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Showing content with the highest reputation on 10/03/2019 in all areas

  1. 9 points
    I certainly don't think they parse it as being imprisoned, and I also think a 3-yr-old is capable of understanding that parents prevent them from doing certain things in order to protect them. It's really surprising to me that people will make the argument that a toddler or preschooler interprets or responds to their front door being locked as being, on any level, equivalent to imprisonment. That has not been my experience or observation at all. I just don't agree they are capable of making the connection with the spanking when they are not capable of making the connection when you take away the stick, which is actually a more direct consequence. Hit with the stick, I remove the stick. And, while a 2-yr-old may have limited reasoning abilities and communication, they should be capable of understanding simple, receptive language. Toddlers understand don't hit the cat. They may not have the willingness or willpower to comply, but they understand, and they aren't puzzled as to why the stick was taken. Mad, sure, but not puzzled. But let's assume this particular child can't make the connection between "hit with stick, lose stick." If we agree that he has such limited understanding, why would we assume that spanking him after he hits the cat with a stick will work for anything other than that very limited scenario? If he's working at such base levels of the brain, he might stop hitting the cat with a stick but he will still have to see if he can hit his brother with a stick, or hit the cat with a broom. Either he's capable of connecting several unrelated things or he's not. If spanking is the only thing that will stop him from stuff like hitting the cat with a stick, then you have to accept that spanking is not going to be a rare event. In real life, I have yet to see or hear of a toddler or preschooler who changed their repeated behavior due to a single correction or consequence. If you remove the stick, you remove it multiple times. If you spank, you spank multiple times.
  2. 8 points
    work half day go hang out with my friends for the afternoon who are in town! 😁 Fill out some paperwork for the state Clean up the dog disaster (our foster doggie shredded a foam mattress topper and it is EVERYWHERE!) Clean up the kitchen a bit
  3. 7 points
    Jen, so glad for the improvement! Praying for continued healing/no permanent damage, and that he gets cleared. Got up & moving early -- my DH said "I've never seen you this active, this early!" Ha. (he's right; I am a slug in the mornings normally). But, so far I have: ....folded/put away our laundry ....folded the rest of DS's laundry, set to take upstairs for him ...had my coffee ...sent a worksheet/info sheet I forgot about (oops) ....did my email stuff Still to do (before noon, so....3 hours....): ...make a nametag for my retreat ...pack stuff to work on besides the black & white we'll be doing there ...pack extra black & white & gray fabrics to take, and accent color(s) ...pack actual clothes to wear DS14 find info on Ancient Egypt for his LA project; leave with DH so they can (please please please) do that tonight so he doesn't have to do it over the weekend while DS18 is home (on that note: I do have a website bookmarked I can leave them, and they can pick what info to use....think I'll do that; DH really can be in charge of this) At Noon, feed DS lunch and head to fencing. After fencing, drop him off at home, and while he showers/changes, pack the ice chest/food I'm to take and load up the car, then head out for my quilting retreat. I'll check in before I leave, and then see y'all Sunday (or Tuesday... I'll be home Saturday, but unlikely to pop back here until Tuesday, probably.....) Have a great weekend!
