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Showing content with the highest reputation on 05/20/2019 in all areas

  1. 6 points
    If sin and pot turned teenagers into violent sociopaths, we never would have survived the nineties. Tough love is going to do exactly jack shit if this boy has a mental illness or personality disorder. In all probability he needs inpatient treatment, meds, and specialized therapy.
  2. 5 points
    I like watching cooking shows. So I watch a lot of them. And yeah, I like Chopped, and binge watch it often. This afternoon I hear my kids in the dining room... "5...4...3...2...1...Time's Up!...Please Step Back!"' Yeah, maybe I ned some new shows lol.
  3. 5 points
    Gently, with the child having special needs (being on the autism spectrum and "behind"), and the parent working more than full-time (50+ hours/week), and the family having limited funds (fixed income), I am very doubtful that homeschooling is the best fit for this situation. Special needs children usually require much MORE time for teaching than the average child; they need more supervision for longer, until they are older (rather than being able to stay home alone at age 9); and they often require specialized (expensive!) materials to help remediate their specific learning issues. JMO, but unless there will be a spouse, grandparent, aunt/uncle, or some other involved and caring adult at home full-time to oversee both the boy's schoolwork and everyday "living", perhaps she could instead look in to what special helps the public school system has to offer?
  4. 5 points
    He's up now and smiling. He ate one whole meal's worth of food and drank a lot of water. He had been very constipated all week and he seemed to have dumped it all yesterday afternoon and I think that made him tired.
  5. 4 points
    I’ve never had a job where I didn’t learn or need to use some skill that was pretty specific to that type of job. Some jobs don’t have a lot of requirements for who can be hired but most have requirements for what it takes to not be fired. The work I do now pays me $45-65/hr depending on the contract (basically a couple of clients pay me $45/hr because I am doing them a favor, a couple pay $65/hr because I upcharge them for uh, reasons, and most pay $55/hr.) I’m not the cheapest option in my market but I’m reasonably certain based on the number of people who want to work with me that I am generally considered worth it. Frankly, in my entire life I never worked harder than when I was being paid $8.50 at a daycare in the 1990s or when I was being paid $10 plus tips to clean rooms at a small inn and large bed and breakfast. I can’t say that the work I do now requires considerably more skill than the work I did then. I just fired a client for being too big of a pain in my ass and working for them was still easier than what I did at the bed and breakfast. What made this client so annoying? They sent me too many emails. I’m really not sure why I am entitled to $55/hr now while people cleaning hotel rooms get minimum wage. I’m not going to pretend like the work I do now has some vastly higher level of skill. It’s just in a decent niche and seems more white collar. I’m guessing the house cleaner probably has more business expenses than me and our insurance rates for liability are likely similar. With the exception of a profession that takes a decade of education + on the job training, I’m guessing most people who advance their pay level, if they were being truly honest with themselves, would admit that it’s not because they trained harder or were smarter or worked harder than when they waited tables or cleaned up after gross people.
  6. 4 points
    My Protestant Work Ethic thinks that I am a terrible slacker today! garbage and yard waste are out at the curb I got pizzas from the wood-fired pizza truck for dinner.
  7. 4 points
    Fascinating. Like, apparently in Massachusetts and Florida, everyone hates everyone. In NC, no one hates anyone at all.
  8. 4 points
    BTW, I saw this map a couple months ago and I find it very interesting. I have to say it would influence my choices some if I were moving to another part of the country.
  9. 4 points
    I did a crying emoji but I also want to say I am sorry. It makes me ill knowing stories like this. And for someone, who shall go unnamed, to so glibly say, ‘they need to help themselves’. Ugh, it makes me want to scream.
