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Showing content with the highest reputation since 05/13/2019 in all areas

  1. 36 points
    I've known for a while that my ability to read what I type is going really downhill - IOW, my brain will still read a sentence how I meant it to come out even if what I actually typed is completely wrong, especially if I read it again while the information is still fresh in my brain. Anyways, I went back and re-read a final report I wrote for a class (because I'm stalking the website for my final grade). For context, this document is going to be shared with every professor in the department because it's dictating my projects from now until I graduate. I meant to say Large Hadron Collider (the particle accelerator)....but what I wrote was Large Hardon...
  2. 31 points
    For another perspective, I would be so proud of my kid for sticking to the budget she set for herself and not going over just cause she wants it. That's a great thing for young 20-somethings to be able to do.
  3. 30 points
    I think you should send him away for psychological evaluation and treatment. He is a threat to others. I would get rid of anything in the house of value. Turn off his cellphones, get rid of the computers, so there is no longer an outlet for such things from him under your roof. Give to friends to store for safe keeping. He will steal it for money or to feed his violence. Call your insurance and see what and how health will be covered to treat mental illness. He needs intensive in-patient evaluation. Your Dh needs to come home and as a united front, you need to do this. I wouldn't inform your son of this. I wouldn't negotiate what he can do to get what he wants back. When the police show up, tell them you don't know what to do about his violence. Ask them what they can do to assure he doesn't hurt anyone bc you cannot manage it. And let them do it. NONE of doing that means you don't love your son, tho he will claim it does. It means he has crossed into an area where you can't go. But you can refuse to let him drag others into it. You can set a boundary of love that if he can get his head straight he can return to as a safe haven. But you have one month to do it. Once he is 18 you can't make him do a damn thing with regard to seeking mental help and in many states he will be able to buy real guns. And if he isn't on a path to help, you need to kick him out. Make sure you have a plan to do so safely and a plan to handle if he tries to come back angry. Do not give him any resources that he can profit from or twist to violent ends and don't put your other kids at risk. I don't know if this is the right thing to do. But I know it will be near impossible to get help at 18 and statistically your family is at high risk of violence that his not being there could reduce. My momma heart breaks for you. I pray your family finds peace and healing.
  4. 26 points
    Ok, so the potential buyers came back today, with their realtor, during the open house. They stayed for 45 min. past the open house, a total of over 1.5 hours. THey asked a lot of questions, told the realtor exactly how they would use each space, said the house was perfect for their needs, and just want clarification about a bunch of stuff first. She said they seemed very interested. They told their realtor this is the first house they have looked at that checks most of their boxes in their price range. So......keep praying and thinking positive thoughts. An offer may be coming in the next day or so.
  5. 25 points
    Please please. I apologize if what I'm about to say comes out wrong. Stop everyhing else you're doing. Treat this like you would treat any other EMERGENCY... this is not a time for contemplation. This is not a time for thinking about his long term future. This is a time to seek assistance, to make changes. Before you CANNOT. Imagine your son had been in a car accident and was hospitalized- what would you do? You'd call your DH and tell him come home right now. You'd reach out to your community- family, friends, temple for help with your other kids. Do that now. You wouldn't spend your time worrying about the impact on the school year, or his future career. You'd focus on getting him the care he needs RIGHT NOW. That's the urgency he needs from you. Even if he doesn't know it. Even if it looks like more of the same, it has come to a moment for action. Seek help and do it immediately, before he's 18 and you cannot help him. If it takes a couple of weeks to get help, you've got to get that ball moving. He's not going to do it. You said yourself, he thought the problem with making threats was that his friends ratted him out - not that making threats was the problem. Hes not capable of making good decisions right now. He doesn't see the seriousness of this, so you have to.
  6. 24 points
    I work with testosterone filled young male firefighters who think they are God’s gift to the world. I hear a whole lot about their amazing TEA lives. Since I can still remember being in my 20s, I believe about none of it.
  7. 24 points
    The people who were here for 1.5 hours on Tue want to come back tomorrow for a 2nd showing. Their realtor told our realtor that our house checked most of their boxes and they are seriously considering an offer but want to check a couple of things first. Not sure what they want to check, but I do know that after I look at a house I don't remember some stuff about it and want to go back or get clarification if I am interested. So......keep the prayers and thoughts comin' They are thinking they would like to make an offer this weekend, so maybe????
