me short on time to find someone else to do The Thing that needed done. Just send it and move on with life. She'll understand and move on with life as well. It's all good. Just send it now and don't wait any longer)
  22. 18 points
    Geez, they wouldn't be getting those cookies. I pay, I eats. Especially cookies.
  23. 18 points
    Dads parent. They might parent differently but they parent.
  24. 18 points
    Anyone living here knows enough to tend to the people here. Not exactly the way I would, but each in their own way. I cannot imagine my husband needing instructions on how to care for our kids. He has been involved in their care from birth, and we, too, were very much on the attachment end of the parenting spectrum. ...and heart to heart talks are very effective for us. When things get disbalanced and/or one of us is unhappy, we want to talk about it and try to adjust. I believe sharing our needs and desires and, yes, discontents is an important part of a strong marriage, and I have seen that transparency have powerful, positive impacts.
  25. 17 points
    😄 I think most of us who set firm boundaries have reached the breaking point, fell head first over it, and been electrocuted by the demands of others in a pit of servitude. There was a time I took on EVERYTHING. Now my motto is simply, "I'll show up." When I do choose to take on something it's because I've carefully thought it out and weighed the demands that it makes on my family. It's not just me. It's me taking away from the things I do with them and so they lose out, too.
  26. 17 points
    DS accepted to Oberlin with John F. Oberlin scholarship (and very, very nice need based aid, too). His dad went to Oberlin, so that would be cool. We just rearranged spring break next week so we can make one of the accepted students days.
  27. 17 points
    It is good to be back. Once a homeschooler, always a homeschooler. LOL. Going to college was fun, and it was NOT my choice to leave temporarily or permanently, but I am enjoying self-education. I am like a little kid in a candy store. I am making the best of THIS and grateful for THIS, and see the whole of the "bad" and the "good" as a package deal. I missed you all and I missed LEARNING. Me going to college was a bit like a picture book of a cartoon character going to school. LOL. I am SOOO glad that I went! It was an experience for me, and probably for others too. LOL. I doubt I will be going back until at least fall, if ever. I have to wait and see what happens now. Sometimes I just watch my life like a TV show and try not to get too involved and attached, as crazy as that sounds. A lot happened before I went. A lot happened while I was there. I expect a lot to keep happening. That is the pattern of MY life. Stuff happens. Period. I love you guys! I missed you!
  28. 16 points
    Thank you, everyone, for your thoughts. I have been working on being more firm and not taking any crap along with politely requesting that certain things change and have seen progress. Yesterday I said, "I am going running with my sister tomorrow, do you want me to go right after church or later in the afternoon?" and all went well. When he has said "no" to simple, reasonable requests (like getting a kid something at dinner) when he is already done eating and I have barely made a dent, I have quietly said, "Yes, you can. You are done eating and I am not." He sleeps in both days on the weekend (not sure how that got started, he doesn't work early/late hours) and he has been grumpy with us when he gets up. Yesterday I called him out on it and asked him to come out saying "thank you" for letting him sleep in. Lo and behold, today he did thank me and the day got off to a much better start!