  10. 4 points
    My dad is 83 years old and still works 40 hrs/wk, despite severe chronic back pain, because if he didn't work, they'd go hungry and my stepmother would die because they couldn't afford her medications and doctor's bills. And before some asshat says "they should have managed their money better," they both worked their tails off their entire lives, and my dad often worked 2 or even 3 jobs, and every penny they earned went to providing basic necessities for their families. Even a so-called living wage of $15/hr does not include anything like retirement savings — and they never earned anywhere near that. They also had numerous financial setbacks — house repairs they couldn't really afford, medical bills that nearly bankrupted them, cheap cars that needed constant repairs. When my widowed stepsister died of cancer at 40, they sold their house and moved into her house to raise her two kids, and the little money they made on their house was spent supporting their grandkids. My stepmother worked for Macy's for more than 20 years and was within a year of retiring with a pension and medical benefits when they "reorganized" and fired anyone who was close to retirement, so she got nothing. In her late 60s she was working the freaking 4:00 AM shift at 7-11 for minimum wage just to help put food on the table. She'd still be working now if it were physically possible, but she is medically fragile and can barely leave the house. She told me a few weeks ago that she feels guilty for being alive because my dad wouldn't have to work so many hours if she were dead. Anyone who thinks the tens of millions of working poor in this country just aren't working hard enough, or can't be bothered to "better themselves," either live very privileged lives that insulate them from the reality that millions of their fellow citizens deal with every day, or they are seriously lacking in empathy and compassion.
  11. 3 points
    I was excited to see that WA state was offering a legal technician/associate type licensing level in certain practice areas- including family law where abuse survivors often end up going pro se over something as important as maintaining custody of their kids. Then I realized that the practice level still precludes them from representing a client in ANY hearing. In the past 5 years, I have had several family law attorneys ask me or a family member point blank why I wasn’t a lawyer. Most recently, this happened a few months ago when my brother’s pro bono lawyer was passing his divorce case onto another pro bono lawyer when she was promoted at the non-profit that provided the pro bono service. The new lawyer remarked that the writing in all of my brother’s statements and paperwork was very well written. His old lawyer and my brother commented that it was largely because I was a strong writer and editor and understood how to present things in a compelling way, as I have been doing almost all of the writing. The old lawyer turned to my brother and asked “is there a reason why your sister isn’t a lawyer?” The lawyer that my exBIL is paying to the tune of $40k and counting? Is a total nitwit and can not either write well or hire someone who does. More than one judge has barely contained their displeasure with the lawyer. It works out for us that his lawyer is an idiot but that’s beside the point. I could go to law school now and specialize in family law. Is it worth three years of forgone wages and debt at my age *when I can already make six figures without going through all that?* I’d be happy to work for a non-profit as a lawyer representing people in family law cases. Do I need some additional training to capably do so? Sure. Do I need 3 years of law school and $100k+ in debt to capably do so? Probably not. Do I have the option of going to school just for family law to save time and/or money? No, no I do not. Do most people facing family law disputes have $250+ an hour to pay for the services? No, no they do not. It’s a pretty awful situation for the people who go without legal help through some of the worst times of their lives AND for people who could, given some affordable path to do so, fill a big need while making an ok if not super high salary. If I did go to law school now, my expected starting wage at a non-profit would be about $65k a year. I make more per hour now and my job is easier. All of my lawyer friends tell me they learned most of what they use to practice law once they were working.
  12. 3 points
    Even the easiest job I ever had, had an attached skill set. The job: selling tickets at the opera. 1. I had to know about opera. While I liked Opera before I got hired, I will admit there was a learning curve in being able to discuss the performers, productions and other tidbits in an informed manner. 2. YOU try explaining to someone who donated $(insert crap ton of money) that you can’t fulfill his seating change request because the people sitting in the seats he’s been eying donated $(insert 2 crap tons of money) without getting him to storm off and take his $(crap ton of money) somewhere else. 3. I’ve used a lot of databases. Ticketing systems are among the more finicky. I’m really digging deep here to think of a job that is totally unskilled and whenever I think of one, I can usually think of one or two skills that you would need and that not everyone, even if they are otherwise employable, has.
  13. 3 points
    Being the housekeeper for a very wealthy person is definitely a skilled job and they are very selective about who they hire. At one of my jobs, I was hired by someone who was temporarily running a non-profit as a favor for a friend. She hired me to take over. She was in her late 40s at the time and retired. She’d started at a household name tech company as an admin out of college and later was hired to be the house manager for the (household name) CEO. She was paid very well and hit the stock options lotto like a lot of early tech workers. She was hiring their staff and housekeepers and they paid a premium over market for sure. A large part of the premium pay was for discretion and not breeching family privacy.