  8. 22 points
    I don't know... I don't think I'd be steering this kid towards ANYTHING that puts a gun (or any other weapon) into his hands. Just saying ......
  9. 22 points
    Lots of hugs. I am so so sorry. Based on what you've said and what I've seen in family I would call a lawyer and have her on stand-by. I'd also have an emergency psych eval. A good kid who has taken such a drastic turn has something going on. Also, try to get some money together for bail, if he gets arrested. If he does get arrested, if I could, I'd take him from holding to a psych ER as soon as I bailed him out. Adding this: keep your cell phone on you at all times, as well as a house phone if you have one. put a cell phone inside a bedroom that locks and instruct the younger kids to run in there and lock the door if Brother starts anything... screaming (at you, at them, anything that scares them.) Tell them they have permission to call 911 if they are afraid and they wouldn't get in trouble, you won't be mad, etc. I keep thinking of things: If you have a pet that might try to be protective in a scuffle or get hurt in a scuffle (hurt by getting underfoot), or that you think might be a target of an outburst, consider boarding it or having it stay with a friend
  10. 20 points
    I truly think military service needs to be far down the list of options, if it even makes the list at all. There are too many red flags out for me to believe that military service is a good option in the near future. This young man needs psychiatric assessment and help and basic training is not an appropriate place for such a person. I know people think that a life in the military has the potential to “turn a life around,” and I’m sure there are situations where that is true. However, keep in mind that military training & service is emotionally and physically taxing for the healthiest of people. It very well could cause someone a lot of problems if they do not go into it from a position of physical and mental health & stability. Additionally, the purpose of the military is to protect our nation, not to act as a therapeutic environment for troubled youth. They simply are not equipped to do that.
  11. 20 points
    So he spent a year in bed after getting expelled from school, and multiple therapists told you he isn't depressed because he has high self-esteem??? You need to get new therapists, ASAP. A person's level of self-esteem has nothing to do with being depressed. I don't mean this in a snarky way, but were these religious counselors who have only had training through a religious program? If so you need to find an actual psychiatrist. And in the meantime, I'd try to get him admitted to an in-patient treatment program if at all humanly possible.
  12. 20 points
    If you remember I started the thread saying I was considering doing childcare to bring in extra money. Well, I wound up responding to a Craigslist ad about an 88 year-old man that needs help with cleaning and food prep 3 days a week and I got the job. This is a much better situation for my family and I am very happy with it. Thank you for your ideas, encouragement and prayers.
  13. 20 points
    But why did you hold in your tears all night? Why didn’t you let your dh know how you felt? I’m very sorry that you had such a lousy day. I just feel like nothing will ever change for you if you hold your feelings inside instead of being honest with your dh so he can understand your disappointment and expectations.
  14. 19 points
  15. 18 points
    I am told they plan to, but I am not holding my breath until they make the offer. Then we will need to figure out how to see some houses this week PRONTO. Now DH and I are fighting over the cheap furniture. I am thrilled to just get RID of it, he is like, "We can't afford to replace it! Do we hate it? I didn't know we hated that!" 🤣 I am assuring him we do hate it. 😂
  16. 18 points
    They sent us a list of 7 questions last night. Kind of interesting, DH has had his office in the basement for years. For staging, we were told to bring it back up to the designated office space, so we did. Well, this new guy wants to put his office in the basement and wants to be sure the basement would work! 😂 There were questions about moisture in the basement (we have never had any) and why there were not more A/C vents down there, only baseboard heaters (it is mostly underground and stays between 60-68 year round.) . They also wanted to know the age of our pool, size of HVAC system, and if they could have a goat on our property. 🤔 Oh, and the mom asked if we would leave some of our crappy furniture......um, yeah! Take all of it! Then I don't have to move it! Hoping we get an offer today .
  17. 18 points
    I've been a community college professor for 21 years. I've taught scads of students from all walks of life and all types of education. I've taught students 15-75 years old. I've taught students who lived in their car, and students who were wealthy. I've taught dual enrollment students and hardened vets who have saw the ugly side of war. You name it, and I've taught a student like that. And the homeschooled kids are pretty much no different than the rest of my students. Really. Just as many of them fail, aren't focused, are rude to me, come to class drunk, etc. etc. as any other type of student. In my experience, they really don't stand out. And that's the consensus among the faculty where I've worked. I realize that there are all kinds of homeschoolers out there, and that community college is a different population. But it's a myth that homeschooled kids universally do well in college. Not at the two community colleges where I've taught. There I said it.
