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Showing content with the highest reputation on 02/03/2019 in all areas

  1. 23 points
    I don't blame you for being naive about it, 'cos I was too before I had to deal with it. People were transing my kid - referring to her as 'your son' and 'he' - immediately she mentioned she felt like 'she might have a masculine gender and want to express it'. I had the leaflet to the gender clinic in my hand what felt like two minutes in (and it was a crap leaflet, btw), and a 'support group' referral, that turned out to be really supportive so long as your questions were things like 'so how can we hurry the testosterone along'. A psychiatirst who literally threw his hands up in the air when I asked about the effect of co-morbid mental illnesses. 'Don't know. Does it matter ? Let her express herself'. Yeah, thanks mate, been doing that since she toddled. I had to leave the LBGT parenting support group here, because of the fear-mongering - if you don't do this, he'll leave home and he won't talk to you, he'll self harm, don't forget those suicide stats! The social pressure to affirm immediately is IMMENSE and it comes from everywhere - but most insidiously, from therapists. Luckily - oh so luckily for us - I was referred to a social worker for my 'difficultly in accepting' (that my daughter was now magically my son), an older woman, with her head screwed on and someone who believed in ethical practice. Who said sensible things like 'your daughter needs time to process her feelings, she needs appropriate help for her other mental health issues, it's OK to take things slow and be honest with each other, because that's each of you showing respect for the other. There's no need to rush, there's no need to do anything right now other than make the right referrals for the mental health issues, slow things down - she's very young - and just see how things go over the next couple of years'. Which is what happened. We talked about our very different perspectives on gender (she didn't fall to pieces, nobody believes a rad fem mom and a trans id'ed kid can get along - surprise! ) Appropriate referral to evidence based practice (finally - took a while), I explained my view point to dd, she explained her to me, she dressed like a boy (still does), used a male name and pronouns for a while outside the home, at home, I used her real name, and neutral pronouns/words when I remembered, but didn't beat myself up when I didn't. And we kept talking, but not focusing on gender, but on other things - books, films, movies, philosophy, feminism, funny things we'd seen that day, cats, food, uni - and we waited to see how things turned out. Well, four years on (three since 'coming out') she hasn't run away from home, she's still here, she and I have a more than decent relationship, she still dresses like a boy, she doesn't bind anymore, her mental health is better than it has been for a long time, she uses her real name and pronouns in the world, and she's on a good academic/career path. Once she's graduated and working, I honestly feel that whatever she decides to go about 'gender' is OK. Adults, with adult brain maturity, who are mentally stable, are allowed to make decisions about how they present to the world. Identiy wise, she's a butch-presenting lesbian at the moment. And that's fine. But goldberry, I guarantee you there are people on this board, and in the world, who would call me abusive for that, and some who would like to see social workers, like the one I had, prosecuted for transphobia. I know it sounds insane; I didn't believe it till I was in it. Plenty of people would and have called my approach, and that of the social worker 'exerting power over a dependent child due to transphobia.' So, idk. All I know is that I have a child who is reasonably healthy now, and who still has as many options as possible ahead of her, and our relationship is still intact, and she still loves me, and I love her.
  2. 9 points
    Oldest DS accepted to: University of Texas at Dallas (Academic Excellence Scholarship - Distinction) Texas State (President's Honor Scholarship) Since he found out he was not accepted to UT Austin, he's decided to attend UT Dallas and major in Finance. Looks like a good fit for him!
  3. 8 points
    We went to a thrift store today and I got a couple of $3 dresses! They are sizes 10 & 12 (A year ago I was an 18/20). I also bought a giant pill dispenser for rationing our candy. I had divided up Christmas candy into 100-cal packs and this gives me place to put them. I actually won’t eat them everyday but it’s comforting (to me) to know I can. I was so hungry by the time we got lunch that I bought a full-size Whopper w/o mayo (500), but it kept me full so I had only a tiny afternoon snack. It all worked out. Last night I queued up a 90s dance playlist on Spotify, and hubby and I danced and jogged around our living room for half an hour. It ended up being a nice fun workout. I hope me neighbors enjoyed the show!