  14. 3 points
    I've been planning our trip to Nashville to celebrate dd's 20th birthday since January. I called the BB café to find out the process. Even though it's listed on their website I wanted to talk to a live person. We'll among hundreds and possibly low thousands we were selected (randomly chosen). We "upped" our chances by using 3 computers: DD's computer, my computer and my tablet. My computer won out. Anyway, she gets to go to BB café tonight - her 20th birthday! We'll enjoy it! And, last night we went to GOO (Grand Ole Opry). Liked many, many of the performers including Brett Young, Devin Dawson and others! I had no idea it was a live broadcast of the show. They still do this! We've discovered we REALLY like Nashville! Went to Green Hills Grille Friday night. It was fantastic. I ordered the lemon artichoke chicken with mashed potatoes and broccoli. One of the best meals out I've enjoyed!
  15. 3 points
    If she’s been doing this a lot longer than you have, then I would wonder about dementia or early onset dementia or another health condition. I would not jump to accusing someone of taking drugs.
  16. 3 points
    Not finding much time to read here, but I'm working on Notes on a Foreign Country while I'm on the treadmill in the morning.
  17. 3 points
    Robin, keep updating on the house. We have to start repairs/renovations and are still procrastinating; you are the Good Example. Kareni, Wouk really was a "books your dad reads" author, wasn't he? You clearly come from a family of readers. Amy, sympathies for strep and stress! Wishing you good luck on your book. tuesdayschild, you blow me away with how much you read. And the variety of it! Finished William James this week. For something completely different, followed up with Evelyn Waugh's hilarious, but doubleplus un-pc, debut novel Decline and Fall, about a young man at Oxford whom Fortune pushes up and down the ladder, at one point landing him in prison at hard labor (which is easier on him than on the lower-class prisoners, as he was prepared by having attended an English public school). Currently reading plucked-from-the-air book Volpone, Ben Jonson's most well-known comedy. It's easy to keep everyone's character straight as they're all named after appropriate animals.
  18. 3 points
    And as I responded earlier, I don't think he's in his right mind and he needs psychiatric help.
  19. 3 points
    @aggieamy Wishing you all the best for the editing, & etc, of your WIP book!! And thinking of you as you try to prepare for your lass to return home ( hugs and prayers!). Can I ask for D.E. Stevenson title, we have pretty similar tastes with her, and Miss Silver, titles? @Kareni So lovely to reading about you enjoying your nephew's wedding, and family time together! @Junie Sending heartfelt thoughts, and prayer, to you over the recent loss of your Dad. Hello to each one here! (Trying to go back and catch up on what you've each been reading .... @mumto2 you sure can read. Love it😍 👍)
  20. 3 points
    If this is the case, he needs a wake up call that who he really is STINKS. I'm sure many people have rejected their family's faith but haven't turned to making violent threats to others, using drugs, being shiftless, etc. It sounds very simple to me. He got in with a bad crowd and liked the rebellious/sinful lifestyle. He started smoking pot, and who knows how much damage has been done to his brain. He needs tough love, not a Hallmark card about how special/wonderful he is.
  21. 3 points
    We don’t have a yard since we live in a condo and that helps. Yard signs were very divisive due to some neighbors being rather intolerant and yanking or damaging other people’s yard signs. We are neutral in a state and county that is pro democrat party. It is common to hear political rants (including swearing) against republicans. We just stay apolitical when chatting, weather or the latest 49niners or Sharks game or the horrid commute is relatively safe polite chic chat topics.
  22. 3 points
    My friend currently lives in an area that is predominantly opposite most of her views. She told me during the last election cycle that she pretty much remains quiet. Since the art of agreeing to disagree is fading fast, people get very rude when they encounter someone who has different views so she doesn't say much. We used to live in the same area but moved away many years ago and I don't think it was quite as polarized back then - or people still realized that it's okay when others do not agree with everything they think is right, good, holy, etc. It's really sad because many good discussions are not happening because of people just not wanting to get into it with others. I have observed a similar trend on this board. I feel we used to discuss more and be less rude and divisive.
