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Showing content with the highest reputation since 02/25/2019 in Posts

  1. 99 points
    Hi all, I have not been around much anymore, but I wanted to post an update because we had this looooong thread three years ago when I was trying to figure out what to do with my life and how to find a new calling (not just something to keep me busy). This one: You all had so many interesting suggestions, and several commented that they were in a similar situation. So, I figure I owe you an update on how it all turned out: As I had posted towards the end of that thread, about 8 months after the initial post, I have gone back to writing. I am still working in my regular job as a physics professor, but have focused the remaining time on poetry. I have - completely accidentally - found community in a very unlikely place. Remember me talking about how this is a small town with few opportunities? I found a cluster of people in an even smaller town near here! I am regularly participating in live events, have gotten work into a few journals, and my first book has just been published through a small independent press! I feel like I have found a new direction and calling, something that defines me and goes beyond merely filling time. I want you to know that life post empty nest can be wonderful and fulfilling, and also that it took me several years of deep searching to figure out my path. I hope this is encouraging to those of you who are starting on that journey and are facing the end of the active parenting years. Best wishes to you all. ETA: Because people asked further down the thread: if you are interested in my book, please pm me. I won't post an advertising link in the thread.
  2. 43 points
    Y'all, this has been going on for months (which is nothing for most PANDAS people) and right now, I honestly can't believe we have a real diagnosis! We got up at 5am and drove 3 hours each way to the Rothman Center for Pediatric Neuropsycholoy yesterday and it was totally worth it. Such a difference! An ACTUAL neurological exam, huge history, multiple people working together (saw the resident who I loved, and the professor/lead researcher who I also liked, and a med student tagged along who was awesome as well). No one thought I was crazy. No one dismissed me. My questions were respected. We have a PLAN! No one just shrugged and said, "maybe he got late autism or something". You don't realize what not good care you are getting until you get good care. Makes me want to cry. Thank God for respectful medical staff. Thinking about it as I sit here and cry a bit, some of my most intensely grateful moments have been interacting with truly respectful medical staff. Ones you recognize how vulnerable you are when seeking career nd don't abuse that. I can remember several specific instances that are burned in my memory for the way I was treated: A nurse when my 19 year old was born. I was in pain and exhausted after 45 hours of unmedicated labor and then an emergency (I thought) c-section. I burn through pain meds fast (ultra rapid metabolizer) and earlier that day a bitch nurse wouldn't give me my meds so I'd gotten behind the pain and ended up crying and in tears and emotional. I got the meds, and shift changed, and that night in the middle of the night I woke up soaked in sweat from post partum sweats, and uncomfortable, etc. An angel of a nurse came in and offered to change my sheets. It was 2am. Changing sheets was not her job. But she saw me so uncomfortable and like it was nothing got me up and while I used the bathroom she put on cool fresh sheets and a fresh pillow case and got me tucked back in with a drink. Such a freaking simple thing but it is almost 20 years later and I still tear up at the sheer kindness of it. Another time when my daughter had a broken arm from me falling while carrying her. The doctor I am sure knew how guilty i felt over injuring my 9 month old, and told me that a broken elbow was fixable, a broken head wasn't. Id' held her in such a way to protect her head as we fell, and he flat out told me "good job mom". That simple sentence took away so much guilt. Again, such a tiny thing, and 9 years later I remember how it made me feel. When I had my first bariatric appointment and realized for once no one was blaming me for my obesity. In fact, EVERY time a doctor calls it a disease, not a moral failing, I want to kiss them. I spent my whole life blaming and hating myself for my fatness, and here was someone coming along side of me to help me, rather than shame me. Who saw ME, not my fat. And yesterday, when the resident told me that he can't see these kids and NOT believe in PANDAS. Respectful care that treats you as a valid human is so special. (also, they loved my binder of all my info - medical records, test results, insurance information, address and phone number of every doctor we have, pharmacy info, etc)
  3. 39 points
    As some of you know, my oldest son has ASD and right now is on homebound. While I am a huge fan of homeschooling, this particular child needs more socialization than I can manage. With his rigidity, overall oddness and behaviors, we have not been welcomed with open arms to our local homeschool community, which has been swallowed whole by Classical conversations. Which is another post. In any case, our school has been diligently searching for a class for him. We thought he had one 45 minutes away, but it turned out to be an 8:1:1 and his team feels he very much needs a 6:1:1 class. His homebound teacher told me tonight that she is phone conferencing with the two teachers from the two classes they have found. One is a 6:1:1 emotionally disturbed class a 55 minute drive away in the opposite direction of where we work and where our families are. The other, amazingly, is a 6:1:1 autism program 35 minutes away, next door to where my husband and I work and only a few minutes from my mother in law. It’s also around the corner from his outside occupational therapy group, so a really easy pickup for OT. The teacher has a reputation for being amazing and there is usually a year long wait list for this program—and last week they got an opening and somehow my son has jumped to the top of the waitlist(probably because he’s been on homebound for over a month now). Would you pray the second school accepts him? We feel it’s a great place for him and close to us or Grandma if something were to happen instead of us driving an hour and a half from work. His homebound teacher knows the program very well and the teacher there and also feels it’s a great program for him. She doesn’t feel an emotionally disturbed class would be a good place for him(he has no psych diagnosis at this time). thank you!! It’s so hard to get into this particular program and I cried when I heard we had a chance.