  4. 8 points
    I'm thinking that what may look like a parent passing anxiety to their kid because of the parent's words and actions may actually be a case of anxious tendencies being passed down genetically. I'm a pretty low anxiety person and a fairly laid back but consistent parent. I also do 99.9% of the parenting in this household; if anxiety or lack of anxiety in children were predominantly a matter of nurture my children ought to be low anxiety kids. But they're not; six of my seven kids have significant anxiety. Their dad has anxiety. Most of dad's siblings and some of my siblings struggle with anxiety. There is some kind of very strong genetic predisposition towards anxiety going on in this family.
  5. 8 points
    Exactly. I also think it was the excuse they used when they didn’t want to really go and don’t realize it doesn’t work anymore.
  6. 7 points
    Yesterday we were so busy I didn't' even have time to type out what we had to do! We toured 6 houses, packed 4-5 boxes of more kitchen stuff, cleaned and organized the pantry, did some yardwork, and some cleaning in the house. And dealt with the contractor, the landscaper, the realtor, and the cleaner. Today: 1. Take packed boxes to storage.- ✅ 2. Shop at Target for some staging items (laundry baskets with lids, shower curtains, hand towels) 3. Take son to Super Bowl party. ✅ 4. Pack up and clean up- ✅
  7. 7 points
  8. 7 points
    Hi. I drove 3 hours. Had a nice camp meeting. I really like this group of people. Now I am halfway home. I stopped off at the gluten free farm to table restaurant. It is not raining today and I have not had to white knuckle it on my drive.
  9. 7 points
    It seems odd to me that this would be the *only* thing as a parent that we are not supposed to question and help our kids process. Dear lord, that is all I've done for the last 20 years with mine, help her process emotional and mental issues. Asking questions about what she thinks and why she might think that, and how just because you think something doesn't mean it's true, although it might be, and are those thoughts and feelings really hers or are outside (or inside) issues affecting them... That process CAN be done gently and respectfully by a loving parent or by a qualified therapist. That is NOT the same as disowning them, calling them a freak, or kicking them out to the street. Why, especially as a parent, would this be the *one* area that you don't do that? Ask any questions to help your child process? It makes no sense.
  10. 6 points
    church pay bills walk a 5k? camp stuff
  11. 6 points
    I'm back from the science center. It is absolutely perfectly gorgeous here today. About 50 degrees, sunny, just lovely. I want to be outside doing stuff but I have too much stuff to do inside and everything is super muddy from the snow melting. Oh well, I can open windows and at least enjoy some fresh air. Dh is watching the Super Bowl I'm sure, but he was joking around about just watching last years (which he is saving on our dvr for eternity. Had a milestone today, first time I had to tell someone a class was full. Hopefully they are able to make a different time.
  12. 6 points
    Morning, all! We've had a tremendous amount of rain the last 24 hours, more expected for the next three days. Streets are flooded, mud slides, etc. I'd really like to go to the beach today to see the waves and take pics (10 ft. expected). To do: coffee, devotional laundry (in process) church figure out where to watch the Super Bowl do some grading Plan work clothes and lunches for the week read for 52 week challenge Have a great day!
  13. 6 points
    I'm going to discuss it with his doctor, but yeah, I think if there are no gluten ingredients at all we will do it right now. He had SIX sausage links for breakfast!!!!! And a gluten free pancake and a gluten free waffle. That is the most he has eaten in I don't know when. I'm amazed.
  14. 6 points
    Good morning! All our snow is melting and our driveway is a sheet of ice. My accomplishment of the morning was making it out to the barn and back without falling and breaking my butt. Dd and I are going shopping today for jewelry-making supplies (for her, not me - I am useless when it comes to anything crafty) and then going out to lunch. I think dh might come along, too. finish up morning chores get my week planned out & update calendar unpack one more Chewy box order Valentine care packages to be sent to the boys' dorm order two replacement pitchfork heads to replace the ones that got broken during the deep freeze go to jewelry supply store out to lunch I need a couple things at the grocery store, but don't know if I can handle the pre-Super Bowl hordes come home and do some more horse chores - lots of manure to pick up now that the snow is disappearing watch some of the Puppy Bowl dinner: veggie burgers and oven fries dh says he's not watching the Super Bowl, but I'm betting he will just so he can grumble about the terrible officiating and how much he hates the Patriots
  15. 6 points
    Good Morning! Happy Sunday! Go RAMS!