  23. 2 points
    Nope. That's because legal education is designed to be a war of attrition. Who's willing to stick it out through the BS to grab the brass ring? The Bar Exam is the same way. It's a gatekeeper, not a guarantee. Take it as many times as you want until you pass.
  24. 2 points
    Law is an EXCELLENT example. Bar associations are a HUGE barrier to creating a robust cadre of legal professionals who can assist people who cannot afford a lawyer but need legal advice...something like a PA program for the law. They simply won't allow it.
  25. 2 points
    I have been a bit slower with reading lately. I started a few that I then quit as they weren't my thing at this point in life. One I just finished today is Black Man in a White Coat which is the true story of the author's time in medical school and in his early years of practice. Lots of insight into race issues, poverty issues, etc. Much of this applies to rural and inner city white areas as well.
  26. 2 points
    I work in pharmacy.... Take your bottle by the pharmacy and ask them about it. Lots of things come to mind that can cause this. Please realize that pharmacy computer systems aren't always easy to understand. Some technicians just believe what is on the screen and don't investigate further. People tell us all. the. time that they have a bottle that says one thing but our system says something different. The vast majority of the time the patient is looking at an old bottle. So, if the staff was uninterested in investigating it without the bottle in front of them, this is likely why. Not that it was a correct thing to do, just not surprising. Another idea: Patients quite often mistake the expiration date of the pills, for the rx expiration date. Maybe read the bottle again just to make sure. If you go back in, you can also ask the pharmacy when they show you filled it last in their system. Sometimes that will show the error. If they say you filled it since February, ask them to see a print out of the pick up signature. Maybe you or another family member picked it up and it is at home already (but forgotten about) or maybe there is a signature you don't recognize....and needs to be investigated further. Just a few other ideas. The doctor wrote for a 4 month supply. You got a 3 months supply, so there is one month remaining (hence the the 1). They are trying to run another 3 month supply and they system is telling them that there are not enough refills remaining to fill it. If this is the situation, there may be 1 month left....and you could get that, just not another 90. If the medicine is a controlled medicine (not always obvious) the script is good for 6 months (and a max of 5 individual refills ran through the computer system) from they day it was written. This is kinda complicated to explain briefly. so I will give an example. An Rx was written in August for 60 pills, and the doctor gave 1 refill. Patient doesn't want 60 pills at a time, only 10. The patient fills 10 pills, twice a month. Once the patient fills it 6 times, even if there are pills remaining on the script, it would be void and no longer have refills. This would explain the date and the "1 refill remaining" on the bottle, but the pharmacy saying that there were no more refills remaining. The max number of times it could be refilled had been met...not the max number of pills filled. A technician reading the computer screen may just be reading the screen and not explaining the 'why' part of the equation. Controlled meds aren't always obvious. Some hormones are controlled substances like EEMT and testosterone. Some pain nerve pain meds like Lyrica. GI med Loperimide with diphenoxlate. Allergy meds with pseudoephedrine. Some butalbital combinations....etc Controlled meds aren't just narcotics.
  27. 2 points
    I have been busy adding to my stacks but haven’t actually read or listened as much as anticipated this past week. I really don’t know what I am reading because they are all at the stage where I might abandon them. I have started the third Dr. Peter Zaks mystery, Delusion, which appears to be heading into a multi book arc. I am trying to figure out if I wish to continue knowing that none of my libraries have the final book in the series. For now it sits beside my bed with the bookmark in place. 😉 I hate reading too many reviews/ spoilers in order to decide if I need to read all three of these last books for the series to feel complete. I have also started John Grisham’s The Rooster Bar which apparently is about a group of law students at a for profit sub par law school who are out for description. 😂 These students have borrowed a couple hundred of thousand each for a law degree and now know their odds of passing the bar and being employed are extremely slim. Since the cost of and return on University degrees has been a constant source of discussion and research the past few months at my house I hope to enjoy this book but am only a chapter or so in. I used to love Grisham but the last few that I have read were not favorites. Btw, we have decisions so are thrilled to be moving forward knowing their path! I plan to listen to my next Patricia Briggs the next time I sew.....hopefully I will get a chance this week. I also need to finish The Magician which I am a bit further in. @tuesdayschild Sending hugs and prayers. I hope you are able to work on you new house soon! Also your list is much more impressive than mine.😉👏 @Violet Crown naming characters after appropriate animals sounds like a great idea! @aggieamy Make sure you tell us which DE Stevenson! Feel better and have fun with DfaY!
