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Showing content with the highest reputation on 10/09/2018 in all areas

  1. 14 points
    I am going to be honest.....................I don't care. I give a gift because I love the receiver and want them to have XYZ. Not because I care if they call me to thank me. Let me ask you this, do you have any other relationship with her besides birthday and christmas gifts?
  2. 10 points
    Yep! Don’t engage from the outset. Find a line like “that’s how we choose to educate” or “this is our families choice” and don’t go into it. The more you give reasons the longer this stuff goes for. You need a polite but firm way of letting people know it’s not up for discussion.
  3. 9 points
    I am a rather private person and guard the little privacy that we have these days. This is not how most people handle it. Paradoxically, I never think those who do share are too open, too whatever. Maybe they have more energy to deal with the fallout and have more courage than I did. I would not announce anything (but I don't think others are wrong if they do) to any one who "does not need to know." And even that term is debatable. When I had surgery with early ovarian cancer 11 years ago, I told nobody except my dh and my best friend. My son knew about it too. I didn't even tell my mother because I would have had to put up with endless questions and "oh my, oh dear..." When I was in the middle of it I did not have the energy to deal with other people's surprise and possible shock. We did not tell ILs either because I did not see any reason to worry anyone. Had things gone downhill for me, I suppose I would have had to say something sooner or later. If it somehow came out now, I could deal with it much better because it's in the past now - even though there is no way of knowing if something will rear its ugly head again or something new will crop up. All this to say I think you have a right to decide whom to tell and you need not make any excuses. If someone later finds out and comments on it, I suppose I would say something along the lines of "It was a stressful time and I had little energy / or needed to just focus on this one thing." The whole world is not entitled to every bit of news about someone.
  4. 7 points
    ime there are men who take every opportunity to touch sexually when there is no audience and no consent. I understand, its human to need touch and many have no partner due to the consequences of their personal decision to violate social norms and women's bodies. They understand they are violating, and they've got the smooth words to make the woman want to just leave feeling icky and the manager think there was a misunderstanding rather than pressing for a hostile workplace remediation. Sorry, but no man gets to place his hand on another woman's hand, back, breast, butt etc without consent. Her personhood is to be respected. There is no perspective disaster, there is simply a male weaseling out of being accountable for the opportunity he just took to violate. You can bet your bottom dollar he wouldn't do it if there was an audience.
  5. 7 points
    You either change your expectations or change your behavior. That means you either give her gifts knowing full well you won’t hear a word of thanks for it or you stop giving her gifts altogether and accept whatever fallout (should there be any) will happen as a result.
  6. 7 points
    It bugs me - but only because I don't understand it. I feel so appreciative of gifts that I can't imagine not thanking someone for their thoughtfulness or generosity or whatever. So, when I send or give what I think is a thoughtful gift and get no acknowledgement, it hurts my feelings a bit but I also wouldn't consider not sending gifts because of it. I get excited about many gifts I give because I do try to make them special so it does bother me if I get no response because I'm so excited about the person receiving the special gift! It baffles me that someone can get a gift and not even think to thank the giver. ETA: I wrote this late when I was tired. What I really meant to say is that I don't understand not having a sense of gratitude because it's such a positive part of my own life.
  7. 6 points
    I just wanted to throw this out there. As a young teen I received a gorgeous handmade blanket as a gift. I loved it, I used it and I never thanked her for it. When it finally dawned on me to want to thank her she had passed. It has always bugged me because I adore this blanket. I still have it, still use it and still wish I would have thanked her. This blanket has been a reminder to me to be grateful and thankful for gifts. Sometimes we don't know the effect something will have on someone. I think giving, even without gratitude is still important even if it hurts. In the meantime, I have my kids write thank you cards and letters to begin building a skill I never learned.
  8. 6 points
    Painting stairwells is a pain!! Worse than bathrooms. New moms of littles are annoying. Sorry, Slache, not you. Me- Is this tablet good for baby to watch videos on a long plane ride? ANM (Annoying new moms)- Babies shouldn't be watching videos. Give them some cups and counting bears. Stimulate their brains. Me: ? Yeah, that'll work for 13hrs... And counting bears are choking hazards. Hey, ANM, my DS 17 is proof that doing everything perfectly still gets you a teenager. I've moved on to nothing matters and don't care.