  4. 7 points
    Oh we aren’t hand laying, arm raising, whatever! This was a conservative reformed Presbyterian church that merged with a reformed baptist church and made a reformed non-denom church 😂 They’re pretty chill and non-judgy of our more demonstrative members but not charismatic by any stretch. You may hear one or two muttered amens during a particularly poignant moment in the sermon, but there isn’t a greeting time or anything. At least two thirds of the church is nurses, college professors, engineers of various types, or straight up pastors who now serve as elders or just sit in the pews and get fed while volunteering wherever - full of introverts and technical types, us included. I think what I’m getting at and not expressing well is the difference between a full commitment to love and care from dear friends who help one another through the Christian life and worshipping together, as opposed to the artificial group imposition or ‘more is more’ church activities. The groups really exist to help people not get lost and have an immediate group of people to serve and be served so the mom who lost her babysitting or the man with his second round of cancer or me with my umpteenth appointment of the week can actually have physical and spiritual help and care for our needs, and in turn have a manageable group of people to serve. But... it’s lived out and encouraged by the body, it’s not some weird mandate. It felt that way the first few weeks I’m not gonna lie but we quickly realized this was a genuine impulse being taught and lived out more than... um... some posh church growth strategy? Like, this is the village actually living and caring for one another? I feel like the artificial side of it is the problem, not a body or believers actually emanating love and friendship and a focus on God’s holiness as a group. The latter has felt a bit like a revelation compared to the southern baptist cliques and mega church of my youth. Are there some people who just come in Sunday morning and don’t serve or have any sort of relationship with the rest of the body? A handful. But most people I know personally who have ended up that way (including us at various points) don’t really *want* that, it’s just something they fall into because of loneliness or ambivalence or feeling like an outsider. But when someone says “hey I’d like to get to know you better, can we do coffee or dinner sometime?” it opens a remarkable number of doors 😉 Anyway, it’s rare and we have only attended two churches like this - but it’s been revelatory and completely changed my view of what service and love of one another can actually look like in modern America. I don’t think I’d have survived the last two years here in Ohio without this extension of the global Christian family. The more I serve and help and dig into the lives of my friends, the better and more refreshed and at peace I feel. The group/elder structure has been really critical to that, but it’s an out working of the heart attitudes of the elders and everyone involved, not some artificial construct we are bullied into. /end gushing yelp review 🤣🤣🤣
  5. 7 points
    I got my arm lasered at the chiropractor. Best thing ever. Not a cure all but it feels a lot better. Plus, the doc taped up my arm so that might have something to do with it also.
  6. 6 points
    We haven't gotten our kids useful things until they leave for college. Unless you count a bookshelf full of books that they have no space for.
  7. 6 points
    Good Morning! Happy Thursday! Yesterday's busy day went really well.
  8. 6 points
    Reader, have a great time on your retreat!
  9. 6 points
    Yeah, you could. You're not incompetent. And you've had plenty of practice in problem solving.
  10. 5 points
    Or the variation you hear sometimes "I got hit really bad once for doing something really bad. I don't remember what I did, but you can bet I never did it again!" Um, if you don't remember what you did, how do you know you never did it again, buddy? Something's not adding up here....
  11. 5 points
    Agreed. But Heart should also be prepared for this initial consultation with a lawyer, and how to make best use of the time. So when the lawyer says “tell me why you want a divorce,” Heart can summarize it in one sentence, as people have suggested above, and the lawyer can ask for details if necessary. I haven’t been through a divorce, but I expect the best way to make use of the consultation is the same as with any service for which you are paying: Briefly summarize what you want/need, then answer their questions. Redirect if you feel they are missing something, but for the most part, they have done this a hundred times and know how to get what you need in the most efficient way.
  12. 5 points
    Even more so, I often get the feeling that if you don't worship in a prescribed manner...well then your faith must be dead. If you don't race out and Jesus Jesus Jesus to everyone that you meet, you must not be very concerned for their souls. And if you don't get all the "fellowship" that someone things you should have, then you are almost about to backslide. Come on folks. Talk to me. Actually, no....listen to me. My faith is deep and rich and real. It fuels what I do. I don't do tons of extras but what I do is full of passion and deep thought. I remember what Jesus said his temple was to be...a house of.....Prayer. Time alone with God. Just the two of us. Introversion paradise. Yes, I worship at church. But it's not just a corporate thing. It's a relational thing. Between me and God. I do think that we get skewed. God tells the extroverts to "Be still and know that I am God." It's hard for extroverts to stop and make time for just themselves and God, and yet, it is a command. ALSO, he commands us reach out. And that's hard too for me. But I often say, that God's commands don't have an asterisk. As in "Go ye into all the world and teach the Gospel.*" *Unless you're an introvert, then you're off the hook. Or "Be still and know that I am God.**" **Unless you're an extrovert, then this does not apply. God's commands are designed to stretch us a little bit. And that's okay, as long as it's GOD that doing the stretching. Not the demands of a bunch of people that we're worried about what they'll think or say. I'm super grateful for our church leadership. Our lead pastor and his wife are very introverted and they get it.
  13. 5 points
    All my Baby wants is slime ingredients.