  4. 39 points
    So we went to court (again) yesterday for a combined contempt hearing and status hearing. We were supposed to do a 4-way meeting for about an hour and then go before the judge. My STBX showed up with his newest (4th) lawyer. She was actually very nice and brought a nice energy to the proceedings. Finally he hired a lawyer who seems down to earth and not apt to play a lot of ridiculous power games. We start off the 4-way, and then the attorneys had to leave to room to confer. So, for the first time in 3 years I was alone with my STBX. I knew that if anything was going to be accomplished I would have to talk him down from Stubborn Mountain. Slowly but surely I got him to talk a bit, got him to back down from his arrogance (although it probably won't last.) We were in conference for over 2 hours. His position is that he has been covering all the expenses and cannot afford the alimony payments (he is 28 weeks behind). He actually wanted me to pay for half the utilities cost for the time he was living in our home by himself. I told him only if he paid half of my utilities during that time when I was living elsewhere. Stupid stuff like that. Most of the reason he is so far in debt is because he owes $70,000 to various prior lawyers. However, over the past year he has received almost $100K in bonuses on top of his salary going up by 25%. So it was a lot of round and round stupid stuff. But at least we were able to talk to each other. The interesting part was after it was over my lawyer complimented me on how I handled him. She asked if it was a special approach I had developed. Her comment surprised me because I never realized how much I had to "handle" him when having a conversation, it was just something I learned to do to try and keep the peace. When I told her that she said that it must have been exhausting to live that way. I guess I never realized it because it just happened but, yes, I had learned how to circle around and around him and it was exhausting! Hence the tattoo on my arm that says "She had not known the weight until she felt the freedom" from the Scarlet Letter. I always make sure that tattoo is visible to him when we go to court haha. My offer to him is the same as it has always been - straight alimony only. No percentage of his bonuses, etc. I don't want to have to chase him. He seemed ok with the idea so now it may just be a case of coming up with a good alimony number and figuring out the split of some marital debt we have. I just want to be free from him but I am not about to give in and short change myself. So I am asking for a good alimony amount. When we then went before the judge he did indicate that my STBX's bonuses would be considered part of the settlement. I hope that motivates my STBX. I am actually offering him a better deal but he is just too stupid to realize it. Now we are supposed to exchange a bunch more paperwork over the next two weeks and then see where we stand. I see maybe a tiny glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel -- let's hope it's not just the shine off my STBX's bald head!