  28. 2 points
    I just realize where all my extra angst started today - sermon this morning was on Genesis 34 - Dinah. It was handled well, and a good sermon, but hard to deal with today.
  29. 2 points
    We had our little birthday party for DD2. It went well. Pizza for lunch and a yummy salad. I have an excellent salad dressing recipe that I like to use for special salads. Let's see if I can remember it for you, Susan. I think you would like it. 1/3 C mayo, 2 Tbs. honey, 1 Tbs. white or rice vinegar, 1/2 tsp. black pepper, 1/4 tsp. garlic powder, 1/4 tsp. salt., 1 Tbs. water. Whisk it all together. It's very yummy! We had cake for dinner. Because I'm tired.
  30. 2 points
    A month or two ago, I started reading Alex Hughes' urban fantasy series. I read the first three but then needed to wait for my library to purchase the fourth book in the series. Said book arrived a few days ago; I enjoyed it despite some picky little issues. Vacant (Mindspace Investigations Book 4)by Alex Hughes "Nothing ruins a romantic evening like a brawl with lowlifes—especially when one of them later turns up dead and my date, Detective Isabella Cherabino, is the #1 suspect. My history with the Atlanta PD on both sides of the law makes me an unreliable witness, so while Cherabino is suspended, I’m paying my bills by taking an FBI gig. I’ve been hired to play telepathic bodyguard for Tommy, the ten-year-old son of a superior court judge in Savannah presiding over the murder trial of a mob-connected mogul. After an attempt on the kid’s life, the Feds believe he’s been targeted by the businessman’s “associates.” Turns out, Tommy’s a nascent telepath, so I’m trying to help him get a handle on his Ability. But it doesn’t take a mind reader to see that there’s something going on with this kid’s parents that’s stressing him out more than a death threat…" Regards, Kareni
  31. 2 points
    I agree. I wonder how this will turn out, ultimately, in terms of power/control/governance. We already have a hollowing out (population wise) of rural and central parts of the country. Tyranny of the minority comes to mind. We haven't had the luxury of really choosing our location for so long but we definitely sought out locations that would not be hostile toward us or our beliefs.
  32. 2 points
    The practice of sitting shiva/formally mourning a child who leaves the faith or intermarried isn't really done and hasn't for probably about 100 years. In some communities it may still be done but it's very rare and you're unlikely to run into those folks on the internet.
  33. 2 points
    Could it be an insurance issue? Our insurance company won't allow us to refill sooner than a few days before the previous prescription is due to be used up. So, if I have a 30 day prescription, and I try to refill it on the 25th day, they'll tell me I can't. Or, is it possible that someone else in your family has already renewed the prescription? I agree you should take the bottle in and ask them to explain the problem.