  14. 5 points
    My husband once woke up with a fractured ankle. We have no idea. Maybe he plays hockey in his sleep. He was in a big boot for weeks and everyone was like “how do you get injured?” No doubt expecting a skiing story or a big fall or whatever. He was always like “let me tell you!...”
  15. 5 points
    So her interest and concern in her daughter’s life and future is overreach but strangers on the internet feel justified in attacking and vilifying her. Oh the irony people.
  16. 4 points
    And young, and attractive.
  17. 4 points
    My perception is that a child who stays upset or angry following a consequence has often moved from thinking about the action/consequence pairing to being upset or angry at the person who applied the consequence or, in the case of having been refused a privilege or had an item removed, thinking about wanting the privilege or item and bring upset about not having it. Not thinking about what they did that resulted in the lost privilege or item. This may vary significantly from child to child though. I and most of my children tend towards ADHD type brains--things need to be very immediate to be linked and to serve as a deterrent. Spanking=immediate consequence, and a warning right before is the reminder that makes it an effective deterrent if the child doesn't remember on their own. I'm not much of a believer in more general punishment type parenting because, maybe this is ADHD brain again, it doesn't stick. What is now is usually all that gets attention. I do work very hard to teach general principles of treating other people well, being honest, etc. That is long term building of character though not "this behavior has to change right now" effective. Mostly I am very selective about what things I make an issue of because we would all go crazy if I tried to control all the random behavior. I stop the toddler from hitting with a stick but don't worry that he is drawing all over the walls (his drawing skills are developing nicely, his people and animals now have limbs!)
  18. 4 points
    Well I’m sharing this too, because it is also worth a read, no matter how much eye makeup is lost.
  19. 4 points
    While I reckon that it does work out that way for some kids with some things, I don’t know anybody with perfectly behaved kids after one spanking. I also know that the research shows that the overwhelming majority of parents underestimate how much they spank and that kids tend to repeat the behavior that led to the spanking. Exceptions such as the ones you and SKL cited don’t undo the valid research or my own first hand observations of a lot of different kids who have been spanked. I think that light spanking of preschoolers as part of otherwise excellent parenting is theoretically possible. I also think that spanking carries risks and that exceptions do not prove rules. My parents had a weird rule that if you bit someone, they could bite you back. It apparently worked like a charm with me. My younger brother was a biter well past the developmental window for it. My parents both remember that it worked like a charm but not that my brother bit for years and later engaged in self harm before getting intense help as a teen. Anecdotes aren’t always factual. We all know this. I would expect that your first hand observations and the research you have read carry more weight with you than my anecdotes for example. ETA- obviously I don’t know the causes of my brother’s self harm and I am not saying it was caused by my parents very strange bite for a bite rule. I just happened to think of it because there seems to be a long pattern of my brother self injuring when he was a child and the first of it was biting himself.
  20. 4 points
    We did this with my two but with tools - even for the girl. So by the end they both have a fully-stocked tool chest.
  21. 4 points
    Yeah, looking at those pictures and remembering the hip pain a month ago, I think I'd want him to be seen. That is pretty significant swelling. That looks significant. I definitely wouldn't want him walking on it without okay from somebody medical. I've known a bunch of kids who grew super rapidly, and I've heard of dull aches from growth, but never significant pain like this and never one sided swelling. That's pretty significant swelling. I think he needs to be seen, lab work, imaging. I'm worried.
  22. 4 points
    I think ds will get a decent camera and photography class this Christmas.