  5. 35 points
    So the update: It went way better then could be expected. My 3 yo napped through the whole thing. The big boys were great---vibrant, happy, obedient, and obviously smart. They nicely played mouse trap with my mother. We invited her right in she sat on our couch and talked to us for 1/2 an hour. Mostly she was satisfying her curiosity about homeschooling, and commiserating about how stupid the complaint was. She asked us a rapid fire list about risk factors: drugs, alcohol, spousal abuse etc. We talked briefly about rules & discipline. She never had any interest in leaving the living room. She only talked with the children when they initiated conversation. She was fascinated by homeschooling. This is the text of the complaint in red, to give you an idea of how truly stupid it was: Caller reports that dh (34) & Ananda (33) are parents of ds9, ds6 & ds3. According to the caller the children are homeschooled. The caller reported that ds9 wears a pull up (like this is a habitual thing). The caller stated that they believe ds3 also wears a pull up, but it is unknown if ds6 wears pull ups. The caller did not speak with the parents as to why ds9 wears a pull up. Why is this person so obsessed with pull ups? When the caller was asked if they had any other concerns, the caller stated that the children have difficulty listening to directions, which is typical for children who are homeschooled; (You guys are going to love that.) however, the children exhibit behaviors of not following directions beyond the norm. The caller stated that they didn't have any other concerns at this time. Then they provided mangled DOB's for the children. Based on the complaint, I am certain this is someone from the YMCA, probably an employee, but maybe another parent. So . . . that is a thing. I am just so flabbergasted at the stupidity. You can see why she wasn't at all concerned. Apparently, nothing about the call concerned CPS. She said they would have told off the caller. But they emailed the state department of education just to close out their file. The department of education replied, in blue: I do not have a filing under the last name (dh & dc's last name). Basics such as potty training would be considered child care and parenting responsibilities, not a curriculum choice. That is the best part. The department of education being like wtf! She said that she had to follow up & do the whole she-bang because the department of ed didn't have a record of us. This is because the YMCA mangled the DOB's and our homeschool is registered under my (different) last name. Apparently, though, most people cooperate with her. She seemed really taken aback when I told her that many people would have refused to talk to her, to allow her access to the children and to enter the home. She said that she couldn't get a court order, but it would raise her suspicions. Apparently the only people who have reacted that way have been horrifically abusive or drug addicts. She would have kept coming back until our case expired. Anyways, 5 days of torture because someone at the YMCA is weird about pull-ups. Thanks. Ananda
  6. 34 points
    I can't believe our little rainbow baby is three months old already! He is the sweetest. He has recently started giggling at us, and he shoves burp cloths into his mouth. We adore him so, so much. Mr. Five cannot get enough of him. A thousand times a day, he comes up to say, "I love this baby too, too much. I need this baby. Let me hold the baby." A few weeks ago, he told me, "This is the baby I always wanted." Baby gets covered with a lot of kisses. (And in true Mr. Five fashion, he still very often reminds us out of the blue that he is a double big brother.) It is such a beautiful gift to have him and to be able to pick him up and cuddle him whenever I want. His little face smiling at me in the morning lights my world.
  7. 33 points
    DS got an email yesterday that he has been appointed to the United States Air Force Academy. Needless to say, there was much cheering, dancing around and crying (with joy!) at my house. Attending a service academy has been his goal for the last 7+ years He is still waiting to hear from the Naval Academy, but is 99% sure he will accept and go to Air Force!
  8. 32 points
    "Friend, I've been working on planning the upcoming season and trying to make everything fit. I have come to the realization that our participation in the co-op is unfortunately not going to work out this year. I am so sorry that I did not realize this when I talked to you about this last ___. But it cannot be helped, and I need to let you know now so that you have time to adjust or find another person. I wish you all the best with the co-op next season."
  9. 32 points
    I'm not on social media other than this site, so I don't know the comments you are referring to. However, I've long said that people should not say that fathers are babysitting when they are caring for their own children. It really doesn't have anything to do with any of the things that you mention. Those things just need to be worked out by the couple. For me it is merely the term "babysitting." No one says that mothers babysit their own children, so we should not say that of fathers, either. When fathers are the sole caretakers of their children, they are just parenting, not babysitting. Even if they are not familiar with all of the routines and need instructions. Edited to add: I actually don't say this in real life, because it is not my concern to tell other people what words to use. But It's been my opinion for a long time -- since before I had children, so 20 years or more -- and is not based on any social media postings. I think words have power and that we should choose them carefully.
  10. 31 points
    DS accepted at Hamilton!!!! He's had 5 waitlists and 1 rejection over the past week, so we really needed this one to get him out of his funk. And one of his top choices, so even better!
  11. 31 points
    Before I became a teacher, I thought you could form your kids. That people who were "good" parents mostly got "good" kids. Teaching and getting to know families in that professional context dispelled that myth for me, for which I'm very grateful. Our kids are not clay that we shape. They are their own people and we're just here to guide them. It also helps me know that what you see of other families is only the tip of the iceberg. People are always telling me how polite and perfect and amazing my kids are. And it's like, what. My kids? Because our kids bring their worst to us. And they do this because they know we love them and it's safe to do so.