  34. 2 points
    My Dh and children went to Australia – family wedding - and brought me back a copy of one of my favourite books, this year : Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell. The chunkster I’m slowing reading through, The Luminaries, feels similar in tone/ writing style to JS&MN. Apologising in advance for two separate posts, this one with a longish list of reads. I’ve had time to listen to quite a few books lately as I’m convalescing from another, unexpected, surgery – the 3rd in 6months - and my sweet family and I are hoping and praying it truly will be the last…. we’ve got a house build I’m itching to be hands-on involved with 😄 ) (So good to read that you're at the tidy up, post-build point @Robin M Well done!) Completed end of April or during May: Zechariah, Malachi (KJV) 57: Move On: When Mercy Meets Your Mess ~ Vicki Courtney, narrated by Julie Lyles Carr (cc) (3-) I concur with this Goodreads review. 58: The Case is Closed: Miss Silver Bk2 ~ Patricia Wentworth, narrated by Diana Bishop (4) (reread) I found this listen through a tougher challenge - the abusive, psychotic, spouse seemed worse this time. Time to use the skip forward button. 59: Code Name: Lise The True Story of the Spy Who Became WWII's Most Highly Decorated Woman ~ Larry Loftis, narrated by Kate Reading (9hrs 59m) (4.5) Somerset/ London/ France 60: The Bone is Pointed: Inspector Bonaparte Bk 6 ~ Arthur Upfield (library CD) (3-) (Australia) 61: Lady Susan ~ Jane Austen (3-) Classic. I don’t like reading diaried books or stories told via letter format at the best of times but made myself finish this …. I did enjoy Austen’s wordcraft, but, for me, the movie was better 😉 62: Towards Zero: Superintendent Battle Bk5 ~ Agatha Christie, narrated by Hugh Fraser (3-) 63: 02/01 – 11/05 Jingle Bell Pop ~ John Seabrook (Music) (4) N/F (sip listen) I love! Christmas hymns and carols and found this an interesting listen! 64: Louisiana's Way Home ~ Kate DiCamillo, narrated by Cassandra Morris (3) (epukapuka audio) Juvenile fiction. 65a: Silas Marner ~ George Eliot, narrated by Andrew Sachs (4) Classic. 65b: The Christmas Card Crime ~ Donald Stuart , narrated by Gordon Griffin (3-) (Vintage mystery. Australian author) Old fashioned, vintage, whodunit, almost like an early Agatha Christie: a clean read with the writing of the mystery just a little blurred about the edges: it’s easy to work out who did it. 66: Sick Heart River: Sir Edward Leithin Bk5 ~ John Buchan Peter, narrated by Peter Newcombe Joyce (3) Scots author/ Christian content. Probably not the most encouraging book for me to be reading post-surgery and that factor has definitely slanted my appreciation of this book. There is such a sad undertone to this book; it reads more as the author's own journey towards peace with God and an acceptance of his imminent demise from a terminal illness. The story, which I found just okay, not great, is undergirded with that continual sad tone of acceptance. 67: The Prisoner in the Castle: Maggie Hope Bk8 ~ Susan Elia MacNeal (epukapuka) (1) Scotland Still reading/listening to: Started 16/05 Brother Francis: The Barefoot Saint of Assisi ~ Augustine Institute , Dr. Tim Gray, Paul McCusker (Audible Drama) Christian Content Started 20/04 The Luminaries ~ Eleanor Catton (audible/epukapuka) (NZ author) Chunkster (848pgs) This is such a lovely read, literary-wise, that I’m purposely sip reading it.
  35. 2 points
    Just wanted to say that I didn't know whether to use the sad response or the THANK YOU! So you are being quoted. Thank you. There are those of us who are have clawed our way up to middle class (on paper), who know that our pensions, etc. are likely to be a house of cards, and we are using all the rest for health care as we go. (And that's with the "best" insurance available to commoners-not-Congress). I don't even know what to say to people who don't understand that a single medical event can wipe out a family's wealth for a generation in this country, and how those with children with special needs will likely never retire. In other words, I have nothing to say to people who can't read the news, because these scenarios of lost pensions and medical poverty are daily topics now, in this country.
  36. 2 points
    Or the 60s, 70s, or 80s. The pot is not this kid's problem.
  37. 2 points
    I live in technically a purple metro area, but in my neighborhood/town I'm in the minority politically and yes, it does effect me. It means I don't discuss certain things in public or at least not with neighbors, etc. It can be kind of depressing at times, to be so upset about something political and know that most of the people around you feel the exact opposite. It never bothered me before this last presidential election cycle, and to be fair it really isn't that this area is mostly people of the other party, it's that this area is plenty full of what I consider the worst of that party, if that makes sense? Things that many in that party would disavow, those in my area would be loud and proud about. So that's more the issue than politics in general. It's better now, I lived, but an existential way it can be a bit rough. I dream of living somewhere more in line with my views, but won't move just because of that.