  9. 5 points
    Psst, I’m not denying that it’s a larger category. However, I have first hand experience here and feel strongly we minimize child sexual abuse in pretty much every form. People want to talk a good game in this regard but we overwhelmingly focus on lower risks (stranger abduction by registered sex offenders) than higher risks (people in your life you know and think you can trust) and a great number of child rape survivors are either not believed or are blamed even when they do report. Children are also highly susceptible to be coerced into secrecy about it. I think we use the somewhat more sanitized term molestation so much more often than rape precisely because the phrase child rape is gut wrenchingly horrible. We’d really like to pretend it doesn’t exist to the extent that it does. I think we do this because as a culture who wants to admit that we have failed to protect our children?
  10. 5 points
    I am now reading the huge translation of KL. I do think it reads smoother but as it’s the physical copy I am happily sip reading a few of the small sections most mornings and am enjoying it. Not quite done with section 1 of the second book. Erland is so unworthy......I like Kristin again. I finished a quick quite good romance with an N in it to finish spelling Egyptian Lotus....... E....What Ales the Sally MacKenzie G....Sophie’s Jostein Gaarder Y......You Say It First Susan Mallery P......Cry Patricia Briggs T......A Duty to the Charles Todd I ......The Inspector and Mrs. Jeffries Emily Brightwell A......Before and Barbara Delinsky N......About That Julie James L.....The Mischief and the Misletoe Lauren Willig O....Shadow Hunt Melissa F. Olson T.....The Governess Tessa Dare U.....Unnatural Aaron Elkins S.... Exposed in Heather Sunseri
  11. 5 points
    I called the vet this morning. They said as long as she's eating, drinking, and otherwise seems fine just keep an eye on her. Deep down I knew that was the answer but she's my special girl so my default was to worry about her.
  12. 5 points
    Good morning! Cold and gloomy here, it is so strange for us to have even two days of this, much less four. My back was fine when I got up, now it is bad again. I am blaming the cold- because I actually have been exercising. So frustrating, hips/back, hands hurt in the cold. I have a busy day here- coffee/paper ds3 to school try to write a little dd2 sports physical bank grocery store jen things ds3 team dinner (also last practice) dinner for the rest of us Have a great day!
  13. 5 points
    Good morning! Chx into crock pot run DW School ✅ Dd to volunteering Ds to/from science class ✅ pick up CSA box ✅ check on flu shots (didn't get this done yesterday, or last week) call mom ✅
  14. 5 points
    All I know is when I was a kid, we would sled down horse trails through the woods. Climbing back up FELT like I was climbing a snowy mountain. Never.again.
  15. 4 points
    My fear of heights would keep me off. I discovered just how bad it is when we visited Mount St. Helens. I couldn't even walk up the side of the mountain by the visitors center because the surrounding view almost knocked me down. Oy.
  16. 4 points
    As legal definitions I think these are both fine. I mean, what is the definition that is going to get women and children tangible justice for sexual violence? That would be my favorite definition. As a personal note I would love to see people stop conflating all times of sexual crimes under the "sexual assault" heading, in colloquial speech. I have had so many misunderstanding in conversations when I was talking about, for example, rape/rape/real-actual rape while the other person was talking about groping or something similar. Both unacceptable, but ultimately the devil is in the details here.
  17. 4 points
    No, it would be very difficult to eat vegan there unless they were cooking all their meals in their tiny little dorm room - which believe me, would never happen with those two! Lol. They're both pretty health conscious and are finding plenty of healthy food to eat in the cafeterias, so it's working out fine. I don't know what we'll do when my dd goes to school in a couple years, though, because she's the one who is very set in her vegan ways. ?
  18. 4 points
  19. 4 points
    This does cut me to the bone, because I am currently pouring my creative soul into knitting heirloom-level baby blankets for my coming great nieces/nephews. I have completed and given one with two on the docket. Or course I don’t do this for a thank you, but the thank you that the first niece wrote certainly did increase my pleasure at having made the blanket. I did actually spend time thinking about how I would feel if a recipient did not seem to care about the blanket. I would have to let it go because a gift is a gift. But I wouldn’t make anything else for them.