  16. 6 points
    Ah, today I just want to hide! There will be so much to do! -take a walk -clean house -get in *some* school -spend 3 hours taking kid to hockey, dressing kid for hockey, watching kid play hockey, and doing all the reverse. I swear, it's as much time putting on and getting off gear as it is playing! -rush to take other kid to work, because I have the car. -try to do a little more school. This week is a mess of appointments so I'm going to call Freckle and Khan Academy substitute work instead of trying to start real lessons for most subjects. -grocery shop. I haven't had time yet, and oh, it's so necessary, and I DON'T WANT TO. It's Superbowl Sunday! It will be madness! -pretend to cook dinner. Dh bought an air fryer and since it's the Superbowl, dinner is coming directly out of the freezer and into that. I'll make real food tomorrow. -keep my grumbly feelings inside myself because dh knows how I feel about a situation and he's not as mean as I am. -get ds ready for bed, pick up the one at work, and call it a day. I need a vacation.
  17. 6 points
    Good morning! Things are moving along with our move. Still trying to find a roofer willing to come out and do a 3 minute job that our buyers want (we have been laughed at by 25 roofing companies because it is such a dumb thing they want done). We are waiting to hear from the sellers of our new house about what they are willing to do with an issue that cropped up in the home inspection. -coffee -read and relax (100 pages of my book left) -laundry DONE: 0 -maybe go to the mall to look for some new flats -start thinking about the items I will not want our packers to pack because I will need them for the 2 weeks between houses (clothes, kitchen, school, DS14 stuff) -Dr. Zhivago comes on Turner Classic Movies at 4:30 (remember to set DVR, watch first half before the superbowl) -cook all sorts of superbowl junk for DS14 and I -watch superbowl and eat all sorts of junk
  18. 6 points
    Day 370 steps Day 240 hips Day 138 bird dog. Day 59 bone broth
  19. 6 points
    We is back!!! It’s pouring down rain again, but we had pretty nice weather during the day. Saw Hearst Castle. Wow!! The California residence of publishing magnate William Randolph Hearst. Then we drove up to San Simeon and saw the elephant seals and their babies. Those things are just nasty. Had a yummy fish dinner and then saw “Aquaman”. Hmmm, that doesn’t sound right.😂
  20. 6 points
    You're both right. Too high maintenance and no fun anymore. I'm not sure why I'm even hesitating to just quit. There really is no benefit to my classes (no advertising in the group), I joined because I do like to hike in nice weather and it's nice to go with a group. But I think I'd rather just post the occasional hike in the more local group.
  21. 6 points
    Bananas. I know a few parents who are on this tragectory. A 15yo who's not allowed to take a walk or be left alone for more than an hour, a 13yo who isn't allowed to go to the movies without a parent....it really concerns me for their development as adults.
  22. 6 points
    Kitchen cleanup! 😂😂😂. That's a good one. 😂😂😂
  23. 6 points
    Y'all! Sit down! True story. I went to the Spider-Man movie really thinking I would take a nap. I don't like Marvel I Don't Like Comics I don't like those things. This movie kept us all engaged and we laughed and it was really really good. I did not take a nap.
  24. 5 points
    Yeah ain't nothing dainty, prim, OR sex-object-y (looking at you Barbie...) about giving birth--and definitely nothing more woman-ly.
  25. 5 points
    I'd say I'm usually about a 4. Unless I'm digging holes, trimming trees or playing in my worm bin, then I probably lean more towards a 5 or 6. Last time I got a flat tire I abandoned the car in a parking lot, walked home and pretended to be a 3 until my husband could get home and change the tire for me. The closest I've ever been to a 1 was probably on my wedding day thanks to my fancy hair and acrylic nails, but I wore ballet flats instead of heels, so still probably more like a 2. The most "woman" I've ever felt was probably while in the throes of labor delivering each of my children, but that can't be defined with a number. I just call that "badass."
  26. 5 points
    I think you meant to say "perfect for my room"
  27. 5 points
    Selkie, I am with your dh. dh is dragging me to a Super bowl party- but he can't make me like it. Also Aunt Flo arrived unexpectedly for the first time in four months... Pretty much feel terrible. Regular things otherwise- kids are still sleeping- dd2 went to bed at 7 last night. write garden plan grocery store for a few things general chores figure out what to bring to super bowl party besides my bad attitude Party Have a great day!