  18. 18 points
    Please, please do not encourage him to try to enlist. Basic training is psychologically difficult for a stable person, never mind someone with the symptoms your DS is exhibiting. The military can teach a lazy person how to have more self-discipline, but it CANNOT cure or treat mental illness. I don't know why so many people think it can do that. When I was in basic training, one of the guys I was training with snapped and attacked a drill sergeant. Thank god it happened in the first phase and not when we were doing rifle training. During AIT they had a special mattress near the main stairwell where they could keep an eye on the soldiers who were suicidal. There was at least one every day. Your son needs to work with mental health professionals. Drill sergeants are not mental health professionals. ETA: I should clarify that I'm bringing up the mattress thing not to tell you that they have a lot of experience dealing with mental illness, but to say LOOK HOW WELL THEY DON'T HANDLE IT. Suicidal? Spend the night on the special suicide mattress where a couple of exhausted teenagers on fire watch can make sure you don't kill yourself when they aren't mopping. It's horrifying.
  19. 18 points
    When my Grandmother turned 60 she announced to the whole family that she was finally old enough to speak her mind - she is almost 90 now and still speaking her mind.
  20. 18 points
    Honestly, reading through that, I don't think your problem is Mother's Day. Your problem is that one day a year you expected him to pull his fair share and he couldn't even do it a single day. Don't go into Mother's Day next year with no expectations. You should go into every day with the expectation that he'll pull more of the weight. And I'm in total agreement with those saying that you really need to tell him. Read him what you wrote here. And ask for him to do more. Point out all the work you do that he is obviously not seeing. Make him do all of it sometimes while you take a walk with the dog or go to the gym or go read a book or whatever you want.
  21. 18 points
    I think I'd be tempted to walk him through the day, from your perspective, like you did in this post-- not right now, but once you can do it without being upset. I'd try to make the conversation about communicating, not complaining. It sounds crystal clear to me why you were upset, but evidently he didn't get how the whole day felt to you. Just as a basis for communication and understanding, I think he needs to know how much effort and stress went into the things you had to do all day, and how you'd envision an ideal day. You could also ask about Father's Day, since it's on the horizon now. How would be like that to go? What has been his hope vs. expectation vs. reality?
  22. 17 points
    What a crock... In my little hometown within a 2 mile radius and same zip code there were immigrants right off the boat living multiple families in one rental unit....there were average middle class workers ....and less than 1/2 mile away multi-million dollar homes of mostly business owners who owned large multi-generational businesses. At my PRIVATE high school my mom who was a legal immigrant from Brazil who came here at 14, dropped out of high school, but worked hard and got her GED, had the misfortune of realizing she married a total lunatic, got herself together and earned an associates in accounting, worked her way up numerous payroll and accounting jobs while trying to keep three kids and a crazy ex husband all situated (hint: it was not a good scene)... How would I be ranked? Privileged? because my zip code is in the same zip as the multi million dollar homes? Or privileged because I went to a private high school? (because my mom made every sacrifice and I earned a 75% scholarship by winning the diocese catholic scholarship exam?) My mom and I together earned that spot in that school, and I was not and she was not privileged. This is so ridiculous.... I . Can't. even. Students have to be judged based on their record as STUDENTS and if they want to tell about their hardships add an extra hardship essay, not another false societal judgement that is not based on facts.
  23. 17 points
    The idea that millions of people — people who are working 40-60 hours a week, not lying around doing nothing — should be forced to live in abject poverty, go hungry, and forgo needed medications and medical care, so that businesses don't have to cut their profit margin, is a concept I have a hard time wrapping my head around. If the only way a business owner can earn a comfortable living is by exploiting the labor of people living in poverty, then maybe that businessman is the one who needs to "find a better job," not the poor guy who's working for $7.25/hr and depending a food pantry to feed his kids.
  24. 17 points
    Except our kids. Our kids are awesome. 😏
  25. 17 points
    At 22, leave it alone and let him lose.