  20. 4 points
    Akbash. A sort-of shorter haired Great Pyr. Longer lived, more sight hound in them. They're from the mountains of Turkey. Livestock Guardian Dog. We love our current dog, but he needs a back-up--we have SO many predators. They love their sheep.
  21. 3 points
    I think one factor is that it seems to have popped up/strengthened so fast that it's caught people and the national media off guard. Not to mention all the other big news happening in the past week. Stay safe vibes for everyone who needs them!
  22. 3 points
    Sing it. My dad's torso is just covered with these things and according to my dermatologist that's pretty much my destiny, too. I have decided that I will get them removed if they show up on my face but other than that, it just isn't feasible to take all of them off. DH has something like 20/400 vision without his glasses, which I think will come in handy over time.
  23. 3 points
    I got a lot of such attention when I was 14-16, mostly while using public transportation. I was followed, hit on, grabbed, handed a BDSM porn magazine and more all while riding the bus. One time waiting for the bus wearing about 11 layers of Seattle grunge era clothing an adult man tried to buy me for his son. He thought I was a hooker I guess. A 15-year-old hooker wearing Doc Martens and lugging a 20-pound backpack, who the hell knows what he was thinking. I developed a face that said, "if you accidentally on purpose touch me again, I will break your f-ing arm and I won't be sorry about it either." Key to doing this was learning how to back it up with actions if need be. This didn't stop harassment attempts but it did stem them considerably + kept me and others safe on more than one occasion. I was actively involved in Home Alive in the mid to late 1990s. I don't think this made me immune but it really did help me continue to live my life and do the things I wanted to do (catch the bus home alone after classes, visit friends, go hiking and running alone etc) without hiding. Another key thing: teach her that she doesn't need to be nice to everyone. Maybe I chased off some harmless guys over the years but at the end of the day, I wasn't interested and I didn't owe them congeniality. Girls are conditioned to stay quiet and be polite. Sometimes that's a helpful defense mechanism. Sometimes it is dangerous. Most intrusive men don't want to deal with women who won't react the way they are expecting. FWIW: I didn't need to use this face and stance all the time. It came out only when someone was bothering me or someone else or when I was in a situation where I wasn't open to talking to anyone. I was a pretty outgoing teenager, had a lot of friends (male and female) and I even met a few of those male friends on the bus. So I wasn't preemptively scaring the shit out of dudes.
  24. 3 points
    I don’t give gifts with any expectation of being thanked but at age 19 it seems reasonable to stop sending the checks. She’s an adult now and it seems like a good time to end the gift giving. It’s still rude- I’m pretty sure most adults mumble a thank you to servers, baristas, etc. so they know acknowledging a kindness is the right thing to do.
  25. 3 points
    I have a semi-open kitchen-family room, and it's kind of a pain in the patooty, because of noise from the kitchen when someone is watching TV.
  26. 3 points
    An odd one coming up this year is a membership in a professional organization. Some are worthwhile for students but my college kids don’t want to spend the money on those for themselves. So that is being discussed as a Christmas gift. Super boring but as parents trying to help our kids launch we feel good about it.
  27. 2 points
    And sometimes it takes a while to appreciate a gift. When I was a teen/young adult I was not happy when I got presents that I considered boring. I would much rather have a book, a game etc. than something useful like towels, a lamp, a blanket etc. Now, I am fairly sure I did say thank you to my parents for these less beloved gifts but probably not with a lot of conviction. However, now, 25 years later, my parents are long gone and so are the books/toys/games I got back then. But I do still have that towel and the blanket and use them regularly. Truth be told they are starting to look pretty ratty but I am not planning to get rid of them anytime soon as they remind me of my mother (and are so much more useful than a long ago book). So even though I wasn't exactly ecstatic when I got them (yes, I was a spoilt only child) I think my mother would be pleased to see me still using and enjoying them. ETA: And sometimes gifts go unexpected ways. When I was little I got a hand-knit sweater handed down to me by some neighbor child. I didn't really want to wear it as it was rather scratchy. However, I loved snuggling with it and couldn't go to sleep without it for many years. So even though the original recipient may not have appreciated the gift (or maybe they did - I do not know) it was probably my most beloved possession ever.