  28. 5 points
    Gah! What the heck do those pictures represent? If you have an hourglass figure and wear dresses you are one gender and if you have less of a waist you are another gender and if you wear pants but have hips you are yet another gender and if you have super broad shoulders you are another gender? I mean, I know that isn't actually what they are trying to portray (it can't be, right?) but what do they think they are doing? "I know, let's make a whole bunch of stereotype boxes and tell kids they have to figure out which stereotype they fit!" ETA also what is with the "masculine" gender presentations being at the top of the scale? We rate things all the time on scales with low number being bad and high numbers being good. Who wants to be a 1 when you can be a 10 or 12? Again, I'm sure that wasn't a conscious intention but it's not that hard to think about the implications of left to right numbered rating scales.
  29. 5 points
    Good morning! It's Sunday! I have nursery this morning during the Sunday School hour, and then my day is pretty much free. Dh will take dd16 to her cultural exchange interview this afternoon and then we'll try to find some way to watch a bit of the game but mostly we'll watch a movie or something. Must Pantz. Coffee!
  30. 5 points
    Good morning. Coffee!
  31. 5 points
    I printed off the Sunday chore list. Give me trophies.
  32. 5 points
    I need this cat in my pantry to stand guard over the snacks: https://i.imgur.com/0PJIC77.gifv 😁
  33. 5 points
  34. 5 points
    Belated happy birthday to Susan! Lovely Bonsai! Treadmills - you could always join Planet Fitness for $10/month. Each treadmill has its own TV. Youngest has been quite interested since I told her that, lol. Excel is my transcript generator, lol. 😂 Mary, so nice to see you and read your update. Glad to hear things are going well for your Dad, your family, and for Riv. ❤️ Dh and I are tag teaming the kitchen which is so nice! He watches TV for a bit, then works on the commercials. When he takes a break, I go in and work on something he left behind. And so on. What a nice way to get things done!
  35. 5 points
    It is ok that in your family 8 or 9 year olds don't walk home alone. But many families give their children the skills and independence to do that. Many kids walk home from bus stops, or take train rides, walk to friend's houses. I have sent my son at 5 to grab a loaf of bread in which he needed to cross a busy street, remember words in second language and use the key pad to make it back in the building. He has also stayed home alone for 10 minutes from 5 on. I really think you crossed a line going over to the house after you saw the girls were fine and doing what they were told. The US has such a huge problem of delaying independence in children, then getting frustrated at all the teenagers who can't do anything! Gaining skills in independence and the confidence needed grow little by little over the years.
  36. 5 points
    I started leaving my kids alone for short periods around age 7. They were also allowed to walk to the park around that age. By age 9, they could go to the store without me and stay alone for at least an hour or so. They could go off on their own at a large event with a meetup place, such as at something at the convention center or a museum. I'm glad the general gist of this thread was to tell people to stop freaking out. I mean, five years ago, I feel like it was way more harsh on parents. It feels like we've had a small shift, which is good. You don't have to be as free range as I was as a parent - it's definitely a to each their own thing to some extent. I think the key things are that you don't judge others or barge in on parenting that's perfectly safe and fine. And that you don't let your kids graduate high school still struggling to go to the store alone or walk around the neighborhood alone unless there are some real special needs at play.