  26. 16 points
    I'm so sorry Yael. I have nothing but prayers to offer you. I hope you find help soon for your DS. I just wanted to comment on the suggestions to have troubled, potentially violent children enlist in the military. (Perhaps I'm misunderstanding, and that's not what's being suggested. I hope so.) I agree strict structure can be helpful for many kids, but really, do we honestly want psychologically troubled people who are already exhibiting worrisome behavior being given weapons training and then, perhaps, deployed? The military should NOT be used in place of appropriate mental health care. There are already enough issues within that organization.
  27. 16 points
    My assumption, when we talk about a "living wage", is that we're assuming a 40-hr work week. So no, your college freshman, your SAHM who wants a little extra cash, your granddad wouldn't get a "living wage" because they wouldn't work that many hours. But if you DO work that many hours, then you ought to be getting enough money from your FULL TIME JOB to live off of.
  28. 15 points
    If sin and pot turned teenagers into violent sociopaths, we never would have survived the nineties. Tough love is going to do exactly jack shit if this boy has a mental illness or personality disorder. In all probability he needs inpatient treatment, meds, and specialized therapy.
  29. 15 points
    What the bleeping bleep is the school thinking in this day and age after so many lost lives to allow any of that BS to get him a slide through on consequences?! What I'm reading in your posts is continued no repeated threats of violence. Without intervention there is zero reason to delude ourselves that there won't be an escalation. I'm with Wendy. No matter what the school and police aren't doing, you have to do something drastic and swift at this point and you need help doing it. Praying you get it. (((hugs)))
  30. 15 points
    I work in a therapeutic group home for teens with behavioral challenges. It is nearly impossible for a “regular” family to get help for their child for behavioral issues - most of these programs are for children in the care of the department of social services. And if you are able to refer your child for care, and if there is a bed available, it will be very very expensive. Several hundred dollars a day. You can request an evaluation and a 30 day care plan. Psychiatric level care (a step above behavioral care) may be more accessible to families, expressing suicidal thoughts seems to be the line... you could ask the school or maybe even the police to help ask for a referral for an evaluation. I live in a small town in South Dakota, surely there are many more options for mental health care in Boston, right? I hope!! Where I work, if a youth is on “self-harm” or another type of “watch” they do not go to school. Nope. School is a bonus, school is something that you earn the right to attend by earning trust through actions and attitudes and working through goals and assignments with counselors. School is not a punishment or a right, it is a privilidge that must be earned. Graduating is not the goal - keeping the child and those around the child safe is the short term goal. Learning safe behavior patterns and appropriate coping skills allowing the teen to live safely in society is the long term goal. Graduation is nice but not as important as living safely. Youth on “watch” have no electronics (even those not on watch only have supervised electronics during specific times) they have no freedom to go outside on a walk (going on a walk is a huge privilege for our kids). No alone time in their rooms, even bathroom time is limited and somewhat monitored. Shower and laundry times are assigned. They are not allowed phone calls. They do homework packets from school. They watch tv/movies chosen by the adult supervisors. They wake up and eat on a schedule. They have chores and a bedtime. They do not have the freedom to go to the store or walk around the neighborhood. Every piece of their life is monitored. im writing this out because sometimes as parents we feel like we don’t want to be “mean” or limit our kids’ lives. Unfortunately some kids do need a huge amount of supervision in a way that is almost unimaginable for “regular” people. It’s a whole different set of worries than the normal teen parent angst of getting a license or modesty issues, right? I don’t know the answer for you, but if you can’t find help, you may want to consider the possibility of being the homeschool version of a behavioral group home. Zero freedom. Zero school. All privileges earned. I do know that many of these programs end at 18 years old and then things get scary and real very fast. Real prison for adult men is much different than a therapeutic group home for kids. I would suggest that he is “done” with school even though the year is not complete and he’s still a year from graduating. Even if things get better for a while after today. I think he needs a different path now - he is not safe at school. I’d research the GED. I don’t think I’d even recommend dual enrollment or trade school. Not for a year or so. I don’t know what he would do with his time, but school may need to just be off the table. I don’t know if he could be trusted to work, even. I would be researching transitional homes for young adults ages 18-22(ish) in case you need to kick him out. They are generally for youth who have aged out of foster care and homeless teens. They provide safe housing for young adults, sometimes with kitchen facilities and a little bit of life skills education. I know kids who live in these homes and attend high school. I do have a friend whose daughter attended a private high school for troubled teens/teens with addiction. It was self pay and very expensive, but their daughter made huge changes and is doing well in college https://www.newhavenrtc.com/ that’s where she went - it is just for girls, but I’m sure there are the same type programs for boys. I’m so sorry. I hope you have someone who can come be with you tonight. My prayers are with you. *eta I’m sorry about the font changes! So strange!