  28. 2 points
    I think extra information is fantastic, but do keep in mind something like life insurance down the road. Having a genetic difference sometimes is a diagnosis and sometimes not. I am pretty sure that insurance companies are restricted to asking about diagnoses vs. genetic testing results. Having a gene change doesn't always equal having a disease, so you need to know the implications of having the test. It's also different with a child--an adult can go ahead and get life insurance taken care of and then do the testing if it's non-urgent. With a kid, it's not like you can always wait until that all works out.
  29. 2 points
    I don't like being questioned by people. I end up flustered and sharing things I'd rather not. I try to bail quickly because I have found that trying to engage the questioner never works. I struggle with homeschoolers needing to be "impressive". Kids of all abilities and giftings exist in every kind of schooling. I don't like the advice to shut people down with impressive stats. I much prefer some variation of "this is our choice". Just my two cents!
  30. 2 points
    Oh yeah. I’m never going to the Grand Canyon again. That was a nightmare. I had to restrain myself from going over to the idiots taking selfies on rocks jutting over the edge and saying, “what is wrong with you?? A stray gust of wind and you people are toast!” I got dizzy just looking at them. #thestruggleisindeedreal
  31. 2 points
    in answer to the OP #1 post, at what point does it become a problem? when it happens. the person don't have to understand - I didn't understand the long-term effects being molested when i was three would do to me. (teenage neighbor, I NEVER forgot the details). I didn't tell anyone, - I didn't understand. I displayed many behaviors typical of molested children. around the same time (I don't know the timing), I was taken in to my pediatrician and diagnosed with an infection "down there" - but it was easier to just assume a three year old girl was having a reaction to her bubble bath than something untoward. I don't think telling my mother would have changed anything. I was assaulted (and battered) by a stranger, not raped, in my own home as a young wife and mother - but it left me paranoid and afraid to be alone in my own home. damage is damage. I had typed out details (not graphic), but I think it's better to delete them. including dsil's paranoia after a female college friend was raped in her dorm room. (I don't know if they were just close friends, or he'd been dating her at the time.)
  32. 2 points
    The struggle is real. I was on a jury once; we parked in the garage across the street, walked up some stairs and then across a walkway that was cement halfway up, and chain link fence to the roof. Walking across that was an adventure. o_0 The courtroom was on the fourth floor, and we walked out of the elevator into a hall that had a window wall. I was ok if I stepped out and sort of sidled along the wall and sat down on the floor with my back to the wall. It's kind of funny, really, but I began to wonder if I was making more of it when I talked to my fellow jurors on our breaks. So one day I decided to be brave, and I took a deep breath, and eyeballed the far end of the walkway, and stepped out. Halfway across my knees buckled. Yeah, I'm not making more of it than it is. #thestruggleisreal
  33. 2 points
  34. 2 points
    I like to say "now go back and look again with my eyes. Will I agree that it's clean?" Usually they sheepishly run. ?
  35. 2 points
    @Woodland Mist Academy Here's some peer pressure for you, lol... Just Do It! Just Click Submit!
  36. 2 points
  37. 2 points
    It was a bad night. I guess it’s good that I could record the experience for the doctor I am seeing today
  38. 2 points
    You sound like me! When dh and ds made his biome recently dh bought a KIT at Michael's with little animals and stuff. I was like why don't you pick a biome that involves a toy animal we already have?? Or just glue magazine pictures of animals in the box?
  39. 2 points
    What cute fabric! I don't blame you at all for stopping the gifts. It really stinks that your hard work couldn't be properly acknowledged in a thank you. I'm glad that some of your relatives do appreciate your hard work and effort.
  40. 2 points
    My allergist said that I am allergic to everything from gerbils to horses. Dh says no to all reptiles. I don't want birds in my house. Fish are the only option. And they're not very cuddly.