  12. 31 points
    The mysteries of motherhood: 1. WHY is my microwave mac and cheese from my lunch bag on the end table in the living room (and how did it get there)? 2. " What is that good food you used to make?" as asked by ds. Questions for further clarification added that I cooked it and we used to eat it. 3. Why does the food in the freezer not all fit back in it after I clean it....AFTER I removed 3 packages of meat for lunch tomorrow, OJ for breakfast, and 2 handfuls of Popsicles?
  13. 31 points
    Yup...and an attitude like that, regardless of whether or not said teen followed the law, would also ground the teen driver. That attitude shows me the teen is not ready to accept the heavy responsibility that comes with driving. Driving a car is not a right and it requires drivers to shoulder a high level of responsibility. No responsibility = no driving privileges Poor attitude = no driving privileges
  14. 31 points
    DD found out a few hours ago that she was accepted to Swarthmore College. She's waiting to hear from 1 more.
  15. 31 points
    Ds just received his admittance notice for his MS in aerospace engineering - structures. yippie skippy, it's official. it's a two year program. now to figure out how to pay for it...
  16. 31 points
    I say, "OK, bud." a hundred times a day to my kids. I had to explain that a few years ago because someone here told me that all along they'd thought I was a marijuana enthusiast from Oklahoma 🤣.
  17. 30 points
    DD was accepted to Grinnell. It is one of her top 2. We are still waiting on financial aid information. Happy dancing tonight.
  18. 29 points
    DS was accepted to Grinnell with Founder's Scholarship.
  19. 29 points
  20. 29 points
  21. 29 points
    Honestly, I would not do that to my kid and I would be suspicious of her motives. I'm sorry about your situation though!!! A short visit with me or DH there, yes. Leaving them alone, nope!
  22. 28 points
    Occidental notified DD of her acceptance this evening.
  23. 28 points
    Yes, I do. Having friends in the car is one of the variables that leads to wrecks. Using cell phones is probably the other big variable. If my teen lied to me about following the law or anything else driving related, the wrath of God would descend and that teen wouldn’t drive for a long time. — signed someone who has pulled a number of dead teens from wrecks over the years.
  24. 28 points
    Yes, it's the law. And it's the law because new drivers, especially young ones, are more distracted by passengers than others. Even if that wasn't so, he should follow the law because it's the law, and because you said so.
  25. 28 points
    My DS was admitted to all six schools he applied to. His final three are: Penn State - (Provost award) Otterbein - (President's Scholar Award and talent award) Western Michigan University - (merit award)
  26. 28 points
    The problem is that it can be difficult to find friends who will support you when you decide to remain in an abusive relationship. There's this idea that if you remain in an abusive relationship for any reason, you are a coward who doesn't have any self-respect or love for your children, and you deserve what you get. People don't always realize that many women stay for very good reasons- usually because children are involved and custody issues are a bitch. My dh is bipolar and was extremely abusive during his alcohol-fueled manic episodes. As we worked through the merry-go-round of finding the right med combo, I had more than a few people tell me how I was a horrible person for staying, and didn't I love myself and my children and want better, and leaving would be so easy because there's a ton of support organizations and on and on. I had done the math, however, and I knew that if I stayed, dh would remain on his meds, the manic episodes would be minimal and hopefully end completely, and we'd have a stable financial situation because he has a good job with employers who are sympathetic to his mental health issues. If I left, I would have been living in poverty, dh would have gone off his meds before long and probably gotten fired eventually, and he would have likely ended up with at least fifty percent custody because he had a home and a stable job and I wouldn't have had those things. So I could have my child in a financially secure home with one stay-at-home-parent and with a father who was abusive to me once in a while, or she could spend half of her life living with a likely unmedicated bipolar person who was also drunk constantly, and the other half living in poverty with a mom who would have to work all the time and leave her in daycare for most of her waking hours. It was a shitty decision, but I don't regret choosing to stay because it was the best thing for my child. And dh did find a med combo that worked, he hasn't had a manic episode in years, and our marriage is pretty darn good now. So if any of you have a friend who says, "My spouse is abusive but I'm going to stick it out," maybe listen to what he or she has to say before you roll your eyes and tell them they need to leave no matter what.