  31. 15 points
    I would not do 3 hours in the car each day for a 6 hour day of school. I am reading that right, correct? 45 each way twice per day.......1.5 hours in the am and 1.5 in the pm. That will get old really fast, and then you will need to do it for 4 solid years. And it isn't just about the cost of the school, but transportation, gas, wear and tear on the car, and then all the extra things......Christian school means Saturday volunteer opportunities, events up closer to school (evening drama performances that the English teacher assigns to go watch and write about) any activities she wants to be involved in......and then her friends will all be up that way. Friday slumber party starts at 7pm? She gets out at 3pm? What does she do? Do you want to add another 1.5 hours for that day? That wears me out just thinking about it! (can you tell?) Can I ask how you know about the local PS? I can tell you that I have heard our school has a drug "problem." It doesn't. Are there some kids on drugs? Yes, mostly pot, but it isn't a huge issue, unless you are the parent of the kid doing it......then your glasses are colored to think it is "everyone." I personally would go meet with the counselor, the AP, or someone, get a tour, sit down and ask some questions, share concerns, etc.....before I would just assume it is all like that. I would do the same (tour, meet with) the school that is 15 min. away.
  32. 15 points
    Wait, wait, wait. Why are we solving this problem? They could solve this problem. Buy or make them a pizza, put them at the table, and give them pens and paper. Tell them you want their solution in an hour. Warn them that strangers on the internet are threatening them with Baby Shark and extra chores, but you think they can come up with their own strategy to take care of this. ETA: Maybe frame the discussion as a question: What do we all need to get to and from church peacefully?
  33. 15 points
    Quick update - DD was offered a spot off of the waitlist at Vassar! I wish that they gave us a bit more time to consider it (she has until Wednesday to decide, so a bit more than 48 hours), but I'm glad that they rectified their initial oversight of not admitting her (just a joke, but I was a bit surprised she wasn't admitted in the first place). FYI she did not write a letter or anything, just filled out their form for the waitlist. She's 90% sure that she's going to stick with NYU for all the reasons I outlined above, but it still counts as a "win" and an acceptance for her 🙂
  34. 14 points
    You just learn not to talk politics and get good at smiling and nodding. People are generally nice and normal across the political spectrum and there is much to commend many places, even if you don’t fly a rainbow flag in your yard or march with the local crisis pregnancy center. Bringing political views into daily discussions tends to polarize unnecessarily, where everyone would act pretty civilly and find a lot to enjoy about one another with that factored out. Honestly, at this point in life I don’t air my opinions even in company I’m pretty sure agrees with me. Because you never know who is listening in, and it’s just unnecessary to pontificate on polarizing topics in 95% of situations. Button up your lips and smile while changing the subject - it’s never a foolish choice.
  35. 14 points
    PeachyDoodle, I get that the behavior and the privilege are connected. But, what about the underlying reason for the behavior? One thing I have found with my daughter's issues is that reason-based consequences aren't going to have the desired effect on behavior stemming from emotional disorder. If she will go through the process of internalizing the consequence and guilt and still be unable to change her behavior, then she may need more help with the behavior than 'natural consequences." That's not to say you should cave and change your mind about the consequence. Rather, could you sit down with her and help her come up with a plan to improve things? Would she be open to that (once she calms down after the bad news)? Such a plan is most likely to succeed if it's her idea and she has help making it happen.
  36. 14 points
    Next year you need to just rise early and wordlessly sneak out of the house for a day of doing whatever you want. Leave him alone all day to manage the kids and their needs. Maybe don’t wait til next year. June 16 might be a good day.
  37. 14 points
    This. The biggest thing I learned when dealing with marriage issues is that not speaking up leads to resentment. And resentment kills marriages. It is not mean, petty, or bitchy to very clearly say, in a polite tone of voice, "Honey, I know you love me, but I felt pretty disappointed on Mother's Day. I am sure that wasn't your intention, but I work really hard every day to be the best mother I can be, and I was hoping for more recognition of that and some pampering on Mother's Day. Instead, you got a nap, and a long shower, and I dealt with the kids. I feel like maybe you don't understand how important Mother's Day is to me."