  41. 2 points
    I think for most of the schools we were applying to, the UCs, it did. In a pre-applications meeting with two UC admissions reps, their standard thought for homeschoolers was to go to community college and then transfer. It wasn't until they heard that she had taken AP courses and exams, scoring 5s, that they changed their advice. The exact quote from one of them was "You are not like the usual homeschoolers..." I think a LOT depends upon where you are applying. That's why i said, it was the nature of the game for US. It doesn't apply to everyone, but I should think it doesn't hurt. Also want to add to the part in which I said the reason we didn't drop AP Lit was for the transcript. That is only partially true. It was also because UC Davis gave her AP credit for both AP Lang and AP Lit, which meant she only had to take one of the three required English courses.
  42. 2 points
    Support the friend. Bring her dinner, help out with chores, listen. ETA: I don't know that I'd offer advice unless she asks for it. If she asks, I'd point her towards counseling for herself to gain perspective on the situation and to work with professionals on coming up with a proactive rather than reactive plan to future crises. They are going to keep happening, and she needs to pace herself for a marathon. But mostly....just support the friend. Don't ask, "What can I do for you?" Say, "I'd love to bring you dinner." or "I saw this great quote and thought of you" or "Can I take you out for a smoothie? I'd love to just spend some time with you." or "I know you've been having some health flares. Can I come fold some laundry and clean your bathrooms? I really want to help, but I don't know how, but I know how to clean bathrooms..."
  43. 2 points
    DS13 asked me this week whether or not he should participate in a karate demo in a few weeks so that he could add it to his transcript! ?
  44. 1 point
    Aww, Quill. I wanted some examples of specific posts so we'd all be on the same page and know what specifically what was said. I thought it is possible to quote posts and not use the poster's name.
  45. 1 point
    So, the plan is going to be to do FLVS Biology next year, and he'll do astronomy with his siblings this year.
  46. 1 point
    My father was a professor at University of KY for 20 years. He was passionate about being a really good teacher. He worked super hard to get the best student evaluations he could by fixing what were reasonable complaints and implementing suggestions. At the beginning of term when he set the syllabus, he would clear his calendar completely for the 2 days after the exams or papers were due, so that he could mark them and give them back next class. So due on Monday, back on Wednesday. The students loved this. And as he got older (he retired at 78) and technology in the classroom changed, the university gave him a tech student to manage all the new tech that the students expected (online Blackboard, recorded lectures, etc), that way he focus on being an excellent teacher and was not expected as an older prof to learn all the new tech. I thought that this was really good of the University to recognize the needs of both the students and the professors. He also loved to mentor students, and still does. Even at 79, he has a month long list of lunch engagements with students, where he will drive into the University and meet up to mentor them with how to accomplish their career goals. At 60, he decided to go back to school at UK (while still being a professor) and earn a bachelors degree (he already had an MD and PhD but was accepted into med school with a year to go for his BS). He went part time for 4 years, never told the administration, and studied with the students in the library for calculus and other tough classes. He was just a lifelong learner, and enjoyed the students enough to study with 20 year olds as a 60 year old. I can't say what other professors are like at UK, but the culture there was such that my dad thrived as a professor. Ruth in NZ
  47. 1 point
  48. 1 point
    honestly, I had to laugh as I could totally see my oldest daughter doing this and being indignant that I thought it was wrong. She was always quite the creative problem solver and needed a LOT of buy-in to convince her work was worthwhile. Now if its work that is the hill to die on, I would take some of the suggestions above (assign even and odds or send them to different rooms) but I wouldn't make them redo the work. It will just make the work that much more of a THING TO HATE. If you haven't given your reasons for assigning the material, I would do that. Middle school kids are starting to feel the need for independence and autonomy, so getting buy in now will make your job so much easier later!
  49. 1 point
    I think bold, brutish, masculinity is much more celebrated and accepted than in the past. It’s tough enough for grown women to take but young women and girls can be even less well-equipped to push back. I recommend this book. I heard about it here and found it short, sweet, and helpful.
  50. 1 point
    Health care is rationed now by the insurance companies. The difference is that now things are rationed to maximize profits for the shareholders.
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