  37. 4 points
    I read Coronation on Carmel - 4 Stars - This book will only be of interest to Baha’is. It’s the second in a series of three, about the establishment of one of the shrines in Haifa, Israel. The shrine and the gardens surrounding it, which I’ve had the bounty of visiting a few times, are a UNESCO World Heritage site. I would give it 5 stars, but all the lengthy endnotes are seriously annoying. Regardless, these books are thoroughly researched and beautifully written. “On the negative side was an ally of Nazi Germany, the Grand Mufti of Jerusalem, someone determined to eliminate the Guardian (of the Baha’is) and his Shrine.” “The Mufti, driven by his desire to expel the British and Jews from Palestine, became a Nazi ally.” He was known as ‘The Arab Fuhrer’ and openly incited violence against Jews his whole life. Haj Amin al-Husseini recruited Bosnian Muslims for the SS who ultimately slaughtered 90% of Bosnia's Jews. “He was linked with an organizer of the Holocaust, Adolf Eichmann. The Mufti remained in and near Germany, lavishly supported by the Nazis, broadcasting anti-Allies and anti-Jewish propaganda until 1945. On radio, he called for the destruction of the Jewish settlements in Palestine.” “Edward Keith-Roach, the former District Commissioner in Haifa and then Governor of Jerusalem, described the Mufti as ‘alert, shrewd and crafty’, one who played on religion ‘to the nth degree’. Eventually, after the re-formation of Israel the mufti's nephew, Rahman Abdul Rauf al-Qudwa al-Husseini, took over leadership of the region's Muslims. He renamed himself Yasser Arafat. I did not know that the decision of the Allied troops to land in Normandy took place in Tehran, Iran. In November 1943, Churchill, Roosevelt, and Stalin all met in Tehran, before the D-Day landings of June 6, 1944. MY RATING SYSTEM 5 Stars The book is fantastic. It’s not perfect, since no book is, but it’s definitely a favorite of mine. 4 Stars Really Good 3 Stars Enjoyable 2 Stars Just Okay – nothing to write home about 1 Star Rubbish – waste of my money and time. Few books make it to this level, since I usually give up on them if they’re that bad.
  38. 4 points
    Walk (I have a lot of walking today as I only did 7 miles each of the last two days at the swim meet. Lots of time on the hard deck, but it's start and stop taking photos. And then there's all the salt in the food I consumed...) write kids repot plant print Guide to Safe Scouting again (These seem to walk off a lot) get through, delete a bunch, sort, label, and post 1200 swim team photos from Regionals. And get 12 or so to the paper. I've gotten through 803! read laundry, bedding day dinner work on Klondike plans mop back porch--how do we have mud? Everything is frozen! Scout meeting minutes and agenda to type and print as I'll be gone on Tuesday dog sledding deal with a freaking out Scout mom. Poor kid--he got his Eagle stuff signed, but then his sister was killed, and he's now trying to pick up the pieces from 2.5 years ago. I sympathize as we were in the same boat in '09 when ds as in the middle of the Eagle when Ed was killed. talk to oldest--she should be back from NC talk to second oldest--she's still on the couch after surgery
  39. 4 points
    I tired. I stayed home from church to clean. (insert slinking away emo). I think I'm finished. I spent nearly 2 hours on the kitchen. We really need a mud room or something for coming in and out the back and dealing with dog and cat stuff. I have been denying that the area near the back door exists, but today I had to face the music. I tried to make chipotle ranch dressing. Have any of you done this? I searched online and found instructions that basically have you make homemade ranch as usual (packet, plus milk, plus mayo) and add 1-2 chipotle peppers in adobo sauce, finely minced. Well, there weren't any minced options at the grocery, so I just cut them up a bunch before I put them in. I didn't think it changed the taste much, so I used three. It's in the fridge now so it will thicken. I guess I'll taste it again later and see if it's worth eating or a total waste. Did I mention, I am tired.
  40. 4 points
    What change for my kids in 7th and 8th was the need for more sleep and moodiness as they went through growth spurts. (ETA: They also ate a lot more so a well stocked pantry and refrigerator helped) My kids are writing phobic so we have to go the slow and steady process, concentrating on non-fiction writing which is less scary to them first and lighter on literature analysis which we do more verbally than written. I cobbled up short online courses and my husband did many verbal discussions with our kids for writing.
  41. 4 points
    Good Morning. I went to bed kind of normal time last night - about 10:40pm (usually 10pm) and got up around 10:05 am. I'm feeling fairly rested. Have to head over to the science center to set up computers, make sure they all have the same version of Excel and figure out the best configuration for everyone to see my teaching screen. I have some ideas I think will work. Then finalize plans for my two tutoring students Monday - 1 new 1 I've had for a while, work on classes for the rest of the week, maybe finally put dh's laundry away (it's folded and nicely stacked on a table), set up school for the week (ds is switching to MUS algebra). I think that's it. Oh yeah, come up with an activity for 4-H on Tuesday. I like to do bird themes this time of year because the Great Backyard Bird Count is this month but we've already done owl pellets, and building nests, and egg drop (okay that's not really bird themed), and beaks. I'll have to search Pinterest for ideas.