  38. 2 points
    More and more I don't share my political views with people, at least not unless it seems really appropriate or it's within a trusting, respectful relationship. Politics are just so darn divisive these days, and the thing is, you might actually find you have much more in common with someone than not, and then suddenly if you realize you hold different political views it can shoot down anything you thought you had in common. Which is crazy, because often those political differences aren't even as big as you think they are when it comes down to it. Of course sometimes they are, but if both people are decent people, you learn to compartmentalize those differences instead of painting each other with a broad brush. Once my dh and I were involved in a community project and we needed to get our district's representative on board. He was of the opposite party as us, but my dh and I, believing this was a project both parties supported and would gain from, chose not to divulge our political affiliation with him. We became pretty good friends with him over time. He was really shocked when it came out that we were affiliated with the other party. Well, at first he was shocked, then completely baffled, and then he thought it was just really funny. We don't agree on everything for sure, but we do agree on a lot of things and enjoy and respect it each other. I have a feeling that if we had started out by announcing our political party with him we would never have made it to that point. This is all to say that when you leave politics out at first and just work at being a good neighbor and focus on the things that you do have in common, it sets a level of trust and respect that hopefully will be stronger than any political differences. Of course sometimes it doesn't, but it's always worth hoping for. We live in a purple area too, but the majority of our friends in a particular circle are of the opposite party as us. They've learned over time that we generally support the other party. They think we're wrong of course -haha. But it hasn't really affected our friendships within that circle too much and we've always felt accepted and respected. They've rallied together to help us in family emergencies and we, them. We're there for each other despite a difference in political leanings.
  39. 2 points
    You just learn not to talk politics and get good at smiling and nodding. People are generally nice and normal across the political spectrum and there is much to commend many places, even if you don’t fly a rainbow flag in your yard or march with the local crisis pregnancy center. Bringing political views into daily discussions tends to polarize unnecessarily, where everyone would act pretty civilly and find a lot to enjoy about one another with that factored out. Honestly, at this point in life I don’t air my opinions even in company I’m pretty sure agrees with me. Because you never know who is listening in, and it’s just unnecessary to pontificate on polarizing topics in 95% of situations. Button up your lips and smile while changing the subject - it’s never a foolish choice.
  40. 2 points
    The difference between "the silent treatment" and "holding one's tongue" is in the motivation of the speaker/non-speaker. Here is part of a prayer that I prayed like 300 times a day when my son was a teen. Teach me what I should say and how I should speak.If it be Thy will that I make no answer,inspire me to keep silent in a spirit of peacethat causes neither sorrow nor hurt to my fellow man.
  41. 2 points
    I have no advice. If I were your DD, I'd be concerned about a guy who is so afraid of telling his parents this. I'm assuming since he is getting his Master's that he is older than 22. I'd expect a 22 yo to stand up to their parents (maybe this is a cultural thing that I don't understand?). If he wasn't or couldn't, I'd be wondering exactly when/if he could tell them/stand up to them.
  42. 2 points
    Yes, this is how I think about it, too. The silent treatment is ignoring a person, avoiding eye contact, not answering them when they ask questions, that sort of stuff. The end goal of the silent treatment is to bend the will of the other person in some way. Basically to manipulate a desired end goal. Being withdrawn, for me, looks like not initiating meaningful conversation, keeping things more trivial and surface level, but I'm not ignoring the person. Nor am I desiring some specific outcome by being withdrawn. I may hope that the person can bring themselves to apologize for their actions but that's not the point of being withdrawn. The thing that keeps withdrawing from moving into manipulation territory is the willingness to reengage with the initial conflict. If a person withdraws and then also never wants to rehash and work out the initial conflict, then I would call that unhealthy conflict resolution and avoidance.
  43. 2 points
    I've always felt the other person deserves an answer when my behavior changes. I can do a short "I need time alone to think. I'm not okay." It's the difference between dh wondering what's going on in my head and knowing what he needs to know so he can give me that space. I actually used a similar statement today and took some time for myself before I was ready to have that conversation in a calm, productive manner.