  38. 13 points
    I've been planning our trip to Nashville to celebrate dd's 20th birthday since January. I called the BB café to find out the process. Even though it's listed on their website I wanted to talk to a live person. We'll among hundreds and possibly low thousands we were selected (randomly chosen). We "upped" our chances by using 3 computers: DD's computer, my computer and my tablet. My computer won out. Anyway, she gets to go to BB café tonight - her 20th birthday! We'll enjoy it! And, last night we went to GOO (Grand Ole Opry). Liked many, many of the performers including Brett Young, Devin Dawson and others! I had no idea it was a live broadcast of the show. They still do this! We've discovered we REALLY like Nashville! Went to Green Hills Grille Friday night. It was fantastic. I ordered the lemon artichoke chicken with mashed potatoes and broccoli. One of the best meals out I've enjoyed!
  39. 13 points
    Which doesn’t mean he needs training in warfare.
  40. 13 points
    As the wife of someone who frequently travels internationally for work, I recommend that you call your husband & tell him he needs to come home. You need some support and you and your husband need to work together to figure out where to go from here. Most employers understand family emergencies occur and this is one of those times - he can still work locally or remotely from home, but I really think he needs to be present at home and available to attend any meetings/appointments that you might have with various professionals.
  41. 13 points
    There's a freaking galaxy of difference between teaching your own preschoolers at home and teaching an actual preschool class in a school. I homeschool my kids, no problem. I couldn't even begin to teach my toddler's ECFE class because holy migraine, Batman. You honestly think it's no big deal for qualified preschool teachers with degrees to make minimum wage???
  42. 13 points
    Even knowing he has special needs, I think it's still a step back situation. Unless safety, a much larger amount of money, something key to long term plans, etc. is on the line, then I'd try to back off. Like, it would also be inappropriate for most 20-somethings to get involved in solidifying a community college schedule or making sure a job application was properly filled out or something. For a special needs kid, that might be completely appropriate at that age. But something like this has no big consequences, so it's a way to practice that letting go for you and that real world learning for him.
  43. 13 points
    Also, in general, it is not wrong to have expectations of how people will treat you. It's okay to want things. It's okay to want different treatment. It isn't wrong to expect more! Also, I do NOT advocate treating him the same way/badly on Father's day. That's spiteful - not good for marriages. Just be open and honest and actually assertive about your feelings, wants, and needs. Not passive aggressive, and not a doormat.
  44. 13 points
    Ok so now I’m pulling out my soapbox. Mother’s Day is for moms in the trenches. They’re the ones that NEED a pat on the back and a day off! Instead, it is co-opted by “mature” moms (aka grandmas!) who soak up all the worship on that day. Two facets of this...One, it creates more work, tension, and disappointment for women who are still actively parenting. Two, it reveals that there is possibly a reason the older women are venerated - because of guilt. They either lay it on, or adult kids lay it on themselves because the bulk of their relationship with parents has been reduced to holiday only interactions. We need to love each other better the other 364 days of the year. That’s my two cents, anyway.
  45. 12 points
    For starters, near full employment is a bit misleading. The unemployment rate is calculated in a consistent measure and for that reason is a solid measure of trends over time, but it doesn't account for underemployment. It should also be noted WalMart employs around 1.4 million people in the United States. Considering a fair number of those are in areas with limited employment opportunities, I am not sure where you think that many people can find employment elsewhere. Not to be trite, but as noted in "Caddyshack", the world needs ditch diggers too. Our labor market consists of X number of jobs that may be unskilled but still require a person willing to do them. As long as the number of those seeking work >>> number of available jobs, those on the unskilled side of the labor market will be on the low end of wages. As a society we then have to decide how we are going to treat the least of us. Personally I think whether someone is bagging my groceries, doing the landscaping in my neighborhood, or cleaning houses, anyone who is working full time should be able to afford to put a roof over their heads, food on the table, and live a decent life.