  42. 4 points
    Good Morning!!!!! No COFFEE!!!~D because hotel room. COFFEE!!~D soon!! Well, I guess we’ll be leaving the land of childless fun and frivolity and elephant seals and go back to reality.😩😩😩😩 You know, I wonder what Aquaman would look like in that kilt video.🤔😍😍😍😍😍
  43. 4 points
    Best advice anyone can give another homeschooler.....just bc it is a fad does not mean it is good for your family. @HomeAgain is right.Over the yrs fads come and go. You'll see post after post of people jumping on the bandwagon and then a couple of yrs later, crickets and only a handful are still avid users. The best curricula are the ones that you can teach and your children thrive. There is no unicorn that fits every family, every situation, every child.
  44. 4 points
    Thank you! I love the thrill of a good deal. I used to go to thrift stores regularly, but in Belgium they are not common. The one I went to yesterday is kind of far away and only open 2/3 times a week so I don't get there often, and I usually don't find anything great. I also got a few tee shirts and some pajama pants. I know it doesn't work for everyone, but having candy around makes me feel much less restricted, which makes it easier on me. And sometimes it feels really good/strong to intentionally choose not to eat it. Homemade cookies (or really any baked goods) are a different story - maybe because they are a lot more perishable or harder to replace. But I can buy a bag of candy any time so it's not "special," if that makes sense.
  45. 4 points
    Your child is very young, so no, not an immediate-must-fix-now problem. However, ability to cross the midline makes more brain connections between the 2 hemispheres, and is important for physical coordination now, but also later on for reading and writing. So if you can now slowly and gently and in a fun way incorporate some activities to help strengthen midline crossing, it will help minimize potential problems later on. Check out this article, which describes the midline, why it is important to be able to cross the midline, and 10 activities for strengthening midline crossing with young children. With such a young child, I would not at ALL try and make her change what she's doing, or even mention the hand-shift while coloring, but just go for "hey, let's have fun today and paint with water!" Or, "Let's play Simon Says while we're watering the plants. Simon Says, hold the hose with both hands. Simon Says, you can only move the hose with your hands (no moving the rest of your body) to water the plants over here (point to plants to child's left); Now Simon Says water the plants over there (point to plants to child's right) by only moving the hose with your hands." etc.
  46. 4 points
    Small miracle may be happening. Will need advice. So dh's two brothers have just today started communicate about the need for their parents to move. Oldest brother is still planning for them to move in with them. MIL is willing to talk plans now, though FIL will be a struggle to convince to leave sooner than later, due to grandson living with them and his pastoring the church which he doesn't want to leave. Their grandson (26yo?) has to repeat a year of nursing school, so will not graduate until May of 2020. However, the three brothers don't think it is wise or safe for their parents to stay another winter. And they simply can't afford it. The parents know this. My suggestion is to talk with them and see if they would be willing to move this summer, and in the mean time, help the grandson find another living situation for a year until he graduates. They can ask people in the church, people in town (They've lived there for a long time), friends from the CC who might need a roommate in a cheap apartment? Any other suggestions? I think the grandson is the biggest hurdle to getting them to leave.
  47. 4 points
    Stella, I am so glad you got this referral to this social worker and did not allow yourself to be pressured into something you felt was not quite right at the time.
  48. 4 points
    My son was 16 and in high school and went to the movies with a bunch of homeschool teens. Their parents all went too (um, huh? Give the kids some parent free time!) and then were freaking out because I wasn't there right away to pick up DS when the movie let out. He called me, and I was coming, but would be about 25-30 minutes. He wanted to walk across the mall parking lot (well lit) to go grab a burger at the fast food place in the same parking lot and they flipped out. Insisted he stay with them and they waited with him until I got there. Um, hello, he's old enough to DRIVE, I think he can walk across a parking lot!
  49. 4 points
    This is so rare in the US. I sometimes tell people that I make my kids get to their own activities regularly and they look confused, astounded, or disbelieving. I mean, they're in high school. These are only a few miles away. We live in a city with free public transit for city kids. It's just... I mean, I'm nice so I often go pick them up too, especially when they're finishing late - I don't make ds find his own way home after a late show after 11 pm or anything, but... they should be doing this for themselves sometimes. Yet... so few people do.
  50. 4 points
    Another great series that is not Christian but shows a lovely deeply religious family is the All-of-a-Kind Family. It is about an Jewish family in NYC in the early 1900s. This was another one of my favorite series ever. I read all of them many times.
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