  27. 27 points
    Son got accepted to Emory/Oxford and UC Santa Barbara this week. We are in CA so still waiting to hear from a few more UCs before making a decision. We are very thankful and not taking anything for granted. So many with stellar stats were rejected/waitlisted that I started to wonder if applying as a homeschooler is a hook of some sort.
  28. 27 points
    DD was just notified that she was accepted to Mount Holyoke.
  29. 27 points
    This morning, ds put down an enrollment deposit and registered for orientation at the University of Texas at Austin!!!
  30. 27 points
    I get that it is exhausting, but isn't it also just part of life? I do all that stuff at home, but my husband has a different mental load at work that I don't worry about at all. Dealing with subordinates, travel arrangements, budgets, etc. Around the house he notices things I don't and I notice things he doesn't. If we each felt put upon by each other and kept track of how much we thought we were carrying we'd be miserable. Especially now, since I'm am unable to do a lot of household stuff that I usually do and he either does it when he comes home or I have to live without it getting done. Unpopular opinion, but I honestly have a hard time sympathizing with the lady who is so upset about the Rubbermaid bin left out or dirty laundry left on the floor. It seems the mental load in that scenario is caring about who puts what away and how unfair it is that she has to ask. Instead of letting it take up mental space, why not just put it up? If her husband was an ogre, I'd get it, but he's literally trying to do what he thinks she wants (cleaning bathrooms), but she's frustrated because he doesn't see what's obvious to her. Those expectations are just a recipe for chronic unhappiness. And that doesn't even get into the fact that sometimes, one person has to manage one area and carry the load, because two people trying to do it would be confusing and wasteful. If my husband and I both independently tried to manage who drove the kids to sports, for example, it would be a mess. One person has to plan dinner because we're not eating two dinners. If it's really that no one else will do anything in the household or play with kids or wipe a counter here or there or whatever and they aren't working in any capacity, I totally get how *that* would be frustrating. But I'd also be upset if my husband came home and complained that I can't possibly understand the mental load he carries at work and how many employees he has to keep track of and how stressful is to have remember every little thing that goes on at his job. I would lose it. And we'd both be miserable if we each thought of our responsibilities that way.
  31. 27 points
    So...other mom wound up calling the cops. It was not an employee’s child. She said her dad was “working” which is true. This hotel is very near a Fortune 500 company headquarters that has factories in many Asian countries. Girl is traveling with dad from their home country and Dad has been leaving her in the hotel while he works and has late night business dinners. I suspect it’s probably normal in their country, but not here. CPS wound up taking the girl last night as no one knew how to locate her father. The manager today is not thrilled about how nonchalant her employees were until the cops got called.
  32. 26 points
  33. 26 points
    To the bolded: WHAT?! Absolutely. Yes. Many times, in both directions. You know people can address issues in their homes and marriages without being preoccupied with an impractical and capriciously-applied version "equality," surely? You're projecting big time here.
  34. 26 points
    These people were just not rich enough. Should have just become a large enough donor and then you don’t even have to bother cheating on the SAT. A donut hole, as it were?? sarcasm alert, in case it isn’t clear.
  35. 26 points
    My name is Kung Fu Panda because I do not charge for awesomeness or attractiveness.
  36. 25 points
    My daughter just got admitted to Franklin & Marshall!
  37. 25 points
    DD18 has officially been accepted to the Isenberg Business School at UMass Amherst! I know it was a guaranteed AS at CC-to-Uni transfer, but I'm still relieved!! She hadn't applied anywhere else, and I guess now she doesn't have to. I was curious if they were going to ask for her high school transcript (which I have all ready to go), because I only graduated her from high school in December, but apparently not!
  38. 25 points
    Man, that list of addresses in the NPR piece: Greenwich, Atherton, Newport Coast, Beverly Hills, New York, Menlo Park, Del Mar. I mean, if you can't legit get your kids into fine schools with those addresses, and the concomitant advantages that come with that kind of privilege, you either have some dumb a**/f**k up kids or you really aren't trying very hard as a parent.