  29. 16 points
    Whoa, you used to be a police officer, and yet you find your kids challenging? I think that probably means your kids are in a special category of challenging, lol! So, what you do mean regarding making a difference in the long-term? Lots of things don't make a difference in the long-term, but we do them anyway. I would say that both of my kids are getting long-term effects from the meds that are good. Are they particularly tangible? No. For instance, my kids have a MUCH BETTER idea of what their areas of strengths and weaknesses are when they take meds. Off meds, their strengths are sometimes, frankly, a joke. Like, it doesn't matter if they can do it or not, because ADHD. On meds, they know what they can do well when obstacles (be it attention, impulsivity, hyperactivity, whatever) are removed. My older son, for instance, is impulsive and inattentive off meds. On meds, there are days I swear he could rule the world or at least a very large warehouse for Amazon or something. He's enormously productive when he's doing things he's good at. Off meds, he'll walk in circles and then randomly get into an argument, lol! He'll forget to eat, repeat himself, and words will literally fall off of him like teflon. I say, "Did you shower?" and he'll say, "Did you shower?" It would be hysterical if it weren't so sad what he's like without them. Things he's not great at? Even those are better with meds, and he's more likely to be able to apply himself to the task. Off meds, he knows he SHOULD BE ABLE to do something, but he CAN'T, and it is demoralizing to him. On meds, he's confident and successful. DS #2 walks around in a fog without meds. Like he's here, but he's not. On meds is still challenging, but he can see that on meds he's more likely to be productive than off. Either way, he is a hot mess, honestly, but he's a hot mess that deals with life much better. He's also safer with meds--less likely to disappear, more likely to know where we're going when we get in the car, etc. (He has many other issues, including auditory processing problems, that contribute to things being difficult for him.) Both of my kids acquire new skills better with meds--everything from actually learning something at physical therapy to learning something in math goes much better with meds than without, and THOSE THINGS STICK. Eventually. The time between unlearned and new habit is dramatically shorter with meds. Not to mention that they are actually learning these things while they are young and FORMING HABITS. I could have a whole discussion about what it's like once (bad) habits are already formed or good habits are non-existent, and you have an adult take these--let's just say it's a much longer path to success. Also, people who know my kids on meds but have never seen them off meds are SHOCKED when if they find out my kids have ADHD. Let's just say no one who's seen them off meds has this "problem." I'm sticking with better living through pharmacology. I wish we'd tried meds sooner.
  30. 16 points
    This is not the topic of this post, but from what you've shared in this thread combined with others, I think you should take a step back from the next baby, changing to homeschooling, fostering, etc. until you get some work done on the foundational relationship of the household. You will either have to accept things as they are or you will have to spend a lot of time into working with your dh on this relationship and your family dynamic. Either way, please think long and hard about adding stressful lifestyle changes when things already are not running in a way that works for you. At this point, you two may need a counselor to mediate the communication and follow-through for the two of you.
  31. 16 points
    Only during eclipses and when forced to play Nana in the school play...
  32. 16 points
    Yeah, the dad didn't get himself into it. Most women STEAL sperm and then trick men into marrying them after breaking the news that they'd stolen the sperm to make the baby. I'd briefly forgotten about that, but that's for sure how it works the majority of the time!!
  33. 15 points
    Today is the first day of Spring. Not sure what these flowers are, it’s outside my nearby library.
  34. 15 points
    Definitely go to the breeder or have a friend who lives close do it. what breed of dog? We got toy poodles from two different reputable breeders. Both breeders are highly regarded and does full testing. I found a message board that is targeted at poodles and asked a lot of questions (including about specific breeders). That helped me so much and made sure I made a good choice. It’s very easy to end up with a bad breeder or even worse a puppy mill dog. We ended up getting our dogs from out of state both times (once used a puppy nanny and once used points to pick up). i couldn’t resist sharing a recent picture of my beautiful babies!
  35. 15 points
    I’ll let people with more experience say more, but the one thing I wanted to say is that I would not do the meeting halfway thing in this case. Meeting halfway means it really doesn’t matter what questions you ask, because the breeder could tell you anything. Only by going in person can you see what the parents are like and what the living conditions the puppies were raised in are like.
  36. 15 points
    If I understand this correctly she is in a good school with good teaching, no negative social aspects (like bullying) and has the social interactions that she craves? The only thing that you don’t like is the homework? I wouldn’t pull her out over that. You might ask on the afterschooling board but I think that I remember people picking and choosing what homework to do if some of it is busy work.
  37. 15 points
    DS waitlisted at Emory (both the Oxford and Atlanta campuses) and ACCEPTED AT HAMILTON! I don't know if I've ever been more relieved in my life than I was when he said, "hmm....there's confetti" tonight 🙂 . That should give him enough to power through the next few decisions, no matter which way they go.
  38. 15 points
    20 percent of my seeds have sprouted. Early results are encouraging. I never even plugged in my grow lights this year!
  39. 14 points
    Imagine how much worse she'll feel if she can't restrict and uses the expensive soap! Money guilt on top of hand washing shame. No, I wouldn't do that.