  23. 4 points
    Meanwhile, I'm still waiting for photos... I mean, after all, we got to see shots of the monolith and all its accoutrements... 🥺 ETA: Yes, now you all know... clearly I do NOT have a life... 😂
  24. 4 points
    While my husband isn’t military, I have totally been there. Like you, my husband has always traveled. One or two nights a week, especially when I know in advance is pretty easy to deal with. Because I’m home and handle the kids, he is more flexible and if something goes south on a project he may go out of town or go to an in person meeting instead of handling it via conference call. My husband was gone 4-5 nights a week last fall and into this spring. At first it was ok, but then it really started to wear on me. We knew that when that project was over, things would slow down, until the next project started approaching its deadline. When a former coworker approached him about coming to a different company, we chose a slight pay cut and smaller bonuses in order for him to be home more. At first, he was out of town a lot, meeting people in other offices, and I was really regretting the change. Now that he’s been there 6 months the travel is at the level we had been expecting. I have at times had to be firm about the last minute and not really essential travel. My husband is a good worker and has trouble putting work on the back burner. So, I let him know when I have something for me or the kids that I really want him around for, he blocks out the time. At different times the kids have been especially challenging and I’ve also had to request that if he traveled, to only be gone 1-2 nights. Basically, when it starts getting to me and if he’s not noticing, I have to speak up. I think different families can have different boundaries regarding the travel but it is reasonable to set those boundaries. It’s also reasonable to see if they need to change every 6 months or whatever, especially if you have younger kids. Figuring out ways to stay connected during the travel periods helps too. He often FaceTimes with the kids, but we usually just talk. Sometimes I realize I need to see his face just as much as the kids do. Hang in there, I imagine just having moved doesn’t make it any easier.
  25. 4 points
    I pinched a nerve in my leg playing World of Warcraft. Last week.
  26. 4 points
    I would pay a lot of money for a TurboTax FAFSA filing program. Hear that, TurboTax?!? I’m not joking!
  27. 3 points
    Haha you know what? I was prepared for her to freak out more when I told her. She took it surprisingly well! I was definitely expecting the whole thing to be a little like that. But I will tell you that when my grandmother figures it out, that will be her EXACT tone and reaction 😂😂😂
  28. 3 points
    I Pantz'd. I had a very tasty 2nd breakfast. New recipe for me - pancakes made with cottage cheese, rolled oats, and an egg.
  29. 3 points
    Oh - no! It's okay to say it here! We aren't giving you a hard time for venting and sharing and thinking "out loud" here! Just a reminder not to focus on details with the lawyer, etc. Use summary statements like "he spends money on extravagant purchases while we are on WIC and don't have money to fix the car" and "he tries to deny medical care for the children, including an x-ray when son was injured", "he refuses to allow access to the computer for job searching if he wants to play games", "he calls me names and swears at me in front of the kids and is verbally abusive on a regular basis, especially when he doesn't get his way" "he threatened to pull over the car and kick me out in the middle of no where because I disagreed with him" "he pulled my chair and made me fall, bruising me, during an argument", "he hits DS age 11 when angry", "he punches holes in the wall when angry", "I have no credit card, lease, or car in my name, and he controls the spending". So while spending $15 bucks a pop on lunch is not smart when struggling to pay medical bills, it's not going to look abusive, and it may distract from the bigger stuff. The person's brain might fixate on that and ignore the bigger stuff.
  30. 3 points
    I think you are not seeing, for whatever reason, the larger pattern here. After every one of these incidents, the family members (or families) that 'forgive' are trotted out to assuage public guilt WRT the systemic, underlying issues related to fearing black people on sight (or guns...choose your issue). What is confusing about that? Do you not understand why people would object to that standard operating procedure? Do you not see how individual acts fit within larger patterns of behavior?
  31. 3 points
    I don't know why they do it, but our kitten does it and I'm pretty sure he never dealt with food insecurity as he and his mother and rest of his litter were rescued when he was a newborn. I have another one who sounds like RootAnn's and his most recent exploit is eating through a bag of Hawaiian rolls overnight and eating the tops off of half the rolls. I used canned air on the kitten if he tries to get our food while we are eating. Like the type of air spray to clean your keyboard. I don't like water spraying and then having that to deal with too. The canned air is easy and it works with nothing to clean up. The counters are harder. My dd has recently suggested I leave them covered in aluminum foil for a couple of days instead of tape. Neither is really practical, but the tape is more work, so I might try the foil. Apparently the sound when they land on it is supposed to scare them.
  32. 3 points
    While you decide what to do continue to use this time to research your abuse and healing because you will have an easier time making the best decisions, you will be less exhausted, and feel less heavy with the weight of the situation.