  39. 25 points
    A lot of kids who are prone to getting teased have underlying disabilities that make them stand out, but aren’t to the level to make it completely socially inappropriate to tease them. For a kid with anxiety, or ADHD, or sensory issues, or on the ASD spectrum, or any of a number of other neurological quirks, and often especially for the kid who is borderline or twice exceptional, so may not even qualify for a “school diagnosis”, this strategy makes them a bully slot machine. They may be able to do it 10x, but the 11th, they’re just too overloaded to do anything but react, and the bully gets a payoff. You can work all day long on social skills and on building up a child’s tolerance and strategies for handling buttons being pushed, but if the classroom, team, or group culture is such that pushing buttons and getting a reaction gives the bully a payoff, the kids who have those minor signs of not being neurotypical will continue to get pushed until they react. I don’t think this is a bad strategy, but the work also has to involve building a classroom culture where button pushing to get a reaction is not acceptable.
  40. 25 points
    I believe it. In that moment, I didn't care one whit about my rights. I totally understand and agree with the argument that if I let her in and cooperate openly and so do most everyone else, then her experience will be that only very bad people exercise their rights. It has a definite societal cost. I played my part in eroding all our rights. If it is any consolation . . . she was young and eager. I explained the position of hslda & many homeschooler would be to cooperate only as compelled by law. I explained why. I briefly outlined the history. I explained why I chose differently. We were the first homeschoolers she had met. She wanted to know why people homeschool. Not why WE homeschool, but why people in general homeschool. I listed off reasons rapid fire. She actually read the FAQ from the department of ed's website. She was really interested. So it is my belief that she learned from our case. I know she at least learned state homeschool law. I think she heard me. . . . maybe I am thinking too much of myself. Sorry, I am still euphoric from the relief of it all. As to why I chose as I did. MY CHILDREN. I think the calculus is entirely different when it involves your children. I genuinely thought my children were at risk. I didn't know the specific allegations against us. One poster speculated sexual abuse! I would and did compromise my scruples to protect my children. I also joined HSLDA to which I was strongly opposed. That is a separate discussion. I called them planning to ask them for a names of local lawyers that I could call. They told me that I could, in fact, join with my case in progress. I didn't even stop to think, I joined immediately. I was impressed that their legal council moderated his response when I told him that I didn't care about my privacy or my rights. I just wanted this closed as soon as possible. He advised me to act as I did. He also incidentally told me to stop taking legal advice from the hive mind. We secretly recorded the conversation, our state is a one party consent state. We had decided to tell her she needed a warrant if she tried to leave the open area of our living room, dinning room & play room. She never left the couch. We had decided to allow her to "set eyes on" each of the children and exchange pleasantries but not to interview the children. She barely talked to them, and didn't even set eyes on my napping 3yo. We didn't plan on cooperating with anything and everything. She never asked of us something we weren't willing to give.
  41. 24 points
    I can imagine situations in which I wouldn’t require them to follow the law, but they all pretty much revolve around an apocalypse or major disaster. Gunman is shooting up the church? Squeeze the whole youth group in there and get out. Zombie apocalypse? Pile folks in and head for the safest location. Dam broke and we are in Nebraska with life threatening flooding? Take people to safety. Government is rounding up all your Jewish or Hispanic friends to take them to concentration camps! Hell yeah, drive them to emergency shelters. Sally doesn’t have a ride? Call me or Sally’s mother. If it’s not an end of the world life or death scenario, follow the damned laws.
  42. 24 points
    I’m not sure what you’re hoping we will say here. It seems like everyone is in complete agreement that your son should be obeying the law about the passengers in his car. You said he agreed to obey that law, but then deceived you and made a lame excuse when he was caught. Personally, if my kid lied to me about that, he would be losing his driving privileges. This is not a minor little thing. And if you are pretty sure he’s driving over the speed limit, perhaps you should equip the car so that you can monitor how fast he is driving. I hope I’m wrong about this, but I have to say that if he is driving around with a bunch of his friends in the car, he may be driving a lot faster and more recklessly than you think. Both of these things are serious safety issues, not just to your son and his passengers, but to everyone else on the road with him.