  40. 14 points
    She needs to be talking about (and listening!) private parts, sex, masturbation, pornography etc with her daughter herself. And she needs to get a grip with the fact that her daughter is a person with a body and a brain and the usual accompanying thoughts and feelings, post-haste. There's nothing not-innocent about thinking about those topics and chatting about them with your friends. The ONLY problem is that she definitely doesn't want teenage kids alone to shape her perception of pornography, sex and masturbation. A blanket: "it's all bad" is not going to get the Mom anywhere. "It's all for adults, don't even think about it for five more years" won't get her anywhere either.
  41. 14 points
    As to the meds don't help anything long term idea.....well, neither do glasses. But if you wear the glasses you can see better and function better. That goes away when you take them off, but the day to day difference in ability to function is amazing when you wear the glasses you need to see clearly. I liken meds to that. No, they won't cure anything long term, but they can make a huge difference in day to day functioning.
  42. 14 points
    What about something simple, like a boxwood wreath? You can dress it up to fit the seasons, or just leave it plain. I love to make my own wreaths, but doesn't sound like you'd be into that! Just in case, here's an easy spring one I recently made:
  43. 14 points
    Wondering if it's ok or even worth it to have an honest conversation about something is a form of "walking on eggshells", in my opinion - especially when it is about a Dad simply taking responsibility for being a dad. Using the term "got myself into it" when talking about having children is problematic because the decision to have children should be one that is made together and isn't a situation where the woman should have to shoulder the "blame" for the condition she has found herself in. This thread did not come up as a random conversation about an internet meme - it came up in a marital and family context. Equality in marriage isn't about everyone doing everything exactly the same as the other or the splitting everything down the middle in terms of chores or not having agreed upon roles however that might benefit the personalities and strengths of each spouse. It has to do with the shouldering responsibility for the health of the marriage and family equally. It has to do with having the freedom to be heard equally. And with being respected as a valued part of the marriage and family equally.
  44. 14 points
    OP, keep in mind that there's absolutely no need to "validate" every class, you just need enough that adcoms can feel confident the student is at the level they claim to be. In many ways, they have exactly the same issue with PS students — unless they happen to be familiar with the level of rigor at that specific HS, they have no more knowledge of what an "A" means at that school than they know what it means for a homeschooler. That's exactly why some colleges require SAT2s in 2-3 different subjects. Also keep in mind that for every course you do that can be "validated" with a standardized test, you are giving up the freedom to follow the student's own interests and provide interesting and unusual courses that are far more likely to pique the interest of adcoms than yet another test score. Having a transcript full of the usual PS course titles, with lots of APs, DEs, and SAT2s is not going to make your student stand out as much as a transcript with unique courses and just enough tests or DEs that adcoms can be confident this kid is working at a high level. To give you an example, DS had 1 DE class each in history and science, multiple top scores on the NLE/NGE, and ACT scores to validate English and math, so he had some kind of validation in each of the 5 core areas. No adcom is going to look at a transcript with courses like Epic & Saga in World Literature and Ancient Greek Literature, with ACT 36s in English and Reading, and think this kid would have been more competitive if he'd taken English Comp 101 at the local CC. No one is going to look at a transcript with Greek, Latin, Old Norse, and Turkish on it, and think he'd have been better off with AP Spanish. Don't give up the biggest advantage homeschoolers have in the mistaken belief that having a lot of "outside validation" is the most important thing for college admissions.
  45. 14 points
    I used to be a staunch Republican, but now I’m more in the middle, and oftentimes even slip into being a Democrat. I used to think spanking was an unhappy, but necessary discipline tool. I’m now completely, 100% against it. I used to avoid the doctor and just wait the sickness out and never took OTC meds. Now, at the first sign of something like congestion, I’m taking non-stop decongestants (and I do the same for the whole family.). I keep a close eye on sicknesses now and will go to the doctor at the right time instead of waiting weeks until we’re all very sick. I used to think that I was a pretty smart person who had figured out the single best way to do most things. But I learned that for the vast majority of situations, there are multiple “best” ways to do things. And it’s really ok if someone does things differently. I used to think people were depressed because they didn’t train themselves to think happy thoughts. I am so sorry for the people I tried to “cheer up” in the past. Nowadays, I try to just listen and acknowledge that they feel bad without trying to fix it for them, because I know I can’t. I used to think it was very important to tell everyone my thoughts in a conversation and jump right in, even cutting people off in my excitement. I still do that from time to time, but I’m learning the great value in just sitting still and listening. I used to think that people who sinned were just bad Christians and completely weak and they needed to buck up. But now I understand the complexities of life and how easy it is to make mistakes and how gracious God is when we fail. I used to think that my DH and I should try to be just like each other, and when he didn’t want to change something, I would get upset. Now I realize we’re two different people and it’s ok if he does things his way, or even does it the “wrong” way. Basically, if I met my 20-something self, I would have a hard time being around her. I don’t much like who I was when I look back. I was too judgy and cocky about how I knew all the answers.