  33. 3 points
    And I think it’s perfectly reasonable to be mad about it and hurt for YEARS. I don’t really think one can make themselves ready to or able to feel forgiveness. That’s why we pray for it, because oftentimes that just isn’t in us to do, ourselves. And sometimes the closest we can get is resignation that the past can’t be changed, but try to move forward and make things better for others. Ultimate justice belongs to God and he will repay. But yeah, I’ve struggled for years to forgive much lesser things than murder, and been lifted of the emotional and spiritual burden of some extremely trying things, too. Both have been my experience, and I can’t say I had much control or choice.
  34. 3 points
    12 is too young for those things. 16 is good. One bday is easy. Dgd bday is Christmas day and she always wants that year's holiday Barbie for her bday.
  35. 3 points
    It's a wonderful thing that it was good to talk with each other. The issues around travel are very important to work out together, but the lack of time as a couple could be the root of it. You need time to listen and respond to each other, see each other as partners, understand each other's struggles and pleasures, and set mutual goals. With a spouse out of town half the time not telling you when he will be home, it's easy to get into a lifestyle where you're acting like single people instead of a married couple. We were in this situation and it's a huge relief to both of us now that we're figuring out how to reverse it. It's possible to travel a lot and maintain your emotional connection to your spouse, but it doesn't sound like that's happening right now if he's not even letting you know of his plans. This may sound strange, given what I just said, but what if you schedule a weekend for a getaway yourself, and ask him when he can be the primary parent at home? There's nothing that makes me feel more appreciated by dh and our kids than when I go out of town. More time for yourself, more time for the two of you as a couple, more time for your kids with dh all sound sorely needed. Amy
  36. 3 points
    I am saying just give people a break. Don't assume facts not in evidence. She asked a question. Some people were kind enough to answer the question without assuming something that it turns out was not true.
  37. 3 points
    I would photograph the swelling by the unaffected joint. If there’s nothing visible to you, that is still something worth capturing, imo. Ibuprofen, not aspirin. Write down how long the stiffness lasts. This isn’t an emergency, IMO, but I would address it. I totally understand needing to find the right doctor. My last two primary docs for a child of mine have both had autistic sons. Not all autism is the same, obvs, but I needed someone who got the communication challenge and who understands quirky.
  38. 3 points
    Ok, so I started a separate frugal groceries thread. I figured groceries can get so involved and such, that some folks might want a separate thread that can get more in depth with just groceries October Frugal Groceries
  39. 3 points
    I hate to say it but whether they’re spanked or not has very little to do with violence against a caregiver down the line. We have some absolutely horror stories in my special needs mom group from women who were the most attached, gentle parents. If their discipline methods made a difference it isn’t really measurable, given that their child can still punch, kick, or bite them with their full adult size bodies. You don’t have to model hitting in anger or discipline for a child to decide to hit, that’s ridiculous. And unfortunately with special needs and the boundary issues, sensory seeking, emotionally labile kiddos, no amount of love and gentleness and redirection will head off or convince a kid in a rage to be reasonable and gentle in return. It doesn’t work like that 😞
  40. 3 points
    The gang thing is so next-door! Ours has people wanting to report suspicious activity - you know, like someone ringing their doorbell and then walking away when no one answers. Because that's obviously suspicious and they must be criminals! Mind you...they didn't actually do anything, and were probably selling something, etc etc...but hey, call the police and report that suspicious activity. Good luck with that! It's so bad. Even my neighbor the other day was all freaked out about a "sketchy character" driving slowly down our street. He was delivery my groceries, lol.
  41. 3 points
    Do pro-smacking people here think the non-smackers never had kids in their care who do anything wrong ? Or have kids who are one-time responsive to a whisper ? Or who have family lives that are all bubbles and butterflies ? Because it kind of comes across as saying 'Well, it's OK for people who've never had parenting challenges to crow about not smacking, but the rest of us live in the real world, with kids who misbehave!' The real world included non-smackers, who have a wide range of children, from the utterly compliant to the aggressively defiant. When smacking is off the table for whatever reason - it's not legal, you had a bad experience of it as a child, you don't want to risk the possible negative consequences, you just don't like the thought of it, it feels weird - then a parents works out other ways. The child running out on the road unsupervised thing as a reason to smack is just strange to me - the problem there isn't the child, it's the supervision of the child. The problem to be solved isn't the child's obedience, but the logistics about how the child was out there unsupervised anyway. The parent needs to do the learning in this situation.