  43. 24 points
    That was me, too: dirt poor, seriously abusive family, shuttled back and forth between feuding divorced parents every few months, grades mostly As but with some Cs, Ds, and even an F thrown in there. Took the PSAT with zero prep because I didn't even know what it was, and ended up with a full ride National Merit Scholarship that enabled me to go to college and then on to a top PhD program. Being able to attend college 1000 away miles from my dysfunctional family, freed from any financial dependence on them, undoubtedly changed the course of my life.
  44. 24 points
    I don't buy that the kids didn't know. I mean, come on. Maybe some of them didn't know the extent of the hoops that were cleared for them? Maybe. But even that would be willful ignorance. It especially ticks me off because these families all had the $$$ to just be full pay at a good, less competitive (and maybe even somewhat competitive in some cases) private university. And then to use their money to pave the kids' way in life. There was no need to spend this money on an illegal scheme to get their kids into competitive public unis where they'd take spots from other kids. They already had their lives set just fine. But they were so greedy and entitled that they just wanted more, more, more at the expense of kids who actually deserved those spots. I'm not surprised by any of the individual cheating, but I have to admit, I am surprised by the extent to which it was all brought together and coordinated on every level.
  45. 24 points
    Finally weighing in.... DS applied to 4 schools and was accepted to all with merit scholarships at each: Beloit College (Presidential Scholarship), Knox College, Northern Illinois University, and South Dakota State University. He has chosen Beloit! To say I am thrilled doesn't quite capture it.... I am ecstatic!
  46. 24 points
    My dd: George Mason University (Honors College, University Scholars Program) Longwood University (Honors College, Merit Scholarship) University of Evansville (Honors College, Merit Scholarship) University of Virginia
  47. 23 points
    I hear ya. I have concluded that I have largely been a motherhood failure too. Mental health issues in all of 'em seem unlikely to be a co-incidence, kwim ? I do know that I did a great job on one thing - reading my kids a wide and wonderful range of books! However, talking about it the other day, it turns out the kids don't really remember many of the have to laugh or else you'd never get out of bed for crying. My perspective change ? Well, I've certainly developed quite a lot of parenting humility. If I'm ever a grandparent, I will likely not feel I can harass my children-in-law with my superior parenting outlook, lol I have a better attitude to my own mother, who I felt for a long time just did all the wrong things. And actually, she did do a lot of the wrong things, but it turns out I have too. So, I don't judge her as much, and I think that is healthy and appropriate. I am working on self compassion at the moment - not doing all that well there, but trying. That's another persepctive change, seeing oneself as flawed and fallible, just like the other humans, and yet seeing oneself as deserving of the same breaks we'd give another. Lowering the bar is good ( mine is really low too ). Are the kids alive at the end of the day, and the start of the next one ? Win! Honestly, it is, historically speaking. Can you look for a win elsewhere ? A lot of my self esteem atm is coming from my teaching work - lots of positive feedback, and they pay me too 🙂 I can put in effort into teaching which then pays off. It's important to have a couple of wins now and then. Other wins I've had come from crafting projects, and doing small things for a sibling that I know makes them happy. Can you view the show Please Like Me ? The Dad in that show thinks he is to blame for all the bad outcomes, and seeing him think and talk exactly like me, really helped me (temporarily) to see how silly it is to think we have so much control, and made me laugh at myself. Recommend. Finally, do you ever get to hear that you are doing a steadfast job ? Mothering is often thankless, and it shouldn't be. And frankly, you are doing it harder than many. You need thanks for your role! I mean, look at you, you are down but here asking for ways to shift your own perspective - you are steadfast, honey. Four kids with dyslexia ? I'm gonna give you a medal. I don't really care if your kids are a mess, you keep deserve recognition for that.
  48. 23 points
    Oh and no, the mom in a two parent home did not “get herself into this”. It takes two to make a baby. And both have responsibilities.
  49. 23 points
    Absolutely yes I would, because that is where a lot of the danger and distracted driving comes in with young drivers. I’ve just seen too many friends-in-car-together wrecks.
  50. 23 points
    Going to add a request from the Muslim community. Please do not watch the video/livestream. Please do not share his name. Please do not read his manifesto. Give him as little publicity as possible. Mourn the victims. Publicize their names and their stories. Give the shooter zero publicity. No need to promote copycat crimes. Going to Friday prayer tomorrow will be tough enough.
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