  46. 14 points
    Today was...magical. I sat with 6 of the younger children in anticipation of seeing a man whose music I heard as a child, as a teenage babysitter, as a new mom, as a not so new mom. Every word to every song we have memorized. My babies hear the lyrics from the day they are born: I sing the "number songs" as I change their diapers (Six Little Ducks, Five Green and Speckled Frogs, etc.). I sing the food songs as they eat. And I sing the slow songs as we cuddle or they fall asleep. Even Felix's second word was from a song ('bay') and he said his first sentence just last week - "Dn by dh BAY!" I got to watch Davis's eyes light up and see that fantastic smile he has when he heard each familiar song begin. We got to watch our children shaking the sillies out just as scores of children have done before at these concerts. It was surreal sitting there before it began knowing that the man behind the magic of this music for children was about to come on stage...I've waited over 20 years to see him. And then there he was and it was awesome!!! Everyone was singing, everyone loved him...totally worth the wait. The hardest part was when he said it was the last number and you could hear the sigh of disappointment. Just keep on singing...let's just stay for another hour or two. At almost 71 years old he still has an amazing voice and an even more amazing presence. No fancy lights, no fancy outfits, no insanely stupid lyrics or fingernails-on-chalkboard instrumentals. All that was on stage was a small table with water and bananas, a chair, and him. The chances are we won't see him in concert again, and maybe he knows it because his last number, rather than his trademark song, was "Happy Trails". I think there were more than a few of us sniffling at that point. And oh, how I wish I'd gotten the chance to actually shake his hand and thank him for the gift he has given to children's music, for setting the bar high, for not making my brain cells feel like they are dying as I listen to his songs. But at least I finally got to see him in concert - another bucket list item crossed off and oh so worth it. What an incredible human being and what a legacy to leave in his music. What a privilege to be there today...my kids just have no idea. But someday they will when they sing the same songs with their kids and tell them, "You know, I got to see Raffi in concert!"
  47. 13 points
    I haven't read the article yet, but one of the things I think those of us who have boys should be aware of is to be specifically talking to our kids about the ways in which video gamers, sports fans, and other heavily masculine communities on the internet often become havens for these ideas and how to spot them and specifically recognize the problems with them. I think it can start small for young people and seem reasonable at first, especially when you begin by forging a bond or just following someone who likes your favorite game or team. So when that someone shares a story of when a woman was unfair, a young man thinks, that's sucks, and they feel for them. And slowly that turns into all women are terrible. And that they're owed something for their efforts. Even if you don't allow your boys online much, one day they won't be at home and they need to know how toxic and wrong this hatred of women is and how easy it can be to get swept up in it by going by degrees.
  48. 13 points
    Also, dads don't "help" any more than moms "help." We both parent. Sometimes the tasks of having a household together are such that the mom does more parenting and the dad does more earning money or chores or the like. However, if I work or fix the drywall, that's not "helping" either. We're all just participating in different ways in the family.
  49. 13 points
    I certainly find that I can shift how I contribute to functional family life based on a kind hearted chat where my spouse requests an adjustment. I’ve often found that my spouse can do the same. My spouse has less practice with hands-on child management than I do, but that doesn’t make him a babysitter. When my children were new and I was learning my way, I was ‘mom’ regardless. I was obviously parenting my children — not babysitting them. Similarly my spouse, whether he solo parents for 5 minutes or 5 months; whether he reaches out for information or learns by trial and error; whether we are both present as a team, or if he is the only adult on site — he will still *always* and *obviously* be parenting. Never babysitting.
  50. 13 points
    Not a fight or a hill to die on. Sounds like DH wanted to help and next time you'll know to double check the forms yourself to make sure you have what you need.
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