  42. 3 points
    Adding... whether it's "a lot" of travel or not is really in the eye of the beholder and isn't something you can necessary agree about. The exchange of him telling you about the travel is inevitable a thing to do and can become emotional. This is why having a neutral "everything important to the family" calendar is key. We like Cozi. Some people like Google's. Or an old fashioned big chart one. You put things there and it's somehow less emotional than having to tell each other.
  43. 3 points
    I spent about half the day working on a project for an animal rescue group. Did a lot of laundry. Did a little office work. I'm in the midst of menu planning right now. Just printed out a bunch of new recipes that look interesting. It is still pouring buckets and buckets and buckets of rain.☔ Dinner is going to be a salad for me and whatever dh and dd can find for themselves.
  44. 3 points
    Maybe the ladder and monolith is a lookout post for flying panthers!!! Ooh or a Panther Perch.
  45. 3 points
    Thank you all for your support. I spent the last two days breathing deeply, taking quick walks outside when I can get away from my desk at work, consciously working to relax my muscles, and taking my medication. I also listened to comedy shows during my commute. Laughter always helps. I feel so much better today. I actually slept through the night last night and woke up without feeling like there was a gorilla on my back. So now I just have butterflies in my stomach which I can handle. This is going to be a complete relax vacation. And I will be with my sister so it's not like I have to pretend to be social haha. We leave tomorrow. I'm glad I am going. I always get nervous and jittery before a vacation but this anxiety was waaaaay over the top. Hopefully I won't have one of those attacks again for a long time. And hopefully I have learned some skills in the last few days to be stronger when and if it happens again.
  46. 2 points
    This isn't tue same thing, but might make packing ahead last longer.
  47. 2 points
    Have they? Because I know a lot of people choose not to spank specifically because they were spanked as kids and they wish they hadn't been. Sounds like THEY regret it. On the flipside, I don't know anybody who wasn't spanked who grew up and decided to spank their kids. But honestly, you can use that argument to justify almost anything. "Generations have had their foot bound without regret!" "Generations have been sent to full-time boarding school at the age of 5 without childhood trauma!" "Generations of Spartan youths have been underfed to force them to fend for themselves, and it only made them stronger! Even the ones who just starved!" "We've been doing it this way for a long time, and I'm choosing to believe nobody has been harmed by it" isn't really a good argument. Meanwhile, there are whole cultures, plenty of them, which have never engaged in this sort of behavior. It's really not necessary, or else everybody really would do it. The same thing happened with drunk driving laws. Less than one generation to go from "nobody can legislate away our right to judge how impaired we are after one or two drinks" and "you can't expect intoxicated people to just not drive, accidents happen" to "no, it's never okay".
  48. 2 points
    There's nothing "selfish" about wanting your dc to be home. That there is so much stress is ample reason to bring them home. They are not "thriving" if you are dealing with tude and disrespectful behavior at home. I wouldn't discuss it with the dc any more. This is a decision that you (and Mr. LGW) need to make. If you decide to keep them home, don't be wishy-washy when you tell them; they are less likely to be strongly opposed if you determined to do it. I'd let them stay until Christmas, if possible, then keep them home. And if you do decide to keep them home, I wouldn't *even* try to do Official School Stuff until next fall, because it will take you the rest of the school year to reestablish relationships and household routines and to recover.
  49. 2 points
    Groovy Kids is no longer being offered live, but they put their materials up for anyone that wanted to use them. Online G3 and Athena's have a lot of good offerings that are high interest and discussion based but low output requirements. My daughter is in the High School Bio class at WTMA and I am happy with the quality and expectations.
  50. 2 points
    I will do my best not to be too harsh. The problem isn't you, it's your DH. What I am reading is that he has things he's supposed to take care of, but then, he doesn't. So then, knowing that he isn't doing what he is supposed to/what he said he was going to, he makes it seem like you are the one with the crazy problem. I think they call that gaslighting?
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