  46. 12 points
    His ability to talk his way out of serious trouble multiple times at school and to convince multiple therapists that there isn't something seriously wrong is very troubling. I'd be worried because he is exhibiting psychopathic behavior. Now not all psychopaths are violent but with the threats he has made I personally would default to believing he was capable of it, and I'd make sure your other children and you have safeguards in place. if he were my child, I would find it unacceptable that the school is not taking the threat seriously. I would personally be reporting the incident to the police. He has threatened people on multiple occasions, this is serious. He doesn't need a new school, he needs an emergency psych eval by a knowledgeable Dr. He may not be depressed but he certainly isn't healthy.
  47. 12 points
    I agree with others: your class sounds amazing, and those are some lucky students. Being able to have an intelligent discussion without taking things personally is a skill I have yet to master. I would only caution you against changing your course in response to this one student. You can't please everyone, and if this resonates with all the other students, don't fix what ain't broke. Enjoy your parents party with the ones who are truly grateful for your work. You don't want the disgruntled mom at your home to ruin your event.
  48. 12 points
    Old enough to remember how to change the speed on the record player and make the voice sound like the Smurfs.
  49. 12 points
    I'm sorry. I get it. Here are a few ideas that have helped me. * When the kids were little, I found that I didn't like spending Mother's Day with extended family at MIL's house. I love MIL, but I needed the day to be a break for me, at that stage of life. So I would send DH and the kids off to MIL's house, and I would go off to a movie by myself. Consider whether you would enjoy doing something alone next Mother's Day and find a way to pamper yourself. * Now that my kids are teens and are enrolled in school, time to myself is not what I most need. So now DH pre-orders food from a restaurant that I like, and we eat at home. We have gone out to eat in past years, and have found it too crowded, so now we enjoy our restaurant meal at home. If you like this idea, you can order the food yourself in advance and inform your husband that this is what you are eating today, and that you would like him to pick it up and get it ready to serve for lunch or supper. And ask him to clean up afterwards, too. I have had to spell out exactly what I would like DH to do, and then he is willing. I would like him to take more ownership and surprise me more, but this is what works for us. * DH does all of the child care for the day. So he makes sure the kids are ready for church, oversees any of their responsibilities, and manages bedtime (which is a hard time of day at our house, even with teenagers). I had to help him understand that this is what I wanted years ago. He didn't figure it out on his own. But now he gets it. We've had some unhappy moments in the past leading up to this. * I have told DH that he is in charge of his own mother's gift. I do remind him (wish I didn't have to). The past few years, he has sent her flowers, because we now live a couple of hours away and have not seen her on MD. * If you plan to have your kids make cards for their grandmothers, think about doing it the day before, or even the week before, so that you don't have to spend time on MD doing this. You can offer them the chance to make a card for you while you aren't looking and tell them to hide it from you until MD. They might think that is fun. * Rethink what you do for your own mother. Perhaps stop in to see her the night before, instead of on MD, and leave a bouquet of flowers or balloons for her to have to look at for the rest of the weekend. If it is hard to take her out, consider taking food or a treat to her and staying in. I don't know what would work best, but I think you can find a way to switch things up. My mom is in a nursing home, so I don't get to see her on many special days. For her 80th birthday, I drove to see her and painted her fingernails. It was a small gesture, but she doesn't need to have any possessions, and the painted nails would be something she might like that she could enjoy for days (Mom is nonverbal and does not recognize people any more). This year for MD, I could not see her, but I wore one of her favorite necklaces and thought of her. Sometimes when our moms are not exactly themselves any more, it can help to adjust our ideas of things that we can do to please them or care for them. I hope some of these ideas might be helpful. I still find MD difficult emotionally, but I learned that if I spoke up clearly in advance to tell my husband what I wanted, things went better. I'd like for him to figure it out without me having to tell him, but expecting that doesn't make it happen. It's better for me to just be upfront about the kind of day that I want and what I need DH to do.
  50. 12 points
    Well, early on in my marriage I grew weary of the expectation/disappointment cycle that holidays and such brought. I plan my own gifts/celebrations now. I don't enjoy them any less, and I'm not bitter at the end of the day. 😉 This year, I informed DH that he & the girls were taking me to the Cheesecake Factory and Barnes & Noble for Mother's Day. Plus, I ordered myself some things I wanted from Amazon, no guilt. And it was great. ETA: I will say, my kids are older (tweens) and don't require the constant care and attention that younger kids require. Were I "in the trenches," I'd be p!ssed if DH didn't step up and help with the normal, daily tasks like bathing and such.
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