  44. 2 points
    I think that, even though the actions themselves are similar, the intent and the goals are quite different. Punitive silent treatment is aimed at hurting the other person, while withdrawing to calm down and recover is aimed at helping oneself. Let's say the other person doesn't notice the withdrawal and silence, or doesn't care: does that make your withdrawal/silence ineffective or not? If you were trying to hurt them with the silent treatment, then their not noticing or caring ruins it; if you were trying to heal yourself, then their not noticing or caring is basically irrelevant (might even be a plus). I get that it might look similar to the other person, especially if the other person is primed to watch out for silent treatment in general. It's probably worth examining yourself to make sure that punitive motives aren't creeping in, because you can certainly withdraw to nurse your wounds *and* hope that your withdrawal makes the other person feel badly for hurting you. And reassure the person at neutral times that your withdrawing is about you coping and not about you punishing them. And possibly watch out for how long the withdrawal lasts. Otherwise, if they persist in taking it badly despite you genuinely not meaning it badly *and* you letting them know that you don't mean it badly, then <shrug>. Out of love for them you could try to check in on them here and there during your withdrawal, to let them know the relationship isn't broken over this hurt. Otherwise the best you can do might be to just not take offense at *their* taking offense - to know that they will take it badly and to not take it personally.
  45. 2 points
    I think that the silent treatment is more rude than being withdrawn. If someone asks the hurt person a question, "withdrawn" would give a short answer while "silent treatment" would completely ignore the other person.
  46. 1 point
    Happy Sunday and welcome to week twenty-one in our 52 Books rambling roads reading adventure. Greetings to all our readers, welcome to all who are joining in for the first time and everyone following our progress. Visit 52 Books in 52 Weeks where you can find all the information on the annual, mini and perpetual challenges, as well as the central spot to share links to your book reviews. It's time for a round of bookish birthdays and news. Herman Wouk, author of the Caine Mutiny passed away at the age of 103 last Friday. Herman Wouk Bucks Literary Trends to Produce Best Selling Novels. Herman Wouk, 'The Jackie Robinson Of Jewish-American Fiction I've already added the next two books to my virtual stacks: First Flames: An Interview Between Debut Authors Hafsah Faizal and Nafiza Azad, Language Has Magic In 'The Candle And The Flame' Read an Excerpt from P. Djèlí Clark’s The Black God’s Drums, Award finalist for Hugo, Nebula, and Sturgeon. The Real Sherlock Holmes: The Story Behind Arthur Conan Doyle's Creation Michael Chabon’s Advice to Young Writers: Put Away Your Phone Author Birthdays May 19 Lorraine Vivian Hansberry Jodi Picoult Nora Ephron May 20 Honore de Balzac Sigrid Undset May 21 Dante Alighiere Alexander Pope May 22 Arthur Conan Doyle Peter Matthiessen Herge May 23 James Blish Scott O'Dell Margaret Wise Brown May 24 William Trevor Michael Chabon Joseph Brodsky May 25 Robert Ludlum John Gregory Dunne Ralph Waldo Emerson Have fun exploring and following rabbit trails What are you reading? Link to week twenty
  47. 1 point
    Probably more irritating is that law school and the bar exam don’t even weed out the nitwits. My exBILs attorney has literally whined to the judge about the court rules and once, on arriving and finding there was no hearing because they’d missed a deadline to confirm the hearing, apparently threw a tantrum in the clerk’s office, which we found out because the clerks are friendly with the lawyers at the organization representing my brother. I literally HATE my exBIL and could think of any number of ways to better present his case than it has been presented. I’ve never been to law school but I could definitely tell you that whining is a bad idea and pissing off the clerk seems like a punk move. 🤣 My exBILs attorney has lost every single motion.
  48. 1 point
    just as there are different denominations/sects in christiandom - there are different sects in Judaism. some practice shunning (Hasidic comes to mind), other's do not. I do not know which branch to which yael belongs. then even within those branches, some families practice shunning (or not), even if their religious teachings do (or not).
  49. 1 point
  50. 1 point
    *For some people*, you’re right. Those things are tickets out. But we have to stop pretending everyone has that access and ability! My mom is 66 years old and putting off retirement to hang on to benefits. Her retirement accounts took major hits that cannot be fully recovered. 15 years of layoffs, changes in ownership, etc. have cut her salary to half of what it was, dipping below a living wage, and then there’s the medical bills of an older couple (one medically unable to work full time.). She works in a major metropolitan area, where she had more than one lengthy period of being unable to get hired, despite plenty of experience and keeping up to date on skills. Her latest change in ownership did keep her salary, but increased her responsibilities. How long should I tell her it will take to move up?
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